Saitou:
Well isn’t this nice? I look around at where he’s sequestered himself.
“Want a smoke?” I ask but I throw him one anyway. “This place has become a real dump… All because of a woman.”
He takes a moment to smoke. “I wasn’t the idiot who took his life.”
“I was only trying to kill -you-.” I laugh, “Not me. But instead you brought me here.”
“This used to be your place.” He reminds me. “This dark nothingness, where you watched Hide and I live our lives ever since she rejected you in the machiya.”
“Oh that was such a long time ago.” I shrug, “She got you back instead with some of your memories mostly intact and yet -you- left me in this dump.” I smirk, “Afraid the woman might not want an imperfect you and you turned out to be rather weak. Just bending and twisting yourself to whatever she wanted, even when you couldn’t give it. You damn well tried.”
“And you don’t?” He looks up at me.
“I can at least restrain myself from jumping her.” I laugh, “And when she said she wanted to “free me” to “restore me” – I was able to accept it without much drama.”
“Really?” It’s his turn to look surprised.
“-Really-.” I sigh and shake my head, “But you got in the way. I’m supposed to fix Okita and put the Yamaguchi and Fujita house in order and you dragged me here.”
“You really thought I dragged you here?” He looks at me and tilts his head. “I have no such power over you. When I gave up control, I did it freely.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always had full control and volition after I let you. It’s like letting the devil in you know.”
“Come on… That’s -impossible-.” And I wonder, does he mean that everything I’ve not been able to do, that I’ve blamed on him was me all along? Like how it never works out when I try to get my relief at the machiya? Or when I wanted to go after Okita and -kill- him?
“Is it?” He stares at me again, “Were you able to control me when you were locked up in here? Not even once.” He chuckles, “I even forgot you existed.”
“That’s stupid.” I counter back.
“Is it?” He ashes his cigarette. “But you… You never forgot about me. Now why is that?”
“Because you always made yourself apparent, you ahou!” I spit my cigarette out. “It was you!”
He grins a bit and throws something to the table. A thing with moving pictures.
“That’s mine.” He tells me, “But also -yours-. Choose any which one of the five. I’m sure you know them all.” He smirks.
I click my tongue. How did he find out?
“It’s because I’m you.” He says as if he’s read my mind.
“And yes I read your mind.”
“You’re an idiot!” I tell him.
“But you’re the fool. -Ahou-!”
(OOC: Saitou will stay in his private space for a while, having fun with himself.)
“You’re no longer in the dojo.” He tells me.
I know that but I don’t answer him.
“She did to you what I did to her.” He speaks again. I’d like him to shut up.
I look at him, -I- did that. When they took her away from me in that horse drawn ambulance.
He grins a bit. “Lucky you, you even got a kiss this time and…” He chuckles, “I didn’t know she kept a handkerchief. For all the times I’ve given her one in Tokyo, London and Osaka…”
I shrug and go back to smoking.
“If you didn’t want to wake up with all those people around you, gawking at you. That “fine” doctor Tenma, already found you a nice private bed.” He comes over standing above me. “There’s no reason to stay here.”
Looking away, I lean my back on the wall, if this is even a wall or just shadow of it. I hang my head low and slowly puff some more.
“You have lots of things to do there. Okita, Eiji, Tsutomu – even the Battousai. Things you’ve started so you -must- finish.”
I close my eyes and try to tune him out.
“You haven’t said goodbye to your daughters either. Ai-chan and it’s been a while with Makoto too. And Yoshi, you haven’t even spoken to him in -ages- is he even your son anymore?”
The truth was there’s no need to say goodbye. Unlike what Hide fears, my children are strong, they’ll do -good-.
He sighs, “So where is that man who said he was stronger, better and wiser?”
“Idiot.” I tell him.
“Do you think, she’ll last? Keep on waiting?” He takes my cigarette and puffs the last few. “She didn’t figure it out before. Do you think she’ll figure it out now?”
We look at each other and from his eyes, I see we agree. She won’t. Not at his juncture. I told her once, I had no hope.
“Does it matter?” I ask him. This man whom I once considered weak. And here I am barely even a couple of months – already here. I must be the weak one.
He doesn’t answer. I guess we’re going back to sleep. Thank kami.
What did I tell my the old man? Ah that I’m dead. I -did- die.
(OOC: Saitou is still struggling to wake up. To be continued here or elsewhere not sure.)