A letter? Curious and hoping it was from Yae, I tear up the envelope. I’m flattened a bit when I see who it’s from. Someone from Aizu. -Great-.
To my son Goro,
I heard from Heijiuemon who heard from Namuzawa that your son Tsutomu wrote to his brother Tsuyoshi about you. Doesn’t this mean that you are back my son? They don’t know about what has transpired and it matters not, but why haven’t you shown yourself to me? Or at least taken back your belongings and that one which rightly belongs to you from my daughter? If you’re busy then at least write back and put at ease the worries of this old man who thought you dead. I’ve kept everything as you asked. I want to touch your face and know it is real. Please don’t keep this old man waiting.
From Ueda Shichiro
I’d crumple the letter and throw it away but I don’t. That old man still calls -me- his son after all these years and after -everything-.
I don’t deserve to be called that Ojii-san.
And it hardly matters.
So once again I threw open the last drawer where I seem to stow all those things that seemed to have mattered back then. Who are the rightful owners of these things anyway? Who were they meant for? Some ring, some tanto, a letter. Never mind what I kept in that box with the old man. I don’t even remember most of it. I slam the drawer shut. Well if someone came snooping around they can take all of it. Good riddance.
“Superintendent!” A knock and then immediately an officer comes in. “We have an urgent report sir!”
I look up and light a cigarette. “What?”
“That man you wanted watched, Fujiwara has had a visitor.”
I wave my hand slightly, “Go on.”
“A woman sir, Yagi Hide. She spoke to him at length sir.”
Hide? The other one hasn’t shown herself to me and the only one I gave his psuedo-name to was Hide. Unless she gave it to her sister… “What did this woman look like?”
“Short sir. Plain looking, shorter hair and walks with a cane.”
Ah. So she came. To show mercy on him likely? Like what she said. That’s fine. “Go on tell me what they spoke about?”
“Uh…” He squirms.
“What? Didn’t I say you men are to observe this carefully?” My eyes narrow already knowing what happened. They failed to listen did they?
“Sargeant Naruhodo told us he’d take care of it sir.” I can see he’s wanting to cower but in credit to him he keeps straight. “Should I call him sir?”
She’s there to reform him isn’t she? To show him mercy because I am a man -incapable- of mercy and kindness. That’s what she believes. But that’s not important. What’s important is… Maybe they can be who they truly want to be in the end after all. “No it’s fine. I’ll speak to him myself if I wish.”
“And sir what are we to do with Zanza? He’s been making a ruckus down there sir.”
I grin a little at this news. Already tired of prison Sanosuke? But I want him there as long as possible, besides if he wanted to he can easily destroy the prison bars. “No keep him there. We don’t want the prisoners to get lonely.”
“Sir?”
I smirk and wave him away.
(OOC: Saitou will stay in the office until he decides to leave.)
After meeting with Howard after lunch, mostly due to Kawaji’s prodding I find that the afternoon has run away from me and I still have quite a bit to do. It almost seems irreverent to the position I hold today to cut out just because I told a woman I was going to have an early supper with her so I decide to stay and finish up the rest of the report. Howard has been very cooperative but he seems to be eager to visit Hide’s house again. To which I danced around the matter. Maybe soon I said.
It’s almost evening by the time I finished and told two of the guards to bring in -my- prisoner Fujiwara Haramusa. That’s who I choose for him to be today. No longer a friend named Okita Souji. Just another one I’m disavowing I guess. I blow smoke up in the air, my mind mostly going blank these days.
“Get inside!” They push him still cuffed into the room.
I motion for the two swordsmen police to leave us. And I hear them lock the door. The room turns darker without the hallway lights and the sun has almost disappeared from the horizon.
“Well hello.” I grin at him. “Did you find the accommodations to your liking?”
(OOC: Saitou had Okita brought in to his office. His hands are secured but he doesn’t have the usual leg shackle. It was taken off by the sword police who is currently standing guard at the end of the hallway, rather than Saitou’s door.)
Well hello. Did you find the accommodations to your liking?
I’ve been marched over. Very nicely, they took off the leg shackles. I suppose I should feel honored that I was escorted by the infamous “sword” police, but those little sabers, what a waste of metal.
I look over at my old friend. “I was enjoying solitary confinement, but then someone who speaks of being your dear friend comes to bunk with me. He’s rather obnoxious, but if that’s your type these days…” I shrug. “Tried to bait me into fighting him, then I thought he was hitting on me… and talking, just chatting away and strutting around like a rooster. He has a strange resemblance to our late friend Harada-san, but…” sometimes this place that I find myself somehow still alive in is so -strange-. Hide-san could make sense of it, these ghosts and curses running around… although she never could tell me why I still find myself alive. I pick up my chained hands to rub my temples.
I look around the darkening room and put my hands back on my lap. “But I’m guessing you know about my roommate – you always knew things, Hajime-kun, maybe even arranged it. What’s your real purpose of dragging me in?”
“I was enjoying solitary confinement, but then someone who speaks of being your dear friend comes to bunk with me. He’s rather obnoxious, but if that’s your type these days…”
I smile slightly, “Oh he’s not so bad. Much better than that kid I used to say to watch his mouth.” Because how many times did I tell Okita to think and make sure his words were palatable when he spoke?
I don’t answer his question about my arranging anything. He doesn’t need to know and besides that rooster head does what he wants. It’s good enough punishment for him to watch the fallen 1st captain of the Shinsengumi.
What’s your real purpose of dragging me in?”
Taking a long drag on my cigarette I look him over. He’s far from the once revered captain that I once knew well. He’s probably still as dangerous, -maybe-. “I heard you had a visitor but not the one you were hoping for likely.” I ash my cigarette, “Care to tell me what that was about?”
And of course I have something else I want to know, otherwise I’d just had Shindou report back to me.
Much better than that kid I used to say to watch his mouth
I shake my head. Just, what, three months older? That, and with that stern face of his and height, he always thought I should be calling him “senpai” or something. I would have liked to think we were friends and equals. But him? Obviously not, he wanted my girl all along… took my fights…
I heard you had a visitor but not the one you were hoping for likely. Care to tell me what that was about?
“I was wondering when you’d want to know… and yes, it was the wrong Yagi Hide – I was hoping it was my Hide-san, but I’m sure she’s going about things thoughtfully, unlike Yagi-san.” I lean back in the hard chair, but decide the sofa is more to my liking, and move over there before he can say anything – after all, if he wanted me to stay put he’d have left the leg irons on.
I consider teasing him a bit with it… and I’m sure, like Toshi-san, he’ll go quick to their little tricks they used to do in the Yagi’s storehouse, to get information. Not that -that- scares me, nor does actually finally dying -for real-…
“She had a talk with some wise friend – and no, not Hide-san – and she’s all, oh, I have to reconcile the past and my mistakes then and now and understand how Hajime loves and all of this and that… I thought she came to lay into me for our past and I apologized and everything but she said that wasn’t it.” I shrug. “Hide-san told me what was in Yagi-san’s diary and how she speaks so poorly of me in it – it’s nice that she’s finally admitting that she wasn’t some perfect long-suffering saint.” I laugh. “And she’s done the same to you, it seems?”
I look at Hajime-kun. He doesn’t look sad. So much for great passionate love! But I do pity Yagi-san. She was nice enough.
He tells me it was indeed Hide, not the lingering sister who found herself in what I thought was our walled garden. Ah I mean -his- walled garden. Only a fool like -him- would think he had control here. I look at the aberration in front of me, one he’d consider more of an intruder.
I thought she came to lay into me for our past and I apologized and everything but she said that wasn’t it.”
“Oh?” I chuckle a little. “You apologized? Seems highly unlikely. I mean you were willing to kill your lover after all.”
“Hide-san told me what was in Yagi-san’s diary and how she speaks so poorly of me in it – it’s nice that she’s finally admitting that she wasn’t some perfect long-suffering saint.”
“Ah so your “new” woman got to your good graces by appealing to your fragile ego.” I smoke and watch him now sitting on the sofa. I let him be comfortable. Poor thing must be tired of the hard walls and floors in prison. “And were you -satisfied- that your former lover is admitting her imperfections in front of you?”
I wonder, would that be enough for him? And so I asked the question. “What made you want to kill Hide anyway? Don’t tell me it’s all because you were told to. You don’t seem the type.”
You apologized? Seems highly unlikely. I mean you were willing to kill your lover after all
“I thought it’s what she wanted to hear. And I thought she was going to start crying. I’d rather fight an entire troupe of Choshuu samurai unarmed than put up with a woman crying,” I say, annoyed. That’s once nice thing about Hide-san – she’s very dry-eyed and even-tempered. And Yagi-san cried at the drop of the hat – when she was sad, when she was happy… I tried to be understanding, probably, back then.
Ah so your “new” woman got to your good graces by appealing to your fragile ego
“Just sharing intel – after all, Hide-san was able to find where Yagi-san hid her scribblings in the library – it was very useful reading.” Ugh, but that bit about that one time – did she have to go into that? Memorialize it?
I stretch out on the sofa, feeling out the handcuffs.
And were you -satisfied- that your former lover is admitting her imperfections in front of you?
“Not really,” I admit. “It was uncomfortable. And I told her it’s fine, that she was mostly nice, like one of my sisters, although she never smacked me with a spoon, though, like she did.” I think of her, far away, having mourned me long ago… “Besides, it was mostly about -you- and her, which isn’t the topic of my interest. She mistreated you… but that’s one of the reasons the Judgement was put into place. Too bad you let her out of it.”
What made you want to kill Hide anyway? Don’t tell me it’s all because you were told to. You don’t seem the type
“I still live by the old code – to slay evil. And Hide-san arranged the Judgement – it -was- meant to happen earlier, when she had that last kid of yours. You were supposed to let her down and not make it to the clinic, and another doctor was going to drug her up and she’d be lost to that and we’d do it then. After all, that’s the one time we know you couldn’t get to her -anywhere-, you tricky man,” I look at him. I wonder if he thinks all of that is clever?
“But still, that Judgement was meant to be informative… instructive. A -favor- Hide-san was concerned about her sister’s… behavior… since you two took up again. She wanted to make sure that she’d leave us alone, stop denying me and…” I look over at Saitou, my eyes wide. “It -breaks- things. This life, this place. I get lost and out and I wake up and there’s the blood of others on me.”
“And if I kill her, then maybe I can finally be free! I should have -died- in 1869! I was skin and bones, worn down and out and by the time they dragged me to Edo and then my sister fled, leaving me with Asato-san… I killed that damn -kitten-, the only thing I was stronger then by then, and I was ready. And… Hajime-kun, I did die. Until I wasn’t anymore and the first thing I learn is that Yagi-san is here, too, but doesn’t want me, but I get this other one… that you lived and had a perfect life and would throw it away for -her-.”
“And I find in this world I cannot get -any- satisfaction. The Battosai is a lump of a househusband with a backwards sword – but I bet he turned that blade around for -you-. If I have to live I wanted -one- part of my legacy, my destiny, to see the blood of the Shinsengumi’s greatest foe and my rival on my blade.”
In a sudden, swift move, I’m off the sofa and behind him, the chain of my handcuffs around his neck. “Did he? Who drew blood first? And why does he still live? Does your -justice- not permit it?”
Saitou:
“I thought it’s what she wanted to hear. And I thought she was going to start crying. I’d rather fight an entire troupe of Choshuu samurai unarmed than put up with a woman crying,”
So it wasn’t sincere. I sigh a little as I blow out a smoke.
“Just sharing intel – after all, Hide-san was able to find where Yagi-san hid her scribblings in the library – it was very useful reading.”
I don’t tell him I have no idea what library he’s talking about but it must be that place that she told me once. The one with rows of books about mostly dead men.
“Not really,” I admit. “It was uncomfortable.
But at least there’s a shred of honesty in his answer. I don’t care much about what I anymore. Or rather, him.
And then he tells me about their dastardly plan of striking while she was in the clinic giving birth to Ai. “You and your new woman are idiots. There will be many times I’ll have to let Hide down. That’s life. Even if I wanted to be there, there’ll be times I cannot or -will not-.
“But still, that Judgement was meant to be informative… instructive. A -favor- Hide-san was concerned about her sister’s… behavior… since you two took up again. She wanted to make sure that she’d leave us alone, stop denying me and…” “It -breaks- things. This life, this place. I get lost and out and I wake up and there’s the blood of others on me.”
I can’t help but bellow. A favor? Just minute ago he said he lived by the old code. But the rest about Hide breaking -them-, their life, this place and him… “No matter how many times I’ve heard it, that’s still the most propestorous thing I’ve ever heard!”
“And if I kill her, then maybe I can finally be free!
And… Hajime-kun, I did die. Until I wasn’t anymore and the first thing I learn is that Yagi-san is here, too, but doesn’t want me, but I get this other one… that you lived and had a perfect life and would throw it away for -her-.”
I glare at him. I still don’t like that he’s spouting off killing Hide. It’s not -just-. “You’re right. You are better off dead.” And for a moment I consider picking up the borrowed katana and ending his life right here but I know the consequence of that. I can handle it, but can they? Can she? So I don’t make a move and instead take another puff. “I didn’t have a perfect life and whatever life I had ran away from me.” Like it keeps running away today.
And he ends up complaining again of the Battousai but this time I understood. “You’re not complaining about the Battousai. You’re complaining that you know you already lost.”
I reach down and put out the cigarette and quicly just in an instant I see him move towards my back. Instinctively I put my left hand in front of my neck and turn my head. A second longer and he’d have chocked me and made me pass out but I catch the chain just in time.
“Did he? Who drew blood first? And why does he still live? Does your -justice- not permit it?”
His choke is strong and I can feel one side of my neck bruising but he doesn’t have in a way I cannot speak. “He did. I drew blood first. It was the best fight of my life.”
And with that I pull on the chain hard and drop my body sideway and forward, toppling the chair and hitting his right side with a clean punch to his liver.
You and your new woman are idiots.
Are we really? He admits it himself that he can’t always be there.
And he laughs as I tell him about the anguish Yagi-san puts us through! “You know what she can do! Look at yourself, Hajime-kun! She -broke- you and yet you laugh at me!” I still don’t understand why he endures it. “But I don’t like being Yagi-san’s plaything – it must amuse you, though.”
I didn’t have a perfect life and whatever life I had ran away from me.
“You knew why you were still alive – that’s close enough to perfect,” I say, looking at him. Besides isn’t a quiet wife better than a mistress who gives self-gratifying little speeches?
You’re complaining that you know you already lost.
“He’s as good as -dead- as he is now and how can I lose when I can’t even fight?” I know I could take him, if he actually put aside that act. Once a manslayer…
My trick works and while he doesn’t pass out, I have a good hold on him, and I pull the chain tighter, thinking of the marks it will leave on him.
He did. I drew blood first. It was the best fight of my life.
He manages to grunt that out…. “then you must have -lost-, since he’s still alive.” Some best fight, then… but there’s a gleam in his eye as he says that.
Then he gets the best of me – falling out of his chair and taking me with him, with a powerful punch to my side. I hit the floor and take the hit, wincing and trying to keep my breath. “Hruh, hruh, old man…” I stay where I am, chain still around him, but slide away – I know that in the state I’m in I’m at my worst in an old-man-on-the-floor fight. I back away to the sofa – I still have my speed. And my skill with the sword, but he has his sword on his side… my eyes narrow as I look at it.
“Do you have -Hidejiro’s- blade?” I ask. Then I laugh. “Yagi-san was no good at it.” Hide-san’s version… my head hurts, trying to put it together. To remember. Then I start coughing, damn it all.
He says I’m better off dead – why doesn’t he just -do it-?
Saitou
“then you must have -lost-, since he’s still alive.”
I don’t answer that as we fall on the floor. The one who lives is always the one who -wins-. That’s true for Battousai and with this man who’s with me on the floor.
He has the mind to scramble away but the chain around my neck loosens somewhat, enough for me to slide out of it but I feel the chains rough edges scrape my neck and it stings.
“Do you have -Hidejiro’s- blade?” I ask. Then I laugh. “Yagi-san was no good at it.”
He stares at the sword as I stand up and hover over him. I’d pull it. Finish him off now but she wants mercy, she said so herself.
I rub my neck with my gloved hand and see it stained my glove a little. But not nearly enough to bother me.
“Still up to you sneaky tricks? You and that Hide are probably a good -demented- pair after all.” They say that in couples who perpetrate crimes, one is usually the dominant one while the other willingly goes along. Who is the leader of the two?
I pull the sword out and point the tip at his neck. “It is Hide’s sword. And I am -not- broken. And -you- are not her “play thing”.”
I scowl at him. When he was good, he was good. But when his impudent man child comes out, it’s hard to bear.
“I wanted to let you go Okita. You and that sister of hers could’ve stayed in this Tokyo if you’d only leave Hide alone. Her denying your existence is her -right-. -You- didn’t treat her well, that’s why she ended up with -me-.” Because that’s the truth. Just like if my wife had treated me well, I would not be with Hide. She’d be loyal to him and I’d be loyal to the woman I married.
“While those whose blood you found on your hands, is yours -alone-. Not any of those sisters. You’re -pathetic-.” I press the blade up his neck, just close enough such that if he wanted to behead himself, he can do so. Kondou didn’t deserve to be beheaded but this man in front of me does.
I wanted to let you go Okita. You and that sister of hers could’ve stayed in this Tokyo if you’d only leave Hide alone. Her denying your existence is her -right-.
Is it? But my sneaky trick made him bleed. Did that ever happen, when we sparred in the old days? Of course not – Kondou-san knew that with real blades, even a practice sparring match would end badly. We were just -too much-.
And -you- are not her “play thing”.
I remember when Hide-san told me that she told Yagi-san that I was dead. A little white lie, she said, with a smile. So she doesn’t worry about you. So she doesn’t decide she wants you instead, when things go wrong with Saitou-san again, because they -will-. But it didn’t matter… I fractured, again and again. Dead and not dead and dead all over again. I was dead for a long time, or so I thought…. and I don’t remember it being all that bad.
Too bad this old wolf in front of me sniffed out the truth, and relentlessly wore against Yagi-san about it.
While those whose blood you found on your hands, is yours -alone-. Not any of those sisters. You’re -pathetic-
I laugh a little, coughing, as he has -her- blade by me. “Mercy… said to be part of the bushido code… is this your mercy or her mercy?” I remember her “hope” at the Battosai’s place – oh, find a place to live with Hide-san, settle down.. no, Yagi-san.
I feel the blade – it’s sharp, but old Gennojou-san had an eye for a good sword. “I don’t deserve to die like a samurai, my belly slit open, my head gone… and I certainly don’t deserve to die like Kondou-san.” It was meant to be an insult, he was killed the way a common criminal would be, but it must have been the only way they could have truly taken down such a man, and his legend… but he lives on! But it was hearing of his death… I knew I could let go. And that I’d never see Toshi-san again.
“I die in bed, Hajime-kun, spent and wasted from my disease.” I turn my head to get it away. “Not because of -fate-… and then Hide-san can let me go, and she can let Yagi-san go.” I look up at Hajime, “she carries too much anger, it’s…. changed her.”
“This pathetic man asks that Fujita-san, seeing my illness, release me to a remote hospital. Whatever conditions, chained to the bed…” I sit up, and close my eyes. “And Hide-san… her mission, to support her lost love, will be over. She won’t think she needs to protect me from Yagi-san.” I asked Hide-san to take me to one of those places, where you lay on a futon on a long porch and wait for death, but she always refused, saying that I’m getting better. But her mission is over, I’m out of this stolen time. It needs to be. The longer it goes on… she looses touch with herself.
Or… he’ll just use that sword.
“Mercy… said to be part of the bushido code… is this your mercy or her mercy?”
“Clearly -hers-.”
I don’t deserve to die like a samurai, my belly slit open, my head gone… and I certainly don’t deserve to die like Kondou-san.”
“I’m glad you know that at least.” I say still glaring at him.
And he tells me he dies in bed but not because of fate? And then tells me about the anger of Hide’s younger sister. I know such anger and how it can change us but I say nothing.
This pathetic man asks that Fujita-san, seeing my illness, release me to a remote hospital. Whatever conditions, chained to the bed…” “And Hide-san… her mission, to support her lost love, will be over. She won’t think she needs to protect me from Yagi-san.
“No. That’s only what you -hope- she’ll think. You don’t actually know what she’ll do.” I look at the blade and I’m tempted to slice his neck and give him the cowards way out.
“And if I were to kill you here, that younger sister will always plot against Hide, blaming her for taking you away permanently. ” I put away the sword.
“If you really want to put this to bed, for you to be left alone in peace and that sister to stop being angry and changing… -You- have to tell her the truth. That you don’t love her and can’t carry the burden of her caring nor her feelings.” I stare at him still sitting on the floor. “You’re being given a second chance to do it right this time. To have a little integrity unlike when you were with Hide back then in Mibu.”
I’m tired and so I turn away to call the guards. Imagine that I’m with a man that both sisters throw themselves at him and he wants neither of them. And here I am, still sticking around for -nothing-.
No. That’s only what you -hope- she’ll think. You don’t actually know what she’ll do.
And he understands, the nature of vengeance, a cycle, that can be hard to break. He puts away Yagi-san’s sword.
And then he sets conditions. He didn’t exactly agree to mine, but I’m in no place to contest his. “Fine.” I stand up, slowly, coughing some more – once it starts these days it’s hard to stop, and I wipe the blood I cough up into my sleeve. I go to his desk and find a scrap of paper, and scribble down the address of where she’s staying. “But she spends most of her days outside the jail – I’ve seen her from my window. Oh, and she’s been dressing as Hidejiro, since she’s alone right now.” It’s funny how she never minded it, while Yagi-san -hated- it…. I blink. It’s so damn confusing. Like two songs with the same melody but different words.
But to tell her…. well this means that that airy porch somewhere will be alone, but that’s not so bad. Not after Asato-san’s endless begging… Souji let’s get married, Souji, give me a child for your legacy. Woman.. I could barely sit up on my own by that time. So dying alone wouldn’t be that bad. It could be peaceful.
However, does the scars and infirmities that Yagi-san has now come from how I treated that woman as well? I sigh, closing my eyes. What was it Yamanami-san used to say? When he’d talk about history? The past is never done with us just because we’d like it to be.
“I’ll do this, but you and Yagi-san should be there too,” I say, wearily. Not that I left Yagi-san well, back then. I was mad that she chose her family over me, so I put on a mask. False cheer, making a rather horrid joke about apologizing to her future husband for what I took. Funny how Hajime-kun turned out to be that man. Perhaps. Probably not, now, if what Hide-san says is correct.
The guards come, and escort me back. I just want to sleep for a few days now, but I doubt that Hajime-kun, or my chatty roommate, will allow that.
(OOC – you may close)
I’ll do this, but you and Yagi-san should be there too,
I don’t say anything about his conditions. Maybe or maybe not. But I take the address in case it ends up being the best path forward.
The guards take him and once alone in the room I start to smoke and not soon thereafter i feel it. Another spasm and then contraction. I search the drawers for what the weasel gave me and just down it undiluted.
I stay in the room for another hour. It will be late by the time I get to the house and never mind making a stop by the machiya.
(Ooc end)