(Shintani Kenkichi)
Huff. Huff. These mountains are no joke…
But I finally find it – a small Buddhist temple, quiet and serene, up here in the mountains. My new friend, the young lawyer from the bar, helped me out with a tip.
And when I get there… I find that I’m expected. And before I know it, I’m face-to-face with Nakae Aimi. She’s alive, and has found refuge in this temple, and will become a nun, I was told.
I could tell she was once quite pretty, with fine features, but it looks like her entire face was drawn down… She touches her hair self-consciously. “Ah, this. It’s going soon. When everything is official.” She’s already wearing plain, dark clothes.
We sit in a small but well-tended garden. Around us I get a sense of life here, the low murmur of the voices of women, the smells of simple food coming from the kitchen.
“Firstly, I… bear no ill-will against Takgai Morinosuke-san,” she says. “He was an attorney, doing his job, and in this era, that means pushing the law.” I look down. “I -try-… not to bear ill-will to my lover’s widow. She was protecting her house – she bore him only two daughters, and needed an heir…” She looks down. “But I’m still -sad-. My life was sometimes uncertain, unsettled, being a mistress. But it was one with love, my children and their father. And for the loss of that life I knew, the family I had… I’m sad.” Her lips curl in a sad smile. “I suppose… I have some work to do on detachment.”
“And… I’ve been granted this honorable life, thanks to the… kindness of Takagi-san. I’m not going to be a burden to my family. My father won’t have to punish me for being wicked by… well, the options were… terrible.” She looks away. “Instead, I have this new life, where I can reflect, and find some dignity, some service.”
“But what of your children?” I ask.
She’s quiet for a long time.
“My baby boy… will be raised as a prince, the precious heir of a high-standing Aizu family. My lover’s widow will be able to control the family for many more years, in his name…” she lowers her head. “I can only hope the goodness of his father shines through. His daughters by her are good young women, and they will have influence… they were fond of their half-siblings, despite it all.”
Nakae-san continues, “my eldest Chiharu-chan…”
“Yes, I saw her… she didn’t look happy.” I think of the small girl, carrying a too-large burden of laundry across the yard as I peeked through the fence.
She nods. “It’s not a good life, a servant to a selfish old woman. But… I think some of the local blowback and then the attack on Takagi-san made an impact… and my lover’s wishes are to be honored – she’s to go to Kyoto, to be educated at the Doshisha Girls’ School in Kyoto…” her voice sounds a little lighter, “they say that Niijima-san is a good woman, and she accepts all girls equally, and she’ll have a good chance there – and there will be money for a dowry, someday, or to support her should she choose to be a teacher or something similar.” There’s a look of pride on her face. “She’s a clever girl.”
“And your older son – I could find nothing out about him.”
“Kiyoshi-kun is… different,” she sighs, gently. “It’s as if… he’s closed off. He doesn’t connect well to people, he likes routines, and changes make him agitated… the doctors didn’t know what it is, but he’s… he’s a good boy.” She’s quiet for a long time. “Of my three, I begged for him to stay with me, he needs care and I know how…” her voice is a whisper. “She denied me. She said that it was my fault, to rot the honored bloodline of her husband…”
Her hands are grasped tightly to the other, and shaking. “But… when I was told about my daughter, I was told… Kiyoshi-kun is going to live with my aunt.” Her hands unclench but there’s still a tremor. “My aunt… we are close, she knows him and his ways. She lives quietly on a country estate. She can offer him a peaceful life…”
She suddenly stands. “Please excuse me, I need to take some time to pray, but please don’t leave. I need to tell you one more thing.”
I’m left alone in this quiet place for a long time. I never had much use for temples and whatnot. Kid like me, what good did praying do?
But I have to hope that it helps this woman.
She returns, with a small smile as she sits. “Thank you for waiting.” I offer my assurance that it was fine.
“So you come here on behalf of a brother… a concerned brother, worried for his sister. Is this sister the one who’s involved with the husband of Takagi Morinosuke’s sister?”
I must look surprised, because she only smiles, that flash of loveliness amidst the ruins of sorrow on her face. “Aizu is a small town. And if someone wants to make a point to a mistress about another mistress… well, one hears it.”
“I don’t know if he would do it on his own – to repeat what he did here in Aizu,” she says. “My lover’s widow was vengeful, angry… in sorrow herself. He was a good man, and will be missed, even if there was no love between them. I know it was her instigation that drove him, the legal action followed months of offers, threats…” she shakes her head. “So I cannot offer you any assurances or warnings that you’ve not found out yourself.”
“But to my compatriot, another woman who has accepted a shadow life in the name of love…” she pauses for a moment, and I realize that she’s softly praying. “I hope she understands the risks. That she has no protections, no certainty. But if she’s like me…” her smile is wistful, “she won’t give it up. She’ll think that he’ll fall apart without her, that the children are happy and don’t mind the status… that she can endure it all, for him. That a angry woman all the way up in Aizu can’t hurt her. Family and friends will try to help, but she won’t budge.”
“And one day… one day will come and she’ll lose it all. He’ll die or will get tired of never making it right for her, or he’ll simply stray.” Her eyes are fixed on mine. “It will destroy her, because her entire being is fixed on him. May she find the peace that I’ve managed to scrape together after living through my own hell. I’ll pray for her.”
—
On my way out I handed her a card. “This is my boss, back in Kyoto. His daughters go to Doshisha and he’s… a good man. He can help keep an eye on your daughter, pass through letters, if you need a contact.”
She looks at the card for a long time. “Yagi.” Her smile is twisted with pain. “But yes, and thank you. I would like to write to her… that despite what I did to her with the life I brought her into, that I do love her.” She bows her head. “One is forever lost to me and will call another woman mother…” her voice wavers, “she even changed his -name-, the one his father and I chose so carefully. And my Kiyoshi-kun is… safe. But maybe this one will know who I was.”
(OOC – this took place earlier in the week. He’s back in Kyoto mid-week)