I washed up and went to bed, telling Hide I was tired and that she had to go to her physical therapy tomorrow. Thankfully, the carriage service I had arranged earlier this week started today and was quite an efficient service that it didn’t take long to get there and that big woman already swept her away. There’s not much I do at this clinic, that Senefelder seems to target getting me in as a patient but I don’t have time for that. I don’t even think I have time to be here three times a week but I’d like to see her recover even if…
I lean by a column outside and look up, watching the smoke I blew up into the air. How many times did she… Three or maybe four? Ah but I’m unfair, I did it so much more than she did. Besides I shouldn’t think of that, it’s not like we’ll ever… So it won’t be a problem. I take the cigarette from my mouth with my left and catch a glimpse of it.
Reaching again into my pocket, I close my eyes. When will I remember that I don’t have that watch anymore? And a real sword for that matter. This month was an aberration, I lost all my money and spent it all at the same time. If I hadn’t given Aioi her allowance I might’ve had enough to buy an unsigned sword but it’s more important to keep her for her utility later on.
She must be about done right? Hopefully that therapy does her well. We don’t appreciate our independence until it’s taken away and she needs hers if I can’t be relied upon. I finish the cigarette and go back inside to the waiting area. Once I take her back home, then I’ll walk back to work, pretend I’m on patrol just like the old days.
(OOC: Hide can drop in if she wants or not. He’ll take her home and proceed with his day regardless.)
Dressed, I come out into the waiting area.
He was… quiet this morning. But he escorted me to therapy, and here he is, waiting, even though he could just leave it to me and the carriage driver.
I pull on his hand. “I think we’re a little early – let’s take a walk on the grounds.” I smile slightly. “Besides, they’d like to see me walking more.” I am getting steadier with the cane, but I want to one day walk without it. It’s a nice day, after all, and the grounds here at the university are pretty. No gardens, but paths of trees… and it looks mostly flat.
“I think we’re a little early – let’s take a walk on the grounds.”
Were we early? I suppose. I can’t tell the time as accurately without the watch.
“Alright.” I say and walk slowly beside her. After a while of quiet walking and smoking I ask, “How did your therapy go today?”
We’re quiet, at first, as we walk, and he smokes. He goes slowly, for me, as I use his arm and the cane for support.
How did your therapy go today?
“Frau Senefelder says that my abdominal wound has healed externally, so she’s going to add exercises to help those muscles,” I say. “Otherwise, we worked on my ankle.” She was -very- cross when I admitted to how I made my way up and down the stairs.
After a minute, I say. “You don’t have your watch anymore. Nor your sword. We came out of those events a bit battered, didn’t we?” I stop and look up at him. “I can do something about the sword. Now.” The watch… ah, I just don’t have the resources for that yet. Not in this place.
“I worried about you, last night. First, when you were late. Then, when you came home drunker than I’ve seen you in a while. But mostly… when I realized who you were with.”
“The reminders… that we have far to go are hard,” I say, swallowing. “I’m not immune to them, it took more nerve than I’d care to admit to make an appointment at the school to talk about the childrens’ progress, because that’s -her- territory. The rings we wear give me strength, but… I know you put a lot on yourself. After all, you were in a marriage, with children, living a life -others- wanted for you.” I’m quiet again. “To talk about who you’re with now, to affirm the life we share, with someone like there, who was there and probably closed his eyes to the problems…” I smile, wryly, “it’s no wonder you drank, and drank like that. Yamakawa-san isn’t the only one with ghosts.”
I look down…. no. Back up at him. “I love you, Hajime. And I’m sorry I refused you last night but… I know sometimes our lovemaking isn’t -just- about passion and love and the -good- things we share. It’s about… healing, and affirmation and… finding that place where it’s just you and I again. That’s why I wanted you, needed you in Kyoto, even though I knew my body wasn’t up for it.” My voice cracks a bit, but I take a deep breath to keep my composure. “It broke my heart to refuse you… but what I felt from you, what you said, and who you were with…” I add, quietly, “once I became your hime-sama in the garden, you never called me neko-chan, until last night.” I know the power in that name he bestowed upon me. It wasn’t just a nickname – it showed me who I had become to him.
We came back because we wanted a future. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and it may come with more scars, with more to be paid. But he’s worth it. I reach up and touch his cheek with my hand, cradling it, softly rubbing my thumb on his cheekbone. “My ookami-sama and my samurai-san protects me, cherishes me. My oji-sama will chase me to the ends of the earth, even at the cost of his own life. I’ve kept your names as they’ve only added layers to the man I love in so many ways.”
“Frau Senefelder says that my abdominal wound has healed externally, so she’s going to add exercises to help those muscles,” I say. “Otherwise, we worked on my ankle
“That’s good so I suppose you didn’t tell her about going up and down the stairs… the way that you did.”
“I can do something about the sword. Now.”
“No. A sword is not something someone else can buy for someone like a kimono.” I shake my head, “Besides most weapons depend on the skill of the wielder.”
She tells me that she was worried. I didn’t tell her I was going to him. I couldn’t wait anymore but at the same time, presenting her in her condition would not help our cause. What would he say? Now look what you’ve not been able to do. Surely he’d tell me it was the wrong decision, not that he didn’t say so in no uncertain terms.
She tells me why I drank. About the problems, how hard it is or how hard it’s become. “I merely wanted to let off some steam. Feel like myself again.” And it’s true, the one she saw last night was a part of me. One she and I tend to deny.
“It broke my heart to refuse you… but what I felt from you, what you said, and who you were with…” I add, quietly, “once I became your hime-sama in the garden, you never called me neko-chan, until last night.”
So I was right. It wasn’t that she refused me but that she thought I was someone else. Him. And she’d be right. “Don’t worry about it.” He’s mostly gone. “I’ll refuse the drink next time.” With him around, she’ll refuse or avoid… Or maybe even cower like Tokio it was all in her mind until it manifested itself more fully, more powerfully.
she stops and touches my cheek and tells me all the names she’s used for me. It’s true all those things. All those names when I was for her, perfect. I grin a little, “I guess calling you neko-chan would be much of a demotion.”
“Ah don’t worry. I know you were also worried about the boy walking in on us again. That one has impeccable timing if you haven’t noticed.” I chuckle and let the cigarette hang from the corner of my mouth.
That’s good so I suppose you didn’t tell her about going up and down the stairs… the way that you did
I sigh, “I… did tell her. She scolded me and said that’s how a diapered child goes around on the stairs and that I have to do -better-… so next week we’re adding stairs to the routine.”
No. A sword is not something someone else can buy for someone like a kimono
“The sword I speak of… I already have. It’s hidden away, in the house.” I spy a bench around a tree and guide us over there, as I’ve had enough exercise for one morning. “It was Hidejiro’s.”
“For… reasons that go back a long ways, there was no decent “heir’s” daisho. So when the Hidejiro plan was hatched, Father went and bought a fine set. A good set, as I later learned to appreciate, signed, but not by anyone famous. He bought it for Hidejiro but it was meant for Tamesaburou to grow into one day – ah, how Kondou-san fussed at me for having swords too long for my size!” I shake my head, smiling.
“So when I put my kimono back on again and became myself again, it was put away, for the day Tamesaburou would be old enough to wear them. But instead… soon after my brother reached manhood, my father died and he took on the main swords, even if he wasn’t able to wield them. So that set, my father’s set, will remain with the Yagi house and be passed one day down to my nephew, and then his heir, and so on…” And as the house is still owned by one of his blood even into the time of the writers, perhaps it’s still there and survived the next great war. I’d like to think that.
“When I left for Tokyo, I took Hidejiro’s swords. I was the last to wear them, after all. So they’re in the house, and… maybe now waiting for a son we’ll have some day.” I look over at him. “I don’t think that possible future son would mind you borrowing them, even with the iron-cutting, if they suit you.” I reach for his hand. “And, if they do suit… I like the idea that something that was mine is there beside you every day.”
“But I know enough of what a sword is to a warrior that if you pass…” I smile, “I understand. I wouldn’t want you to carry a sword that didn’t work for you. And at least it’s not one of those waste-of-metal sabres.”
I merely wanted to let off some steam. Feel like myself again
Feel like himself? And then he tells me not to worry, and that he’ll refuse the drink.
“You weren’t like that when you drank with Eiji-san,” I say, think that the -why- of drinking has as much to do with it as much as the act of drinking. “But… don’t keep your steam… in. It only builds.” I sit close and softly kiss him. “I’ll still love you, you know. Just because I wish you to be your best, doesn’t mean that I don’t accept you at other times. After all,” I say, holding up my hand with the ring, “doesn’t the promise with this go, for better, for worse? You’ve seen me at my worst, and you’re still here.” I take his hand back. “I told you one morning, long ago, that I know there’s darkness inside of you … and my offer I made then stands. To stand beside you, and not let you be lost to it, and you can help me with mine.”
I guess calling you neko-chan would be much of a demotion
“It was a surprise – I’ve not heard that in years.” I put my head on his shoulder. “Neko-chan would be easier to live up to, you know. Neko-chan slept all day so she could play all night. A hime-sama… ah, now, that’s something to live up to.” I smile. “But I’ll always keep trying.”
He mentions Tsutomu-kun. “I don’t worry about him walking in on us… as much as what you said to him.” I look up at him. “He’s -of- you, and her. But he’s not you, or her. That’s something I had to wrap my head around.”
“I have my own work to do, in being his mother. It’s going to be more than a night of fussing over an illness can build. And you… have work to do as well. There will always be regrets, recriminations. And he’s certainly a stubborn boy. But… his heart is good.” After all, he defended me last night. “As is yours. It’s not going to be easy for any of us.”
I’m… Surprised as she speaks about the swords. Her swords or rather Hidejiro’s swords. She wasn’t that fond of being Hidejiro wasn’t she?
We sit down under the shade as she tells me more about the history of the two swords her father acquired for himself and his son. “Your father was a man much like Kondou, one who wanted to be a pure bushi and even more so.” Of course I knew her father was not of great sword talent but a bushi is not just his swords skills – as what Kondou-san would remind me over the years I was with the Shinsengumi. But tell that to a bunch of rowdy young men who hardly knew any poems or calligraphy to save their life.
“But I know enough of what a sword is to a warrior that if you pass…” I smile, “I understand. I wouldn’t want you to carry a sword that didn’t work for you. And at least it’s not one of those waste-of-metal sabres.”
“I’ve used many swords in my time. I’ve come to find out, aside from preference and superstition that a sword of -decent- enough quality, can be used by a skilled wielder. But let’s see and make sure it’s not a fake.”
“Neko-chan would be easier to live up to, you know. Neko-chan slept all day so she could play all night.
I ash my cigarette and look down. That’s the one he wanted to see last night. Just that one who loved him simply and maybe stupidly. But the boy who like his mother denies came to remind him and of course she woke up too.
Then he talks about the boy, rather my son. That she worries about what I said.
And you… have work to do as well. There will always be regrets, recriminations. And he’s certainly a stubborn boy. But… his heart is good.”
“Ah well.” I’m at lost for words. Not because I’m ashamed of what I said but that I meant every word I said to him and her that night. “His heart is good. You’re right.”
But I certainly meant every word I said. She wants to be a saint and my son doesn’t seem to think he’s my son. So I’m totally within my right to question him who his father might be. I suppose without the damn drink I can’t say what’s really on my mind but when I do, he comes out too strong.
He’s you -ahou-. The one who brought her back.
I look up to the sky. “The carriage will be here soon. We should make our way to the gates.”
OOC reply tomorrow
Your father was a man much like Kondou, one who wanted to be a pure bushi and even more so.
I nod. “He… knew he had little talent, but his reverence for bushido was great… I think that’s why he took to Kondou-san so quickly.” I’m glad that Hajime could see that in him, as well.
But let’s see and make sure it’s not a fake
“You can help me get to it when we get home,” I tell him. I can’t quite get to where I stashed it on my own right now.
He doesn’t seem interested in speaking of Tsutomu-kun.
Quietly, I say, “last night… you… said that I wanted to be a saint. Hajime… I -know- I’m not. After all, it’s not every person who gets to see someone… once close to her, methodically lay out her faults and deem her a failure.” I brush back my bangs, I’m still not used to those, either. Some of what was said still haunts me. “I still have nightmares,” I say, even quieter. They just may not disturb him anymore, like they did in Kyoto. I thought I could dismiss them by now… “But even without -that-… I don’t want to be a saint. I want to be a -good- woman, but even a good woman will stumble sometimes.” I wrap an arm around his waist.
“A buddha with a man reclining in their lap… I’d rather be reclining -with- the man.” I grin slightly, then look up at him.
He tells me it’s time. “Already?” I sigh. “Well, let’s see about getting you a sword. And as for your watch… as soon as I can walk better, and before snow gets too heavy, let’s go to Aizu.” It’s hilly all over there, I remember. I’ll have to be ready.
“He… knew he had little talent, but his reverence for bushido was great… I think that’s why he took to Kondou-san so quickly.
I’d tell her, maybe our future son will have the talent and complete what was lacking in her family but that seems like a far away dream. “That and he truly wanted to serve the Shogunate.”
“You can help me get to it when we get home,”
“It will have to wait until the weekend. I plan to drop you off at home and get to some other errands first.”
“last night… you… said that I wanted to be a saint. Hajime… I -know- I’m not. I want to be a -good- woman
“Isn’t a saint a good woman?” I can’t help but point this out. “But you’ve associated the saint with my wife…” And i pause, “But you’re right in thinking that. I basically said I didn’t want someone like my wife nor do I want a saint. And who knows truly what is a good woman…” Or a good man for that matter. I could tell her why I don’t need her to be a saint or a good woman but I suppose it’s impossible for her to understand. She didn’t live the way I did or do. So I back track to something she said about nightmares and faults.
it’s not every person who gets to see someone… once close to her, methodically lay out her faults and deem her a failure
“And why is your sister important? I thought it was pretty clear that she was an incompetent judge and so was your former lover.” I glance down at her, “And what were your nightmares about? Kato? His mother? Souji? Your sister?”
She makes a joke about that infamous image of mine. I merely start another cigarette and start walking.
It will have to wait until the weekend. I plan to drop you off at home and get to some other errands first.
I nod. He takes enough time off of work already, dealing with my treatments.
Isn’t a saint a good woman?
“Hardly,” I say. “A saint has no faults, or at least in her own mind. A good woman… is still just a -woman-. Imperfect, maybe very much so.” But didn’t he say, on that day, that he preferred a good woman?
And why is your sister important? I thought it was pretty clear that she was an incompetent judge and so was your former lover
“Even if they were poor judges, hardly… impartial. But they knew my soft spots. It was deeply personal. So… it still hurts.” I told him that I wouldn’t hide these things, my worries, my feelings. “My nightmares are a muddle. It’s all of that, like a montage, over and over.” Why can’t I shake it? I’ve seen terrible things before.
My attempt at lightness lands poorly. He’s in no mood for levity and I should know better.
I can’t keep up with him as he starts to walk, and struggle to keep up. Maybe he’s tired of this crippled woman who never seems to be what he needs when he needs it.
Then there’s a sudden, loud -crack- and fear courses through me – are we being watched again what did they find us? No, they can’t do this they can’t take him –
I nearly -leap- to Hajime, pulling on him. “Get down!”
By the time we hit the ground it’s raining, and hard as a sudden rainstorm sweeps in. I can only look at him as the fear and panic drain away. “I’m sorry, I got you muddy – I thought it was – ” and I do the only thing I can do. I kiss him.
“A saint has no faults, or at least in her own mind. A good woman… is still just a -woman-. Imperfect, maybe very much so.”
I stare at her for a moment. I suppose I do want a good woman but the problem has been is that I’m not sure if I can be the good man. Like last night where her words didn’t seem to match what had happened. But only a good man could expect such things. I decide not to say anymore. I’ll just have to try harder and keep him at bay.
“Even if they were poor judges, hardly… impartial. But they knew my soft spots. It was deeply personal. So… it still hurts.”
“I don’t know what they said to you but I know, you didn’t deserve the treatment you got from your sister and your lover. You should be angry at them for treating you like so, not worried that what they said about you may or may not be true.” I click my tongue, “If she weren’t your sister… I’d kill her. And I can’t tell you what I’d do with him if I see him again, not because I’m jealous but many other reasons – that included.”
And we’re walking the sky seems to turn gray without warning… Curious.
“Get down!”
And suddenly she’s on me. What?
“I’m sorry, I got you muddy – I thought it was – ”
And she kisses me. I blink surprised… But just like the rain is falling, my guard does the same and I kiss her back softly and then strongly like I wanted to last night. Just like we used to, not caring much if there were reasons or consequences. As the kiss ends I look up at her, her hair and face now dripping wet.
“I -think- I should be worried. You could’ve hurt yourself. It was only thunder.” Is this another extension of her trauma from her “judgment” or from her kidnapping? In any case it is not good.
You should be angry at them for treating you like so, not worried that what they said about you may or may not be true
He’s right… they came to me at my weakest, my most broken. And I know that he’ll never forgive either of them. Maybe that’s what I struggle with – can I? Should I? Is it even up to me?
And he’s kissing me back, when I needed it. There was no -reason- to kiss… it just came and he’s drinking me in and I him. We’re in a park and it’s raining but it’s just -us-, in the way our world once was. The kiss ends and I reach over and brush back his wet bangs, feeling the warmth of his skin, and noticing how his eyes glow. What’s one more, I think, as I lean in to kiss him again. Once upon a time I didn’t count our kisses, as they seemed to happen as frequently as the raindrops falling upon us now. So now… I’m not going to either.
I -think- I should be worried. You could’ve hurt yourself. It was only thunder
“My first thought was… that it was a gunshot, it was so loud, so sudden. And… that I had to get to you.” I’m still nervous, out. But that will fade, as well. Just as once I stopped worrying about assassinations crashing into the family bedroom.
Ooc reply tom
OOC: Will take a break posting tonight. Tired from yesterday and today.
She doesn’t say anything about them but we’re caught on the ground, sharing a kiss with the rain coming down out of nowhere. We’re drenched but as quickly as the storm came, it fades into a drizzle.
She brushes my bangs back like she’s always done and I run my hand through her hair like I used to do. And we kiss again like it’s been a while and in a way it has been when we kissed for no reason other than we wanted to.
“My first thought was… that it was a gunshot, it was so loud, so sudden. And… that I had to get to you.”
And so it rears its ugly head, her protracted ordeal in Kyoto where she almost lost her life. But I’d never let that happen, not like that. “You mean you. You were the one who got shot.” I blurt out. Mine was too long ago. I hardly remember the gunshot nor the blade that followed. “Or did you want me to protect you?” Is that what she meant by getting to me?
Carefully I get us both up from the ground. Her kimono isn’t dirty but it is very wet. I brush her hair back. “Well at least your kimono’s fabric is thick, I’d be worried of voyeurs if it was any thinner.”
I remove my jacket now that the back is covered in mud. “I guess I’m going home with you after all.”
As we indulge in a kiss that makes me forget about the rain, as his hand gets lost in my hair. Maybe short hair isn’t so bad, for now… and even though we’re in the ground in the park it’s as if we can’t get enough of each other. By the time we’re done, the rain seems to have moved on, and it’s nothing more than a soft sprinkling.
You mean you. You were the one who got shot. Or did you want me to protect you?
-This- time I was the one shot… but was I actually her target? “I just knew that I had to get us both down.” I steal one final kiss as he gets me back on my feet. “If you heard something that was actually dangerous, I’d be the one on the ground first.” Although… he can probably tell the difference between a crack of thunder and a gunshot.
Well at least your kimono’s fabric is thick, I’d be worried of voyeurs if it was any thinner.
I get a good grip back on my cane. “No… No men leering at me,” I say, with a smile as he takes off his jacket. “And I, too, should be glad for your shirt being thicker, so I don’t have to worry about people taking too long of a look at you.” But -I- do, as of course, -I- know what lies beneath that shirt.
In the carriage there’s a blanket under the seat, and I spread it out, as not to get the cushions wet.
“If you heard something that was actually dangerous, I’d be the one on the ground first.”
I give her a look. Of course I’d get her down first but I’m not as sharp as I used to be unlike him. I couldn’t even stop her from getting shot and he wouldn’t even have opened up the door of opportunity for the likes of Kichisaburo much less Kato. He’d have killed them right away. That’s what’s good about the man last night, he’s -strong-. I can’t think about that right now so I muster a grin as she gives my shirt a complimentary tease.
In the carriage, I’m glad that Hide is considerate enough to lay the blanket. “Thank you.” I tell her and sit down beside her. “I guess since you’re already wet, you won’t be pushing this wet dog away. Hopefully you don’t think I smell like one.”
The carriage ride won’t be long but i take the opportunity to update her what I was doing at Yamakawa’s. “He lives in a boarding house with his mother. Compared to several years ago, he’s done well for himself. He saved a high official named Tani during the Seinan wars and that Satsuma man has been his advocate ever since.”
But I know that’s not what she’s interested in hearing is it? “Okura, as I used to call him, will not get in the way of what we want to do since he believes that Matsudaira-sama would not be caught ungrateful to your father.” Of course, I can’t help but wonder if it was early on in our relationship and Hide and I haven’t had children yet, would they think allowing our relationship to exist is a payment of gratitude to her father, or would they think the best way to honor her father is to ensure she doesn’t get tangled up with an unhappily married man?
“His wife, Tose was a comrade of Yaeko but…” I light a cigarette, “She died in the battle of Aizu. That’s the ghost I was speaking about that might visit him.”
I guess since you’re already wet, you won’t be pushing this wet dog away. Hopefully you don’t think I smell like one
“No, not at -all-, if you don’t mind whatever I must smell like – remember I had my ‘workout’, too,” I say, snuggling close to him and taking his hand. “I don’t smell bad, I hope.” Against my cheek, his wet shirt is cool, but I can feel his warmth underneath. I turn my head to kiss him there, on that arm, before putting my head back.
“Thank you for telling me something of Yamakawa-san – having some background…. helps me put these people you know into context and place.” After all, it was a long time from when we saw each other, from Kyoto to Toyko. He had a whole life, and I feel like I only know pieces.
Okura, as I used to call him, will not get in the way of what we want to do since he believes that Matsudaira-sama would not be caught ungrateful to your father.
“My father would liked to have known what he did was aknowledged by Aizu,” I say. He corresponded and spoke to underlings, and never Matsudaira-sama himself. “So he won’t stand in the way of your divorce?”
“Was Tose-san like Yeako-san? Brave, and speaking her mind?” I smile – those are the women of Aizu I would liked to have met more of. Yaeko-san was… intimidating, but it was also nice to meet a woman unafraid of showing her strength and intelligence. “It’s been many years – if he still dreams of her ghost, he must have been devoted.”
“I don’t smell bad, I hope.”
She leans into me again and now my arm gets a kiss! I inhale my smoke before answering her with a grin. “Would I ever tell you?”
“Thank you for telling me something of Yamakawa-san – having some background…. helps me put these people you know into context and place.”
I consider what she says for a moment, “I never really think about them, much like I didn’t think much of the Shinsengumi while I was with Tokio.” And I’m struck at the similarity of course but unlike Tokio who insisted to not speak about the Shinsengumi, Hide never asked me to not speak about Aizu. It was just a subject better not spoken about especially with Hide and really these are old acquaintances, some of whom I’ve not seen in -years-.
Nodding, I too am glad that even the likes of Okura understands the contribution of a far away village elder to the Shogunate and to his Lord Katamori. But then she asks about the divorce and I choose my response carefully.
“He won’t stand in the way of us being together.” I never did ask him about supporting my divorce to Tokio. Divorce never entered our long conversation into the night, eventhough Tokio was all that was in my mind as I sat and drank with him. What would Hide say to that?
But the man who came home to Hide last night was irritated enough by the thought that he, rather I, spent so much time mulling the past with a wife who was hardly one. I suppose it makes it doubly more vexing that Hide didn’t recognize him anymore. Or rather me. Us?
“Was Tose-san like Yeako-san? Brave, and speaking her mind?”
“I didn’t get to meet his wife. I only knew she was part of the Joshitai women’s brigade. One of the women who wielded a naginata and fought both outside and inside the castle.” I contort my face a little at the mention of Yaeko, “I hope she wasn’t like Yae-ko, that would’ve meant she a very aggressive woman. Back then you couldn’t get a word in with Yae.”
“It’s been many years – if he still dreams of her ghost, he must have been devoted.”
“He never remarried so perhaps…” I don’t mention of course the reason why his wife might visit Okura, for giving into the capricious or immoral wish of what others would call a -very- foolish man. But who cares what others would think?
Would I ever tell you?
I grin back. “You can just add it as an addendum to your ode about how you like the way I smell,” I say. I take one more sniff, up the front of his shirt. “Not dog-like at all! You pass!” I lean over for another kiss. It’s a short ride, after all.
I never really think about them, much like I didn’t think much of the Shinsengumi while I was with Tokio
I’m quiet for a minute. “When you want to – think about them, speak about them – do so. -Please- – not just because I want to be prepared when they show up, but because I want to know all of you. And Aizu is part of you, and therefore our children’s legacy, just as much as Kyoto is.”
He won’t stand in the way of us being together.
That’s a… careful answer. This thing we want isn’t going to come fast or easy I -know- but it’s hard. To wait, stymied by the silent presence of a woman who’s never been -here-.
And then he’s quiet for a bit. I wonder how often he thinks of her? She must have been a topic last night, even as our relationship was the catalyst for the meeting.
He speaks of the brave women of Aizu, and makes a face at Yaeko-san. “So I take it she was… a strong personality even before war came?” I smile. I like seeing that spirit re-directed to education, though.
Hajime then speaks of Yamakawa-san not having remarried, after all these years. He’s not -old-, like some of the other notable men of our time.
The carriage finally stops at our house. “I don’t want to get a cold, after being in the rain. Care to join me for a quick bath before changing? I can make sure you smell -delightful- before you have to go out.” I grin, but … after last night he may well refuse me. In the fumbling embrace of a man who had taken to drinking after what sounds like perhaps not a pleasant meeting but not entirely unsuccessful … there was a message that I didn’t understand then.
“You can just add it as an addendum to your ode about how you like the way I smell,”
She’s right but… I was referring to whether I’ll tell her if she smells bad. Of course I wouldn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t be kissed just like she did just now. I only smirk back at her.
“When you want to – think about them, speak about them – do so. -Please- – not just because I want to be prepared when they show up, but because I want to know all of you. And Aizu is part of you, and therefore our children’s legacy, just as much as Kyoto is.”
“Again… I just don’t think about it much. I live in Tokyo now and Aizu is more her legacy than mine.” This I tell her truthfully. “I appreciate the clan for what it gave me after the war but that’s all.” Do I sound like an ingrate? Would Yaso think so as well?
She doesn’t ask for clarification about the divorce. I suppose I should be glad for that. After all what would I say? And I only care about the divorce for one reason.
“So I take it she was… a strong personality even before war came?”
I nod and throw out the cigarette through the window. “She had dressed up as a boy, convinced an entire army of Bushi that she was as good as any other man. She also didn’t care much about the Shinsengumi and used to tell it to my face.” I think back to the woman we met more than a week ago and snort a little, “I can’t believe how domesticated she’s become. But it must be difficult for her to care for Jo through his illness, much less run a school. It must take all of her energy.”
We get to the house and we go inside and I’m offered a bath but I shake my head. “Do you think a little rain can this old wolf down?” I look across the yard, towards the house. “I should just change and get going.” Yes it would’ve been fun to steal some time but our time has passed. And as for the sword, well she needs to get clean first and then get some rest.
“Now be careful when you take a bath. Don’t slip and fall.”
(OOC: You can close)
Again… I just don’t think about it much. I live in Tokyo now and Aizu is more her legacy than mine. I appreciate the clan for what it gave me after the war but that’s all
I can appreciate that it’s a complicated legacy… after all, one thing “given” after the war was Tokio.
She had dressed up as a boy, convinced an entire army of Bushi that she was as good as any other man. She also didn’t care much about the Shinsengumi and used to tell it to my face.
“Oh, she must have made a better boy that I did!” I laugh. I can’t imagine that now, but at our ages, it’s hard to see how anyone was fooled.
He turns my invitation for a bath down and I nod, looking away. “I’ll be careful. And we need to get that sword soon.” I’ve not forgotten.
I go into the house, where Ai-chan is happy to see us, but I’m sent off to dry off and warm up….
OOC – close