*The sister and a middle-aged Okita Souji stand in the vast blankness. OOC Hide stands in front of them*
It is time for your judgement.
Your kidnapping featured three people who served as reflections of your sins:
Asato represents your sin of abandonment – not just of Souji, but of others you’ve left behind in your single-minded quest for Saitou-san. She also represents a woman who devoted her entire life to one man and in the end, cared nothing for her own. Her dependancy twisted a once caring, dedicated doctor into a common criminal.
Kichisaburo represents your sin of denial – your denial of Souji, not only in your past life, but to his present life. Your denial of him had repercussions – you kept destroying the one I know and love, and the denial did nothing to solve the core of issues between you and Saitou-san. Had he known earlier, that the Souji you knew was not perfect… but instead you said nothing and -denied- and that allowed it to fester. Kichisaburo is that fester – looking like Souji, but entirely rotten inside. A man willing to break you – to take your feminine beauty by cutting your hair; your cooking skills and your ability to care for others by breaking your hand; and your freedom by breaking your ankle.
Kato represents your sin in accepting a life where you were a mistress, bearing children. Love does not justify it, any more than Kato’s fantasy did not justify his actions. Your adaptation of a blasé attitude about the situation left Saitou-san frustrated and created more breaks. You thought you were sparing him pain by never pushing but your seeming unconcern left him questioning your commitment and the type of woman you are.
You were visited by other witnesses during your captivity:
Charles Rosvear was another you created, stepped over and abandoned. Another you denied. And your refusal to do things any way but yours, to tie yourself to one ridgid idea. And since you saw him, you saw fit to abandon more people – Tsutomu-kun, Yukiko-san, Eiji-san – -his- family, and the house he built for you.
The woman in the bar represented your inability to give up control of -any- situation, even when it’s foolish. You and Saitou-san agreed to meet that night – it’s not as if he would have gone home with her! But you still had to -handle- it for him, because you fear that he would abanadon you as easily as you do other people.
The other woman represents the blind eye you turn to Saitou-san’s past – which he would have told you about, had you asked. Unlike you, he’s an honest man.
The shadow represented the errors you made since you returned to this world. You would have done a better job had you not even -been- there.
Hiko, or his abscense, shows how you pushed away those willing to help, and who wanted to help you understand your flaws when you still had time to correct them.
Nobody came to speak for you – the ninja girl has said that while she cannot come to speak against you, that she cannot speak for you, as she loved Saitou-san as well. Maybe not in the way that his writer wished, but she cannot forgive your recent acts, after she tried hard to save you both.
Saitou-san has thoroughly rejected you. He sees through your false hope, and sees the truth – that you abandoned him again, and that -you- are his curse. He could have come to speak for you, earlier, but chose not to. It could have been a light for you, in the dark days of your captivity. But he knows the sin of false hope better than you, since you’ve burned it with him too many times.
He has been given a peaceful ending. Be grateful for that.
I see that you have waived your right to speak to your own defense. Your pretty speeches and empty promises would have no sway here anyway.
You are judged as failing. For that… your daughters, who you stole away from their father -again-, go back to dreams. No matter the hopeful facade you put on in that Hokkaido fantasy, the rot is there, because it begins with you, and they would turn out embittered and angry. It is better they go back to dreams than live with you. Even Tokio, with her delusions of glory, was a better mother than you.
You do not deserve the honor of a samurai’s daughter, to tie your feet together and slit your own neck. Instead, you will go out as what you are – a criminal. There will be no coming back, no re-dos. There will be no sunny heaven of Mibu – Saitou-san’s friends don’t want you there; your mother does, but only out of pity, and pity isn’t enough of a reason to enter heaven. There will be no relief in the fires of hell. There will be only nothingness. The world of SO will crumble away. You will be forgotten, you changed -nothing- when it comes to the world of Saitou Hajime.
*comes over and ties Yaso’s cloth over Hide’s eyes and makes her go to her knees*
(Okita Souji)
I have been asked by my Hide to come here, today, for this deed. I care about the judgement, but my purpose is to avenge my friend. Not just for his death, and the loss of the life he should have had. And the loss of him as my friend. In the Wilderness, he was one of the few who reached out to me, not for any scheme or purpose, but because, like the Hide I found there, he wanted to keep me from a dark path. He showed me a normal life – while his wife was quiet, he had his boys, a home… a dream.
But with your obstruction, lies, and denial… you destroyed that. He was set to come kill me had the world continued. And for what? Being a bad boyfriend when were young? Or was he twisted, due to your part? I lost a friend, one of the few I had left in this world. I thought that we’d find each other eventually, and I could learn from him how to make sense of this world. I know now… you never would let it happen.
With the judgement of this court, I will do as the Shinsengumi does – and bring swift death to evil. You may never have intended it, but… it happened all the same.
Goodbye.
*raises his sword*
“She did the one thing… I would not find my way out of maybe out of ignorance, false hope they called it…” I start to fumble for my cigarettes but I stop.
“Still that’s not what the Shinsengumi would call evil Okita-san.” I straighten up and meet his gaze and wonder if this is the one I was searching for in the wilderness or the one who treated her badly or both.
“If you want to find what’s evil, it’s one who threw his justice away and corrupted a naive but hopeful creature.” I’d grin but I’m already dead. Do ghost smile? “Take your shot.”
(Okita)
Life is difficult…
“It certainly is,” I agree, affably, surprised that he’s here. I notice that he’s between his Hide and I but doesn’t look at her. Her eyes are still covered, her head down. She knows that nothing stops judgement. It was coming to her no matter what happened.
Still that’s not what the Shinsengumi would call evil Okita-san.
I grin, “oh, hello, old friend.” I look at him carefully, “there’s not many of us left to interpret these old rules, so who’s to say? This process came to its proper conclusion, given the evidence presented.” I keep my stance.
If you want to find what’s evil, it’s one who threw his justice away and corrupted a naive but hopeful creature
“You two,” I say, shaking my head. “She wanted to be corrupted – after all, who climbed into whose lap? Who stayed when you violated her, and through your jealousy of -me-? That does not erase her sins. You cannot take her her time of judgement.”
Take your shot
A smile slowly spreads across my face. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, Hajime-kun. I don’t like losing to you, I never did, no matter how good of friends we were. The three of us were remarkable, once. You tied your great talent to your justice, I tied mine to men, -fallible- men, while Heisuke-kun just wanted a place to belong. And then, of course, I was hit by the limits of this body…”
“Which was very unfair. And yet somehow, I found myself still living. Then I tried to find the girl who left me behind when I was dying… But -she- didn’t want me, she found you – a man already blessed with wife and family! Thankfully, there was another – not the exact same, but of loyalty -true-, and I’m content with her. But I still hate losing to you, and since we’re fated to fight and not be friends, thanks to -her-, a man must do what he is called to do.”
I smile. “Yet you tell me to take my shot! How can I, as a samurai? Against a defenseless shell of a man who thinks himself a -ghost-?” My Hide hands me a sword, which I toss in his direction. “Now, do this properly, Hajime-kun. You know I hated it when you pulled your punches, and I won’t be as easy as that fool Kichisaburo.”
“Tch…” I grunt, “I find it laughable that -any- of you can proclaim to be jury or judge here.”
I look across to the other sister. The one who looks like Hide who could’ve given us our happiness instead of so much pain. “Her? The sister who wanted to be pious and loyal to a man who never paid her any attention. And yet since she found no happiness so she too tried to “contain” and “barricade” her older sister because she was afraid for her -own- “reputation”? Yet Hide chose to leave me behind so everyone can find their own lives, for everyone else to be happy. Ah but she did tell me, it was because the hurt I’ve given her surpassed the love she carried and so ran away from me. So how about we call that one -even-, “little sister”.”
Then I glare at the Okita in front of me. Solid. Looking strong. Brandishing his sword against my face. Who is he really?
“She wanted to be corrupted – after all, who climbed into whose lap? Who stayed when you violated her, and through your jealousy of -me-? That does not erase her sins. You cannot take her her time of judgement.”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “She climbed my lap because it was open and I asked her to. That’s -true-. And I violated her for her lack of self-respect and my lack of self-control. Don’t think too much of yourself…” I finally get myself a cigarette, “As for you, who do you think caused her to be like this? To crave someone who responded back to her feelings? It could’ve been anyone who showed her kindness, that she’d give herself fully… You lacked the capacity to respond to her feelings and yet kept her close at your convenience, never mind that she’d throw herself at you anyway. If you had shown her some concern or responded to her feelings, there wouldn’t even be two of them here. And you had a second chance in the wilderness but you did the -exact- same thing, two of Hide wouldn’t have existed at all even if my wife was a damanable woman. Don’t worry I’d survive. There’s not a lack of prostitutes in Japan but I’d prefer a good woman if it can be helped.”
“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, Hajime-kun. I don’t like losing to you, I never did, no matter how good of friends we were. The three of us were remarkable, once. You tied your great talent to your justice, I tied mine to men, -fallible- men, while Heisuke-kun just wanted a place to belong. And then, of course, I was hit by the limits of this body…”
I snort. “You’ve not earned the right to call me as if we know each other. As for losing, I never once counted but I knew you did. I used to think your sword was tied to -valor-, not just fallible men. That’s rather -weak-.” And I’m quiet as he brings up Heisuke. “Is it true that you were in the room when Kondou-san was plotting against Itou? Did you really suggest to Kondou-san to use Itou’s body as a bait for the Goryo-eiji?” Because he and I knew, that’s what sealed Heisuke’s fate. It was always the three of them, Kondou, Hijikata and Okita but Kondou-san can never hatch a plot like that but this didn’t smell of Hijikata. Hijikata’s tactics usually ended with killing only the head, not wiping out every last man. And I remember what the men said in the compound when I came back as Jirou Yamaguchi, that Okita had let it be known to his men that I’m back because I “saved” Kondou’s life by getting a hand up against Itou’s splinter group and getting half of the Goryo-eiji killed.
Then I tried to find the girl who left me behind when I was dying… But -she- didn’t want me, she found you – a man already blessed with wife and family! Thankfully, there was another – not the exact same, but of loyalty -true-, and I’m content with her. But I still hate losing to you, and since we’re fated to fight and not be friends, thanks to -her-, a man must do what he is called to do.”
“We’re fated to fight not -just- because of her. If you’re the Okita that -I- knew, we have lots of reasons to fight. Old reasons, new reasons, things you’ve done or planned to do in the wilderness. Tell me, since I never joined you in your “plans”, did you take heads in the wilderness like you originally intended?” I look for a moment at the other Hide, the one I knew in the wilderness. And I’m -sad- for her, that this man is merely content. An improvement from the one who paid her no attention, to merely being content.
“Yet you tell me to take my shot! How can I, as a samurai? Against a defenseless shell of a man who thinks himself a -ghost-?”
“You really thought I was defenseless just because I didn’t carry a sword?” I shake my head and look at the sword by my feet. I pick it up, unsheathing it and inspect it. “If you had tried to strike me down, I wouldn’t have let you because I knew just like you said I cannot take her place in -your- judgement.”
I show him my back and go to Hide, willing myself to look at my handiwork of failures, her injuries. I remove the cloth from her eyes and put it back into my pocket. So she didn’t lose it at least…
“Tell me, who is that man in front? Is he your “Souji” and how much do you love him really?” And as for being the one I knew, we’ll see with his answers. I wasn’t expecting him here. I did know that if he appeared it would be the end but I’ve had my life’s end handed to me at least three times in just the span of a week so maybe this one is the real thing. I grip the katana. Will I win? Will he? Should I even fight? Maybe they can let her go.
(Okita)
I find it laughable that -any- of you can proclaim to be jury or judge here
“Who else would do it?” I say. “Justice always comes, and her situation is of a particular complexity. Skipping through time and space… it’s not a matter of getting her brother to lock her in the family house because she was naughty. Her sins, the way she went about them, are unique.”
He addresses my Hide with old stories, old things… so it’s mattered to him, all this time? I see her jaw clench, her eyes narrow.
If you had shown her some concern or responded to her feelings, there wouldn’t even be two of them here.
I shake my head. “I didn’t come to the wilderness looking to re-kindle old loves. I came to find myself. One was willing to wait for me, and help me. The one who went to you was not.” I look at the woman still on her knees. “That’s why one got to come in to the wilderness, and the other was left behind.”
Is it true that you were in the room when Kondou-san was plotting against Itou? Did you really suggest to Kondou-san to use Itou’s body as a bait for the Goryo-eiji?
“Oh, who told you that?” I look up, bristling, slightly. “They were leaving me behind, leaving me out, because I was declining. They took that idiot Miura Tsunesaburou instead. I didn’t want Heisuke-kun dead, it was all Miura’s fault. But yes, the plot was mine. A bit audacious, but we needed a show of strength at the time. However, I had no idea what you were up to, ‘Yamaguchi Jirou’. Toshi never told me all of his secrets, despite what everyone assumed. You got to be the spy that saved the day, while I was allowed to sit in on strategy meetings, out of -pity-.”
We’re fated to fight not -just- because of her. If you’re the Okita that -I- knew, we have lots of reasons to fight. Old reasons, new reasons, things you’ve done or planned to do in the wilderness. Tell me, since I never joined you in your “plans”, did you take heads in the wilderness like you originally intended?
I exhale a breath, slowly, to hold back a cough. “Wanting a confession, Inspector Fujita?” I look at him. “Yes, I did. A few. But it didn’t give me what I crave. For all that we did… we never killed just to kill. It’s a rather… empty thing to do so.” My Hide comes up behind me, and puts a hand on my shoulder. “When your Hide shakes my reality and denies me I forget myself, and – there has been blood on this blade again. But the one who remains loyal to me always finds me, and brings me back to who I am.”
He picks up the sword. I wait, prepared, for his move.
(Hide (OOC))
My blindfold is removed, and I dare to look at him. How he’s looking at me. How pitiful, how ugly I must look to him. Not just my hair, my injuries… but he sees it all now, not just the physical. The woman I truly am, as told in these judgements.
Tell me, who is that man in front? Is he your “Souji” and how much do you love him really?
My voice comes out, roughly, from lack of use. Unsteady. “That is Okita Souji. The one I knew, the one you knew, the one in the wilderness. The one my sister knew. Death for him, like you… appears to be a negotiable thing. And… the love is long in the past.”
“The Souji I loved… was in the first springtime, when Hidejiro had her life turned upside down. The one who only had eyes for Oume. And then, after she was gone, and so was Hidejiro… there was something shy. Something kind. I thought… maybe it was mutual, this fragile thing, that everyone seemed to want for us. And then he told me goodbye, that it wasn’t to be.”
“And then I was asked to remain his friend. The love remained, but the innocence of what it was was lost. My love supported the mission to keep him alive, because he was so -needed-, they told me. My love overlooked the slights, the inconsistencies. Sometimes there was kindness, or how he fought so hard, or showed his playful side… enough to keep me wishing, hoping. That he would finally see me, for what it could be.”
“After… Asato-san told me that intimacy would give me what I craved, and it… failed, I realized that it would never be what I wanted. What I needed. What I deserved. So I said goodbye, and… let go of whatever was left of my feelings. For my part… I thought it was a good parting. When I heard of his death, I mourned, but it was a heavy season of loss.”
“Then came the lonely years, where I was… people would come, and in that house I was the priestess of the Shinsengumi, it felt like. Taking other people’s pain, anger… but all they ever knew of me was that I was “Souji’s girl”. Most didn’t even know my -name-. And for years… that’s all I was. I used it to avoid changing, when my brother wanted me to marry. But it came to suffocate me. So I looked for a new direction.”
“I thought that love was always meant to be an unequal thing, and I’d never find it, not for real. That the ecstasies of physical love were overblown. One day I would learn that with the right person… that both of those ideas were dead wrong.” But even thinking that… hurts.
“Enough speeches, now,” Okita calls out. “Hajime-kun and I have scores to settle.”
He prepares his stance. And even I can feel it, like in that first fight all those years ago… -energy- crackling through the room. He’s still so strong… and I feel Hajime’s as well.
And then, from Souji, it wavers, and sputters, as he starts to cough, and cough, enough to where he’s kneeling on the ground. He grins up at Hajime as he pants for breath and wipes the blood from his mouth. “See? I may live but remained cursed. Here’s your chance, old friend. To take me out when I’m down.” His eyes are defiant.
“Who else would do it?” I say. “Justice always comes, and her situation is of a particular complexity. Skipping through time and space… it’s not a matter of getting her brother to lock her in the family house because she was naughty. Her sins, the way she went about them, are unique.”
I can only chuckle and say “You’re one to talk. The one who’s definitely dead but always turns up alive? But still you two are -lousy- judges. Don’t you see she’s punishing herself enough? Because she thinks she’s stepped all over you two when in fact you should’ve been responsible for -yourselves-.”
“I didn’t come to the wilderness looking to re-kindle old loves. I came to find myself. One was willing to wait for me, and help me. The one who went to you was not.”
I shrug. “It’s difficult to be sick. The focus is always about the sick one whether it’s the sick person or the caregiver. Do you know why I preferred Todou over you? Todou was always thinking about just belonging. He was happy to live with his friends, the only time he became consumed with himself was when Itou played him.” I glare at Okita, “You know your “old love” Hide, used to tell me she learned hope from you, that’s why you loved children, played with them, looked up at the stars. And I thought, I could never be that but Todou could. And if you appeared, you would be her -dream- and I wanted to give her that… But look at you. Don’t worry this isn’t news to me, I read -enough- in her diary.”
My eyes blaze as he tells me about Heisuke and how he punts the blame off to Miura. I’d slug him… No I’d -beat- him to the ground if he were closer.
“I didn’t save the day you fool! I only wanted to save Kondou-san! Baiting Itou was dishonorable even for the Shinsengumi.” And today I live with that curse as I look over my back making sure they’re not following. They even got so close to my home. To Hide. “Hijikata-san did trust me but that was because I wasn’t always showing off where my loyalties lied… And he knew I owed Kondou a debt of gratitude.”
And he admits to killing in the wilderness. I almost joined him. I remember leaving my sword behind and going instead to an old man who made fun of me because they thought I was lamenting my wife. No. I was lamenting my justice that my wife didn’t understand or maybe couldn’t care less about.
And now it’s Hide who confesses, now with her blinds taken I look at her. Just the other night I saw her in lavender fields, looking well but the scars remained. They were healing though and the children were happy. I thought that was enough for all of us. But now they’ve taken her here in this false jury and her wounds have only slightly healed. She shouldn’t even be -here-.
“After… Asato-san told me that intimacy would give me what I craved, and it… failed, I realized that it would never be what I wanted. What I needed. What I deserved. So I said goodbye, and… let go of whatever was left of my feelings.
“So that’s why Asato had those dates about private rooms.” I mutter. “That’s when you were trying to…” I shake my head.
She goes on to fill in the missing details from her diary and I only listen. The truth was I didn’t want to hear anymore or find out anymore details. I just needed to know if she still loved him, because if she did then I have to -spare- him. At least she confirms this is the Okita she knew and the one they all knew from the wilderness.
“Enough speeches, now,” Okita calls out. “Hajime-kun and I have scores to settle.”
I turn to him, his ki rising to levels I’ve not felt in a long time. “I’ll have to fight.” I tell her.
But he ends up in the ground, just looking up at me.
. “See? I may live but remained cursed. Here’s your chance, old friend. To take me out when I’m down.”
“I’m not sure we’re friends.” I tell him truthfully. “But I’ve been told by many I’ve grown soft.”
I can’t help but stare at him again wondering if he really did do everything he said and killed those men. And he blames Hide for his reality? Why? Aren’t they in control of their own lives? Why blame her?
“Remember the Battousai?” I tell him, “He’s living what he claims is a peaceful life in the Meiji. If I recall you were -very- disappointed that I interrupted that fight.” I grin at him. “I won’t fight you until you can prove to me you’re better than him.”
I turn my back and go to Hide and help her up.
“I’m taking her.” And we walk past him and her sister. I pause by Yagi-san. “I know what you did, to help us. Thank you. But she’s still an innocent, deserving of justice – but not your kind.”
“Come Hide. I have the keys to my old place.” I think we can stay there for now in the land of glass and steel.
(OOC: Saitou will exit with Hide unless they’re stopped)
(Okita)
You’re one to talk. The one who’s definitely dead but always turns up alive? But still you two are -lousy- judges. Don’t you see she’s punishing herself enough? Because she thinks she’s stepped all over you two when in fact you should’ve been responsible for -yourselves-
My Hide turns to look away, then back at me, and then, finally speaks. “We didn’t have… enough to -be- after the wilderness ended, and with so much unresolved. You… Souji… the others… are like bamboo. You come from a central place, a real place, deep underground. That’s the history that all of the other stories, versions come from. So you can sprout up, strong, over and over again, even if cut to the ground, or if burnt, or left to wither. My sister and I… have no such roots, and I never had the power to spin worlds at a whim, to find a place where a deeply-rooted man and an aberrant weed could co-exist.”
Do you know why I preferred Todou over you? Todou was always thinking about just belonging. He was happy to live with his friends, the only time he became consumed with himself was when Itou played him
I say nothing. He’s my regret, my biggest one. When Itou was distracting him… I could have done more. Serizawa-san did something similar to me, turning my head, my loyalties – he died before he could succeed, but I could have advised Heisuke-kun. As I declined, the miracle of Asato-san’s medicine wore off, and my own fate loomed… I was too consumed to help a friend. Hajime-kun looks at me like he’s going to kill me, and… for this I wouldn’t blame him.
I didn’t save the day you fool! I only wanted to save Kondou-san! Baiting Itou was dishonorable even for the Shinsengumi
It was and we should have known better. Regrets…. so goddamn many. And yet here I am, alive, when all of these good men are -really- dead. I guess this is all a part of the curse.
Then my Hide’s sister speaks. Slowly, as she remains on the floor. Her eyes flickering to Hajime-kun’s. Her voice halting. It’s strange to hear it all, from her point of view. I lightly described myself as a bad boyfriend earlier, but… it was more than that. But she held on. At the time it frustrated me.
I look over at the woman I’ve been with for some time. She once frustrated me as well. I saw Hajime-kun’s reaction at my comment about being ‘content’, but that’s the best I’ve done in a long time.
So that’s why Asato had those dates about private rooms. That’s when you were trying to…
“Only one time,” I look at the woman on the floor, and how hard she tried, fumbling, and that I barely could even. “The rest… I could tell that Asato-san was falling for me, so I asked to be alone with Hide, to avoid her. I had enough problems with -her- expectations that I couldn’t take on another’s.” My Hide looks away, at that. And did that rejection of another woman lead to us all here today?
And when I fall and my damnable weakness – the curse of the illness that remains but refuses to kill me – is revealed… he lets me live. -Why-?
“You are soft. Any other man would have my head on the ground by now,” I mutter, as my Hide helps me up.
I won’t fight you until you can prove to me you’re better than him.
My eyes open wide… and then I grin, a little. “Well, that shouldn’t be too hard,” I say. “At least I still use a proper sword.” I was pissed about missing that fight… but maybe I’ll find him someday too.
(Hide)
I’m taking her
I feel those hands, gently helping me from where I’ve been left, stiff on the floor. Careful of my injuries.
I know what you did, to help us. Thank you. But she’s still an innocent, deserving of justice – but not your kind
My sister nods, meeting his eyes. “Very well. We will not pursue this matter at this time.” She takes the arm Souji offers her, and my eyes follow them as they find their exit. Justice… judgement… it’s all been too much. I close my eyes, suddenly exhausted in every sense.
Come Hide. I have the keys to my old place.
Keys? That can only be one place. I nod, and follow him.
(ooc – close)