Hina:
“That man Fujita came by again.” I look at my son who is preparing us some tea. “I sent him away.”
“You didn’t…” He turns looking concerned.
“Send him away with bruises?” I puff on my pipe. “He seemed less determined this time. So no.”
Shindou stops for a moment but says nothing. Instead he brings the tea that someday wife brought. He liked the tea and so did I and this Yagi Hide seemed sincere but for all her talk about appreciating what my son did, I sincerely doubt she understands at all what my son has been through.
“I can’t have you just loitering in the house. Did you speak to Denjiro-san about helping him out in his farm?”
“Not yet.”
“Well if not him, then did you speak Hitoshi-san about the security job at his store?”
“No.” He sips his tea quietly.
“Shindou-kun!” I eye him. “You either tell me what happened with that man Fujita, get a job or I -will- throw you out of -my- house!”
He lets out a breath.
“I doubt he’ll come back here again.” This I tell him truthfully. “That man who brought his pregnant woman was probably his last great attempt and today is just him settling with himself.”
“Is that so?” Shindou nurses the teacup in his hand and takes a riceball keeping his hand pre-occupied.
“He said he’ll turn in your resignation by the end of August.”
Finally I get a reaction and he looks up at me, “If he does, then doesn’t that mean I just didn’t have what it takes?”
Taking a long puff, i put my pipe down. “You were able to work for a man you had hated for -years-. Able to work for him for a few months? Will you let him ruin you?”
“I didn’t hate him.”
“Oh you did my son. You wondered what did someone like him do in the Police? Why did he seem to get his way? Why so much leverage? Was he corrupt? You probably found out he was all that and more and it disillusioned you with the profession you invested so much of yourself in.”
He shakes his head and I raise an eyebrow and finally take a sip of the lukewarm tea.
“So are you saying that my brave, sincere and intelligent son is wrong? That’s what she said about you. And that Fujita was impossible to work with.”
“Mother,” He shakes his head again. “I cracked when it mattered the most. I suspected my commanding officer, denied him information and when it came to fight, I couldn’t finish the job.”
I can’t help but look at my son a little more softly. “It’s because you didn’t have that experience and didn’t have someone to show you those things. For several years you worked alone thinking you knew what you were doing but what the Police trained you on were just enough to get you by. That’s why it was so hard to let you continue day after day.”
I take the paper that was on the desk, “I maybe a farmer’s daughter but ever since you’ve joined the police I’ve learned to read the newspaper everyday. I knew the dangers that young men like you faced everyday in that job – like this scout found along the Nakasendo already rotten.” I put the paper away. “You only have two choices but you must commit to one or you will rot inside instead.”
“Mother…”
“Son. If you don’t, you will run out of time.” I sigh, “That Someday Wife Yagi Hide, thought I was hiding you, protecting you but you don’t need my protection, you are a grown man. Why don’t you start over again? You said you made mistakes… Then start small by protecting those within your sight.” Of course after that, if he really wants to, then he can start protecting Japan like that stubborn man wanted him to.