I get to the bar, glad that this city isn’t hilly, at least, if I have to walk for a mile. When I get there, the doors are locked and there’s a sign up – “Closed for private event.” I smile. What man would pass on a night of business, just to see old friends?
Well, Kondou-san would. I knock on the door – will someone let me in?
It’s a packed house tonight! I swear I feel like I’ll make more money with just the old gang here if only they’d actually pay the tab. Suddenly Harada shouts towards me and says
“There’s someone banging on the door Kondou-san! Did you make sure to put the sign up?”
I sigh. I hope it’s not the neighborhood “watch” again. They just like to throw their weight around. But we’re not even 30 people here so what’s the issue now? Noise probably. Now that I can’t blame them for.
“Excuse me gentlemen.”
I go pass them and then open the door with just a sliver.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I bow to whoever is at the door. “We only get together a few times a year. It’s a special time. So can you please overlook it this one time?”
(OOC: Obviously when in this world the characters are a little younger. Kondou is just 43 and so Hide looks young like 30)
My knocking gets no answer… I know they’re in there. Or is this like the heavens I was once barred from?
Then the door opens, just an inch, and a familiar voice comes out…
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We only get together a few times a year. It’s a special time. So can you please overlook it this one time?
“Kondou-san, it’s me, Yagi Hide. I know I wasn’t Shinsengumi, but I’d like to see everyone,” I say.
Kondou:
“Kondou-san, it’s me, Yagi Hide. I know I wasn’t Shinsengumi, but I’d like to see everyone
I open the door WIDE open! “Yagi-chan!” I cover my eyes a little as the street light floods in. “You ARE Shinsengumi. Come in! Come in!”
I look out and wonder, why isn’t Saitou-kun with her? He’s not here tending to the bar… Quickly I shut the door behind me and get in front of her to announce to the room!
“An honorary Shinsengumi member is here everybody! Yagi Hide! Daughter of the good man Gennoujou.”
“Woah!” The room roars! “A girl has been let in the house!” One shouts! “Hey Todou! You’ll never guess who came!” and then of course an even louder one barks, “Quiet! You’ll scare her!” Oh that must be Toshi.
I look back to Yagi-san and take her hand, “Come. Don’t be shy. It’s rare that everybody gets together like this.” I whisper in her ear, “Even the other platoon Goryo Eiji is here with Itou-san.” Yep otherwise it won’t be such a successful party.
“Now now Toshi. Let old dogs lie.” I plead with him. For a very intelligent guy, he can’t let bygones be bygones.
“Tch. Well if you don’t want too many guys around you, Todou I’m sure will be happy to keep an eye on you all night.”
Yagi-chan! You ARE Shinsengumi. Come in! Come in!
I smile as he lets me in, where I can get away from the streetlights into the darker bar where my shadow-less condition won’t be obvious… it’s still freaking -me- out… but I just look at the man and smile. He’s so vibrant, alive, and enjoying being the master of the house.
I can’t help but to look over to the bar and…. he’s not here. Of course not. But I don’t have much time to linger as Kondou-san announces me, and there’s a great cheerful noise and I can’t help but smile…
He tells me that these meetings are rare, I suppose in this world they’ve all scattered in their own directions. A world where, apart from Souji, they all lived.
Kondou-san points out the Goryo Eiji, who, I think in this world, just another group and not the splinter group they were in my world . I see Itou-san, and… Kano. He’s openly flirting with someone else, laughing and enjoying himself.
Hijikata-san comes over and has a different opinion about the Goryo Eiji, which is just as expected as Kondou-san’s welcoming one.
Tch. Well if you don’t want too many guys around you, Todou I’m sure will be happy to keep an eye on you all night
I grin slightly. “I am awfully outnumbered,” I say. “I don’t want to end up smothered.” That, and I need to see if there’s anyone here who -can- help me get home. Although this place is wonderful, I think, as I look around the bar. A world where most everyone lives, but… that Souji isn’t here seems right, knowing how living on left him more confused and resentful.
And that Hajime isn’t here either.
Hijikata:
“I don’t want to end up smothered.”
“I know what you mean.” I roll my eyes at all the men already well on their way to being smashed. I wave my hand at Todou-kun. He drinks but he can’t drink like the rest and certainly not like Harada or Shinpachi.
“Hey the drinks are going dry over here.” I throw a glare at Itou and his group. “Kondou-san, why not just let us manage the tap.”
“Oh hell no Kondou-san!” I say to him and pull up a small notebook. Kondou’s no good in keeping track of the tab.
“Hey Hide-chan, just enjoy yourself okay?” Kondou taps her shoulder, “I better man the bar otherwise those guys will start going straight for the liquor bottles.”
I sigh again, “Where is Saitou when you need him?” Then I look at Yagi-san, “You used to hang out with him right? Did he go back to that girlfriend of his? What’s the name…” I cup my chin thinking, “Oh yeah Tokio. So is he hiding from both of you?”
“Mou Toshi-san. Don’t ask such things of Yagi-san!” Todou comes up to her holding a drink, “Here you go Yagi-san a strawberry pina colada – pink, it reminds me of you.”
Now where did he get that? Did they start going behind the bar! I don’t say anything to Todou but he better not have!
Hey Hide-chan, just enjoy yourself okay?
It looks like Kondou-san is having problems keeping up with things without Hajime, but at least he has Hijikata-san to keep him on his toes (and hopefully keeping in the black).
You used to hang out with him right? Did he go back to that girlfriend of his? What’s the name… Oh yeah Tokio. So is he hiding from both of you?
“I did. We were…” I smile a bit, looking up at Hijikata. “I’d like to be again,” I sigh, knowing that I’m in the wrong place for that. And of course he has to mention Tokio. She was in this world, too?
But Todou-san comes up with a pink drink, which I take. “Thank you, Todou-san,” I say, wondering why Hijikata-san looks like a vein in his forehead is going to pop? I take a sip. “Come let’s sit…” I nod over to one of the empty booths, and I can see that Harada-san is being egged into doing shots. It’s hard not to giggle as Hijikata-san looks even *more* annoyed as Harada-san calls out, “Aww, come on, I brought my own! I only drink -good- tequila!”
“Is every reunion like this?”
Hijikata:
“I did. We were…” “I’d like to be again,”
I only raise an eyebrow at that. I know Saitou has been seeing her on the side but he hasn’t really broken it off with the Takagi’s has he? But I know how messy these things can be and Saitou’s been careful not to let anyone in on his business…
“I haven’t seen him lately. Hopefully he’s lost interest.” I say more for her sake than his.
But Todou comes offering her a drink and she asks him to sit elsewhere. “Don’t get the rest of the boys near Heisuke.” I say as a reminder. Todou’s pretty harmless right?
Heisuke:
“Mou Toshi-san. I can handle the guys.” I remind him. I’m as good as any of them.
We find a booth across from where shots are being downed like beer. Harada is loud but Shinnpachi tries to be even louder. Abe Juuro has joined them too, not to be outdone.
“Is every reunion like this?”
“I’m glad you came. We have been doing this at least twice a year and not once have I seen you visit. So -yes- every reunion is like this.” I laugh merrily. “It’s always a full house of men. Well until Tsune-san comes looking for Kondou-san.”
“How have you been Yagi-san?” It’s odd to ask her this since we all know she misses Souji. That’s probably why she hung around Saitou so much. Maybe he reminded her of Souji, after all they were good friends.
Mou Toshi-san. I can handle the guys
He’s always overlooked, but he’s a captain for a reason, isn’t he? He was a good friend to me, but… Souji’s weird jealousy tainted the memory a bit of someone who was looking out for me.
So -yes- every reunion is like this.
Abe-san pulls out a bottle, and Nagakura-san laughs, “hey, ewwatch that. or the vice captain is yelling at us that this isn’t a BYOB place!”
“But he never carries apple schnapps, nor hard cider – why, an apple is as good to drink as it is to eat!” Abe-san retorts.
I smile back at Todou-san. “Like this?”
For a moment… I relax. I could… couldn’t I? Just let go of the place where I’m a -failure- and stay here. Hajime would want me with Todou-san. For all of my complaining about it… I know he just wants me safe. He thinks I can love again, just like changing a kimono once it’s been dirtied, if he just puts me with someone -nice- enough.
How have you been Yagi-san?
I take just the smallest sip of the drink. I’ve not had alcohol… in a -long- time, and I don’t want to let it get to my head. “I’ve been better…. things have not been going well,” I admit. “And you? What have you been doing?” I look at him. “Souji once told me… that of the three young prodigies – you, him, and Hajime – you were looking for a place to belong, where Hajime had his justice and Souji felt aimless. Have you ever found that?” I wonder if he ever did, in that other life, before he died?
Heisuke:
“Like this?”
I look back at where she’s looking. At Abe-san and Shinpachi, who never really got along well but when it comes to drinks…
“Just like that.” I say with a smile, “Abe-san’s got a small apple farm that he’s really fond of. I bet he made that drink himself. I tasted it once, it was pretty good.” Then I have an idea but maybe for later.
I’ve been better…. things have not been going well,”
I look at her. “I’m sorry to hear that. If you’d like to talk about it…” Well she doesn’t typically like to open up to me, even then. “I can listen.”
“Souji once told me… that of the three young prodigies – you, him, and Hajime – you were looking for a place to belong, where Hajime had his justice and Souji felt aimless. Have you ever found that?”
It’s funny how she uses Hajime-kun’s name so familiarly, when she calls everyonen here by their last names. “Well Hajime-kun is still looking to get in the police.” I remind her. He’s getting up there in age and I don’t think they accept anybody above 40 in law enforcement. I couldn’t comment much on Souji because even if she felt he was aimless, he didn’t seem so back then and unfortunately he’s died now.
“But as for me Yagi-san?” I look around, “I guess Souji’s right. I like the feeling of being -alive-, so being with the people here makes me feel that since I have no living family anymore after all.”
I let out a breath I’ve been holding and look at her, “But you know I have something special, I have a lot of freedom and a lot of life. It’s a great combination. I can do anything I want. I’ve travelled. Learned other cultures, I even learned a couple of languages and seen the world.” I grin, “Then I get to come home to -this-.”
It’s a little odd to tell her how happy I am with my life, when she just told me things hasn’t been going well for her. “Hey do you want me to get you one of Abe-san’s Apple Schnapps. There’s a lot of leftover green peppermint liquor from St. Patrick’s day we can get at the back. It will make for a good drink!”
(OOC: Todou as you know is well off financially. He doesn’t have family but received a substantial inheritence when his parents died)
Abe-san’s got a small apple farm that he’s really fond of. I bet he made that drink himself. I tasted it once, it was pretty good.
I smile a bit. “It’s funny where people ended up – who knew that he’d become a farmer and distiller?”
I’m sorry to hear that. If you’d like to talk about it… I can listen
I look down, running my finger around the rim of my glass. “Ah… well, Hajime and I are having problems. -I’m- the problem, I’ve not been… good to him, like I should. I wasn’t there when he needed me… I took him for granted.” I shake my head. “And I keep trying to make it better, but I do the wrong things. There was some talk… that if I did one thing, it may start to get better… but I can’t figure out what that is and now… he’s not even around here.” Well, I’m the one who’s gone now. Trapped, and in a bad situation without home or money or the -things- one needs to survive in this world.
I look over at Todou-san and smile. “I’m sorry for unloading on you, even if you said it was fine.”
He tells me that in this world, Hajime’s still trying to get -into- the police. Keeping bar always seemed temporary, but the life here… was more of a setting for dates. But for these people, it’s a real place, a real life. Just seeing most everyone here, drinking, alive… it -is- powerful.
I listen as Todou-san answers my questions. That he’s glad to be alive, and for him… I smile. Even without family, he’s finding his place, seeing the world, enjoyed his freedom.
“I’m happy for you, Todou-san. For everyone here, having survived… it’s a wonderful place to come to, you’re right.” And despite this kind young man in front of me, I can’t help missing another so bad that it -hurts-. I blink, and smile brightly. “You’ll have to tell me about some of the places you’ve been, I’ve not even been able to explore this city enough.”
Then his tone shifts as he offers me a drink. “Oh, thank you Todou-san. It sounds good.” It’s been too long since my skimpy bowl of instant noodles, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad Kondou-san doesn’t have food service here… but I couldn’t pay for anything anyway.
Heisuke:
It’s funny where people ended up – who knew that he’d become a farmer and distiller?
“I actually thought he’d always become one you know? He always went on and on about his family’s farm that he left behind.”
I wasn’t there when he needed me… I took him for granted. “And I keep trying to make it better, but I do the wrong things. There was some talk… that if I did one thing, it may start to get better… but I can’t figure out what that is and now… he’s not even around here
I’m surprised as Yagi-san goes spilling about her and Hajime-kun. I didn’t think they were that involved. Isn’t he still with that Takagi girl? She certainly says so when she comes looking for him. “You know Yagi-san I find it hard to believe you’d take anyone forgranted. I mean you certainly was very attentive of Souji, unfortunately you seemed more like his little sister following Souji around like that.” I think a little of Hajime. Why would he do that to Yagi-san? Did he… go back to the Takagi girl? He might. But I can’t tell her -that-.
She looks so sad eventhough she tries to smile as she talks about our friends. I don’t call her out on it. That’s not what she needs I don’t think.
You’ll have to tell me about some of the places you’ve been, I’ve not even been able to explore this city enough.”
“Well I can tell you about the city but its still early enough to see it.” I stand up and grab her arm, “here quickly let’s leave before the others see us and tag along. I know a great all you can eat place and they even have a spread of good desserts! We’ll take my car.”
Forget about the hard drinks, she’ll just have a headache later. And Kondou’d bar is too loud to do some serious talking.
(Ooc she can go with todou or not.)
Did Abe-san speak of his past much, in my past? He was never talkative to me, but maybe now he’s a little different from the unpleasant man I knew. Even Ito-san seems to be having a good time, as his entourage is eating up a story he’s telling about having lunch with some CEO he knows…
You know Yagi-san I find it hard to believe you’d take anyone forgranted
I shrug. “It’s not something I meant to do. I thought I was being -nice- and not pressuring him to spend time with me, when he’s so busy.” I hold in a sigh. “But really… I did. And my efforts since… have been too little, too late, and he’s too smart to fall for it again.” I thought that because he loved me, it’s like the way I love him – a bit blind, happy to paper over any cracks. But he’s a persistent man, who doesn’t overlook *anything*, despite some memory issues.
I mean you certainly was very attentive of Souji, unfortunately you seemed more like his little sister following Souji around like that.
I laugh a little. “Now that… with the wisdom and distance of years, I agree with.”
Then he offers to take me somewhere else. It’s a nice offer, a -good- offer. I thought maybe Hajime would make it here tonight, but… or that I could speak to Hijikata-san, but now he’s gotten Miura-san washing glassware at the bar and he’s complaining about the spots he’s leaving… I look at Miura-san, and then Todou-san.
Sometimes this place can be creepy, too. I suppress a shudder.
“Alright, let’s go.” I get up, just as someone calls out “Karaoke!” and a machine pops out of the back room, and someone calls out, “Commander! It’s time to do your tribute to Journey!” as the opening chords of “Don’t Stop Believing” come out of the wall speakers.
(OOC – Hide will leave with Todou)
Heisuke:
We get to my car and I open the door for her so she can get in.
“We’re not going to go very far, just a few blocks.” I tell her as she sits. “It sounds stupid asking you this but do put on your seat belt.”
I’m told that I drive very fast. But I don’t think so but you never know. I get to the driver’s seat and rev up the engine. I’ve always liked my car. It goes real fast!
“Hold on to your seat!” I look at her once with a grin and zoom we go! I’m sure no one’s looking right? I dive in and out of the -slow- traffic and I see the stop light turn yellow… And I hit the gas! I’m making that light no matter what! And I do! With time to spare! God I love being alive!
Taking a last turn at the corner, I spot the place I’m looking for. A mongolian grill place where we can eat to our hearts content. I slow down in front and I see there’s no easy parking available. “Mou… I wish this place would provide valet parking soon. You don’t mind do you Yagi-san if we wait here a while?”
Hopefully someone leaves soon.
(OOC: Heisuke’s car)
I follow him out to a car, and I’m surprised… I don’t know a lot about cars (can I even drive?) but this one looks expensive and sporty. I don’t remember the car Hajime used the few times we needed one – I recall a trip with Makoto-chan to the aquarium… but it seemed modest, in my mind. But where are we going? I’m not dressed for somewhere nice…
He drives and I’m a bit nervous – he drives what I think of as fast, all while grinning like a little boy.
Thankfully we don’t have to go far, I’m sure Todou-san isn’t reckless… but still.
Mou… I wish this place would provide valet parking soon. You don’t mind do you Yagi-san if we wait here a while?
I nod. “That’s fine.” I peer out the window, at the name of the place. “What sort of food is it?” I ask. “Also, nice car.” I laugh a little. “I don’t know much about them, but it looks sporty.”
Heisuke:
“What sort of food is it?”
“It’s Genghi Khan’s Mongolian grill restaurant.” I laugh a little, “They leave out all the meats and the veggies and you get to build your own bowl or “bowls”. Then you choose a sauce like cajun, miso, sweet soy sauce, bbq and all that.”
I look out the window I think someone’s leaving! So I inch closer to that car waiting for them to leave. “It’s kind of special because a japanese guy owns it so aside from the bowls, they have different sojus, sake and japanese beer! The three of us like coming here.”
The guy leaves and quickly I swerve in taking the now vacant spot. Yeah! She compliments my car.
“Yeah I like it. But I’ll tell you what, Sano likes it more. He usually borrows it when he’s out on a date or rather “dates”. I chuckle and get out. I open the door for her.
“Well let’s go. I’m starving.”
He describes the restaurant and it sounds good. I should eat. I don’t know what tomorrow or the next day or… anything will bring.
He moves fast to get into the space for his car. He seems pleased that I compliment his car.
I get out, and follow him inside. An older middle-aged woman is at the front stand, and she breaks out in a wide grin upon seeing us.
“Ah! So nice to see you again, Mr. Todou!” She starts to walk us back into the seating area. “And a cute girl with you this time! Nice to see that.” She nods, “I’ll let my husband know you’re here – I know he’d like to greet you.”
She leads us to a semi-circle shaped booth of dark leather, and presents us with a menu. “This is the drink menu, as well as appetizers. I’ll be back in a minute to get your drink order, and then you can hit the bar!” She waves a long buffet-style line of food, ending in… I can’t quite see it, as there’s people standing by a glassed-in area.
Heisuke:
“And a cute girl with you this time! Nice to see that.”
Uhh… That’s a little embarassing. “She’s an old friend of ours Mrs. Smith.” I can’t help but laugh nervously. We’re seated and given menus.
“Ah sorry about that. The owners usually just see me with Sano and Shinpachi.” I look the menu over, now having a hard time looking at Yagi-san after being embarassed like that.
“Have anything you want. My treat.” I say from behind the menu. “You can have any of the ladies drink, I’m the designated driver to take you home later so.”
Well hopefully she doesn’t ask to be taken home so soon. But after that greeting… I don’t know.
(OOC: you can move them to the buffet line)
She’s an old friend of ours Mrs. Smith.
Ah, she’s gone and embarrassed Todou-san now. I hope that doesn’t make this strange for him. The lady meant well, but she also called me “young”, so…
But as he buries himself behind the menu, and I look the drinks over. The name of one liquer calls out to me – “Midori”. Another way to be reminded of home, of where I’m -not-. So I scan the list of shochu cocktails and order the first one that my eyes fall on. “A watermelon cooler,” I tell the woman, who then takes Todou-san’s order.
“Thank you for dinner tonight,” I tell him, following him up to the buffet. There, helpfully, there’s signs. I take a large bowl, remembering that in this time and place people like to eat in -quantity-, and go down the line, loading my bowl with yakisoba noodlesand vegetables, sauce and finally selecting some beef. Other than the beef, I’m trying to stick to Japanese flavors – maybe something familiar will help? I write our table number on the stick and leave it on a counter.
It’s then that I get to see what’s behind the glass – two men standing around a giant metal table, which is actually hot, making a show of flipping the food and flinging spatulas around. I smile back at Todou-kun. “So there’s a show, too?” I follow him back to the table.
She thanks me for the dinner as we make our way back. I balance my tray with two bowls full of food that’s only for me. There’s no use being at an all you can eat place and only take a bowl like Yagi-san did.
“So there’s a show, too?”
“For the first timers.” I wink at Yagi-san.
“Did you and Hajime-kun not go anywhere?” Oh wrong question. I’d slap my face had I not been carrying a tray.
“Gomen gomen!” I say as I sit down, “I guess that’s a bad topic right now.”
One of the waiters come by with our drinks. She got a watermelon shochu? Isn’t that a little too strong? But I don’t say anything. I did tell her she can have anything and I’m her driver so… I take my diet root beer. “Well lets eat!” I dig into my bowl full of rice, beef and onions. I ask for a raw egg from the server and then break that apart over the hot beef. just like a proper Gyu-don. Yum!
He winks about the show – but I suppose regulars are ready just to dig in and eat, and not watch the food being cooked.
Did you and Hajime-kun not go anywhere? Gomen gomen! I guess that’s a bad topic right now
We sit, and I take a long sip of my drink. “No, it’s fine to ask. It’s… okay.” I look over at Todou-san. “Hajime and I… we used to go on dates. Sometimes in this city, sometimes elsewhere. But we would sometimes play too much, and not pay attention to our actual lives. And our -real- lives demand attention, but it felt like… I got scared to ask for fun. That we had to solve our problems, or suffer the consequences, should we neglect them.” I take another sip of my drink. “I think that’s part of the neglect. I felt that I couldn’t be distracting, or something bad would happen. But instead, I wasn’t there when he needed me, and I didn’t make him feel wanted.”
“I’m sorry, Todou-kun… I’m just letting it all out.” I shake my head, and take a few bites of my food. It’s a pretty good mix, with the noodles and beef, along with some vegetables I can’t get too often at home, like broccoli. Maybe it’s the conversation and company that makes it have some taste, as opposed to my last two meals.
“Is your bowl good?” I ask.
Todou:
Yagi-san tells me about Hajime-kun. I know him well… especially since we agreed about that one important thing and he wasn’t quick to judge Ito sensei unlike the others. “Wow. I don’t ever recall him being fun you know?” I say in between bites. “But it sounds like you couldn’t be yourself around him either so how can you be fun?”
But then she says something about him needing her. “I didn’t realize you two were this serious. It’s hard to imagine you know because he didn’t seem like it with this other girl, Tokio.” I don’t add that the girl still will come looking for him as if they’re still an item. “But that’s Hajime for you, he has a hard time saying what he needs and then all of a sudden it just kind of blows up. Well blows up as Hajime-kun blows up.” I can’t help but chuckle because blowing up from Hajime is more akin to murmuring and cursing under his breath. “And when you ask if there’s anything wrong, he’ll deny and deny.”
I finish my first bowl and start with the second something lighter. Chicken pad thai.
“Is your bowl good?”
“Yeah. It’s called Pad Thai. I had it in Thailand once on a trip. Here…” I slip some to the side of her bowl. “Tell me if you like it.”
“Wow. I don’t ever recall him being fun you know?
“Oh, but he is,” I say, smiling, my eyes glowing a bit. “You wouldn’t know it, but he’s good at dancing, and always had the right song for the right time. He’s good with children. There’s just so -much- to him. For all the fun banter, he’s also a man of so much depth, with pain and history…” I look down, and take another sip of my drink.
But it sounds like you couldn’t be yourself around him either so how can you be fun?
My smile drops, as I say, quietly. “I used to be fun. But it’s hard to let go… when there seems to be so many ways to make mistakes, to lose it -all-.” I finish my drink.
It’s hard to imagine you know because he didn’t seem like it with this other girl, Tokio.
I wonder what she’s like here… “So they’ve been broken up here for some time?” I ask. Sir Howard’s words again come to mind, that he could have ended the marriage much easier than he made it sound. But why didn’t he? The only thing I could think he’d be holding on to would be Tsutomu-kun, but… was there anything else? It was never going to be amicable. Tokio didn’t sound like someone who would have smiled and wished him well.
But Todou-kun is suprisingly insightful as to Hajime’s personality. “Deny and… these days he just seems to shut down. I think… I’ve made him -tired- of it all.” I don’t add that I… that he… tried to do himself in. The waitress brings another drink and I take a big gulp of it. “I’m worried that he’s already lost to me, and that he doesn’t want to be found.”
Todou-san offers me some of his food, and I take a bite… I taste a full range of flavors, and I nod. “Pretty good,” I say, “but Thailand? You’ve been out there?” I go back to my bowl, knowing I should eat, having had alcohol… “I’m sorry, I’ve been sitting here lamenting, and I want to know what you’ve been doing with your life.” Which, I’m glad that this time he got to have. It was senseless he died so young…
“You wouldn’t know it, but he’s good at dancing, and always had the right song for the right time. He’s good with children. There’s just so -much- to him. For all the fun banter, he’s also a man of so much depth, with pain and history…”
“Ah now I feel jealous Yagi-san. You seem to know a side of him us old friends don’t.” I grin a little, “All we ever get is the one who’s strict like Toshi-san and who’s always going on and on about doing the -right- thing.”
“I used to be fun. But it’s hard to let go… when there seems to be so many ways to make mistakes, to lose it -all-.”
“But what is letting go? And why would you lose it all?” I take drink of my diet soda as if it’s beer and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, “You got to live a little. You don’t know how much time you have left so you’ve got to spend it and if you want to show someone then you’ve got to be all in. or they’ll never know.” It’s then I realize what interesting words came out of my mouth.
“Deny and… these days he just seems to shut down. I think… I’ve made him -tired- of it all.”
“Really?” I shake my head and watch her down that shochu (wow…), “Hajime-kun is one stubborn guy. I bet he’s just hung up on some thing that he’s made in his mind as all important.” I laugh and scratch the back of my head a little. “Gomen! That’s not very helpful right? You did say you always thought it was just one thing.”
“Pretty good,” I say, “but Thailand? You’ve been out there?” “I’m sorry, I’ve been sitting here lamenting, and I want to know what you’ve been doing with your life.”
I laugh, “It’s fine. That’s why I’m here to listen to you just like the old days.” I finish my pad thai, “I’ve been to many places, I guess you can say I’m still looking at where to settle down and what to do with my life. But I’m glad for the inheritance this bastard child received from his father’s estate – otherwise I wouldn’t have much freedom to try different things.”
I look at her for a long moment and wonder… “Are you certain you’ve found what you’re looking for or are you like me just experimenting?”
All we ever get is the one who’s strict like Toshi-san and who’s always going on and on about doing the -right- thing
“Oh, he’s strict, too. And still… wanting to do the right thing.” That’s what all of this is, isn’t it? The -right- thing, rather than just… abruptly ending it. Making sure they’re all safe, where they should be.
But what is letting go? And why would you lose it all?
“Letting go… is letting -life- happen. Taking each day as it -is- and not as some test, or something I have to win. Enjoying what I have… a fearlessness that I’ve not had for a long time.” I know that probably sounds strange to him. “To stop avoiding problems. I thought I did so in the name of protecting him… but I did it just as much, if not more, to spare myself the potential of hurt feelings or doubt.” But his words make sense, but how do I really? How can I enjoy a day, or take risks, without thinking of some impending doom, real or imagined?
Really? “Hajime-kun is one stubborn guy. I bet he’s just hung up on some thing that he’s made in his mind as all important.
“He finds my talk, my promises… empty,” I tell him. “I’ve made promises, I meant them, but…” I sigh. “Good intentions aren’t enough.”
It’s fine. That’s why I’m here to listen to you just like the old days
“And I thank you for that, Todou-san.” He’s a good man. I know I always overlooked him, seen the friend… but he’s the sort that offers it without expectation. “And I’m glad that you’ve had the freedom to explore and… I’m glad that you’ve been making the most of it, even if you’re still figuring it out.” His death was one I always found upsetting. Souji was… marked for it, and had he not been ill, he would have found it another way.
Are you certain you’ve found what you’re looking for or are you like me just experimenting?
I finish my drink. “I… when we met, I was… on the sidelines. Watching everyone else have a life, having been told that it’s wasn’t going to have my turn. Then one night, he came looking for one of my roommates… not for -me-… and I… I saw him, and thought, I want to -be- with him. And he saw me, and… it only took one kiss for me to know, that I always wanted to be seen by him.” I smile over at Todou-san. “I didn’t think I had a right to look for anything. And with him… I wanted to live.” I still would. But is there anything left for the couple who found themselves falling in love in such a nowhere place?
“I think two is one too many,” I grin a bit, as I wave off the waitress offering another drink. “Now, you said this place also has some great desserts?”
Todou:
“Oh, he’s strict, too. And still… wanting to do the right thing.”
I smile. I haven’t seen Hajime-kun in a while. I do wonder if it’s because he’s too pre-occupied with her? But I can’t imagine him only being busy with Yagi-san, he must still be working on his goals. I always liked that about him, unlike me who still go a bit aimless at times.
She tells me what she thinks letting go is and chastises herself. “Just let go Yagi-san? Don’t think too much of the hurt or the doubt.”
“He finds my talk, my promises… empty,” I tell him. “I’ve made promises, I meant them, but…” I sigh. “Good intentions aren’t enough.”
“Oh he’s never been one to hang his hopes on words.” I chuckle a bit, “That’s the last thing he wants. He believes actions more than words. So what was it that made him believe you? I bet it wasn’t words.”
“And I’m glad that you’ve had the freedom to explore and… I’m glad that you’ve been making the most of it, even if you’re still figuring it out.”
“Well you know until I figure it out, I don’t really have a choice but to try things.”
I saw him, and thought, I want to -be- with him. And he saw me, and… it only took one kiss for me to know, that I always wanted to be seen by him.” “I didn’t think I had a right to look for anything. And with him… I wanted to live.”
“You really like talking about him, rather you two.” I peer into her eyes, “It shows. Too bad Hajime just isn’t easily swayed by words. But I am and so I won’t try to turn you away from him.” At least not right now.
“I think two is one too many,” “Now, you said this place also has some great desserts?”
“It does but I think… you have to live a little Yagi-san.” I call the waitress over and ask her to bring over a Bailey’s Martini with a little twist.
“Cheers to you and Hajime-kun.” I say.
(OOC: Bailey’s Martini with Chocolate and matcha)
Just let go Yagi-san? Don’t think too much of the hurt or the doubt
Just let go? But what if he -can’t-, or, as he is now, -won’t-? But what I do… has to be because I want it. A life lived fully will always have pain, sometimes. And in denying pain…. I’ve ended up not just stranded here, but watching my life be dismantled, as I flail and -fight- for the wrong thing.
I also have to let go… of the one I fear most. The one who I worry will never been good enough for her precious charge, who can take him away from me for -years-. But he’s not -hers-. He’s a free man.
So what was it that made him believe you? I bet it wasn’t words
“It happens when… when I kiss him. Not to seduce him, to distract him… but because I want to,” I say. It sounds selfish, is it? Silly? “In that, I feel what’s been missing in him so long.” But kisses always end, and when I try to take it further, he pushes me away.
Well you know until I figure it out, I don’t really have a choice but to try things.
I smile at that, at his hopeful sense of adventure. “And do you make plans, or just hop a plane to a new place and see what you find?”
You really like talking about him, rather you two. It shows. Too bad Hajime just isn’t easily swayed by words. But I am and so I won’t try to turn you away from him.
He looks into my eyes and I look away. I -do- talk a lot. I don’t remember doing that before. Speaking and talking and chattering on, in paragraphs and novels. Why do I do that now? And all of that talk, and I still don’t talk about the important things – all too often, I’m either diverting or covering my own discomfort. “Thank you for listening to all of that, Todou-kun. And for your advice.”
He then calls over the waitress, who brings over two improbably green drinks, but I smell the mint… which takes me back to a time, early on, with mint syrup… I smile at that.
Cheers to you and Hajime-kun
“And cheers to your adventures, Todou-san,” I say, clinking glasses with him.
I drink it…. and this one hits me hard. I put the glass down and lean my head back against the leather banquette. “But I have to get home, first. and I don’t know how to – my ways of traveling aren’t working….” I close my eyes, feeling suddenly dizzy.
“It happens when… when I kiss him. Not to seduce him, to distract him… but because I want to,” “In that, I feel what’s been missing in him so long.
I can’t help but turn red a little at that. I’m sure that means so much more. But I can’t really say much to that. Sano told me, Hajime-kun is about a ladies man as Toshi-san! I’m glad that our conversation turns to my travels instead.
“Everyone has a life and at some point the flow of life happens for my friends and they get caught up in their own devices.” I nurse my soda, “When that happens, things get a little lonely and I guess hopping on a plane for a new adventure is all I can do.”
But I have to get home, first. and I don’t know how to – my ways of traveling aren’t working….”
She finishes “dessert” while I only take a sip. She’s not much of a drinker and she’s almost passed out. “Hey hey Yagi-san. If you go to sleep now I won’t know how to take you home.” I go over to her side and she falls into my arms.
The owner comes and I tell them sorry but I’ll take care of the tab the next time I come. Carefully I lift Yagi-san into my arms and look down. Funny how it now ends up this way. Before she’d lament about Souji and now Hajime. But here she is and so I put her back into the passenger’s seat.
I shake her a little “Yagi-san please wake up. I won’t be able to take you home otherwise…” and would Hajime get angry if I take home his girl? Well he still has that Tokio…
(Ooc: you can close. If she doesn’t wake up Heisuke will take her to his bachelor pad)
The drinks start to hit and suddenly I’m being carried? It’s… Todou-kun. He’s so kind.
Yagi-san please wake up. I won’t be able to take you home otherwise…
“But this isn’t my home, Todou-san. I have to get home, the children… Hajime…” My eyes open. Everything is sliding and spinning and sounds too, too loud… “She stuck me here. I don’t know how… how to get home.”
I fumble with my bag, the key’s in there but I’m too clumsy… “he’s not coming for me.” I feel tears…. oh no……..
With that I can’t fight sleep anymore.
(OOC – Close)