I go out on the pretext of needing to get a few things for dinner and breakfast, now that Eiji-san is back home. But really, I’m unsettled by Ueda-sama… I heard him very clearly, after all.
And he’s not wrong.
I’ve always spent a lot of time and energy on defending myself – my honor, my integrity – almost exhaustivly, looking at the wrong thing. But this man speaks the truth.
And that’s harder to defend.
As I near the marketplace, a familiar place comes closer.
I know the hell of waiting. Of not knowing. And had Misao-san not found Hajime, and called for me, I wouldn’t know anything. I don’t want to think what might have happened had she not… but even so, had he been found and secreted off to that hospital that I am banned from… had Tokio been his contact, and she took him back to Aizu… If if if. What is that Western expression? There but for the grace of God go I…
I enter the little scrap of garden behind the machiya, and knock on the door.
(Hide is waiting to see Aioi)
Aioi:
A visitor? But he’d never knock. So…
I open the door and give her a curt smile.
“He’s not here.” I tell her. “Maybe he’s off to the next pretty thing.” I simper.
Aioi-san gives me one of her smiles.
I bow. “Good afternoon, Aioi-san. I know Hajime’s not here.” I look back up at her, standing on the engawa. “He’s ill, and in the hospital. I thought you would like to know,” I say, looking at her pretty face. Even thought she classified it as a transaction… she still has a right to know.
“He’s ill, and in the hospital. I thought you would like to know,”
I only smile at that. “Well thank you?” I bow, “If that’s all then…”
I start to close the door. Silly woman.
She seems surprised… and unconcerned.
“Not knowing is… the worst, sometimes,” I say, looking away from her, my voice a little bleak. “So is waiting.” I’m not doing this as part of some saint routine. She just deserves to be treated as a real person. “I’ll let you know if anything changes, but as I’m not allowed to the hospital, I don’t know when I’ll know anything.” I’m not certain if Ueda-sama will tell me anything…
She turns away, that pitying look on her face.
“Not knowing is… the worst, sometimes,” “So is waiting.”
“I’m used to it.” I shrug. “Being with him for years, you get used to it. And it’s part of the deal.”
“I’ll let you know if anything changes, but as I’m not allowed to the hospital, I don’t know when I’ll know anything.”
“Don’t bother.” I tell her, “That man will darken my door when he needs something.”
I’d take pity on her but should I? He seems to come back for her over and over again and yet she stands here pitying herself because he’s taken ill and she doesn’t know anything? A real piece of work this one.
“I’m sure he’ll come back for you. Don’t worry your pretty little head, princess.” He treated her like some princess after all. What was it that he used to say? Hime… Hime-sama. He too is some piece of work.
With that I close the door.
Being with him for years, you get used to it. And it’s part of the deal
Years? Probably, so, over the course of time. “Yes, yes it is,” I say, evenly.
But she seems unconcerned, and scornful towards me. Don’t worry your pretty little head, princess
He must have told her his old name for me. She closes the door on me, so I leave to go to the market. I still need to add to dinner, and I shouldn’t be gone too long.
And… if he comes back to me, I will do what I can, to see that he doesn’t need anything from her again. I close my eyes for a moment in silent prayer. After all, Yaso-san only promised me an answer, and nothing more.
(OOC – close)