So he stayed in bed in all day.
I flip through the book he was keeping, a very old book. The truth was that I only got a copy of this after I met Hide and i didn’t particulary read everything except for certain parts. I didn’t need much instruction in the way of picking a woman, the woman I wanted gave herself to me already. I can’t help but grin a little recalling those times.
But Hide is right, there is too much in this for him. Servitude of a woman for one or her manipulations of other women and her lover. And of course the polygamy and the rights of a king or the nobles and considering the things thoughts implanted on his head by his mother, it’s better not to thread in this direction. It is a book that aged well in certain respects and not in others.
I light a cigarette and flip through the pages again and wonder where -did- that old copy go?
“Give that back!”
I’m surprised as he quickly lunges for it.
“Oh so you’re awake.” I grin at him.
“You shouldn’t go through people’s things.”
“Ah but a good parent does… Go through -his- sons things.” I smile at him. “Especially if that son has become a little too curious about things he probably should know by now.”
He sits back down and let’s out a sigh. “I haven’t had time to read through it yet.”
I nod. “So who did you get this from?”
“I can’t tell.”
“It’s not library material, I don’t think. Otherwise I’d have Takimi’s head.”
“No. It’s not the schools.”
I smirk, “A friend then. And knowing you, you probably don’t have a lot of friends.”
“What do you mean by that?” He asks defiantly.
“Well just like Hide says, you and I are very similar. When I was your age I didn’t have a lot of friends either.” Of course I know his only friend at that school is a boy named Kai. Sure there are other boys in his kendo class but he’d only go to one who has his absolute trust. “One day you should ask your “friends” to come over. Meet your sister, your cousin and my someday wife.”
He looks at me at the mention of “Someday wife.” I only grin. No more tiptoeing around my son on how things are. He knows and I believe in his heart understands even if his head won’t let him.
“Maybe. Now give the book back.”
I wave the book slightly in front of him, “So you obviously had questions at what you saw the other night between Hide and I. And as your -father-, I want to be the one to explain it to you and answer your questions.”
“There’s nothing to explain. You were doing #3.”
“Ah you mean the embrace #3.” I smile. It was #4 actually.
“Tomu, first let me tell you that a man has facets of himself that drive him to do certain things either to the benefit of or the detriment of himself, his family and his society. When a person just starts out his life, his view is generally limited to his immediate vacinity but he must expand that view as he goes through life.”
I take a long drag on my cigarette and look out the window where the moon shines.
“Your grandfather died early so it was another man who told me this. Kondou-san was a man of great charisma that even the hardest of men followed his orders even after he was put to death. But it is not knowledge he learned by himself but was passed on to him by another. And he passed it on to me and I now pass it on to you.”
He looks at me with some slight interest but is careful not to show it. So I continue, “He said, as a child we think only of ourselves, but as we turn in to young men, we should think about our home, the people we love and our family – laying the groundwork to that as we grow further into manhood we think about our society, our country and when we’ve done all that we should think about humanity and the world around us.”
I smile a little recalling that one night as I enjoyed sake with him in the Maekawa compound. I was hiding from my troop as I didn’t want them to see me drinking after patrol. “None of these things will come perfectly but as one hits every stage in life, they should strive for it. Some of these we may not accomplish by the right time but it doesn’t preclude us from going back to try to do it right.
When you are older you will understand this.”
“So what stage do you think I’m in.”
“Of course you’re not a child, you’re a young man. But you are my son so there are times when I still look at you as a child, especially if you waver and do childish things – like stealing out to that run-down dojo.”
“But that was a manly thing! I made the decision to face them.”
“But you faced them because you could not face me.” I correct him, “And that was a childish thing… However, it was a manly thing to try to find the truth.” I go by the window and ash my cigarette. “Now I’ll ask you to keep true to your name and “work” to get at the truth in everything you do.”
“That’s what my name means? To work?”
“Yes.” I look out the window and enjoy the slight breeze, “I was very satisfied with my new job in the Police. I was able to dispense my justice and it was needed and appreciated. My work was very important to me and thus your name.”
“Well what about being a young man?”
“Well you’re 14 and in a year and if this were the old times of the Samurai, I would have your head shaved on your 15th birthday and have your genpuku. But instead, today I prepare you about being a young man so you can do better than I did at your age.”
“Did you shave your head?”
“No. Remember I told you, your grandfather died early and my mother died before I turned 14. So your uncle Hiroaki became the head of the house and he himself was barely a man.”
“This is all a bit too much. I’m not sure how it’s related to the book and what you were doing with Yagi-san the other night.”
I suppose he’s right. I can’t explain his family history in one night but I needed to explain to him the life stages he would go through. “So as a young man, you will eventually have urges that will push you to find comfort in a woman. It is an insticnt present in all able bodied men. Sometimes the urge or desire is so strong that you will wrestle with it because it’s not always the right thing to do.”
“So why didn’t you wrestle with it with Yagi-san?”
I look at him for a moment confused, “Why because she’s the right woman of course…”
“He did tell me it had to be the right girl, otherwise it doesn’t work.”
“Who did?”
“No one.”
I sigh, of course. “Alright so as a young man, you will eventually have urges, needs, desires or whatever you wish to call them happen. This is a bodily need borne out of the need of the species to procreate and ensure the species survival.”
He has a blank look on his face.
“What you saw in our bedroom was that. I had an urgent need and went to my soon to be wife for it to be fulfilled.”
“But can it be fulfilled by -any- woman? Or just one of your choosing?”
I nod slowly, “It will always be a man’s chosing which woman can fulfill that need. And yes it can be fulfilled by most women.”
“So why did you have to go to Yagi-san. Why not some other? And that also happened with my mother..”
I sigh, this is harder than I thought. “A man can get it from most women, some women will give it freely if they like the man or some women..” I hesitate for a moment but decide it’s best he knows, “some women requires payment in order to satisfy the man.” I look at him, “The most important thing however is that a man not force himself on an unwilling woman. Forcing yourself on another is -evil- and nothing good will come out of it.”
“So you never forced yourself on mother or Yagi-san.”
I’m stunned by his question. -I- know what -I- did that night to her. I swallow and start another cigarette and avoid meeting his eyes. “No.” I answer more about his mother than Hide.
“I see. So when you and mother, it was out of your own free will. You approached her and she “satisfied” you?”
I almost groan at this, “Someetimes I would approach her, she is my wife after all.” I look back at him, “But sometimes it is the woman who will want to start lighting that need within a man.”
“So you’re saying she did it.”
“A husband also has a duty to satisfy his wife.” I look away again. Is that how it was with Tokio and I? Urges and duties… Of course it was I didn’t find it in myself to love her, only bed her when I wanted and reciprocrate when she wanted.
“Tomu, but I need to tell you these urges are dangerous. A man should not be a slave to them but should choose to control them so it’s only directed to the -correct woman- because it has consequences that may or may not be good to both parties.”
“Any man or woman can come together under false pretenses to satisfy a biological need. It’s stronger in a man, such that a man of lower character or confidence would pay for the services of a courtesan.” I pause and grit my teeth a little, thinking of how low I went when Hide and I separated. In Kyoto, we all had women to satisfy us, to calm us, to talk to when we didn’t know if we’ll be alive the next day. “But a man of truth, would not stoop that low. He would find a woman who is a willing participant, not wanting money or favor in exchange.”
He nods, “So that’s what you found in my mother. A willing participant.”
“Yes in a way.” I puff my cigarette harder, “As I said she is my wife so she had duties and I also had duties.”
“So the right reason to fulfill such urges is because both parties believe it is their duty to do so.” He finishes for me.
“No Tomu, that’s wrong.” I pause, “Many families were made by this duty. The duty to a clan or families and make arrange marriages. These marriage partners will have duties to another but their heart may not be into it.”
“Why should their heart be into it? It’s the duty of a wife to her husband and his to her.”
“Earlier I told you, it has to be the right person. The reason for that is because satisfying this urge has consequences. It ties both parties for life and most times, the coupling creates children. “
“What’s a coupling?” He tilts his head.
Inhaling a bit of the smoke, I cough. “Well when a man has urges, he would embrace his lover, the woman who accepts him. As you read in the book, they embrace and they kiss.” I cough again, “The coupling is the final part of that embrace. It is kind of like the woman embracing you with herself. So when you get the urge and are sufficiently stimulated, I’m sure you’ve noticed sometimes your lower extremities will feel odd, like it’s hurting in a pleasant way… then the “thing” will harden.”
He looks at me attentively and I’m tempted to look at the floor. “And?”
“Well the reason it’s hardened is for you to put it inside her.”
“How?”
I cough again, this time the smoke got to my eyes. “After a woman is sufficiently stimulated by a man’s kissing her lips, ears and neck and embracing her body – particularly her chest, her lower parts just like yours start to change. I’m not a woman, so I don’t know what it feels like but if you take your fingers and feel between her legs you will find a hole. If she wants you, that hole will be very slick, ready for you to uh… do the coupling.”
“So you just put it inside?”
“Well yes.” I scratch the back of my neck, i’m getting stressed, “But you’ll have to move it in side her. It happens on instinct, you’ll feel good and she’ll feel good as well. Usually if you’re this far already both parties will forget everything else until their needs are both met.”
“So how do you know it’s been met.”
“Oh you’ll know. You’ll empty something into the woman that may cause her to get pregnant.” I grin a little, “Sometimes she might call your name if she really loves you and then you’ll know you did well.”
He blinks. “It still sounds gross.”
“It probably is.”
“And this is where children come from?”
“It’s where all children come from.”
“Tomu – again, this is not one to satisfy a need or urge, or to fulfill a duty. It should be done to express your love for someone, such that even if eventually you have children with the woman, it wouldn’t matter. You wouldn’t mind being related to this woman for the rest of your life and providing and being responsible for the children you have together.”
“But what if the need is strong and you’re not sure of the woman?”
“Then you need to control it.”
“But what if you can’t? It sounds like you couldn’t control it with mother, nor with that other woman Yaso. And mother said you were going to the brothels.”
I groan, “She told you about that?” I sigh, why would that woman… But I promised him the truth “Yaso was the right woman, she was my wife and I loved her. As for the others, your mother was out of duty, the courtesans were a reflection of my destitute state of mind when Hide left me.”
“And now I guess Yagi-san.”
“She is the right woman today.” I tell him the truth.
“So you mean a right woman might change from one time to the next?”
I’m surprised again by his question, “It’s possible for a man to want to satisfy his urges with many women but that wouldn’t be right. It’s also possible for a man to love someone else one day and find he loves another much more after.”
I go to my son and touch his shoulder, leveling eyes with him, “A man can get confused. He sometimes mistakes love for duty or vice versa. Needs and urges for love. Thinks he’s in love with someone but then find someone else later. These things are fraught with pitfalls and he’ll make many mistakes – but a good woman, the right one will find a way to bring him back and make him realize what it is he truly needed and wanted. A good woman who loves you can forgive mistakes.”
“And you’re saying Yagi-san is this type of woman.”
“Yes… Of course I didn’t know it at first.”
He shrugs. “Can I have the book now?”
“No.” I go back and take the book. “Both of you should be punished for having passed around such a book. If he wants it back, tell him to be a man and tell his father to come here to get it.”
“No….” He mutters flabbergasted.
I smile. It was a hard talk. I’m not sure I did well but it didn’t end up with us shouting or slamming the door. Maybe we’ve made progress.
“You have school tomorrow so sleep early.” He’ll be up all night of course on the roof.