Saya-san is having fun with Makoto this Sunday morning, where a light snow is now falling.
“What are you going to tell Tamesaburou?” I ask, sighing.
“Well we’ve not heard anything about Hanako-san, and for him… no news is good news. You know he wouldn’t splurge on a telegram for that.” He tries to grin, a bit. “Besides, on my way out of town… I let your friend at a -very- interesting inn know that help was needed.”
I smile some at that. Maybe Misao-san, or one of the others there, can help my sister-in-law. “Good. I already owe her too many favors to count…” I sigh.
“You could come home, you know,” he says, after a long silence. “I mean, not to the house – I’m about ready to get out of there, to a quiet place – but to one of your properties. And there’s a great girls’ school now…” he gives me a look and goes quiet. It’s a variation on an old argument. Go home. Be taken of. Stop being so stubborn, so prideful.
One I willfully rejected years ago. I shake my head. “I own this house now. I have people here besides the girls who I care for that I’ve made a commitment to – Tsutomu-kun, Yukiko-san, even Midori-chan.” I tried to throw them all away once, and that’s one I’ll never be done trying to atone for. I look out at the yard,
“You don’t have to…” he sighs, “you don’t have to keep doing all of this. I know you’re -waiting- for him to come home, but oneesan… I don’t think he -is-. He’s… he has his other woman. It’s nice that he came to see you Friday morning and that he’s arranged for protection, but this time… accept an ending.” He turns and gives me a look, the sort of one that for a moment remind me of my father.
I look down, knowing he speaks of Souji. How I held onto his ghost, even when my claims to him was nothing to the claims, real or imagined, that I have to Hajime.
“As for our brother…” he sighs. “You know he’d be within his rights to come here and make you return home – he remains in a legal sense your guardian.” He tells me what I already know…
“Then why didn’t he in Ito? You both knew where I was.” I look out again at the snow. I wonder where Hajime is, if he’s warm, does he ever get rest? Is he with -her-? “I don’t wish to shame him, or our father’s house. I never intended…”
Yet here I am. A discarded mistress, with two unregistered children who basically don’t exist in our legal system. I have some money, so I’m better off than many, but beyond the current lingering issues with the Kato-related people, I know how unprotected I really am now.
He nods. We watch the playing, and the snow. Makoto told me of how they ran into Hajime, leaving the school. Was it really happenstance, that he was there? And she relayed to me that he wrote the relations of his late sister. Am I to lose Yukiko-san too? I can’t keep her forever, I’ve already ruined her relationship with Eiji-san. My willfulness not only affects her life… so what if she wasn’t enthralled with him? He would have been a good match, they’re both such -kind- people.
“I’m trapped here, while I’m under this protection that I begged for,” I say, more to the air and the snowflakes than to him. “I was told to take -action- yet I cannot move…” I get up, and step outside, restless. Yet to defy the guards, and what, sneak out? I close my eyes. A jumble of songs in my head, and my overall -uselessness-…
“Thank you for coming. I appreciate what you and Saya-san… well, I appreciate it.” I manage a smile for him. “And don’t be such a slowpoke and hope Saya-san can read your mind. If you want her… don’t wait around.” She’s a good woman, in a true sense. I wish we had more time to talk, I know she’s mourning the changes in her old friend as well.
He only smiles. “Well… we’ll see what our brother has to say.” I only nod.
(OOC – Saya and Yuunosuke can exit unless Saya wants to talk to Hide. Otherwise close unless any other Sunday events need to happen at the house)
Saya:
I make myself scarce as I know Yuunosuke is trying to talk some sense to his sister. I truly don’t know what is the best thing to do. Maybe it’s better if Yuunosuke-san can convince Yagi-san to go back to Kyoto? But… I smile a bit at Makoto as I throw a snowball towards her.
“Got you!” I say and run over hugging my Makoto-chan.
“One day visit me in Kyoto.” I tell her, “Yuunosuke-san and I have to return. So we’ll be taking the mid day train. But ask your mother to come to Kyoto so you can meet your cousins! ”
I guess that’s my answer.
(Hide)
I come out with a cup of coffee for Saya-san. I smile watching her and Makoto embrace, now that’s an auntie for her…
“Go inside and get warmed up – I’ve made you a bit of a treat – but you have to clean up first.” After all, what do I have to hoard coffee for anymore? Although Makoto’s is more milk than coffee. She nods and looks at me, the way she’s done since seeing her father yesterday. I wonder if she’s still blaming me for how it’s all gone?
“”Makoto-chan is a big fan of yours,” I say, handing over the cup. “I think she can overlook the current restrictions as long as she’s had you here.”
I lead her to sit on the engawa. She was playing -energetically- with Makoto, after all. “And thank you. Not only for the protection, but for your words about Hajime. We spoke, but…” I look at the falling snow. “I don’t think our words reached each other, and then I got upset. He came here Friday, but… I was too slow to react to him.”
Yagi-san comes out and offers me coffee while asking Makoto to clean up. I take the coffee. I do like it better in a cold morning like this. “Thank you Yagi-san. ”
think she can overlook the current restrictions as long as she’s had you here.”
I casually glance towards the walls and the trees around. “It’s no way to have children locked up but I suppose he’s gotten quite paranoid. ” amongst a host of other things.
She tells me how they couldn’t reach each other. That she was to slow. “I’m surprised he came at all.” But was she too slow or did he grew impatient? “I don’t understand why he came at all if he can’t be patient. ” But that’s him these days?
It’s no way to have children locked up but I suppose he’s gotten quite paranoid
“I accepted protection… after he revealed that two people behind my abduction are still free and at large. I don’t know one, but the other?” I wrap my arms around myself, shivering, and not from the cold. “She’s… a monster. And the other was trying to get my address from Uramura-san.” I look down, at the snow that’s not really sticking, but was enough for fun. “I panicked. And now… ” I look up, and at the fence. But is he paranoid? The fence is a good two feet taller than any of our neighbors, and still that imposter made it in… the caped man is superhuman so I suppose that can be explained, but… how did this house, our once beloved home, become like this?
She’s surprised that he came, and I nod. Nobody more surprised than me.
I don’t understand why he came at all if he can’t be patient.
I shake my head. “I think… perhaps he had a certain reaction he wanted of me. I was too… surprised and all I could do… was ask him to fill my watering can. I had just been thinking as I was tending the garden, how he said once that he’d follow me around with the bucket… perhaps my reaction was too reserved, and that made him impatient.”
“There was nothing that he came to tell me that couldn’t have been said in a letter, or by an intermediary.” I wonder whatever happened to Shindo-san? Is he ‘in’ or ‘out’ these days? Visiting his mother had been on my to-do list, once, when I was running about trying to put order to this place. Quietly, I say, “I was glad to see him.”
Saya:
“She’s… a monster. And the other was trying to get my address from Uramura-san.”
I frown. “It knew it would be a problem when the Osaka police took over the case.” With a frustrated sigh I continue, “Kato made the mistake of keeping his factory in Kyoto so he was under our jurisdiction and control. But I couldn’t give Hajime any updates as to what was happening in Osaka because, well I guess now we know the hocus pocus the prefectural police was doing there.”
I wonder if that’s why he went quiet and instead is now following up with this new lead? He couldn’t find that mama-san himself.
“I panicked. And now
“Well it’s a perfectly understandable reaction. After all you thought it was all taken cared of. And it’s not.”
And Yagi-san explains to me what she thought happened. Why he was impatient at not getting the reaction. But what reaction did he want?
There was nothing that he came to tell me that couldn’t have been said in a letter, or by an intermediary. “I was glad to see him.”
I feel for her. But i dont want to tell her one way or the other on what to do with him. Maybe there’s nothing anyone can do now. So i give another reason, one totally neutral. “Well he was probably checking up on the guards, that’s why he came himself.”
“We’ll be leaving for the mid day train.” I say suddenly, “Just stay put. It’s the safest place for you and everyone. But if you need to send us communication, I’m sure if you ask them, they’ll have a way.”
Kato made the mistake of keeping his factory in Kyoto so he was under our jurisdiction and control. But I couldn’t give Hajime any updates as to what was happening in Osaka because, well I guess now we know the hocus pocus the prefectural police was doing there.
“What was he doing in Kyoto? Other than bothering my brothers – he tried to buy parts of the house, or pressure them for information on Shinsengumi members…” It’s still so strange, how little I know about the conspiracies around my kidnapping, the entire picture of Kato, and now a high government official?
Well it’s a perfectly understandable reaction. After all you thought it was all taken cared of. And it’s not.
I sigh. “And I begged him to take care of it… knowing that it meant that ‘mama-sama’ would be killed, just as when I told him, back in the summer, about someone who was bothering me. I think this person was part of his overall mission, but…” Blood on my hands… “And if he goes after Miyagawa, will it come back on him?”
Well he was probably checking up on the guards, that’s why he came himself.
Her tone changes, and I look at her, carefully. She sounds almost… like a police officer explaining something routine, like a traffic violation. “Saya-san, you know him so well… why do you think he came? What was he looking for?” He knows the routines and rhythms of this house. “He could see the state of the guards without coming in.”
“You have insights… you were right about what you said at the precinct the other day. That’s why I accepted the guards, and when I was ordered in after I followed Hajime out the gates and kissed him, I did as I was told… even though I wanted to chase after him.” But maybe…
Just stay put. It’s the safest place for you and everyone. But if you need to send us communication, I’m sure if you ask them, they’ll have a way.
“Thank you both for being here. I know you’d protect this family.” I smile a bit, thinking of the interactions I’ve witnessed over the past few days. “And I’d like you as a sister-in-law, should my brother ever actually make a move.” It would also be good for Makoto-chan to have her in the family. She’ll need a good, understanding auntie, one day, when she looses all of her faith in the mother that lost her father.
Saya:
“What was he doing? Smuggling arms, jewelry, trafficking women and all that. Maybe the Shinsengumi obssession was just a front.”
And I begged him to take care of it… knowing that it meant that ‘mama-sama’ would be killed, just as when I told him, back in the summer, about someone who was bothering me. “And if he goes after Miyagawa, will it come back on him?”
I cross my arms and think for a bit. “I came across that name Miyagawa before. A rising star in politics, which means he has some clout so yes it probably will.” Unless of course he doesn’t get caught and his superiors look the other way. But the way she worried about that mama-sama and the others who bothered her – almost like she felt guilty? “Ne Yagi-san, are you now regretting it? If it was the old him, he would’ve left it alone I think because it doesn’t rise to the offense that’s I believe he is held to.” But maybe that’s change. After all Yagi-san isn’t just some woman to him.
Saya-san, you know him so well… why do you think he came? What was he looking for?”
I guess she didn’t buy my explanation. It did fall rather flat. “He’s stubborn so maybe he’s trying to convince himself of something.” I sigh, “Or maybe -unconvince- himself of something.”
“You have insights… you were right about what you said at the precinct the other day. That’s why I accepted the guards, and when I was ordered in after I followed Hajime out the gates and kissed him, I did as I was told… even though I wanted to chase after him.”
“Insights? Me?” I shake my head, “If there’s still something left of the man I met… He wouldn’t have wanted you to chase him. That’s probably why he came.” I want to say he came because he couldn’t stay away, he wanted to see her but I can’t say that to Yagi-san, not after I saw what I saw in the machiya. Maybe that’s why he left too? He came and she did nothing except to ask him to follow her around with a water can? Like a dog… But she did kiss him in the end. So she’s right she was too late.
“He’s never been patient, but he’s especially impatient if things aren’t turning out as he had hoped it would. He’s prideful.” But not enough it seems to stay away from Yagi-san. But what was he hoping for from Yagi-san? Wasn’t a kiss enough? He wasn’t expecting to be invited back into the house was he? “Yagi-san, how many times has he come to speak to you only to leave impatiently? This wasn’t the first time is it?”
“Thank you both for being here. I know you’d protect this family.” I smile a bit, thinking of the interactions I’ve witnessed over the past few days. “And I’d like you as a sister-in-law, should my brother ever actually make a move
“You’re welcome.” But i don’t tell Yagi-san that Yuunosuke tried already.
What was he doing? Smuggling arms, jewelry, trafficking women and all that. Maybe the Shinsengumi obssession was just a front.
Was it? He seemed… -deep- into it. “He had me kidnapped to be his woman, because I once was courted by Okita Souji, the first captain. There was a whole speech, and ceremony… the man he had kidnap me looked uncannily like Souji, and the imposter gave a speech about how he was handing me over to Kato to be taken cared of, and for him to have a son…” I shudder. “Hajime had to have been there, somewhere… I always wondered if he heard it but he never wants to talk about any of what happened.”
Do I? Why did it have to happen? Because we once….? Or Asato-san made it sound like more than it was? Souji’s post-treatment “alone” time, bringing me along because Asato-san annoyed him, the comments and jibes she’d say after, when he wasn’t listening? So he could have me write up his “mission reports” in code when he was obsessed with Sakamoto Ryoma? I shake my head, -another time-…
Ne Yagi-san, are you now regretting it? If it was the old him, he would’ve left it alone I think because it doesn’t rise to the offense that’s I believe he is held to
I put my own now-empty teacup down. “They’re not good people. Mama-sama is evil, she….” I take a deep breath, I can’t have a melt down here. Yuunosuke would bundle me off to Kyoto in an instant. I take a few minutes. “But I don’t know enough, but I asked it of him anyway. What good is it taking out my villains if it costs him his job, or worse, lands him in jail?” I’m not worth that. Even at our best, his job should come first. Are they evil enough to slay, by his standards of justice?
He’s stubborn so maybe he’s trying to convince himself of something.” I sigh, “Or maybe -unconvince- himself of something.
“I think… to cut ties… he needs to believe that I never loved him. It’s the way he looks at me, when I talk… like he can’t believe me.” I lower my head. “That I can’t love him, in the way that he wants – he needs. I wanted to show that I trusted him when Aioi came into the picture, because I’d trust him with you. That for a mission, he could work with an old lover and remain true to me. But I’ve been told,” I say, thinking back to another day in the garden, “that I was just being manipulative, with that idea. I think… he wanted me to object. So he’d know that I wouldn’t put up with that.” I look at the woman across from me, so similar to Aioi-san but now, obviously, -not-. I find myself wiping my eyes with my sleeve, like a foolish child… making foolish excuses. I should have put my foot down, been messy and demanding, instead of -above it all-.
He’s never been patient, but he’s especially impatient if things aren’t turning out as he had hoped it would. He’s prideful.
“He’s shown me so much patience, but…” Do I? Or do I just play with him, order him around, ignore what he wanted?
Yagi-san, how many times has he come to speak to you only to leave impatiently? This wasn’t the first time is it?
“Long ago, he teased me about being slow… but that time is long passed.” I look at where he was once standing… “But what do I do now? I can’t leave this house with the guards, and if I sneak out…” I tear my glance away from where I was looking, and back to Saya-san. Sneaking out would only make a mockery of my words that he doesn’t believe anyway. “Wait and -hope- that he decides to come back?”
I notice she says nothing about Yuunosuke. Poor him… Tamebo got all of the luck in the family, when it comes to love.
Saya:
I’m not surprised that Hajime didn’t want to speak to her about it. He seemed so desperate when he got to Kyoto and when all was said and done? I remember what Yagi-san looked like before and her miraculous recovery. So I give a more practical reason, one that’s likely true as well. “He was probably not free to speak about it considering he knew a few of the perpetrators got away.”
She’s quiet and I think she’s thinking back to that time? That’s probably another reason why he doesn’t talk about it to her. But at least she admonishes this mama-san.
“But I don’t know enough, but I asked it of him anyway. What good is it taking out my villains if it costs him his job, or worse, lands him in jail?”
I look at her, “I think he already knows the cost Yagi-san and is willing to pay it.” Is it the most wisest of decisions? Likely not and he has friends, in Kyoto at least. He should’ve said something.
And now some of the reasons for their separation comes to light as Yagi-san tells me what happened with the other woman. Well not the other woman but what happened between her and Hajime and she cries at her foolishness. I swallow, it was the wrong reaction from her. To that kind of man, he would think of it as a rejection or worst that she didn’t give a damn. “Well it’s too late for crying.” But what to do?
“Long ago, he teased me about being slow… but that time is long passed.”
“It’s not exactly a time for teasing?” He was serious when he came here and she didn’t really answer how many times he left impatiently. “But if you were to ask me, I think you’re right, he’s looking for signs you don’t love him. And he leaves impatiently not having found it. At least not the way he thought or was used to.”
“But what do I do now? I can’t leave this house with the guards, and if I sneak out…”
“Well I don’t think he’s coming back here. I think the reason he came last Friday was just to see you since he knows he’ll be away for a while.” And likely to see if he was right. And each time he visits her, if this has been going on a while is more proof to that fool tha he wasn’t wanted in the first place.
“Wait and -hope- that he decides to come back?”
“But it’s up to you what you want to do Yagi-san. He’ll probably come back we just don’t know when. Well I suppose we do, when he’s done with your captors.”
I wish I could give her -something-. A good pice of advice. But my advice would only be good for me personally. What comes naturally for her personality is to wait. “I wonder, is he working with her this time? Do you know?”
She’s the sort to tell me hard truths. I don’t know if it’s a life in the police, or her life before.
That he didn’t tell me about my abduction because it was police business.
That he knows the price he could pay for his justice.
She looks uncomfortable at my talk of my mistakes in handling the Aioi situation, but then, tells my bluntly that it’s too late to cry.
And a reminder that he wasn’t teasing. But she doesn’t say it, but my stupid request… again, I took him at his word. In another time, had we been -good-, that would have been a fine request.
“But if you were to ask me, I think you’re right, he’s looking for signs you don’t love him. And he leaves impatiently not having found it. At least not the way he thought or was used to
Suddenly I remember Ito. How numb I was, how I couldn’t react to the man who came back to me, how I put up my defenses. After it was -advised- that I couldn’t be -normal-, I had to be a wounded bird. But I was not able to be the fragile sort that needed someone… I let the time I was alone harden me. I’m been trying to break that, ever since. He’s damned near destroyed himself for me… why should I ask for him back? How will I be better this next time? Will I respond with my pretentions of independence? Will my need to protect myself always win?
“Is the love stronger than the pain?” I say, quietly. For him or I?
But some of the answer lies in… the breeze that stirs the snowflakes as their fall becomes lighter. The voices of my brother, trying to get in one more lesson with the children in English, and them answering back. That the sun rose this morning, and will set tonight. That Saya-san is here, responding to me. The world could have ended. Either of us could make it happen. He could ‘tie it up’ in a few paragraphs, consigning me to Kyoto or some weird marriage. I could, by writing a dream… an empty dream, but something I could make myself fade away with.
I answer my own question. “For now… -barely-… it’s so fragile, though, and it breaks more every day.” He came here… and what did I do? “But what can I do and wait for him to come here? I’ve wait and hope and that’s my -thing- and… it’s only made things worse.” I’m angry at myself, for hurting him again. For the small chance he gave me Friday, what it must have cost him, to -hope-.
I wonder, is he working with her this time? Do you know?
“I… I think so. He did in the Yoshiwara operation, back in the summer.” Is that, too, why I wanted to believe that it wasn’t -anything-? That I couldn’t speak against something related to work? Even when he mentioned her name at our reunion, I just took it… casually, like running into an old friend instead of a long-time, on and off lover.
Saya:
Yagi-san goes quiet and for a moment I’m worried that I may have put the blame on her. I didn’t mean to and it takes two to tangle as they say. He could’ve cut her some slack at the very least. Didn’t he see how passive Yagi-san is? She’s not like us, able to take action.
She mumbles something about love being stronger than pain? I don’t interrupt her as she seems to not even be -here-. Her mind obviously going back to something I don’t know.
“But what can I do and wait for him to come here? I’ve wait and hope and that’s my -thing- and… it’s only made things worse
I finally speak up. “If that’s who you are Yagi-san then make peace with it? After all, we can only be ourselves.” I have nothing except for platitutde it seems. But I move and embrace her, and smooth down her hair. I can’t say it will be okay. I don’t know that. But I’ll embrace her for my old friend, -wherever- he’s gone off to. That idiot.
“I… I think so. He did in the Yoshiwara operation, back in the summer.”
I let her go. So it’s been a problem since last summer. Here in this place, that’s eons ago. I don’t tell her that’s probably where he is, at least until he leaves. Hopefully he’s already left for his mission because what did we use to do before one? Well fool around, even if I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. I look to the side, suddenly embarassed thinking of that time in front of Yagi-san. But when he broke it off with me, to be with her, he did it in no uncertain terms that I thought I’ve lost my sense of self-worth. Thankfully in the end I realized it was just a temporary lost of my ego. We ended up good friends after that. Can he and Yagi-san ever be like that? Friends?
“Ah Yagi-san. I better get my things ready or Yuunosuke and I won’t make the mid-day train.” I bow apologetically. There wasn’t more I can do. Even if I were to go to that machiya, he wouldn’t change just for me.
If that’s who you are Yagi-san then make peace with it? After all, we can only be ourselves.
But is myself enough? I feel so… inadequate. Wrong, a goddamn -failure-. Waiting, waiting. When I want to run out of these protected walls, chase after him, fall to his feet and beg… beg for him to love me, to know my love.
However these thoughts end as I’m embraced, a surprise from a woman who was once my rival. Her hand on my hair… I swallow and hold back the sobs, from the kindness this woman shows me. She could hate me, after all, for giving him up for me… and look what I did to him.
The embrace ends, and is quiet as I answer her question about Aioi-san. Something I said must have raised memories, of how they were, how they worked together?
Ah Yagi-san. I better get my things ready or Yuunosuke and I won’t make the mid-day train.
I bow in return. “Thank you… it’s rare, to speak to someone, who regards him well. The only other person I know who is like a friend to me… generally thinks the worst of him. Her husband and Hajime have a history.” But it’s funny, while there’s -that- gulf between us, I know that at some level, she understands some of our lives more than an ‘ordinary’ person. Just as Saya-san does.
Makoto comes running out. “Auntie! Auntie! I’m going to miss you -lots-,” she says, as she hugs Saya-san. I meet her eyes. “We all will, Makoto-chan.” She can’t fix my problems for me, but she has done something to help.
(Yuunosuke)
I knew they’d need to talk. Saya-san still cares a lot about Saitou-san, which… is a part of her, her past, and who she is today. And my sister is a mess, and I was there (although a dumb kid) when Souji died.
So I distract the kids (although I -swear- that son of Saitou-san’s sees through me) because they have some project in the backyard. The boarder girl’s English is terrible, but Tsutomu-kun is very adept, and of course, Makoto-chan takes after me. But it buys my sister and Saya-san a few minutes to speak uninterrupted.
I follow out Makoto-chan. “Let’s catch a train!” I promised I’d be back Monday, after all. I already loaded the bags on the carriage I hired and offer up my arm to her. “Goodbye, oneesan. I’ll keep big brother from big brothering so hard, just… stay safe, will you?” I’ve not figured out how I’ll keep Tamesaburou from freaking out, but… Hanako-san needs him now. Between that and oneesan’s current security problems, he doesn’t need to come charging in.
“Let’s go, Saya-san,” I say, waiting as Makoto-chan gives her one more hug. I grin at my niece. “Write to your auntie, will you?” I know she’ll like hearing from her. As we walk away, I steal a kiss on the top of Saya-san’s head. “Ready for a nap? I can put up with a little bit of drool,” I tease, as we exit.
(OOC – you may close)
Thank you… it’s rare, to speak to someone, who regards him well. The only other person I know who is like a friend to me… generally thinks the worst of him. Her husband and Hajime have a history
She still wants to hear someone to speak well if him? Well she loves him still of course. “That man has a lot of history with everyone. He’s not exactly friendly. ” I laugh a little.
Auntie! Auntie! I’m going to miss you -lots-,
“Really? So come visit me in Kyoto. I’ll introduce you to my boss and when he goes on a meeting we’ll sneak into his office. ” Toshio-san loves children! We won’t get in trouble.
Yuunosuke finally comes over and tells his sister about the older brother. That one isn’t as laid back as yuunosuke. He seems rather stiff at times. I go ahead and take yuunosuke’s arm.. I bet he was just trying to give Yagi-san and I space. He’s like that. A trait that I admire. He tells us it’s time to leave and I think so too. I could’ve stayed here. Chased after Hajime and tried to beat some sense into him but… I’d rather Yuunosuke get back to his job and not worry about what I’ll do. Besides I’m not who he’s waiting for.
I feel a kiss on top of my head! That’s no way to kiss a lady!
Ready for a nap? I can put up with a little bit of drool,
“That’s no way to talk to a lady Yuunosuke-san!” I smile and squeeze his arm.
(Ooc end)