I get back past 1 AM, so I’m careful not to make a sound as I entered the house. The train had “engine” trouble I’m told but who really knows? I’m just glad to be back, maybe I can get some sleep before going back to the precinct to observe and get informed.
I leave my bag by the door of the main room and go straight to the alcove. The Tokonoma hardly gets any use but that’s actually quite fine. This room is for receiving guest more formally and for more serene activities.
Due to feeling tired, I consider for a moment to just go to bed but I chide myself a little for thinking so. I now have a proper room to rest my sword and to practice what every respectable swordsman should do… Or used to do. So quietly I close the door and proceed in front of the alcove.
I look up for a moment at the sign of Makoto and think about old friends, before taking my sword and inspecting it. I’ve oiled immediately after use, it’s been cleaned thoroughly and now looks pristine. Taking a small piece of washi paper, I place it in right between the blade and the scabbard. That will tell me if anyone has drawn the sword. Not that anyone here would take any interest and for a moment I think about my young son in Aizu.
Carefully I place the sheathed Sukemitsu on the swords stand, it’s blade facing up. It’s sword handle to the left to signify non-hostility but I am a left hander wielder so the irony is not lost to me. For a moment I stare at the sword wondering where is it’s paired wakizashi? My son is right of course, anyone can own and even wear a single sword but only a true samurai wears the daisho. Well I used to carry a hidden tanto blade but I gave it back to its rightful owner.
Closing my eyes, I try to shed the impurities from the past few weeks but their words keep intruding. It’s been a long time since I’ve tried any Zen Buddhist practices. I can almost hear him say, “Saitou you’re good with the sword but lack much other qualities that make a fine samurai.” That’s probably true up until today Kondou-san. Of course who else would he ask to help, but Yamanami-san? Ever since then I’ve learned to appreciate certain forms of beauty like that of the Ikebana or not -only- of a beautiful woman but her poetry or music. I open my eyes and they settle on the flower vase with fresh cut flowers. I can’t help but smile slightly before closing my eyes again, keeping my hands on my knees. Try harder.
Ai-chan is finally back to sleep… she was fussy tonight. Hungry, restless… but babies get like this, sometimes, as they’re growing so much, so quickly…
To revive myself so that I can rest, I go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I thought I heard something… it’s late. Walking through the house, past the silent tatami room… and the door to the living room is closed. Quietly, I slide it an inch or so, and see… he’s in there, silent…
And I know enough of samurai to know that this is his moment. It’s not that I, as a woman would sully it, but it’s something a man does alone. My father, while … honestly, rather untalented as a swordsman, was deeply sincere and devoted to the other practices of a warrior. It wasn’t rote symbolism for him, but something true.
I suspect it’s the same for Hajime, even if it’s not shown the same way my father did.
So instead I sit in the hall, by the door, and sip my tea. No doubt he knows who spied on him, and that I’ll wait.
What time is it?
Slowly I open my eyes. I must’ve dozed off.
Getting up I see Hide is there sipping her tea.
“It’s late.” I look at her and then remember, “Here I brought you something.” I take it from my bag, “It’s just Camellia oil, the storekeeper said it’s good for loose skin.” Of course I know she liked the flower for a different reason but if it helps her feel better about the changes in her body, why not?
Taking her empty teacup I leave it at the table and take her to the room. I take a quick look at Ai-chan. “Let’s sleep.” I simply say to Hide and after getting a fresh shirt go to bed.
There’s not many hours left and I’m the one who’s always moving so perhaps there’ll be a next time. If I go to the Precinct early, then the earlier I can return but for now I go to bed for a few hours.
(OOC: Saitou exits to go to the precinct in the morning. He likely won’t be back as he intended. Do whatever you wish.)
*looks around*
I… I wanted to see you.
I should have done better. Started a thread where I was waiting for you. I wanted to see you so bad….
And then you came in tonight, and I could see… you were having a serious time. And I thought the best thing was to be respectful, and in that way, I was supporting you. You’d come out and find me, waiting for you… and maybe, in the middle of the night, we could have some time in our tatami room. *smiles*
Lately I’ve felt knocked off of my pedestal. I… my pride lead me to think that I was perfect for you. And on nights like this, I have to wonder if I’m even -good- for you. If you wanted a woman who didn’t even -welcome- you home… well… you’ve already had that. *looks down*
I know this thread is “closed”. I know you’ve moved on. So I’m breaking a rule. *smiles, wryly* This place has had a lot of rules. I like moving forward with things… but I feel that sometimes, something important about -us- doesn’t get to happen. And I’m not talking about just -that-. *shakes head*
Ah well. I’m here. You can… move on. Do what you need to do. Or… take back the time I should have given you. I know life doesn’t offer do-overs, but… well, sometimes time and space needs to be bent, a little. Even if we have to pay for it, later. But I can offer you some soba, and some company. Here… or in a place where we can talk easier.
So… will you come back?