It takes a while for Makoto to go to sleep. I’ve never seen her… like this, crying herself to sleep, just -exhausted-. But Hajime seems to have left her with the idea that when he’s gone, he’s gone. What happened to his promises of coming on the weekend? Has he changed his mind, or did he just not want to make promises to her?
But she sleeps, and Midori-chan kindly waited in Yukiko-san’s room until we were done. I’ll need to have talks with the others, perhaps tomorrow…
Ai-chan is of course already asleep, the only carefree person in this house. “Lucky little girl,” I say, pulling her blanket up. I look out the window to the dark treehouse. Is he still up there? Or has he already left?
After awkwardly leaving the turtle in Makoto’s room… I head downstairs. I completely forgot that Makoto shares a room with Nishino when I entered the room. Thankfully the girl was not yet in bed and I left kame-sama to her.
I stand by the bedroom door to her room. Now that Makoto has her pet and I’ve told her the truth I -could- just leave now. What else is there to talk about? But I haven’t seen my youngest and I’d like to see her… so I decide to knock.
I put down my brush – my hair is growing back in, so I pin it up now so it’s not so obvious to others. But he knows of the magic, so I leave it as-is, almost to my shoulders, as I go to the door to answer his knock.
“Come in,” I say, stepping aside as I open the door. “Did you bring Makoto her turtle?”
I can see his eyes, going over to Ai-chan’s crib. “She’s a good sleeper, it’s okay to wake her,” I say, picking her up. She yawns, her eyes a little hazy but they light on Hajime’s and she starts babbling, waving her arms in her way that says, I want that. So I hand her over and she makes a satisfied sound. Spoil her while I can, I suppose?
I nod and she hands me my youngest. I can’t help but lift her up above my head and she tries to reach down with her stubby arms.
“Alright.” I say to my baby in reply and lay her against my chest and lay her head on my shoulder. I pat her back softly and go to open the nearby window so she can have the fresh evening air.
I wonder why Hide summoned me here but I’ll let her take the lead…
I watch as he handles Ai-chan so well. How she cuddles against him, and his strong hands cradle her bottom, her back.
“Thank you for speaking with Makoto,” I tell him, as Ai-chan makes happy noises, patting his face. “However, you left her with the idea that… I thought that you were planning on visiting the children on the weekends. Or have you decided against it? You know I would support your spending time with them.”
Ai pats my face and I can’t help but catch her little fingers in my mouth. Ai laughs and tries to push more of her little fingers in my mouth and I wince and pretend to make uncomfortable noises to stop her.
Thank you for speaking with Makoto,”. “However, you left her with the idea that… I thought that you were planning on visiting the children on the weekends. Or have you decided against it? You know I would support your spending time with them.”
Would she? Truly? I take the little hand now fully in my mouth and remove it. “Ah now look at the mess we’ve made.” I say to A i and wipe her wet hand on my shirt.
“I suppose I didn’t want to give her a false hope in case it doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Now that you know I no longer intend to marry you, it would be reasonable for you not to stay here after all.”
I suppose I didn’t want to give her a false hope in case it doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Now that you know I no longer intend to marry you, it would be reasonable for you not to stay here after all.
No longer intend? So he did, despite what he said the other night…. I close my eyes. He’s said that he’s a man who manipulates, in his words and actions… but must he do it -constantly-? -Now-?
“Stay in what sense? This house? I intend to remain until the end of the school year in April since Tsutomu-kun is staying until then. After that… well, I doubt Kawaji-san sees little sense in protecting an ex-mistress. Tokyo? I’m…” I sigh. “Not going back to Kyoto. I’m not going to be a burden on my brother, and… the idea of the place is… suffocating. So I plan to find a new house, and a school I can get Makoto into, and remain in this area if I can afford it.” I look at him, I just want to… melt at seeing him and Ai-chan. Do what I planned earlier, when seeing him with blindfolds almost made me swoon as he kept putting his hands on my waist. “Or do you mean -this place-? I’ll stay until she shuts it off, I suppose.”
“You’ve rather derisively called all of this ‘playing house’, but, to the people who are here, this is their home, their life, and it’s real. I made the mistake, once, of treating it as a prop in -our- story, and I know that goes on my list of sins. But…” I go over to Ai-chan’s cradle, tracing the rim of it with a finger. “You should do better. Not abandon another set of children. You can’t remake the past with Tsutomu-kun but it’s in a better place now than it has been, I -saw- that today. And this little one… I know you, in your way, will say that it’s better she doesn’t remember you.” I shake my head. “Foolish man.”
“And as for Makoto – she asked me tonight if you were going to die. You know…” I smile, blinking, almost faltering and letting my emotions crack, but I hold onto the crib, “I couldn’t reassure her on that, you’ve been rather willing to embrace lately it for a man who used to speak of his immortality. She also asked me to fix you again… but… I’m coming to the conclusion that you don’t want that. To be fixed, that is. You speak of how I’ve changed, but once, you were open to me, even as you manipulated me. You needed something from me – many things, high and low – but you were open, instead of hiding from me, and now, -running-.”
I sit down on the bed. “You spoke, once, of ‘co-parenting’. Or are you just wanting away from all of this? Not just me… I’ve accepted, even if I’ll never -understand-, that you love me and will lament over it forever, but won’t let yourself -be- with me and try to solve our problems. But this family? This life? This world? After all this time, all we made?” I look at our daughter. At least I got to meet her, the one who waited for us, who, not understanding this place, is slobbering on Hajime’s chin and reaching for his bangs.
Not going back to Kyoto. I’m not going to be a burden on my brother, and… the idea of the place is… suffocating. So I plan to find a new house, and a school I can get Makoto into, and remain in this area if I can afford it.
“You have much -pride- Hide.” I tell her an go ahead and put Ai-chan back in her crib.
I look at my daughter one last time as she grasp my fingers. “Ai, be a good girl and sleep.” I love you.
Then I move to the center of the room. “Why do you -always- have to be the independent one? The mother who does it all? And why can’t Makoto stay in the same school if you plan to stay in Tokyo? Nothing is good enough anymore.”
She reminds me how I called this place as playing house, but it was a reference to her, her participation in it or lack thereof, -not- the souls I forced to come here. If I had known, I’d never have done it. We could’ve -stayed- to what we were, just people always fooling around. I’d -never- let her near my friends, my family, especially -not- my sons. I grit my teeth and can only stare back at her.
She also asked me to fix you again… but… I’m coming to the conclusion that you don’t want that. To be fixed, that is.
“You fixed me once and for that I -thank- you. But you’re right I don’t need fixing.” I don’t need that from her. What was needed it’s made clear time and time again, as I stay here that it’s not available or no longer available for me. She can call me a coward, hiding an running. If I minded being called names, I’d have lost every fight I’d had. But I’m not in the mood to grin and put her down, though maybe I -should-.
“You spoke, once, of ‘co-parenting’. Or are you just wanting away from all of this? Not just me… I’ve accepted, even if I’ll never -understand-, that you love me and will lament over it forever, but won’t let yourself -be- with me and try to solve our problems. But this family? This life? This world? After all this time, all we made?”
“Do you think Tokio and I had no history? Didn’t spend time? Didn’t make -anything-?” I scoff at her. “Do you honestly think that I’d stay merely to make up for “abandoning” my first set of children? -Damn- you Hide for even -thinking- that.”
But I make no comment about my love for her. So she’d rather have me stay and let me wither for what? She’s no different than that -witch- who kept me a prisoner for -show-. I blink realizing where my thoughts have run off to. I shake my head, that’s suddenly ringing and I feel my chest caving in again. Forcefully I open my mouth and force a cough to make it all go away.
Quickly as it was only a moment, I stand up straight and bow to her. “I thank you for all that you’ve done for me, for your time, care and affection back then. But I’m sure that it’s obvious to you now, if it wasn’t back then that we shouldn’t stay together anymore.”
Straightening up, I walk towards the door. I can leave tonight.
(OOC: Saitou will exit though Hide can choose to follow him as he gets his things in the tatami room or not)
I… there’s not much to say, at this point. It would have been better had I just kept my mouth shut and kissed him. At least then, he may have a lingering thought… that we weren’t all so bad. But instead…
…maybe it will be easier, if he hates me.
“Next Saturday, temple at mid-afternoon, then dinner. For Ai-chan,” I say to his retreating back.
After awkwardly leaving the turtle in Makoto’s room… I head downstairs. I completely forgot that Makoto shares a room with Nishino when I entered the room. Thankfully the girl was not yet in bed and I left kame-sama to her.
I stand by the bedroom door to her room. Now that Makoto has her pet and I’ve told her the truth I -could- just leave now. What else is there to talk about? But I haven’t seen my youngest and I’d like to see her… so I decide to knock.
“I’ve come as you asked.” I say as I knock.
I put down my brush – my hair is growing back in, so I pin it up now so it’s not so obvious to others. But he knows of the magic, so I leave it as-is, almost to my shoulders, as I go to the door to answer his knock.
“Come in,” I say, stepping aside as I open the door. “Did you bring Makoto her turtle?”
I can see his eyes, going over to Ai-chan’s crib. “She’s a good sleeper, it’s okay to wake her,” I say, picking her up. She yawns, her eyes a little hazy but they light on Hajime’s and she starts babbling, waving her arms in her way that says, I want that. So I hand her over and she makes a satisfied sound. Spoil her while I can, I suppose?
“I gave Kame-sama to the girl Nishino.”
She’s a good sleeper, it’s okay to wake her,”
I nod and she hands me my youngest. I can’t help but lift her up above my head and she tries to reach down with her stubby arms.
“Alright.” I say to my baby in reply and lay her against my chest and lay her head on my shoulder. I pat her back softly and go to open the nearby window so she can have the fresh evening air.
I wonder why Hide summoned me here but I’ll let her take the lead…
I watch as he handles Ai-chan so well. How she cuddles against him, and his strong hands cradle her bottom, her back.
“Thank you for speaking with Makoto,” I tell him, as Ai-chan makes happy noises, patting his face. “However, you left her with the idea that… I thought that you were planning on visiting the children on the weekends. Or have you decided against it? You know I would support your spending time with them.”
Ai pats my face and I can’t help but catch her little fingers in my mouth. Ai laughs and tries to push more of her little fingers in my mouth and I wince and pretend to make uncomfortable noises to stop her.
Thank you for speaking with Makoto,”. “However, you left her with the idea that… I thought that you were planning on visiting the children on the weekends. Or have you decided against it? You know I would support your spending time with them.”
Would she? Truly? I take the little hand now fully in my mouth and remove it. “Ah now look at the mess we’ve made.” I say to A i and wipe her wet hand on my shirt.
“I suppose I didn’t want to give her a false hope in case it doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Now that you know I no longer intend to marry you, it would be reasonable for you not to stay here after all.”
I suppose I didn’t want to give her a false hope in case it doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Now that you know I no longer intend to marry you, it would be reasonable for you not to stay here after all.
No longer intend? So he did, despite what he said the other night…. I close my eyes. He’s said that he’s a man who manipulates, in his words and actions… but must he do it -constantly-? -Now-?
“Stay in what sense? This house? I intend to remain until the end of the school year in April since Tsutomu-kun is staying until then. After that… well, I doubt Kawaji-san sees little sense in protecting an ex-mistress. Tokyo? I’m…” I sigh. “Not going back to Kyoto. I’m not going to be a burden on my brother, and… the idea of the place is… suffocating. So I plan to find a new house, and a school I can get Makoto into, and remain in this area if I can afford it.” I look at him, I just want to… melt at seeing him and Ai-chan. Do what I planned earlier, when seeing him with blindfolds almost made me swoon as he kept putting his hands on my waist. “Or do you mean -this place-? I’ll stay until she shuts it off, I suppose.”
“You’ve rather derisively called all of this ‘playing house’, but, to the people who are here, this is their home, their life, and it’s real. I made the mistake, once, of treating it as a prop in -our- story, and I know that goes on my list of sins. But…” I go over to Ai-chan’s cradle, tracing the rim of it with a finger. “You should do better. Not abandon another set of children. You can’t remake the past with Tsutomu-kun but it’s in a better place now than it has been, I -saw- that today. And this little one… I know you, in your way, will say that it’s better she doesn’t remember you.” I shake my head. “Foolish man.”
“And as for Makoto – she asked me tonight if you were going to die. You know…” I smile, blinking, almost faltering and letting my emotions crack, but I hold onto the crib, “I couldn’t reassure her on that, you’ve been rather willing to embrace lately it for a man who used to speak of his immortality. She also asked me to fix you again… but… I’m coming to the conclusion that you don’t want that. To be fixed, that is. You speak of how I’ve changed, but once, you were open to me, even as you manipulated me. You needed something from me – many things, high and low – but you were open, instead of hiding from me, and now, -running-.”
I sit down on the bed. “You spoke, once, of ‘co-parenting’. Or are you just wanting away from all of this? Not just me… I’ve accepted, even if I’ll never -understand-, that you love me and will lament over it forever, but won’t let yourself -be- with me and try to solve our problems. But this family? This life? This world? After all this time, all we made?” I look at our daughter. At least I got to meet her, the one who waited for us, who, not understanding this place, is slobbering on Hajime’s chin and reaching for his bangs.
Not going back to Kyoto. I’m not going to be a burden on my brother, and… the idea of the place is… suffocating. So I plan to find a new house, and a school I can get Makoto into, and remain in this area if I can afford it.
“You have much -pride- Hide.” I tell her an go ahead and put Ai-chan back in her crib.
I look at my daughter one last time as she grasp my fingers. “Ai, be a good girl and sleep.” I love you.
Then I move to the center of the room. “Why do you -always- have to be the independent one? The mother who does it all? And why can’t Makoto stay in the same school if you plan to stay in Tokyo? Nothing is good enough anymore.”
She reminds me how I called this place as playing house, but it was a reference to her, her participation in it or lack thereof, -not- the souls I forced to come here. If I had known, I’d never have done it. We could’ve -stayed- to what we were, just people always fooling around. I’d -never- let her near my friends, my family, especially -not- my sons. I grit my teeth and can only stare back at her.
She also asked me to fix you again… but… I’m coming to the conclusion that you don’t want that. To be fixed, that is.
“You fixed me once and for that I -thank- you. But you’re right I don’t need fixing.” I don’t need that from her. What was needed it’s made clear time and time again, as I stay here that it’s not available or no longer available for me. She can call me a coward, hiding an running. If I minded being called names, I’d have lost every fight I’d had. But I’m not in the mood to grin and put her down, though maybe I -should-.
“You spoke, once, of ‘co-parenting’. Or are you just wanting away from all of this? Not just me… I’ve accepted, even if I’ll never -understand-, that you love me and will lament over it forever, but won’t let yourself -be- with me and try to solve our problems. But this family? This life? This world? After all this time, all we made?”
“Do you think Tokio and I had no history? Didn’t spend time? Didn’t make -anything-?” I scoff at her. “Do you honestly think that I’d stay merely to make up for “abandoning” my first set of children? -Damn- you Hide for even -thinking- that.”
But I make no comment about my love for her. So she’d rather have me stay and let me wither for what? She’s no different than that -witch- who kept me a prisoner for -show-. I blink realizing where my thoughts have run off to. I shake my head, that’s suddenly ringing and I feel my chest caving in again. Forcefully I open my mouth and force a cough to make it all go away.
Quickly as it was only a moment, I stand up straight and bow to her. “I thank you for all that you’ve done for me, for your time, care and affection back then. But I’m sure that it’s obvious to you now, if it wasn’t back then that we shouldn’t stay together anymore.”
Straightening up, I walk towards the door. I can leave tonight.
(OOC: Saitou will exit though Hide can choose to follow him as he gets his things in the tatami room or not)
I… there’s not much to say, at this point. It would have been better had I just kept my mouth shut and kissed him. At least then, he may have a lingering thought… that we weren’t all so bad. But instead…
…maybe it will be easier, if he hates me.
“Next Saturday, temple at mid-afternoon, then dinner. For Ai-chan,” I say to his retreating back.
I close the door. He’s gone.
(OOC – close)