I’m having coffee. It’s Saturday morning and it didn’t escape me that last night my son and my niece seems to have made themselves scarce. Sometimes I feel like I no longer know what’s happening in this house even if I -am- in it. Tomu I can understand, I had to break his view of the world… I wonder if he went to Yukiko then? Told her about it? Or did Eiji do something?
And you’re supposed to be one of the best detectives in the police.
I puff on my cigarette and then sip on the coffee. Domestic troubles are not my line nor my specialty.
And of your old withering cases?
There was no movement.
That never stopped you before.
There are troubles -here-.
Which you just said is not your line nor your specialty.
Be still. Once there is word, I -will- move.
There are wanted and unwanted visitors. Those in front of you and those behind you. And that child who has no name. Can you really leave?
I put the thoughts away. Today we’re going to Shindou’s residence. That’s the first step.
You’ve heard of course of Murphy’s law? It’s how the world works.
Finishing my coffee, I stand up and place it in the sink and go by the door. The carriage should come a little later. It’s too far for her to walk.
He’s been quiet all morning.
But Tsutomu-kun is quiet.
And Yukiko-san is quiet.
Even Makoto is quiet.
I sigh. My daughter, I can -work- on her. Try to get her to tell me what’s wrong. I -think- it’s at school. I -think- it involves some of the older girls, probably that one trouble-maker again… but the other two?
… I need to do better, there, as well.
Hajime is by the door and I go behind him, wrapping my arms as far as I can, with my tummy being in the way. I put on a proper “visiting” kimono today. Nothing fancy – sober, somber, the sort of thing a settled wife and mother would wear.
“Are we going soon?” I ask, my head resting against his back.
I feel her in the room and of course her arms go around me… from behind.
“Are we going soon?”
Throwing away the cigarette, I tug at her arms to let go and to bring her to the front. “Not until I get a good look at you and make sure you’re presentable.” I say in a slight tease. I do like seeing her and this growing habit of her, embracing me from behind is new and I much prefer she face me.
“We have a carriage waiting outside. If you’re good it won’t turn back into a pumpkin and we can enjoy a little time to ourselves.”
He brings me to the front and I smile at seeing him. No matter how and where time passes… I like -seeing- him again.
Not until I get a good look at you and make sure you’re presentable
I grin and step away a little to do a slower version of my old -twirl-. “Like what you see? Appropriate for visiting?” I go back close to him and take his hand in mine.
We have a carriage waiting outside. If you’re good it won’t turn back into a pumpkin and we can enjoy a little time to ourselves.
“Oh?” I laugh as we walk outside. “Well then that’s something to entice me into being helpful,” I tease back. I look up at the sky, we had rain last night but the morning is bright and clear.
He helps me up into the carriage and I settle down. I wonder how far? But it’s hot even early so I’m glad to be off my feet. “About how far are they?”
She twirls and I remember that girl in the yellow kimono many years ago.
“Like what you see? Appropriate for visiting?”
I grin. Of course I like what I see but… “Let’s not get too big headed. It’s an old short fat woman you’re showing up for. It can go any which way.”
“Well then that’s something to entice me into being helpful,”
She laughs as we get to the carriage. I may have used the wrong choice of words there that my Hime now has other things on her mind. “I’ll give you a briefing.”
“About how far are they?”
“At the outer edges of Tokyo, opposite from here.” I help her up and notice I put on my gloves. I didn’t mean to, I only had a plain white shirt but I guess it’s a force of habit.
Once she’s settled, I close the door and the driver already knows where we’re headed since I chartered the service under police official business. It’s not simply a house call.
I sit beside her this time. I remember a few times in those early days I’d choose to sit opposite of her normally engrossed with the current issues of that day. We barely have enough time to ourselves lately that there’s no sense wasting a perfectly decent 30 minute ride.
“How are you doing?” I ask and light a cig.
I’ll give you a briefing.
I settle back and look out the window. “I’ve been thinking about it… can you tell me how he did on his last mission. Did he get hurt?” I look back over at him. “Did he kill someone?” Despite his very correct manners, and the way he was able to handle an interrogation, there was an… innocence to him.
“And you mentioned his mother. What of his father?”
How are you doing?
“Good,” I answer, truthfully. “I feel the -weight- of this child, but I feel… good.” Such a difference from the last time. Though we’ve had troubles and trials, with more to come, at least we’re together. We’re getting to do this together. “And Monday I’m due back at the doctor. He wants me there weekly until I deliver, given my age.”
“But last time we were there… you said that we were still deciding on where I was to give birth. I thought we had agreed on the clinic?” I still want to know for certain that they won’t make me sleep, though, and I -must- have him with me.
She peppers me with question on Shindou but before we get to business, I comment first on us.
“I feel the -weight- of this child, but I feel… good.”
“So it’s a hefty baby?” I glance down. She is very big now. But more than that I’m worried at how much childbirth takes a toll on woman’s body. Her body and this baby being so big… I can’t help but ask quietly, “When you were carrying Makoto did you feel the same weight? Or is this one heavier? bigger?”
“And Monday I’m due back at the doctor. He wants me there weekly until I deliver, given my age.”
“Yes of course. I plan to take it off.” Unless Namuzawa is taking the earliest train from Aizu, they should arrive mid-afternoon. Noon at the earliest.
“But last time we were there… you said that we were still deciding on where I was to give birth. I thought we had agreed on the clinic?”
“We did.” I take a drag on my cigarette. “But we also didn’t know if the doctor would allow me to stay.” Of course I don’t tell her, that regardless of whether I’m there or not that she -must- stay at the clinic. Regardless of where I am, she’ll have the necessary support. I look out the window, but just in case maybe I should speak to Eiji or Yukiko to be with her. Just in case.
I sigh a little.
“Shindou wasn’t hurt. He held his own. He didn’t have a good sword but I lent him mine.”
“Did he kill someone?”
I groan a little at this but decide to answer her truthfully. “No he didn’t. He thinks he did but I finished the job for him.” I look back at her seriously, “You cannot let him think otherwise. It’s part of the job and his training.”
She asks about Shindou’s father and I shrug. “He was a samurai. She was a farmer’s daughter.” Blowing a smoke out the window I continue, “It wasn’t simply a matter of classes however as this man’s family records show he already had a wife. He didn’t want to acknowledge it when Hina, the mother, claimed progeny for Shindou.”
I think for a long moment, “He almost didn’t get into the police back then as the bureau was only recruiting former Samurai and their descendants. But that year Kawaji fresh from Paris, put into place an aptitutde test and Shindou got in about 4 years ago.”
“So it’s a hefty baby? When you were carrying Makoto did you feel the same weight? Or is this one heavier? bigger?
He’s quiet and I take his hand. “Makoto felt bit but… long. And she was long – she was a very healthy baby but not the sort of one with a big belly and rolls,” I say. And she remains tall for her age. “This one… feels as heavy, but more -compact-.” I take his hand and put it on my stomach. “And just as active as Makoto.”
We did. But we also didn’t know if the doctor would allow me to stay
“And that’s a -very- important factor for me. And I don’t want to be made to sleep. It’s a new Western idea, but I don’t think it helps.” I look over at him. “Childbirth is a woman’s life or death battle. I’d rather be awake to face it.”
He sighs, as he tells me about Shindou-san. “Thank you. I need to know… what his mother fears.” I lightly touch his arm. “The way she hit you… she’s not just some crabby old woman. She’s -protecting-.”
No he didn’t. He thinks he did but I finished the job for him. You cannot let him think otherwise. It’s part of the job and his training
“I never would,” I answer. Ah… well that would explain much. Swords now seem to be… ornaments. Not weapons. Not something that can turn the tide between death and life. So they’re given… those sabers.
Hajime fills me in about Shindou-san’s background, and I can see again, why she’s protective. “She probably spent her entire life fighting for him,” I muse. “For his place in the world, for his… innocence.”
Quietly, I add. “I’m glad you took him on. I know you only would if he was the best, but… it’s harder for a boy. A girl can be pretty enough, have a good enough dowry, and end up… fine, in a proper and respectable path. But it can be a harder path for a boy, and only worse in this new era.” It’s something I’ve certainly thought about.
“This one… feels as heavy, but more -compact-.”
She places my hand and of course I feel our baby move. I look at her, “I wonder which one will be more troublesome? This one or Makoto?” Ah but that daughter of mine is not troublesome.
And that’s a -very- important factor for me.
I knew it was. Of course.
And I don’t want to be made to sleep. It’s a new Western idea, but I don’t think it helps.”
I push the bump inwards a little before letting go. “A long time ago my father told me that my mother Masu wanted the same thing. That it helps the mother and child feel closer.”
“Childbirth is a woman’s life or death battle. I’d rather be awake to face it.”
“But shouldn’t we ask the doctor’s opinion on that?” I look at her as I take a hit, “If it’s safer there’s no need to face life or death.” After all doesn’t she understand? There’s no need to put her life on the line, her life is not just -hers- anymore.
The way she hit you… she’s not just some crabby old woman. She’s -protecting-.”
I only shrug at that. “All women are like that.”
“She probably spent her entire life fighting for him,” I muse. “For his place in the world, for his… innocence.”
“Boys don’t grow into men if they’re always under protection. And in order for a man to find his place in the real world, he must do away with his innocence.” I frown slightly, “or leave it to others to do it for him.” I take a long drag on my cigarette suddenly thinking of my son who’s still making himself scarce.
“Leave it to a woman to think that way.”
I’m glad you took him on. I know you only would if he was the best, but… it’s harder for a boy.
“There was no one else left. I’d rather take him, knowing how he is than taking a chance on others who are more skilled but likely more scrupulous.”
A girl can be pretty enough, have a good enough dowry, and end up… fine, in a proper and respectable path. But it can be a harder path for a boy, and only worse in this new era.
Is she already thinking about Makoto? But she’s still so young for us to be thinking of those things. “I don’t know much about the new era, the options seem limitless today. Back then most men only needed to choose a side.”
I finish my cigarette and throw it out the window. Taking out the watch I see we only have a few minutes left to ourselves. I take her hand and wrap it in mine. It’s been a long time since we’ve ridden a carriage together.
“So when we get there, I’ll call for her. Don’t go near the gates until I’ve -forced- it open.” I say with a wry smirk.
I wonder which one will be more troublesome? This one or Makoto?
I grin a little. “Every child is troublesome, in their own way. And a child of ours?” I lean over and kiss his cheek. “It’s a guarantee.”
But shouldn’t we ask the doctor’s opinion on that? If it’s safer there’s no need to face life or death.
“The battle happens anyway. It’s said that a woman can harm that battle if she’s afraid – it makes the process harder. But if I’m there – awake and -there-, I can help. Those muscles you enjoy?” I grin, “those are the same ones that push out the baby. But if I’m asleep? I can’t help. Sleeping helps those who will panic, not those of us who are ready and willing.”
“And yes, it does make a mother and child feel closer. When Makoto was put in my arms – barely wiped off, screaming and wiggling and so alive, so vital…” I smile, my eyes glowing. “What I went through, what all women go through – the pain is forgotten.” I take his hand back and squeeze it. “And this time, you’ll be there with me, the first time our child opens their eyes to see the world.”
Boys don’t grow into men if they’re always under protection. And in order for a man to find his place in the real world, he must do away with his innocence. Or leave it to others to do it for him. Leave it to a woman to think that way.
“Exactly,” I nod. “And if he came home, upset or feeling that he can’t see his path, she’s going to revert to being a loving mother. A protective mother.”
There was no one else left. I’d rather take him, knowing how he is than taking a chance on others who are more skilled but likely more scrupulous
“Skills can be built, developed, a slight strength made into a solid advantage,” I say. “We know that. But will… ah, now that cannot be taught. It just has to be there already.”
“Alright,” I answer at his request. I enjoy sitting with him, alone, as the carriage bumps along Tokyo’s streets, stopping here and there in the flow of traffic. Our hands together, even though he has those gloves on. I lean my head on his shoulder. It’s so rare, in this place, to be alone with each other.
And a child of ours?” “It’s a guarantee.”
Another groan escapes me. “We’ll have to be careful not to make so many devils running around then.”
But if I’m there – awake and -there-, I can help. Those muscles you enjoy?” I grin, “those are the same ones that push out the baby. But if I’m asleep? I can’t help
I almost roll my eyes at her. Of course I enjoyed it thoroughly but to tie it to childbirth? “Fine. -Help-. But we’re asking the doctor anyway. -You- are no doctor.”
“What I went through, what all women go through – the pain is forgotten.” “And this time, you’ll be there with me, the first time our child opens their eyes to see the world.”
She’s so certain and happy that I could only nod. Waiting for a child to open it’s eyes? Will it really be that “eye-opening”? We’ll see but again she really wants me to be there. How many times had she said it now? Didn’t I tell you? Be quiet.
“And if he came home, upset or feeling that he can’t see his path, she’s going to revert to being a loving mother. A protective mother.”
“I’ll let you do the talking at least until we’re led inside.” Maybe the ahou is just hanging out in the kitchen and I can drag him back to work.
We enjoy the last few moments of being alone together and I steal a kiss as we round the corner. A long and much needed one, for me at least. I should’ve tried to schedule something with her, out of this place but it’s been hard to do so. So for now I content myself with this.
Fine. -Help-. But we’re asking the doctor anyway. -You- are no doctor
I pick up his hand and kiss it. “Yes, of course, Hajime.” I smile over at him. “I want what is best, what is safest. I promised to grow old with you, right? I’m not going to be reckless.”
He’s quiet as I talk about seeing the baby for the first time, holding it… maybe by then we’ll have a name?
Then as he tells me to do the talking, I get a kiss. I respond, lovingly, tenderly. Driven by a need that was yearning for him… we’ve had one meeting outside but I’m already longing for my Hajime at the moment he tells me goodnight. The kiss ends and I stay close to him. “I love you,” I tell him, a soft whisper into his ear as I stroke the side of his face.
(OOC: likely won’t be posting today. Not in the right frame of mind. Sorry)
“I love you,”
Time stood still for a moment and I savor her words and her gentle touch on my face. Could a man be so fortunate? I turn and kiss the palm on my face and take it in mine.
“Thank you.” I tell her and take a moment to look at her but I tear my gaze away. I get down from the carriage first and then help her. She’s not as agile these days, not that she ever was – although she did have that one picture with a sword…
The carriage knows to wait for us so there was no need to speak to the driver.
“Stand back.” I tell her and start loudly knocking on the gates.
“Obaa-san!!! Open up!” I shout and stand on my toes to see if that incorrigible woman is coming. “Open up I say!”
“Stop shouting!” She shouts back and upon seeing me I see her nostrils flare and her eyes grow wide. She comes running towards the gates with her customary broom waving in the air. “You never learn don’t you!!! I told you my son is no longer interested!”
She throws the gates wide open and raises her broom as if it’s a sword and brings it down with heavenly vengeance. “I’m goint to teach you a lesson! KYAHHH!!!”
Instinctively I clasp my hands together as in Shirahadori, catching the handle of the broom with the palm of my hand and turning it to the left side and quickly pulling it away from her grip. “I just need to talk Obaa-san.” I try to tell her. Thankful that I have the upper hand this time and my left hand is spared from abuse.
“You! Give me back my broom!” She snarls and kicks my shins and knee. It hurts enough that I ended up dropping the broom as I wince and hold my now throbbing knee with both hands. This woman with no training, is like an animal in brute force. Is she really Shindou’s mother?
“I’m going to beat your head! So you don’t ever come back.”
Ooc: still no good. Sorry 😞
The carriage ride, and the fleeting moments we shared alone, ends, as we reach our destination. He helps me down – carriages seem to be built for gangly Westerners and not short women in kimono – and I wait as he tries to get his way in.
I wait as he calls out, and soon the gates are flung open and there’s the broom-wielding woman!
She was once very pretty, I notice. Her face shows wear and worry, and it’s screwed up in anger – but the bones don’t lie. And calling her obaa-san! She’s old enough to speak to respectfully, but she’s not -ancient-.
He manages to get the broom but that doesn’t stop her, and I rush forward after she attacks Hajime’s knee. That’s one part (that I’m aware of) that’s -not- been badly injured in battle. I kneel down next to him and touch it, quickly. It’s a good whack but thankfully, just that.
“Ma’am?” I say, rising and stepping forward. “He’s going to keep coming until he speaks with Shindou-san, no matter how good you are with a broom.” I bow. “Yagi Hide, ma’am. I’m here as well, to give my thanks to you son.”
Hina:
I got the broom! I’ll get rid of him once and for all so I raise to strike his head but this other woman doesn’t seem to notice as she goes to him to quickly check up that knee that I just pummeled. I smile at that. He thought he got me when he snatched the broom away huh? Well he’s got another thing coming.
“Get out!” I tell both of them but the woman doesn’t seem to hear, so I raise my broom at her as well. The man’s hand, Fujita isn’t it, gets in the way again and has a horrified look on his face, while the woman stepped forward.
“He’s going to keep coming until he speaks with Shindou-san, no matter how good you are with a broom.” I bow. “Yagi Hide, ma’am. I’m here as well, to give my thanks to you son.”
I look her up and down and see… “What kind of trickery is this Fujita?” I glare at the man who’s just straightened up. “Bringing a middle aged pregnant woman here pretending she knows my son.”
I walk up to this Yagi Hide. “You don’t look like you’re one to have a run in with the police.” I stand a little bit up my toes so we’re eye leve, she’s not that tall. “How much did he pay you to come here?”
From the corner of my eye I see this Fujita try to grab my broom again and I raise it up and bash his head once for trying. “If you try that again, this hired woman whom you’ve employed as your shield will get it next.”
(OOC: I realized I changed names, I like Hina better as a name for a female farmer)
What kind of trickery is this Fujita? Bringing a middle aged pregnant woman here pretending she knows my son.
If you try that again, this hired woman whom you’ve employed as your shield will get it next
She’s actually a little shorter than I am! But she keeps wielding her broom.
“Ma’am, I’m here by my own choice – my husband-to-be certainly didn’t pay me to,” I answer. “And yes, I -do- know your son, it’s thanks to his quick thinking and bold action that three assailants were thwarted who meant me harm.”
“We spoke on several other occasions, and he was polite and did his job -well- – you raised a good son,” I tell her.
I go over to Hajime, to check his hand where he caught the strike she intended for me. “Now, can you put the broom down, so that we can talk properly?” I step back closer to her. “I can’t imagine your son is here, otherwise, he’s not the sort to let his mother handle his fights for him – he’s shown much bravery and spirit.”
Hina:
“Ma’am, I’m here by my own choice – my husband-to-be certainly didn’t pay me to,” I answer. “And yes, I -do- know your son, it’s thanks to his quick thinking and bold action that three assailants were thwarted who meant me harm.”
So this is the woman? Or she could be lying. She goes over to him to check on him again. That’s how it is, isn’t it, for those wanting to be the “someday wives”. And with him being in the Police and likely of Samurai origin, she’ll be caught in the man’s snare for however long he fancies.
Now, can you put the broom down, so that we can talk properly?” I step back closer to her. “I can’t imagine your son is here, otherwise, he’s not the sort to let his mother handle his fights for him – he’s shown much bravery and spirit.”
I put my broom down. Of course Shindou is out but he only went out for a walk and maybe back anytime. Sooner rather than later. Perhaps it’s better to speak to them so they leave immediately.
“Hmph. -You- Yagi-san can come inside but make it quick. -That- man, can stay on the engawa.” I turn my back on them and march back into the house and leave the gates open. Maybe they’ll change their minds and just leave.
(OOC: There is a receiving room in front of the house that is of course open to the engawa. There is a table and sitting pillows inside the room, the shoji door is open to their quaint vegetable garden.)
Hmph. -You- Yagi-san can come inside but make it quick. -That- man, can stay on the engawa
I look back at Hajime, before following Shindou-san’s mother into the receiving room. It’s a modest house, but well-kept. “Thank you, ma’am.” I sit down on the pillow by the table, smiling a little. “It’s always nice to sit – our child is due in mid-September.”
From the open shoji I see a small garden. “This summer has been pleasant, but a little more rain would have been good for the gardens,” I smile. It’s all laid out, neat and orderly, as one would expect of a farmer’s daughter. I recall, suddenly, of the garden Kondou-san laid in my father’s house back in Kyoto. It was just as this one, taking advantage of every inch of space.
“But yes, I did want to speak with your son. I never did get the chance to thank him properly. And he did it without a weapon – just thinking quickly and acting fast,” I tell her. “The three men he deterred wouldn’t have hesitated to bring harm to me or anyone wanting to protect me, but he created a feint that drove them off.”
Hina:
Well of course they just had to come in. The lady sits and I pull out my tobacco. An old habit I learned a long time ago.
“Thank you, ma’am.” I sit down on the pillow by the table, smiling a little. “It’s always nice to sit – our child is due in mid-September.”
I nod in acknowledgement and puff a little on the tabacco closing my eyes as she speaks about the garden.
“Most food can be bought now in the market but I like to keep a garden anyway.” I open an eye and look at the man hanging out in the engawa. Good he’s staying there. He’s not welcome here.
“But yes, I did want to speak with your son. I never did get the chance to thank him properly. And he did it without a weapon – just thinking quickly and acting fast,” I tell her. “The three men he deterred wouldn’t have hesitated to bring harm to me or anyone wanting to protect me, but he created a feint that drove them off.”
“Of course.” I tap the ashes in a nearby ashtray. “He is smart and is more apt to use his brain than his brawn. I accept your thanks and will let him know.”
I look at her, “Perhaps as a real thanks to us, you can respect our wishes and leave along with your “someday husband”.” Whatever that means.
Hajime:
I light a smoke and try to look disinterested in their talk. But the older woman is unmovable and I’m losing my patience.
“What she’s telling you Hina-san, is that your son is an asset to the police.” I tell her and take a step. “He’s good at the job and needs to go back -soon-.”
“Don’t you understand?” I tell her, “The TMPD needs new blood, good blood. Incorruptible men. The country needs your son’s services especially at a time when the police is going through many difficulties. These young men drop like flies and half of them are not well trained.”
Of course part of the issue is that they’re all young and lacking in training so more end up dead than what I’d like.
“It would be such a waste to just let him leave the police. He at least has a chance to survive.”
Her eyes go wide at me and she shakes. “You!!!”
I’m surprised as she starts to smoke – I’ve not seen a lady do that in -years-.
Most food can be bought now in the market but I like to keep a garden anyway.
I nod. “I do as well – I can never find shiso that’s like what they have back home in Kyoto.” Of course, I devote most of my space to flowers, but there is a nice-sized herb bed. I don’t miss the -careful- eye that she keeps on Hajime…
He is smart and is more apt to use his brain than his brawn. I accept your thanks and will let him know.
“Oh, but I really wish to do that on my own – would you accept thanks for such a action second-hand?” I ask. “It’s entirely too much to be passed along.”
She makes a jab about my “someday husband” but I let it go. It’s her own life she speaks of in that term, isn’t it?
But then Hajime starts to speak.
Don’t you understand? The TMPD needs new blood, good blood. Incorruptible men. The country needs your son’s services especially at a time when the police is going through many difficulties. These young men drop like flies and half of them are not well trained
I look over at his mother. “Your son is a man of… sincerity, which is a rare trait but vital to be in public service. He’s observant and thorough,” I tell her, thinking that he managed to find where Hajime hid his “secrets” in his office.
It would be such a waste to just let him leave the police. He at least has a chance to survive
Before I can say anything else, she has a reaction, with wide eyes and shaking. I get up and go to her side. “Ma’am, are you unwell? Should you lie down?” She’s not -old- but I’m certain she’s not had an easy life.
Raising a child alone, in this time and place, is hard. I only had a few years, she’s had it for the lifetime of her son.
Hina:
“Ma’am, are you unwell? Should you lie down?”
I shake my head and regain my composure. “Please I’m much more sturdier than you think.”
Shooting a look at the man on my engawa, “Obviously this man has never been on the other side of continuously waiting or even the threat of losing a child. He only thinks of the glory of serving his government or his country. Upholding his bushido “ideals”.”
I wave Yagi-san away. “Bushido. Bushido. Bushido.” I finally look at the woman, “You know that son of mine only joined the Police because he wanted to be a Samurai like his good for nothing father? Thank kami the Samurai class is -dead-.”
I sigh and shake my head again. “You people come here wanting things, -claiming- things and trying to manipulate us simple people.” I now stare at Yagi-san, “You say you want to talk to my son on your own, but why only come now if you’re that greatful? It’s been what almost 2 months? If the action meant that greatly to you, you would be here the next day or the next week at most.”
If the woman was not carrying a child, I’d have them leave by force. But.. I admit I am a little partial towards her, knowing what unmarried pregnant women go through. She only got one thing right, that my son is sincere but these two in front of me are -not-. She would’ve been helpful back then while my son moped around, questioning his life’s path. How he wasn’t good enough for that man on the engawa. Who is he anyway? My son who tells me everything including protecting Yagi-san, kept mum about him. I puff on my tobacco.
Hajime:
She’s right I’ve never been on the waiting side but my eyes narrow as she tells me about loss. We all have our losses.
“It is expected already to lose your life in service if you joined the police or the army.”
“You know that son of mine only joined the Police because he wanted to be a Samurai like his good for nothing father? Thank kami the Samurai class is -dead-.”
I take a long drag on my cigarette, “I don’t care for class Hina-san.” Of course doesn’t she see I too cut my hair and my only concession to the past is the sword I carry. “But I believe in the tenets of Bushido. I would give my life for it as I bet your son would as well.”
She accuses Hide of being insincere so I stop her, “There’s no doubt in my mind that Hide is very greatful to Shindou.” Throwing the cigarette away, I finally step inside beside my… What can I call her? I swallow but just go ahead and take Hide’s hand in mine. “My duty took me away from her and our children and the only protection they had was the Sargeant. And if you must know, when they burned Yoshiwara – I was in a losing fight against several formidable Samurais and he.. Helped greatly.” I hated saying that of course. I too have my pride.
Obviously this man has never been on the other side of continuously waiting or even the threat of losing a child. He only thinks of the glory of serving his government or his country. Upholding his bushido “ideals”
“You’re wrong if you think it’s about glory,” I say, quietly but firmly. “Ma’am, I know you don’t know him, but he’s been fighting for over twenty years, and not always on the ‘winning’ side. And when it’s over? He picks up his sword and goes on to the next fight, not because he’s bloodthirsty but because the fight for -justice- never ends.”
“I’m -certain- that Hajime is a hard man to work for, but of all people, he knows what is on the line. He expects the best because the job is so important.”
You say you want to talk to my son on your own, but why only come now if you’re that greatful? It’s been what almost 2 months? If the action meant that greatly to you, you would be here the next day or the next week at most.
“I expected him at my door. I don’t travel much, these days,” I say, glancing down at my bulk. “I never thought he’d resign, and that I wouldn’t see him again as a natural course.” I’m not upset at her charge of insincerity. I could have done more, but I also know that her accusation is coming from a very protective place.
Hajime takes my hand and look I look up at him.
My duty took me away from her and our children and the only protection they had was the Sargeant. And if you must know, when they burned Yoshiwara – I was in a losing fight against several formidable Samurais and he.. Helped greatly.
“Your son is one of the few who has the qualities that this country needs – not of a great skill at arms, but intelligence, sincerity, bravery. Even if the war didn’t touch your home as it did mine, it’s still been a turbulent era for all of Japan. What happened in Yoshiwara wasn’t some simple yakuza brawl or territory dispute – it’s one of the -many- bits of old business that threatens to undo all that has been gained, this peace we enjoy. Your son was part of keeping it contained – not just the battle, but in his intelligence gathering operations.”
“And he was brave enough to come interrogate me – the mistress of his commanding officer – when things didn’t make sense to him. I don’t know if I helped…” I smile a little, thinking of the state I was left in,” but the next time I saw him, his eyes were clearer. And when I heard about his role in the battle in Yoshiwara – I felt that he must have found some of his truth.”
“Ma’am, I don’t know what it is to send a child to fight. I know what it is to be without the man I love for months because of his duty. I know what it is to see friends go out every night, during those bloody times in Kyoto, and not know if they’ll return. But as a mother… I know that it doesn’t compare. But as a mother… we have to help them find a path. I doubt that he wanted to emulate the old path of the samurai for title and prestige … but for the sense of truth and purpose that those who follow bushido. A mother’s heart is a powerful thing. And we have to be careful that our wishes – to keep them safe, and close – don’t pull them away from who they’re meant to be.” I have a daughter that wants to learn kendo. She wants to be strong, and as a child… and from what she sees… that’s a path to strength. One day she’ll understand that there’s more than one way to be strong.
I reach inside my bag and bring out a small tin. “When he came to see me, I served tea, and he seemed to enjoy it – it’s a blend that we like back home in Kyoto. It’s so little…” I smile as I hold it out. “But it comes with my deep thanks and best wishes. Will you please pass it along to Shindou-san?”
Hina:
She defends him. Of course I was that way as well with so called “friends”. Blind.
“I’m -certain- that Hajime is a hard man to work for, but of all people, he knows what is on the line. He expects the best because the job is so important.”
I glare at this Fujita. I thought his name was Fujita Goro. Another lie. “Should I believe a man who doesn’t even tell me his real name, that he would care for my son or just use him for the “job that’s important”?”
“I never thought he’d resign, and that I wouldn’t see him again as a natural course.”
I puff and look at him again. “Well you thought wrong.”
“Your son is one of the few who has the qualities that this country needs – not of a great skill at arms, but intelligence, sincerity, bravery.
“Of course he’s my son. I raised him well to be better than those samurai.”
I get a glance from this “Hajime” as if I just said something important. “What cat got your tongue?”
“No. I just remembered someone who was a farmer’s son who became a daimyo and strived to be better than a samurai.”
“Hmph.” Is he buttering me up? I’m sure he knows already that we came from a poor farming family.
“And he was brave enough to come interrogate me – the mistress of his commanding officer – when things didn’t make sense to him. I don’t know if I helped…”
“So you- are- his mistress. I thought as such.” I look her over and shake my head. “Samurai. Government officials. Military and even the Police. All have power and keep mistresses. Imagine, my son spending his time guarding his commanding officer’s mistress. Such corruptness in today’s Meiji.”
But as a mother… we have to help them find a path. A mother’s heart is a powerful thing. And we have to be careful that our wishes – to keep them safe, and close – don’t pull them away from who they’re meant to be.”
“I already know that.” I stare back at her. “Why do you think he ended up working in the police and stayed this long. Only to lose confidence after working for that man who has no real name?”
“When he came to see me, I served tea, and he seemed to enjoy it – it’s a blend that we like back home in Kyoto. It’s so little…” I smile as I hold it out. “But it comes with my deep thanks and best wishes. Will you please pass it along to Shindou-san?”
Finally… It’s my turn to smile. They’ll be leaving. “Yes I’ll give it to him.”
But I decide to give her one more reminder, “You should wake up and think of yourself. This man even if you say he doesn’t fight for glory, what does he bring you but trouble and consequently trouble to my son? I’m sure as his mistress, he’s made you many promises that always end up just a little short handed.” I don’t particularly care if he hears it or not. If I had my broom I’d make sure to chase him away from here.
Should I believe a man who doesn’t even tell me his real name, that he would care for my son or just use him for the “job that’s important”
“What matters more, ma’am? A name or actions?” I look at her. “And your son knows his true name. He was smart enough to figure it out on his own.”
“The job is important, and he’s not being ‘used’.” I try not to sigh, she’s being stubborn. “If you son came home lamenting that he wasn’t being treated well, then he wasn’t paying attention to the trust and esteem that he was being held in.”
No. I just remembered someone who was a farmer’s son who became a daimyo and strived to be better than a samurai.
I smile softly over at Hajime. “Yes, we knew someone like that.” I look back over at the mother. “I was told that those with backgrounds like your son’s were often passed over. However, he came in as aptitude tests were being used instead of bloodlines, allowing pure potential, for the first time in this country, to take precedence. Sons of farmers, samurai, those born inside or outside a marriage… all coming together to make sure the blood shed to get us to this new era wasn’t shed for nothing.”
Imagine, my son spending his time guarding his commanding officer’s mistress. Such corruptness in today’s Meiji.
“No, he was guarding a woman who was endangered by the past – men who threatened my family twenty years ago who still carry a grudge. Should the police have such intelligence, any woman – no matter her status – would have had protection.” I look out across the garden. “Would you have begrudged any other woman who found herself in such a situation?”
Only to lose confidence after working for that man who has no real name
I tilt my head. “But Hajime let Shindou-san use his own sword – does that indicate to you – or to him – that he worked for a man who didn’t’ respect him? And from what I know of the fight, it should have been clear to him how helpful he was – both to the larger mission and his commanding officer specifically.”
Yes I’ll give it to him.
I finally get a smile from her, but it’s still guarded. “Very well. Then I’m satisfied. But your son, as a man, still needs to face his commanding officer – not just leave a note and -run-. We’ve spoken a lot of Shindou-san’s bravery, the sort of -man- he is. Should he not face his own issues, or will you continue to hide him behind your skirts?” I glance back to the open gates. Certainly he can’t be at home?
You should wake up and think of yourself. This man even if you say he doesn’t fight for glory, what does he bring you but trouble and consequently trouble to my son? I’m sure as his mistress, he’s made you many promises that always end up just a little short handed
This is… nothing I’ve not heard before. “Thank you, ma’am, for you wisdom, and I know you mean it with all kindness. But I find him to be the best of men, and I will tie my future to him, and that is -my- truth.” I bow again, and rise back to look at her, my eyes clear. She speaks from a place of broken promises and pain. I’ve known both. But I’m choosing for myself what I want, despite it all. I squeeze the hand of the man who holds my heart.
Shindou:
The gates were left open and she only does that as a warning, so I peer in carefully. I see them speaking with my mother. Fujita-san I can understand but why is Yagi-san here? I go through the back gate instead and enter through a small door at the back. But I can’t help it and I move to the next room to listen to what’s left of their visit.
Sons of farmers, samurai, those born inside or outside a marriage… all coming together to make sure the blood shed to get us to this new era wasn’t shed for nothing.”
Imagine, my son spending his time guarding his commanding officer’s mistress. Such corruptness in today’s Meiji.
“No, he was guarding a woman who was endangered by the past – men who threatened my family twenty years ago who still carry a grudge. Should the police have such intelligence, any woman – no matter her status – would have had protection.”
Only to lose confidence after working for that man who has no real name
“But Hajime let Shindou-san use his own sword – does that indicate to you – or to him – that he worked for a man who didn’t’ respect him? And from what I know of the fight, it should have been clear to him how helpful he was – both to the larger mission and his commanding officer specifically.”
Yes I’ll give it to him.
“Very well. Then I’m satisfied. But your son, as a man, still needs to face his commanding officer – not just leave a note and -run-. We’ve spoken a lot of Shindou-san’s bravery, the sort of -man- he is. Should he not face his own issues, or will you continue to hide him behind your skirts?”
I’m tempted to go out and face them but I refrain and instead go quietly upstairs. After all what will I say to them? I don’t have what it takes apparently to do the job. What I did in Yoshiwara, I only did to save face after my faux pas. She sounds disappointed and she -should- be, but her words kept repeating itself to my ear, he wasn’t paying attention to the trust and esteem that he was being held in.”
Hina:
She says a lot. A firm woman. I don’t give her more ammunition to respond to. After all I’d rather them leave and though she may have a point, acknowledging it will only make this already long conversation longer. I know my son. He will do the right thing. And although this woman seems sincere, can I trust a woman who’s blinded by her truth? She will always look to him with those eyes and try to do his bidding. For what it’s worth, I suppose this “Hajime” doesn’t exude the cockiness Shindou’s father did. And he’s there standing next to her even when I put him down.
I stand up and merely nod. “I’ll show you outside.”
Hajime:
Hina-san makes one last jab at me but to say that I’m pleased with Hide’s answer is an understatement. Come what may, our futures are tied in one way or another.
She squeezes my hand and I hold hers back, as our discussion came to a close and we’re led outside. She did very well but I know she still wanted to resolve this, right here, right now. But we’ll have to be content with this. I light a cigarette and look up the windows and notice the window to the right has since been opened. It wasn’t before. So he was inside or perhaps he just got back.
I bow to Hina-san. “Thank you for your time.” Of course I don’t add, that I’ll be back to drag him out of there. But hopefully he heard enough and can dig himself out of the ditch he’s been digging himself into.
We’re shown outside and after taking our leave (with the gates shut -firmly- behind us), Hajime helps me into the carriage.
I sit back against the seat and close my eyes. “Ah… there I went, making speeches again. And we didn’t even get to see Shindou-san. Will his mother relay -any- of what we said?” I feel… defeated. My first time trying to be useful to him at work, and I couldn’t even get past an older woman…
“At least she put down her broom,” I say with sigh. “How is your knee? And the rest?” I pick up his hand, where he stopped the broom from her strike at me, and inspect it.
“Ah… there I went, making speeches again. And we didn’t even get to see Shindou-san. Will his mother relay -any- of what we said?”
I don’t answer right away as she rests her eyes. I -knew- she’d feel this way and that likely success today would be limited.
“She’s a tough nut to crack.” I finally tell her, “But nothing in my work ever resolves on the first try. It always required a lot of patience but of course, by the time people see the work they all assume it took at most an hour.” I muse a little, it’s so easy to kill someone in a moment but getting to that moment takes weeks or months. Ever since being chastised by the commander in my younger days I’ve slowly learned to take little pleasure from cutting a man down even if they did -deserve- it but I don’t dwell on it like the diminutive rurouni.
“But I think you did very well and I like your speeches – unlike the Rurouni’s they’re not as long.” I can’t help but chuckle.
“Did you notice towards the end, she had less and less to say. Well about her son at least.”
That woman had a lot of unsolicited advice for Hide. I take a slight puff on my cig. Although of course Hide didn’t heed the advice, I do wonder how much of it rings true for her and how much of it is just her stubborn self that lets her stay beside me blindly, things being the way they are.
“At least she put down her broom,” “How is your knee? And the rest?”
“And I much appreciate that.” I grin slightly as she inspects my hand. “No it doesn’t hurt anymore. All just surface scratches.”
Then I remembered something and take her hand and let it touch my forehead. “Right here hurts a little.” I say indicating where the broom hit me last on the head.
She’s a tough nut to crack. But nothing in my work ever resolves on the first try. It always required a lot of patience but of course, by the time people see the work they all assume it took at most an hour.
I listen, opening my eyes. “Yes, you’re right. But this was the second try – and at least we got inside.”
But I think you did very well and I like your speeches – unlike the Rurouni’s they’re not as long.
I smile a little at that. “I only want to help. She’s a hard one to connect to, but… she loves him dearly. He’s probably all that she’s had.”
Did you notice towards the end, she had less and less to say. Well about her son at least.
“Yes.” I think about her words. “As I said… she means it well. But her experience is not my experience.” I smile a little, “and she probably finds me a fool.”
I look over at Hajime. “I suppose I should -demand- our marriage, make ultimatums…” I sigh. “But I know what we both want. That we’re here – not just this day, in this carriage, but in this -world-, however, is testament to how much we both want it. Because we’re here to work for it, in all of its complications.” If it could happen magically tomorrow, we would. But that’s not what we have… so we’re going to work through it. Since he called me back, we’ve opened up more than we ever had, despite the new obstacles to our communication.
I’ve never felt as “bound” to him as I do now. And I know that it, too, will only grow.
“We’re bound in every way that a man and woman can be except that one.” I softly touch his face. “And my love is strong… but I do hope that after all this time, you understand why I’m here.”
He then indicates his “aches and pains”.
“Oh dear…” I smile softly as I scoot closer. “I do need to tend to that.” I brush my lips across is forehead, at his hairline, through the bangs, where there is a red mark. “We do take -good- care of each other.”
at least we got inside.
I agree with her, “That in itself is a victory.”
She’s a hard one to connect to, but… she loves him dearly. He’s probably all that she’s had.”
“She’s a miserable old woman.” I add, “You may look at it softly, that she’s protecting him but I think… Being by herself with only her son has made her hard.”
Of course I’ve known people like that, even I back in the day but someone made me look at the blue sky again. “Hopefully her son don’t end up miserable like her.” I muse.
But her experience is not my experience.” I smile a little, “and she probably finds me a fool.”
I look at her. Of course they’d think of her that way. Anyone who believe themselves self-respecting would. It’s easier for me. I’m the man and a cop at that. Although it is considered scandalous, it is quite commonplace for government officials, even police officers to have another woman aside from their wives. Most of them keeping their mistress away from the public eye, mostly to keep up faces and not get caught by their wife.
“I suppose I should -demand- our marriage, make ultimatums…”
I finally look away. I -know- I should do something about this. Why it’s taken so long… “You should, perhaps. I heard that’s how most men end up doing -something- one way or the other.”
That we’re here is testament to how much we both want it. Because we’re here to work for it, in all of its complications.”
“I won’t argue with that. It is complicated.” But it doesn’t help that not all of my energies are focused on this one thing that makes it difficult for her.
“We’re bound in every way that a man and woman can be except that one.” “And my love is strong… but I do hope that after all this time, you understand why I’m here.”
I savor the hand on my face and lips on my forehead and close my eyes, inhaling her scent. I hold her by the waist, keeping her in place now at aeye level. I have to tell her the truth of course.
“No I don’t really understand why you’re here.” I look down at her bosom, “Sometimes I think it’s because I’ve ensnared you.” I sigh a little “Sometimes I think you just need people to take care of. Sometimes I think you just don’t have anything better to do or anyone better to be with.”
You may look at it softly, that she’s protecting him but I think… Being by herself with only her son has made her hard. Hopefully her son don’t end up miserable like her.
“Which is why… she has to not just allow him freedom, but… encourage him. A mother is always a mother, but at some point, she can’t hide him and still expect him to be a strong man.” I sigh, a little. “That’s the burden of parenthood – to love a child so much, knowing that one day they’ll be beyond you, won’t need you anymore. But if you love them enough to do your job properly and prepare instead of delay that day… it’s not any -easier-, but at least you know that you’re doing what is best for them.” I smile. “Remind me of -this- speech again when I cry as Makoto goes on to her path one day.”
You should, perhaps. I heard that’s how most men end up doing -something- one way or the other
“No, I won’t. You’re not most men – you are a man of -rare- honor. You said it yourself, today, that you uphold the virtues of bushido.” I’m quiet for a moment. “Would it make your wife be any more understanding and let you go suddenly if I went and retreated to Kyoto? Would it magically make anything easier? It would rob our daughter of your presence, and this one as well.” I touch his cheek. “Instead, you know what we need to do – not just for my respectability, but for our children – and I’ll stay here with you, to -help- you.”
No I don’t really understand why you’re here. Sometimes I think it’s because I’ve ensnared you. Sometimes I think you just need people to take care of. Sometimes I think you just don’t have anything better to do or anyone better to be with
“And -you- could have had your choice of any of those women – and some of the men – in that place, and you chose the most -ordinary- woman of all.” I smile a little, looking at him. “I’m a good cook but not -that- good. I’ve become quite the lover under your touch but I’m certain that you could have found someone just as good. And I could go on, about those more clever, more beautiful, or more useful to you…” I look down, then back at him. “It used to dog me, terribly, comparing myself to others – and I won’t even get into the paragon that your wife was said to be.”
“But here you are. And that tells me… there is something beyond ticking off the boxes for someone ideal, and that… love comes in funny ways. Perhaps I was the -nicest-, but niceness… there has to be more than that. The same with our physical passion. Had there not been more – and not just kindness – that would have burned itself out long ago.”
“Yes, I suppose… I could have found someone. A respectable marriage. A kiss on the cheek, a few minutes of laying on my back while he panted above me, and never a true conversation.” I place my hand on his chest, where I like to rest my head and feel his heartbeat. “I take care of those I love. Had I -needed- it, I could have, I suppose, made some sort of peace with Hanako-san and settled down to being the spinster aunt and doting on my nephews and nieces and brothers. Instead, I left that place I knew my entire life. And met an old friend, who changed my life entirely. I saw your complications, and you saw mine, and we struggled… but we found each other. We -keep- finding each other.”
“I’m here because I love you, because I chose you. Because we’ve built a life, a world. Because it’s not done yet. Because I still have many, many ways to love you.” I smile softly. “And to be loved by you. Please don’t think that because we love differently – because yours is always questioning, seeking, and mine is more unconditional – does not make us unequal, or out of balance. It makes us different.” I pick up his hand and lace my fingers through his. “Two coming together. Not always perfectly, but with our own strengths and weaknesses. And through that, we support one another.” I trace his eyebrow with my finger. “It’s how it should be. We carry it from the old days, and into the name of our firstborn. Sincerity.”
I return to kiss that red spot. “Besides, I don’t think I could wield a broom like Shindou-san’s mother.”
That’s the burden of parenthood – to love a child so much, knowing that one day they’ll be beyond you, won’t need you anymore. But if you love them enough to do your job properly but at least you know that you’re doing what is best for them.” I smile. “Remind me of -this- speech again when I cry as Makoto goes on to her path one day.”
“I’ll remind you.” I hold her hand, “But remember it is a day for rejoicing, not crying.” Suddenly I smile as I realized something, “I think your parents would be happy to know, when that time comes you were able to send your children to the world.” From what I remember her father died early and her mother died later but it wasn’t really after that she left home. And both my parents were already gone when I decided to run away to Kyoto. “And even if they are all gone, perhaps you won’t be tired of my company.”
She talks about running away and I shake my head. We’ve been through that. We both know what that’s like but if she did run away. Would I follow immediately this time? I hope so. “I didn’t quite mean -that- Hide. Only, I think you should ask me. Remind me once in a while, when it’s appropriate. That’s one way of helping me.” It’s so easy to forget when she gives so freely, those things I should be doing. She cuts me too much slack.
It used to dog me, terribly, comparing myself to others – and I won’t even get into the paragon that your wife was said to be.” “But here you are. And that tells me… there is something beyond ticking off the boxes for someone ideal, and that… love comes in funny ways.
“Yes, I suppose… I could have found someone. A respectable marriage. A kiss on the cheek, a few minutes of laying on my back while he panted above me, and never a true conversation.”
Had I -needed- it, I could have, I suppose, made some sort of peace with Hanako-san and settled down to being the spinster aunt and doting on my nephews and nieces and brothers. Instead, I left that place I knew my entire life. And met an old friend,
All this talk about comparing and being perfect and all the things in between… Instead I just go ahead and kiss her fully on the lips just like she does to me when she wants to convey her feelings that can’t be put to words. My mouth hard on hers, my hands holding both sides of her face until I’m out of breath and finally let her go.
“Just don’t talk to me about you being with someone else.” I say as I stare into her eyes, “I can’t handle it. I never could. You know that.” I know it’s not fair because I should understand, because even I am not clean in that regard.
Please don’t think that because we love differently – because yours is always questioning, seeking, and mine is more unconditional – does not make us unequal, or out of balance. It makes us different.” It’s how it should be.
She’s much more adept at this than I. She has a gift of understanding what’s between us, much better than I ever could. Though I can’t offer her complete honesty, I’ve always offered her sincerity.
I clear my throat. I still find it awkward to ask, “I know it’s been a while since we’ve been truly alone. Is there anytime this coming week where I can meet you in that unnamed hotel that you found yourself alone in?”
I’ll remind you. But remember it is a day for rejoicing, not crying.
I smile, “and I’ll remind you as well.” After all, a father sending his daughter into the world… and I think of whatever young man even -attempts- will have to be very, very brave.
I think your parents would be happy to know, when that time comes you were able to send your children to the world.
He speaks of my parents and I’m reminded again, that not only did we once share friends, but that he knew my world. My roots. Those who first loved me, and made me into who I am. “They would. Mother made certain that when I was ready, I would be able to go out.” And her gift still helps us today.
And even if they are all gone, perhaps you won’t be tired of my company
I laugh, “but then we’d finally get time -alone-.”
“I didn’t quite mean -that- Hide. Only, I think you should ask me. Remind me once in a while, when it’s appropriate. That’s one way of helping me.
“Good,” I say. “And I’ll remind you. Because it is important to me, and I know that it is to you as well.” We’ve done… better. Such as our conversation about finances – there was a thought at one time that if I had pointed out that I carry the household, he would get upset. But instead, we were able to talk about our future.
And then I’m kissed, -hard-. The sort of devouring kiss that’s not about hunger, but about the things that are hard to say. The sort I gave him that first time back, when I’m faced with the mortality of this remarkable man, of his strength to always come -back-. It’s not a kiss to savor and delight in. It is one to accept, and in my response is as if I’m listening, embracing with my whole self. We break away, breathless, my heart racing, my eyes fixed on his. He told me something important.
Just don’t talk to me about you being with someone else. I can’t handle it. I never could. You know that
I can live with the ghost of Yaso. And even Tokio is… a shadow, real in how she affects those I love, yet as distant as a star, a stranger. But Souji was his good friend, if not his best friend. Even though I now know he truly loved Yaso, it’s not the same. I know that… and I am understanding. Our ghosts are -not- the same, and I have to be patient as he works out mine, even if it takes a lifetime. “I won’t. Besides, you give me more than five minutes,” I grin softly.
know it’s been a while since we’ve been truly alone. Is there anytime this coming week where I can meet you in that unnamed hotel that you found yourself alone in?
He seems almost… nervous! I smile at him, happy, and kiss him lightly. “Yes, I am free and available, and I think that can be arranged.”
“and I’ll remind you as well.”
I look back at her. I will -not- be like a woman and cry. “Let’s be sure we have enough tantos for all of them.”
She talks about her mother and although I never really had much interaction with her, now I wish I did. But I thank her anyway for a daughter that found her way to Tokyo. I didn’t quite do that when we last visited so next time I’ll do it properly.
She jokes about finally getting some alone time. Our alone time has been mostly stolen time in between the people around us, moments, minutes. If only we didn’t have to sleep then we’d have hours.
And then she agrees about reminding me and how it’s important to us. We both know it’s only a piece of paper, and some people will say it is and why bother. But to us, to our children and perhaps their children, building a house, a family register is important. It shows not only want, but care and love between us and for those who comes after us.
And finally I remind her again of my vulnerability, of the other men she’s been with. Real in this time, not so real in other places but still very -real- to me in all places. She grins and jest about my giving her more attention but of course it’s one I can’t respond to. I suppose early on I could respond to her and “allow” her to be with any of them and I’d go on my way and have fun myself but I’ve changed more over the years and perhaps not necessarily in the best way when it came to this.
I wait axiously for her response to our meeting again outside this place. I wanted to correct that mistake of not following her outside, because I’d never want her to be alone. And I’m answered with a light kiss and a yes.
“Good. Then just let me know when and I’ll meet you on the… “Chat”.” I tell her. I wanted to because I knew this brief lull in time will be the last, as time will move again in Tokyo taking us along with it. Not that I don’t want time to move, I do want to see Yoshi again but before that I want to be with the woman I love without an agenda, a goal, or a schedule. Just us and whatever that brings.
We finally get back to the house and opening the gates and sending Hide inside, I go back to the driver.
“Thanks for the ride. I’m sure the lady appreciated it.” I tell him. I light a cigarette and start smoking and offer the driver some.
“That’s far for a woman in that condition. How far along is your wife?”
“She’s not my wife, but -our- child will come in a little bit over a month.”
“I see. None of my business I suppose.” He shrugs and I only grin, playing the part of the other officers I’m sure he’s done service for in the past.
Of course I chose him because I know he is discreet and it helps that Kawaji-san recommended him. In a way I do find it perturbing some of the things the Chief of Police has allowed, the house, the free time and use of resources. Although Hide has an answer for Hina-san it seems for the excesses of the Police, there is certainly excesses that cannot be explained away. For now, I’ll take what I can, after all even Hide is an innocent that should be protected in this Meiji.
“I’ll call for you when I need you.” I tell him and send him on his way.
(OOC: Close)
Tsutomu:
I’m in the treehouse, the sun was shining too brightly for me to hang out in the roof. They took a while to come back. I watch as he helps her get off the carriage and leads her inside but he goes back to the driver speaking to him.
Where did they go to? They didn’t seem to have gone to the market since they came back empty handed. Maybe to the doctor? But the last time they went I heard it was a weekday.
I watch as Yagi-san walk across the garden slowly. She has her hand on her belly as she walks. She seems tired but is smiling. Maybe they got away to be together? He really does seem to like spending time with her. I haven’t seen him take so much time off work. Never.
It has to be the right girl…
Was she the right girl for you father? Did your instincts led you to “desire” Yagi-san? To “need” her? But she was only supposed to be your play thing, said mother… I guess she’s no better than mother. At least Yagi-san wasn’t a liar. Is that why you went away father? Because my mother was a liar? Made up all those stories about you and her. About the the Nobility, the Joshitai and the events at the castle?
I look across the gate and watch as he smokes with the driver. It’s odd that there’s a carriage here. He never hailed one for us but we never go anywhere. It was always just home and school. Oh wait and a long time ago that neighbor who had a store where Tsuyoshi and I would wait to be picked up. He always came so late… I always wondered why if the school let out in the afternoon, why it was so dark by the time he came. Where was my mother? Oh… Running after that man who didn’t want her.
I -hate- mother.
Maybe it was right he left us after all. Why fulfill a duty to a wife who was a serial liar and lied about -everything-? Why have a family out of duty only, much less have children like Yoshi and I…