It’s time. We mostly tip toed around each other since the morning and kept up with small talk during lunch time. Hide prepared a good meal but had that “I’m being nice but unreadable” face on. It was -tiresome- but no different than if I were on the job or in some official capacity. But now it’s come to this. It was destined to happen at some point, that we have to face the music, or rather that -I- would have to. I’m ready to answer his questions, should he feel brave enough to ask. Besides although I have no questions of my own, I do have something to say to the head of the Yagi household. One that Hide may not be ready to hear so I close the shoji door so we don’t get interrupted.
“I hope you found our place sufficient.” I say as I sit across from him in seiza.
“Now that niceties are over, I’d like to know the true purpose of your visit.” There’s no sense in beating around the bush. It’s been two days already.
(OOC: Saitou closed the door to the living room but it’s not locked. Hide can come in if she wants -maybe bring refreshments but obviously Tamesaburou is assumed to be in the room otherwise Saitou is talking to himself. LOL.)
Saitou-san, after a morning of pleasantries and unreadableness, finally approaches me.
For a moment, I’m still a -kid- in Mibu, in awe of the Wolves of Mibu. And this one was one of the unknowable ones. One who left our family, and our domestic life, alone. But always there, sitting in the back, watching.
But I’m here today as the head of the Yagi family. I think of my father, meeting the strangers sent to live at our home. And my sister, dressed like a man, her hands balled up and shaking in the folds of her hakama.
She seemed out of sorts this morning. Did they quarrel?
“Hello, Saitou-san. I was wondering when you’d have some time for me.” I nod, and sit across from him, also in seiza.
I hope you found our place sufficient
“It’s much improved since I last saw it, before Hide-neesan took it over. The addition is nice,” I say. “She’s made this place a home, but that’s what she does, isn’t it?”
Now that niceties are over, I’d like to know the true purpose of your visit.
“I’m long overdue for this trip – I’ve not seen my sister in years, and had not met my only niece,” I say. “But it was a visitor to my home in Kyoto that pushed me to come here.”
“Abe Juro stopped by – we have no love for him in our household, and he was full of accusations and grievances, accusations of the lost Shinsengumi gold,” I say. “What I would have expected from him. However, his conversation turned to you, as he had… knowledge of your recent activities.”
“He classified you as “grubbing around”, and…” I sigh, “playing with women, of which he then laid out an entire history of your supposed womanizing.” I look at Saitou-san. He’s still so intimidating, but I’ve started, so finish, Tamebo…
“At Yuunosuke’s pleading, we invited over an associate of yours – Asuka Saya-san, who Yuubo met in Ito and… is very interested in.” I sigh again, wishing my sister would come in with tea, as my throat is a bit dry. “I wanted to know, from her, the nature of your work, since we had become involved, and if the ah, women, were involved in that work.”
“It’s much improved since I last saw it, before Hide-neesan took it over. The addition is nice,” I say. “She’s made this place a home, but that’s what she does, isn’t it?”
“Yes she’s good at keeping up with this home and the people in it.”
He tells me of his overdue visit and I’m tempted right away to jump in and say what I have to say but his next statement about Abe -surprised- me. I keep quiet as he recounts Abe’s “visit” to the Yagi household. My recent activities and finally… Even more surprising is how Saya got involved. I have lost track of her but I knew she could take care of herself and his comments about Yuunosuke doesn’t surprise me.
I smirk a little as he ends his recount of the events. With a shrug I say, “You’ve had several men live in your house and go in and out of it. Perhaps you were still such a small child you don’t know what the men actually did at night after a successful round of drinking or raid for that matter? Sometimes truly it was part of their work and at other times, just to relieve themselves. After all you never know if you’ll live to see the next day.”
He can take from that what he will. I place my hands in my pocket and make sure that is there and I didn’t do anything stupid like leave it upstairs. “Instead of you and I telling stories, how about you get to the point and tell me what you’d like to say.” I admit I’m a little short on patience today after what I heard this morning. I want to go and do -something- but what can I do that won’t highlight my ineptness? -He- might know this quite well and so pulls on those strings.
You’ve had several men live in your house and go in and out of it. Perhaps you were still such a small child you don’t know what the men actually did at night after a successful round of drinking or raid for that matter? Sometimes truly it was part of their work and at other times, just to relieve themselves. After all you never know if you’ll live to see the next day.
I’m a little surprised that he’s… admitting to it? Or… “Yes, I was old enough, at least by the end, to know. And certainly the records left behind tell their own story. I think Hijikata-san spent most of his days on discipline.”
“But your old friend Asuka-san said that such associations were a part of the job, But that you were a good man. And…” I look away from him, “you love my sister.” I shift a little, it’s rare I sit like this much anymore and my feet are starting to tingle. “So is this tale that Abe Juro told one of a man who leaves a pregnant woman for a night out, or is Asuka-san correct?”
He lights up a smoke and I’m a little jealous. It’s a habit that I’ve taken up at work to deal with the stress of my job, but should Hanako ever know… or HIde-neesan!
“Instead of you and I telling stories, how about you get to the point and tell me what you’d like to say
“You’ll have to forgive me for investigating you, but with that story and… since you hold the happiness of my dear sister, I had to. ” Then I meet his eyes. “But before you and my sister fled Ito, you came to my home, and I hired you to look for her. You acted as if you’d not seen her in -years-, yet you were the lover who had left her alone with a child. Just -what- was that about, Saitou-san?”
I sigh. “I’m going to lay my cards on the table. I -want- you to be the good man my father thought you were, that the men of the Shinsengumi I admired so thought you were. I -want- to hear that you’re a good man who will take care of my sister. But you’re still married to another woman. I may be able to help with that, but do you want it to change? Does my sister?” If they’re happy in limbo… but can’t they consider their children in all of this? Perhaps daughters can marry decently without a name, but a son? He’d be set to be marginalized his entire life. So many doors would be closed in this new era…
“But your old friend Asuka-san said that such associations were a part of the job, But that you were a good man. And…”“you love my sister.”
Does he want a follow up to that? If he believes I don’t love her, no one can blame him. I keep quiet.
“So is this tale that Abe Juro told one of a man who leaves a pregnant woman for a night out, or is Asuka-san correct?”
“Of course it’s the latter.” I finally say after a long moment of silence. I may not be able to prove it, but words are cheap. Easy even.
“But before you and my sister fled Ito, you came to my home, and I hired you to look for her. You acted as if you’d not seen her in -years-, yet you were the lover who had left her alone with a child. Just -what- was that about, Saitou-san?”
I sigh and retrieve what I’ve been keeping in my pocket and place it in front of him. “That’s your money back. I took your money as I was in need at that moment.” Of course I was in need, but I also didn’t know who the man I was taking money from. He asks about that time, a time when I lost my memories or maybe the person who I was. “There are some things you are not privileged to know. She’s here now with me. That’s what matters.”
I -want- to hear that you’re a good man who will take care of my sister. But you’re still married to another woman. I may be able to help with that, but do you want it to change? Does my sister?”
Of course he knows. In a way I’m surprised he knows and wonder -how- he knew. There can only be one way, through Yuunosuke. “She’s told me she wants to marry, yes.” I’m not sure how to answer the question in relation to me. I have tried back then in Aizu but the truth was after that didn’t work, I knew it would never be as easy as we wish it to be. Nor have -I- made it easy.
“We are happy with the way things are.” I thread carefully on this one. If it doesn’t involve -that-, I maybe able to try. “But what kind of help are you proposing?”
Of course it’s the latter
I let out a breath. I mean, what else could he say? But the way he started, his seemingly blasé talk of men relieving themselves, I wasn’t certain that I would get any confirmation. Men – and most definitely men like Saitou-san – don’t speak of love. At least not to another man. I might embarrass myself in front of Hanako…
It’s then I remember the way my sister touched those flowers. The proud way Makoto-chan talks of her father, even though he’s only been in her life for what, a year?
So there’s love. But is it enough?
That’s your money back. I took your money as I was in need at that moment. There are some things you are not privileged to know. She’s here now with me. That’s what matters.
I’m… more confused. Had he said, police business, it may have made sense… I take the envelope. “You -did- find her, but because you never reported back, I will accept this back, as you did not complete it as we agreed.” I shift a little to slide it into my pocket, and I feel pins and needles in my legs and feet.
I give up. I can’t outsit him. I re-settle into a cross legged pose. “That is what matters. Perhaps, one day, Saitou-san, you’ll tell me what really happened.” Or perhaps Hide-neesan will, but she’s the sort who keeps secrets for her man.
She’s told me she wants to marry, yes.
But then…
We are happy with the way things are
I frown. That’s not much of an answer.
But what kind of help are you proposing?
I lean back a little. “Hide-neesan may have told you, I’m an attorney. My practice mostly focuses on helping old families hold onto enough to the homes, their lands – not to, as some would say, let those in power stay, but for people who were left upside down by the new Japan hold onto something. There’s plenty of opportunists looking to exploit… ah, but anyway, I’m not an expert in family law, but some of my associates are, and I’ve been looking into things.”
“If your wife will not release you, the only option is a judicial divorce, which can be… messy. As Fujita Goro is a simple police officer, it shouldn’t be of great interest to anyone, unlike, say, a politician.” I shrug. “But it will no doubt be acrimonious, and Hide-neesan mentioned that her brother is a lawyer as well, so he may wish to fight fire with fire.” I’ve not met anyone that knows him, but if he works in Aizu, nobody in Kyoto would be familiar with him. “I would be happy to handle the legal aspects, though.”
I sigh, again, wishing I could smoke, but my only pack is at my office. “Or, if you are indeed happy the way things are, I will take steps to register the children. I could file for a judge to overrule any objections your wife has to adding them, but again, that’s a high-conflict resolution. Otherwise, I will add them to the Yagi registry and therefore have legal guardianship of your children, as I still do over Hide-neesan. Not having a name -will- cause troubles for them – the Meiji government does not make it easy for bastards, compared to the old days. Adding them to the Yagi house will not remove that, but they will at least have a house.” I wonder again where Hide-neesan is, with some refreshment? Is she up in that treehouse again, or listening outside the door? “But that’s my last resort, to protect the children.”
“I’m not going to -seize- oneesan, I’m not here…” I pause, “to take prisioners. I would -greatly- prefer Hide-neesan married – not only for propriety, but as her brother… I want to know that she has a place. That she’s taken care of. And so you know, the terms of the property left to Hide-neesan prohibit me from taking it from her, and I follow the law. So again, cards on the table.”
“I want it all to work out for Hide-neesan. I want to think you have a way to keep her from being pestered by that horrid man whom she obviously detests, but the young police officer coming by showed me that… she’s a part of your life.” I can’t help but let a small smile cross my lips. “Her… talking to him about staying in, being sincere – reminded me of conversations she’d have back in the Shinsengumi days. I’m glad to see that part of her again.”
I stop, and shake my head. “Anyway, Saitou-san, I only do want to help my sister in this life she wants. I… we never thought we’d see her happy again. I just need to know that you’ll meet… the one promise I made my father, about anyone she would marry.”
“But it will no doubt be acrimonious, and Hide-neesan mentioned that her brother is a lawyer as well, so he may wish to fight fire with fire.”
I nod at this. I am a simple police officer with enemies but he doesn’t need to know what kind of enemies I have made or in this most recent instance currently making.
“But it will no doubt be acrimonious, and Hide-neesan mentioned that her brother is a lawyer as well, so he may wish to fight fire with fire.”
I’m taken aback and light another cigarette, slowly bringing it to my lips. So Hide has been asking her brother. She may not have been as patient as I thought she were. Well what woman would not? How many years has it been after all? She probably thinks I’ve strung her along this long. What’s happening to us?
“That’s right. Morinosuke is his name. He is well adept in family law and the ins and outs. He handled my first divorce but that was a long time ago – before the new laws came into place.”
“Or, if you are indeed happy the way things are, I will take steps to register the children. I could file for a judge to overrule any objections your wife has to adding them, but again, that’s a high-conflict resolution. Otherwise, I will add them to the Yagi registry and therefore have legal guardianship of your children, as I still do over Hide-neesan. Not having a name -will- cause troubles for them – the Meiji government does not make it easy for bastards, compared to the old days. Adding them to the Yagi house will not remove that, but they will at least have a house.”
“You sure do know everything don’t you Yagi-san.” For the first time I think the coldness of my voice is coming out. Doesn’t he understand what this all means for my children with Tokio or at least the one that’s left.
“You’re very interested to give them protection?” I bore holes at him. “Why didn’t you back then? When -I- left her alone. You saw her didn’t you? Was she the “onee-san” you knew when she came to say goodbye to you in Kyoto. And then after that you would only take her back, after she had our child. And that child you much rather give away to another, just to keep up the ruse that nothing happened to your “onee-san”. Why the sudden change? It sounds to me like you’re the one I can’t trust here.”
I wonder if he even knew. Had that child been given away, that would’ve been the end for Hide and I. She would be no better than the woman who I called my wife. But even today, that proposal has had a dire effect on the both of us or perhaps just me.
“I want it all to work out for Hide-neesan. I want to think you have a way to keep her from being pestered by that horrid man whom she obviously detests, but the young police officer coming by showed me that… she’s a part of your life.”
“I have a way.” I narrow my eyes at him. “And I -will-. Your proposal can wait if I fail. I already contacted my wife Tokio, though I’ve yet to receive a reply. If I’m unsuccessful then maybe I might take a chance with you. After all as you said a name is better than none.”
I just need to know that you’ll meet… the one promise I made my father, about anyone she would marry.”
I start to stand up. I think our conversation is over. “What promise was that?”
That’s right. Morinosuke is his name. He is well adept in family law and the ins and outs. He handled my first divorce but that was a long time ago – before the new laws came into place
A first divorce? Well, I didn’t go looking for that.
You’re very interested to give them protection? Why didn’t you back then? When -I- left her alone. You saw her didn’t you? Was she the “onee-san” you knew when she came to say goodbye to you in Kyoto. And then after that you would only take her back, after she had our child. And that child you much rather give away to another, just to keep up the ruse that nothing happened to your “onee-san”. Why the sudden change? It sounds to me like you’re the one I can’t trust here.”
At first I can say nothing, as he turns his full intensity towards me. It reminds me of Hijikata-san, the power… the force of personality.
“She blindsided me,” I start, haltingly, trying to keep my bearings while being held in the gaze of a Wolf of Mibu.
“She didn’t tell me the… circumstances. She came to me… her eyes were dead but she was so,” I try to find the word, “determined. Resolute.” I shake my head. “I’d seen her… in a bad place before, but then she would just stay in her room and not talk to anyone. She’d do whatever Okaasan told her to do. Like a little ghost, mother called it.” I think back. “But she arrived and -told- me that she was having a child, that she had her own plan, and she’d provide contact when she was ready. She didn’t allow me a word – she has a way of making speeches…”
“After she left, there was nothing for Yuunosuke and Hanako and I do to but… speculate. We knew nothing, her letters before then revealed -nothing-. She never told anyone that she found… love in Tokyo. Hanako knew something was strange about your visit to Kyoto that time, when oneesan visited too… and that was Asuka-san with you, wasn’t it?” I pause. “My mother told my wife things about our family, about Hide-neesan, that I didn’t know. She… wondered, later, if you were the man…. she said that night in Kyoto, you couldn’t keep your eyes from her.” But I couldn’t imagine it, that Hide-neesan would… he’s so different from Okita-san. Or at least Okita-san as we knew him.
“But when I made the offer to place the child… ” I sigh, “my brother and I were following a line of speculation that… she was having a child she did not want. And for that offer, I got a one word reply and no contact for -years- – she wrote, in the beginning. In offering that… I lost her, for years. But it wasn’t made to save the family name, only her.”
“Meeting you again, a year or so ago, I realized that I was meeting with the one person who could reach her. You were known as being relentless back in the Shinsengumi, and maybe she’d see you as a friend.” I look up. “Little did I know what you really were to her… but then Yuunosuke came back from his inquiry to Ito with such a tale… and assured me she was back in the place where she belonged. Where she was happy.”
“Then that Abe Juro came in…” I look back down. “But in the absence of information – when I wrote an entire letter detailing current divorce laws to her, after I knew, and I got back a short letter – ‘his wife refuses, and her brother is attorney, so she is well-guided to delay any change in her status’… but the story made me think…”
“For which I apologize, Saitou-san. Asuka-san did much to… calm me, make me see reason, and to rely on what I did know of you, even if our last meeting left me with many questions. As did my wife. But it had been too long. I needed to come here and see for myself, and do what I can.” I look at this man, straight in the eyes, fighting back my childhood impulse to quell at that look in his eyes. “I don’t expect you to trust me. But I’m here, now, to offer what I can, and to… rebuild the ties from the Yagi family to this one.”
“Hide-neesan raised my brother and I, as much as our mother did. She took over after the accident, and when Okaasan had a hard time after Yuubo was born, even though she was just a child.” I smile, a little. “I owe her so much.”
“I have a way. And I -will-. Your proposal can wait if I fail. I already contacted my wife Tokio, though I’ve yet to receive a reply. If I’m unsuccessful then maybe I might take a chance with you. After all as you said a name is better than none.
“Then it’s there should you need it. Or any other support. I will not pursue anything legally until I hear from you or her.” I close my eyes. “I’ve… done her wrong these years. She was the one who sold the best of her inheritance so I could ‘buy’ Hanako from her odious father, without me even asking. I should have tried harder. And yes, my concern for the children is real, but it’s a way to make up for the past.”
“Someone once told me that you have to be careful, making a wrong, because it can take a lot more than you think to make up for it by the time you realize you did the wrong.”
But he stands, and I rise as well.
What promise was that?
I start to speak, but the door slides open with some force, and there’s my sister… face flushed, eyes alight. Oh dear. Was she listening?
(Hide)
The drinks cool on the tray.
I couldn’t move from the kitchen. I knew they were in there. Discussing me, just as Tamesaburou and the caped man did earlier. Deciding for me. Speaking -of- me, and not -to- me.
I stand at the counter, gripping the edge of the sink. Feeling nauseous. Why couldn’t my brother leave me -alone-? Yes, law and tradition gives him “guardianship” of me, but didn’t I go my own way, all those years ago?
And is Hajime in there defending our life? Or is he …Maybe… maybe I’m just too much for him. Or just -wrong-, and he finally sees it. I’ve been off-kilter for months now, since that man in the cape came in and turned our lives upside down.
Heaving, I throw up into the sink and quickly turn on the water. Sweating, shaking. I fumble for a cloth and clean my face and mouth up, and make myself take a drink of the cold water.
I ran this morning, didn’t I? And look where that got me.
I need to be where -I- need to be. For my life, it’s by -his- side, even when he’s being stubborn beyond all reason. For now, it’s in that room.
I finish cleaning up and go into the room. They’re both standing, and there’s tension in the air. I go to Hajime’s side and take his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, Tamesaburou. You can think what you wish, but -this- is my home, -this- is my family. As I told Hajime, even if we can’t have everything we want now… I’m not going to let a quest for perfect ruin my happiness -now-.”
I listen as he tries to explain his side, as to what happened then. Speculation. An unwanted pregnancy. That her eyes were dead, like a ghost. I -know-. She told me herself and hearing it again it -pains- me but it is what happened. How this man who went with her to Kyoto many years ago, was the same man who left her alone with a child – unable to follow for years.
And for that offer, I got a one word reply and no contact for -years- – she wrote, in the beginning. In offering that… I lost her, for years. But it wasn’t made to save the family name, only her.”
“It would’ve ruined her. Ruined us.” I say to him quietly.
Then he tells me about how he contacted Hide to give her advise and what her response was – that made him come here. And he tries to look at me straight saying his piece, to offer his help because of what her sister has done for their family and for him specifically. That they owed her and a part of me is proud of my Hime, hearing that she carried herself and her family well during that time. It’s this small glimpse into her life that allows me to look in the past and see what makes her who she is today. There’s not enough of that.
“Then it’s there should you need it. Or any other support. I will not pursue anything legally until I hear from you or her.”
“You’re her brother. The head of the Yagi family. She is under your protection. If I fail her a second time, you should not wait to hear from me or her… Or if you do hear from her – then please don’t let her leave your sight this time.”
I can’t say more than that. After all I think outside of me, she should have someone else to fall back to, to return to if she ever wishes. I finish the cigarette.
We’re interrupted and he doesn’t get to answer my question but there was something else, that they thought they’d never see her happy again. Was that in reference to Souji? That would be what would make the most sense – since the Yagi family was very close to my friend.
Hide stands beside me taking my hand. I observe her carefully, she looks like she just quickly fixed herself, which means she wasn’t listening at all but likely having some sort of fit. I don’t make mention of it.
“I’m not going anywhere, Tamesaburou. You can think what you wish, but -this- is my home, -this- is my family. As I told Hajime, even if we can’t have everything we want now… I’m not going to let a quest for perfect ruin my happiness -now-.”
I shake my head and squeeze her hand. “Hide, he’s not taking you away. Your brother merely wanted to offer his help.”
Looking back at Tamesaburou, “If you don’t mind, can you just repeat to Hide what you told me about our options for divorce and for the children? That way she knows.”
Releasing Hide’s hand I look at her for a minute. How I wish I did a better job in keeping her safe or at least making her happy. I grin slightly and jest, “See if you weren’t so slow, we’d be able to discuss it in front of your brother and he’d be spared repeating everything. But now I’m afraid I have to leave – to check in on the Precinct and Shindou-kun.”
I pull a handkerchief from my pocket. “Here. In case you get hot again from the baby.” Oh I know that’s not the baby. But why let her brother know that sometimes, we hardly get it right.
(OOC: Saitou will exit to leave the house, unless something happens. As for the discussion between Hide and Tamesaburou, Saitou did mean Tamesaburou can tell her anything from their discussion).
It would’ve ruined her. Ruined us
I nod. In that case, I’m glad that she was strong enough, stubborn enough, maybe? to turn me down. “Despite it all she did a good job – your Makoto-chan is a remarkable little girl,” I smile, “she’s very lively and bright.”
But… he seems to understand more. That we all meant well, and wanted to help, but how can you help when someone won’t tell you everything? She always took care of us… it was something new to take care of her.
Oneesan enters the room, looking a little… disturbed. Saitou-san must read that as well, as his manner towards her becomes protective, but surprisingly gentle for a man who was able to make me feel like I was close to attack, just by his -eyes- only a moment ago. Holding her hand back.
She then tells me that I can’t take her away! Before I can say anything, it’s Saitou-san, again, taking care of her.
Hide, he’s not taking you away. Your brother merely wanted to offer his help
I can see her visibly… release.
If you don’t mind, can you just repeat to Hide what you told me about our options for divorce and for the children? That way she knows
She looks up at him, and he back at her. Just for a moment.
This is my first taste, isn’t it? In some years from now, maybe not even ten, it will be my oldest that will come to me, with a man by her side, saying -this- one can take care of me now, not you.
It’s no wonder that Otou-san wasn’t in a hurry to marry her off when she was fifteen.
See if you weren’t so slow, we’d be able to discuss it in front of your brother and he’d be spared repeating everything. But now I’m afraid I have to leave – to check in on the Precinct and Shindou-kun.
It’s then that she smiles, -really- smiles, and it hits me suddenly that she is pretty, with that smile, and the light that comes into her eyes. Why have I never seen her smile like that before?
She speaks, as much to Saitou-san as to me. “Ah, well, this home is one for eavesdroppers, and having been the subject of several I didn’t want to subject my brother to this home’s traditions.” Her smile turns to me, and she adds, “I’m sorry not to have brought refreshments, I can get you something now.”
“Yes, thank you, oneesan.”
(Hide)
Here. In case you get hot again from the baby.
He hands me his handkerchief and it’s then I know that he knows… that I made myself upset. I lean my head, briefly, against his arm, and put it into my obi. “Thank you, Hajime.”
Aware that my brother is nearly -gawking- at us, I say, “let me walk you to the door?”
In the genkan, I give him a quick kiss. “And maybe ask Shindou-san… to maybe stay until we’re settled after the baby? Maybe by then he’ll figure out something of his path?” But it would be good if he had a trusted person at work when we’re going through something new.
I leave Hajime at the door, to return to my brother and hear what he has to say. Not that he wants to tear my life apart… but that he wants to help.
(OOC – will start a new thread later)