(Midori)
I feel bad for the way that I left things with Makoto-chan and Tsutomu-kun – the look he gave me wasn’t anger at mistreating his sister, but … weariness. But I couldn’t get the other day off of my mind.
“What does ‘bastard’ mean?”
I almost dropped my needle. I had been helping her improve her stitching one afternoon this week.
“Sakaya-san keeps calling me that. Is it bad? Am I bad?”
“Ask your mother,” I say, with a sigh.
“She’s having a baby! I can’t make her worry about me too much!” she looks up at me.
It’s real concern. I guess women who are having a baby are more delicate, but isn’t a mother still a mother? Something in her eyes, her face… I think of two little boys, years ago, waiting in the rain. They don’t look that much alike but it’s enough… I take a breath.
“Makoto-chan, it’s a -word-. It means that your parents aren’t married, but here you are despite that. She’s using it as a weapon against you. She won’t be the last to call you that. You can let a -word- hurt you, or you can’t.” I shrug. “You’ll be called a lot of words in your life. Some good, some terrible. But you’re more than a word, right?” It’s then I think about her name. It’s a strong one for a girl. Funny.
“Oh,” the little girl says. “But why doesn’t she like me? I didn’t do anything to her.”
Ugh… but I guess nobody tells this girl anything. “We were all students of Tsutomu-kun’s mother. She was a favorite to a lot of the girls.”
“Was she your favorite teacher?”
I don’t answer. She wasn’t, but I’m not the point of this story, am I? “Well, Tsurumi-chan hates her own mother, so I guess she really got into Fujita-sensei. And everyone knows why she left, so…”
“Why did she leave?” I frown. “Really, Makoto-chan, you need to ask your parents these questions.” She looks at me and it’s that look… arg. “Fine. It’s because your father left Fujita-sensei for your mother. Or at least that’s what I heard. They had a -big- fight here at school, even.” I didn’t see it, but the thing about being one of the older boarders is that the teachers like to gossip and forget that we’re -always- here.
“So… Sakaya-san is mad at me… and calls me bad names… because of what hahaue and chichiue did?”
I put an arm around Makoto-chan, the girl looks so -sad-. “Look, adults can mess up our lives sometimes. They don’t mean to. But it doesn’t make how Tsurumi-chan treats you okay, alright?” She looks down.
“Should I tell Yamaji-sensei?”
I’ve tried, kid… but she seems powerless. No. It’s because, as she says, that Sakaya Tsurumi is a hard case. “I’ll see what I can do.” I don’t know why I made that promise.
Maybe I just don’t like seeing kids treated badly. Maybe it’s because I could never forget that one rainy day. Probably because it wasn’t the first, and it wasn’t the last.
I find Tsurumi-chan in the sewing room.
“Oh, there you are, Midori-chan,” she says. “Talking to Tsutomu-kun again? You really are trying to ‘work’ it, aren’t you?” She laughs. “It’s too bad that his mother would never permit it, given your family… fish merchants.”
“Makoto-chan needed help finding him.” I was awfully rude to her, and Tsutomu-kun. I doubt even my roommate would have sniffed -romance- there…
“Oh, now you’re that little bastard’s protector.” She snickers.
“Better than her bully.” I step closer to her.
She gives me a withering look. “She needs to know that she’s -not- welcome here.”
I sigh. “It’s not her fault, Tsurumi-chan. She’s a -child-.”
She turns from me and starts pacing. “Stop letting her off. Of course it is. As long as she’s here, Fujita-sensei won’t come back! Don’t you see?”
I watch as she keeps moving around the room agitated. “She’s six. I doubt she has any agency to choose where she goes to school.”
Tsurumi-chan stops pacing and turns to glare at me. “So it’s her mother’s fault! A Kyoto -whore- who ensnared Fujita-sensei’s brave captain!” She grins, suddenly, darkly. “Did you know, that woman? Her family hosted that notorious group of thugs and betrayers of Aizu, the Shinsengumi? To be around all of those men…” she laughs, “she’s been at this a -while-, I’m certain, and used all of her wicked ways on the Captain!”
I wonder if she has any idea about wicked ways… “Just… leave Makoto-chan alone. Tsutomu-kun seems very fond of her, and if he can get over her, then who are you to carry a grudge?”
“He’s been turned astray as well!” She raises her voice. “He -loves- his mother, he’s a good son! He’s loyal! And I’m not the only one here who knows that!” Ah, of course… the teachers from Aizu form a tight bunch and enjoy gossip.
“Let this go, Tsurumi-chan.” Quietly, I add. “It won’t bring her back. And I know you adored her, but she’s not your mother. You have a mother -“
“DON’T TALK ABOUT HER!” Suddenly she’s close to me, but I don’t back away. I’m a year younger but taller. I’m not scared of her.
“Then leave Makoto-chan alone. Of whatever you have with Fujita-sensei and your mother. She’s not a part of that.”
She steps back, and is quiet as she takes deep breaths. “She wrote me. She wants to see me, during break.” Her voice is barely a whisper. “-They- want to see me. To talk about my future.”
“What do -you- want?” Tsutomu-kun was right… I was dumped here, but I’m glad of it, now. I’m the youngest of eight, and I was … an “surprise” baby, ten years younger than my next youngest sibling. Mother had to get my older siblings married off, started in life… school, the best one in Japan, was a good place to send me. And I don’t mind. I -like- being on my own. I’ve learned a lot here, the past six years.
“I want to stay here. Teach.” She looks down. “Marry… but not some associate of -his-. Someone samurai-born, of Aizu. Like my father.” She takes a deep breath, a shaky one.
We were… good friends once, before she got like this. So I hold in a sigh. “She likes to meet you at sweet shops, right, since you won’t go to her house?” Tsurumi-chan nods. “Well, remember we aren’t allowed off school grounds alone. I’ll come with you.”
“You will?” Her eyes dart up at me, and then she lifts her chin, and a disdainful expression replaces the -real- glimpse I had of her a moment ago. “Fine, then, I’ll leave that girl alone… she’s -nothing- to me, after all.”
I don’t believe her entirely, but it’s something.
The next morning, I go to see Yamaji-sensei. I tell her about the conversation – at least so we have permission to leave the grounds.
“Midori-chan, we aren’t so lax at this school to where we require you to take student discipline matters in your own hands,” she frowns at me.
I shrug. “Nothing was happening, and she called Makoto-chan -that- name. Were you going to wait until she strikes her again?”
Yamaji-sensei’s mouth is a tight line and I could feel her disapproval at my meddling. “The school is looking at options. But it’s a challenge.”
That’s correct, at least. A girl in other circumstances would have been expelled.
“I also should apologize to Tsutomu-kun. I was very rude to him and Makoto-chan.”
She leans back in her chair, a thoughtful look on her face. “I didn’t know you were getting so -involved, Midori-chan.”
“I’m not,” I answer. I don’t really understand my own reasons. To help an old friend who seems lost. A little girl who did nothing. And that boy…
She exits the room, and comes back with a slip of paper. “Here. His current address. Write him an apologize.” She smiles. “After all, as Makoto-chan’s senpai, you should have been more helpful, and he’s a good big brother to her.”
I nod. When I’m in my room, I write a note:
Tsutomu-kun: Please excuse my rude behavior on Friday. I had to deal with something. Sakaya-san will not bother Makoto-chan anymore. Nishino Midori
I post it in the afternoon mail. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends… but he needs some kindness. Maybe one day I’ll stop being haunted by the way he looked that afternoon in the rain, while his mother reveled in the glory of her storytelling.