I glance down at the note that arrived today.
Yagi-san – I cannot leave the clinic for your check-up today – one doctor is out and the other two are attending to high-risk deliveries. As your file has been returned to us, I can only assume that the police concerns have concluded and that you can come into the office. If you can come today I’ll be happy to see you, otherwise, it may be a week or more before I can come by with my current schedule. Doctor Kobayashi.
“I’ll be fine – but we can’t let Makoto not have someone to pick her up,” I reassure Yukiko.
Well, I don’t have a choice, do I? I take a sun-shading umbrella, and make sure my tanto is tucked safely in my obi. Not that I can -do- anything. Oh well. Be quick. Get back soon. Safely. Then I will have the reassurances to all that I’ve been taking care of myself and give him one less worry.
That’s the least I can do, if I cannot manage to do anything else.
I leave a note on the kitchen table. <i>Going to the doctors for a checkup. Will be back in time to start dinner.</i>
I let Yukiko-san walk me down to the place where our paths converge. It’s not too far. I open the umbrella for shade and concealment and quickly make my way to the medical building.
(OOC – Hide is walking to the clinic)
I stopped by a soba stand for a quick lunch. Of course it’s not really good but at least it was there just as I got back into the inner part of town. I’m not sure why but I suppose I was close enough that I decided to go to the medical building to have my hand taken cared of. I could do it myself but if I did that and waited until I got home, she’ll see and then worry. If it’s taken cared of she’ll know I haven’t been negligent and I don’t have to be another person she has to take care of.
There’s this nurse there who tended to my stabbing wound. I wonder if she can take care of it instead? I go inside. The welts on my arm had started to become uncomfortable, I’m sure they’ll have some salve.
I go in the building and wait in line for my turn.
(OOC: Saitou is at the receptionist area)
I arrive at the clinic, glad that I made it here unnoticed by anyone. I walked faster than I should, but I’m not overheated – my new yukata is very comfortable, after all, and the parasol kept me shaded.
I open the door of the clinic into the main reception area to see… “Hajime?” His name comes out of my lips before I can stop it.
He will be… upset that I broke my promise to stay home.
“Sir we can see you in the clinic just down the hall for immediate care.”
Hajime?
I turn around, hardly hearing the nurse who was giving me instructions. I stand there for a moment before catching myself that I was staring back at her.
“Hide. What…” I catch myself, “I didn’t expect you here.”
I go near her, “Did the doctor ask you to come?” Has that time come already? I thought it wasn’t for until next week. But I know this place and our space sometimes has this oddity in time.
Taking her hand I ask, “Are you feeling unwell?” I place my hand on her forehead.
He looks surprised but not upset, and he’s staring at me… but I find myself staring at him.
I didn’t expect you here. Did the doctor ask you to come?
I look up at him and nod. “He’s unable to come to the house, and I’m now at the point where he wants to see me weekly, until I deliver.”
Are you feeling unwell?
He takes my hand, and I answer, “no, I’m good.” It’s then I notice his hand…
I pick up the hand holding mine. “Oh my love… what happened to you?” I gently touch his left hand to feel for anything broken. “Who did this?” Even if it’s the caped man I will -get- whoever… was striking him? It’s not fistfight injuries, I saw enough of those in the old days.
It’s then I hear someone clearing their throat. “Yagi-san, if you’re ready…” I look over and it’s Kobayashi-sensei. “I’ll look at him, too,” To the nurse he said, “it’s not like she’d leave his side anyway, so I might as well do a two-for-one.”
“He’s unable to come to the house, and I’m now at the point where he wants to see me weekly, until I deliver.”
“Oh.” I think for a moment, “Then I’ll be your escort.” Of course i should be her escort. This is far from our house and that man might appear anytime. Besides, who knows what else lurks around here and until my problem with Shindou is done I can’t leave and track Imai myself.
“Oh my love… what happened to you?” I
I grin slightly, “It’s nothing.” I hold it up for her and flex it into fist, “Nothing broken.”
“Who did this?”
“Just an old woman whom I’ve been visiting or rather been trying to visit.” I look at her again, just to see if I can find anything wrong but physically she appears to be fine? I should take her word for it. After all she felt well enough to come to her doctor and take care of herself.
It’s then we’re interrupted by Kobayashi-san. I nod as a quick apology to the nurse and we are led into his office. As we sit there with him preparing to look her over vaguely wonder if now is a good time to tell the doctor we want her here in the hospital but with me by her side. But for now I refrain, since it’s a two for one today, perhaps the Doctor will be more amiable on our next visit next week. That is if Hide will let me come escort her.
Then I’ll be your escort.
“I’d be honored,” I say, smiling softly. He keeps -looking- at me. I know why he’s so concerned about my health – more than any other man who is anxious over the woman bearing his child – due to his past. But that I’ve not been sleeping well has nothing to do with my pregnancy.
And he -tells- me that his hand is fine but it’s then I see his -arm- and I bring that close to examine. After all, in another place and time I had nursing training so I could take care of him.
“What old woman?” I ask, wondering who would do this to him… but it would explain why he took blows – he wouldn’t fight her.
It’s in these times we forget that we’re not the only people in a room when Kobayashi-sensei interrupts us. I follow the doctor into his office.
“Now that we’re only six weeks or so out, I’ll need to have a look. I will be as brief as possible, and you may feel some discomfort, but I need to see how everything is looking, so we can see where you’re going as we head towards delivery.”
The nurse enters and hands me a blanket, and a number of items to the doctor before leaving. “If you would, please, Yagi-san, untie your yukata and cover yourself with the blanket when you’re on the table.” He reaches up and pulls a curtain around the exam table.
Although I can’t see, I hear him address Hajime. “Now, let’s see to you.” I hear his chuckle. “A rough day for the ‘wolf’, I see?”
Of course she’d see the welts on my arm. I wish I wore my long sleeved white shirt instead of this one but it wasn’t cool outside.
“What old woman?”
“I’ll tell you later.” I told her it was an OLD woman. Is she concerned I’m seeing someone else? I suppose now I really do have to tell her what I’ve been up to. I don’t want her worrying about that.
In the doctor’s examination room, while I sit there I hear..
“If you would, please, Yagi-san, untie your yukata and cover yourself with the blanket when you’re on the table.”
I let out a breath. I should be used to this by now. But I really don’t like the thought of another having his way with her, even if he were her doctor. I suppose I never had to escort a woman to her doctor and this is what typically happens.
But the doctor turns his attention to me first and asks the wolf if he’s had a rough day. I don’t say anything to the doctor and just shoot him dagger looks. He’s going to be in there -again- with my… My… My what?
“I just need some salve on my arms and maybe a wrap on my hand. That’s all the doctor at the precinct would do.” I tell him.
I quickly undress as directed… I know as uncomfortable as this will be for me, it is as well to Hajime. While I wait I listen to the exchanges between the doctor and Hajime.
I just need some salve on my arms and maybe a wrap on my hand. That’s all the doctor at the precinct would do
“Yes, but first I need to make sure nothing is broken – and that your ligaments and tendons are fine.” I can’t see, but I’m assuming that he’s feeling Hajime’s hand and arms. “I’d be careful with your wrist for the next week or so – you’ve had injuries before on this left hand and arm?” I then get a whiff of something pungent, which much be the salve. “Keep it well-bandaged for now. If you feel either tenderness or a loss of mobility or tingling, come back here.”
“Yagi-san, are you ready?” The doctor asks, and I answer that I am – up on the table, and covered. He then opens the curtain, and as he moves down to the other end of the table, and I reach my hand out for Hajime.
The doctor directs me to move my legs, and scoot up some. “I so rarely have the husbands come to appointments,” he says, taking out a notebook, “but when I do exams like this, I would have my nurse in here should a patient come alone,” he tells us. He puts the notebook away, and turns to wash his hands, before moving the blanket up slightly.
Kobayashi-sensei’s face is serious as he goes about his business, and I try not to wince at his touch – but he’s better than the one I had down in Ito, but I only saw him during the delivery.
And then it’s over, and he’s stepped away closed the curtain again around me and Hajime. “See to your clothing, Yagi-san, and I’ll complete the rest of your checkup.”
I let him do as he must. After all that’s what I came here for.
“I’d be careful with your wrist for the next week or so – you’ve had injuries before on this left hand and arm?”
I’d correct him but I don’t. He’s seeing old injuries on my left but he hasn’t seen my right. I almost laugh but I think this doctor would scold me so I only ended up grinning at him.
“Keep it well-bandaged for now. If you feel either tenderness or a loss of mobility or tingling, come back here.”
“That won’t be necessary.” I say more to myself. I’ve been through many life and death battles and yada yada yada… It goes on in my head.
Now it’s Hide’s turn and I watch as they put her on that table. Like a specimen up for -display-. But she reaches out for my hand and I hold it. I try not to tell the doctor he’s taking too long and why is his gaze lingering. It’s all in your head Hajime…
“I so rarely have the husbands come to appointments “but when I do exams like this, I would have my nurse in here should a patient come alone,”
And that’s supposed to make me feel better as he feels her up? I see Hide wince and I frown a little but stop myself from saying anything. After all he might end up using it as an excuse to examine her some more. I give Hide a wry smile but at least it -is- over as he finally covers her again with the blanket and closes the curtain.
“Are you alright?” I ask.
I sit up and redress, having caught the smile Hajime gave me.
I reach for the bandaged hand, and brush my lips across it with quick kiss, even though the smell of the salve is strong. But I provide the best medicine… “It still smells better the the salve made with Ishida sanyaku,” I whisper, with a smile as I tie my obi and have myself presentable.
I reach over to open the curtain, and then the doctor resumes his work, listening to the heartbeat (and again, offering the horn to Hajime), measuring my stomach. The usual questions about my level of activity, what I’m eating, how I’m resting… he checks my pulse and heartbeat.
Then he scribbles some notes.
“Yagi-san, I wish my patients half your age were in as good of health as you are.” The stern face smiles. “The baby feels strong and healthy, and from what I saw in your exam, you’re setting up for a good delivery – and I still feel that mid-September is still accurate.”
“I want you to continue to be active but not push yourself, to get a good nights sleep but take a mid-day nap if you’re feeling at all fatigued. Eat smaller, more frequent meals to help prevent gas and discomfort.” I look down as he mentions that. “And you make see your ankles and feet swell – summer weather makes it worse – take some time to put them up and cool off, if possible.
He then looks in his notebook. “Ah, I see there was still some question regarding where you were going to deliver. Did you and your husband make a decision?”
“It still smells better the the salve made with Ishida sanyaku,”
“They made that into a salve?” I wince, “Souji made me drink the powder once and it’s worst than real grass. Or maybe it was just powdered grass.”
The doctor goes about and completes Hide’s check up and I make note of what he says about eating more frequent meals and then checking her ankles and feet for signs of swelling. I haven’t inspected that part of her at all.
“Ah, I see there was still some question regarding where you were going to deliver. Did you and your husband make a decision?”
For a minute I wonder, did he not know I wasn’t her husband? But I do like the way that sounded.
I hold up my hand, “We haven’t made a decision yet.” I tell him truthfully after all depending on my work… “We’ll let you know by next week.” It’s a change I know from what Hide expected but we can talk about that later when we leave the doctor’s office.
(OOC: You can lead them out of Kobayashi)
They made that into a salve? Souji made me drink the powder once and it’s worst than real grass. Or maybe it was just powdered grass
I laugh a little. “You know he was convinced the stuff was magical.” I grin a little, “I’m certain there’s still some moldering packets laying around back at the house in Kyoto if you want me to send for it…”
We haven’t made a decision yet. We’ll let you know by next week
I look at Hajime – I thought we had settled on a delivery here at the clinic?
The doctor nods, and says, “we spoke last time about you being present, despite our general policy against it, but after today I’m happy to give my full recommendation for you to be here with your wife.” He says with a chuckle, “I could see that you wanted to kill me but you held yourself back admirably. I’ll pass along my notes to our board. And unless I have concerns, Yagi-san will not need another such exam until she delivers.”
He then escorts us out, and we set the time for the appointment with the nurse, and leave the clinic to go out into the bright sun of a summer afternoon.
“I’m glad you were here, but I don’t like seeing you injured,” I tell him.
“I’m certain there’s still some moldering packets laying around back at the house in Kyoto if you want me to send for it…”
“No thank you. I still have the Ishida Sanyaku peddler box as part of my disguise.” It’s then that I remember I’m supposed to drop by the machiya to take some of my more personal belongings.
Hide gives me a look that I don’t miss but the doctor tells us that we can have the baby here now that I didn’t kill him.
And unless I have concerns, Yagi-san will not need another such exam until she delivers.”
“That’s preferred.” I tell him, “But I’ll be with her on her next few visits.”
We leave the medical building after setting the appointment.
“I’m glad you were here, but I don’t like seeing you injured,”
“It couldn’t be helped. At least I got past the gates this time.” I tell her as I watch her walk, I steal a glance at her ankles. It’s not swollen yet. But this is a far walk.
“I have to drop by the machiya for a few things.” I look at the time, it’s doubtful Eiji is there since I know he works in the Akabeko till late at night. “We should probably get you some food on the way.”
Thankfully from here, the machiya is on the way from our house. “We can take a rest there and continue on home a little later when the sun let’s up.” Then I think next time I’ll insist we get on a carriage for her next doctor’s visit.
(OOC: That’s it for me tonight. You can continue whenever)
It couldn’t be helped. At least I got past the gates this time.
I look up at him. “What sort of old woman is this? Does she have information you need?”
We walk through the streets, and he mentions the machiya. I’ve not been there since that one time, long ago… and isn’t Eiji-kun staying there?
“I am hungry,” I admit with a smile, as he mentions food. As we walk I look at all of the food stalls around. “Do you want something as well? I point out a riceball stall that purports to have thirty different kinds. “What about that? I don’t want anything too heavy.”
I -will- be glad to get out of the sun.
“What sort of old woman is this? Does she have information you need?”
“Shindou’s mother.” That should alleviate any concerns of course that she may have. “An older woman, quite a temper. Can’t seem to listen to a word I say.”
We walk the streets and I scan the surroundings. She finally seems to spot a food stall.
“Do you want something as well?“What about that? I don’t want anything too heavy.”
“Nothing for me I had lunch earlier.” I look at the offerings, “Do buy some Umeboshi riceballs for Eiji however.”
We’re not too far I think.
Shindou’s mother. An older woman, quite a temper. Can’t seem to listen to a word I say
“Oh – is he alright?” I ask, concerned. I didn’t ask about him after Hajime’s return from his mission. I may have resented him for the interrogation, but I didn’t wish him harm. “And what would make her attack you?” And so violently?
I order some riceballs, making sure I get the plum ones for Eiji-san, and walk with Hajime down streets I don’t know well and barely remember. I will be glad to sit down.
She gets Eiji some riceballs. He won’t be there but they should keep until the tonight. We walk quietly, not really finding anything to speak about so I decide to answer her question.
“Oh – is he alright?”
“He probably is.” I light a smoke and flick the match away. “I’ve not been able to speak to him since I got out of the hospital but he turned in his resignation recently, so he’s still alive.”
I don’t answer her other question. She’s a mother. I suppose that’s the answer but it doesn’t help solve my problem. So we keep walking. “Just a little longer.” I tell her, I’m sure she wants to sit down.
Finally we’re there and I let myself in, after all I still pay the rent here and just let Eiji stay. As we walk along the narrow pavement leading to a small “clearing”, I hesitate to call it a garden. I help her up the small genkan slightly. I look around, everything about it is small. Just enough for one person. Odd I still can’t seem to let this place go. Well I did stay here for over a year.
“Sorry to bring you all the way here. I just needed to get some things. If you can leave the riceballs on the counter I’m sure he’ll see it later tonight.”
I find her a chair, rather than a pillow. It’d be more comfortable. Placing the chair by a table I find her some water. “Go ahead and have your lunch?”
Then I go about finding my old bag, some old clothes, old things – all tucked away in a few drawers. I hesitate for a moment, wondering if it’s a good idea, things hasn’t been working out lately. Maybe I should just keep these were they were? I close the drawer quietly and tuck the bag away. Instead, I get up and tear a piece of paper away from my small notebook and write a note for Eiji.
Note: Hide and I were passing by, thought we’d leave you with an old favorite. Enjoy.
p.s. Kinosuke left last Friday. You should visit some time.
I place the note by the riceballs and go sit down.
I’ve not been able to speak to him since I got out of the hospital but he turned in his resignation recently, so he’s still alive.
Ah… so he’s alive. And wishing to leave the police, and if Hajime hasn’t seen him, then that means he must have only left a letter. No wonder Hajime is trying to find him.
“I don’t want to interfere with your work, but I owe Shindou-san a debt as well. Would it be helpful if I went to find him – at least to speak to his mother?” Perhaps she won’t attack me. And even though I’m -very- unhappy that Hajime took the brunt of it, I understand the impulse to protect a child – even when the child is well-grown.
We get to his old place and I settle into the chair he provides. I eat two riceballs as he moves around the room. Eiji-san keeps this place very tidy, which isn’t surprising – he doesn’t seem like the messy sort, but it lacks much in the way of decoration or personality.
Much as it was the last time I was here.
I see him move things around, but some things stay. “So… tell me, what treasures do you keep here?” Feeling the need to stretch, I move to one of the cushions on the floor. I smile up at him, glad for a few moments to relax and be ourselves.
“I don’t want to interfere with your work, but I owe Shindou-san a debt as well. Would it be helpful if I went to find him – at least to speak to his mother?”
I look at her. It’s not my habit to involve her. I smoke for a bit thinking about it. “If you want but…” I inhale the smoke, “we’ll go together.” If i can get a few minutes with the idiot. It may just be worth it.
But is it really? I stare at her again. Can she really take on one more thing? But it’s important to bring him back. I can’t leave them without a proper guard and I maybe called at anytime.
“So… tell me, what treasures do you keep here?”
“Old clothes.” I say. “I’d hardly call them treasures.”
I watch as she moves to a cushion. She smiles and I’m tempted to ask, so I do. “Is that a real one this time?”
If you want but… we’ll go together.
“She seems like a strong woman. Perhaps mother-to-mother is something you can’t do, despite all of your many talents,” I laugh a little. “And thank you for letting me -try- to help you. Sometimes I feel that there’s so little I can do for you – when I can be useful beyond my domestic skills, I’m glad for it.”
Old clothes. I’d hardly call them treasures
“But you still have them…” I look over at the cabinet. “Do you still have your haori, or did it get lost during those times?”
I’m startled by his next question.
“Yes,” I say, simply. “I didn’t go out to run into you today. It was a wonderful surprise, even if you had to witness -that- sort of appointment,” I grimace a little. “I was afraid by going out that I’d have an unpleasant surprise, after all., but I couldn’t imagine having an… exam at home, not with our visitors here next week, had I not gone today.” I sip from the cup of water that I brought with me to the floor. “Do you think that, apart from that one day of the tournament, that I would give you a false smile, in the brief time that we have to ourselves?” I stand and take the empty cup over the the cupboard, and go to stand by him, and lean my head against his chest.
“The last time I left this room, I never thought that I’d see this place again. Much less you.” I look down at my hands. I made so many mistakes. And I wonder what price he’s still paying for those days? Memories, once removed, leave holes, even if they’re ‘put back’.
“And thank you for letting me -try- to help you. Sometimes I feel that there’s so little I can do for you – when I can be useful beyond my domestic skills, I’m glad for it.”
“It’s not like we have the same job.” I say.
“Do you still have your haori, or did it get lost during those times?”
“There’s one left. I think I told you before, I planned to use it with Sou…” I stop and place the cigarette in my mouth. That was a long time ago 7 years now?
Thankfully our talk goes elsewhere.
“I was afraid by going out that I’d have an unpleasant surprise, after all., but I couldn’t imagine having an… exam at home, not with our visitors here next week, had I not gone today.”
“I see. I suppose that was the best place to have the exam.” I ash the cigarette, “It’s better -i- witness it, than someone else.”
She speaks about false smiles that day of the tournament and I don’t say anything.
“The last time I left this room, I never thought that I’d see this place again. Much less you.”
Of course I remember that night. I was still myself then but the following morning not so much. In fact I hardly remember that time until I dragged Saya to Ito. The same ones that brings us together and yet places obstacles. Some call it fate. Others call it karma. And a few, who don’t believe in anything would say it was nothing but random acts.
She looks down at her hands. Why? “I heard you went to -that- place. You needed time alone?” I can understand that.
It’s not like we have the same job
“No, we don’t, but we still support each other.” I shake my head. “And I don’t want your job – I have no secret desire to be a warrior or a spy or anything interesting. I was just hoping that within my skillset I could… being -with- you outside of our home is not just about sitting together at field day, after all.”
He doesn’t say anything about coming back to this place.
I heard you went to -that- place. You needed time alone? I can understand that
“I did need time, yes. For myself… and I was hoping that I could draw you out. But it didn’t work,” I step away from him and look out of the small window into the pocket-sized garden. “Which is good. We’d be distracted, we’d have to pay for it some way…” I close my eyes. “I took it for granted, all those years ago, being able to move like that. I want to be here with you now – I want to work towards what we need to do, no matter how hard it can be, but I can still miss the freedom, especially when this world seems so -hard-.”
I open my eyes and turn around to face him. “I think it’s assumed that all I want to do is seduce you. Yes, that’s part of the way we share our connection, our love. But we also need time with each other… since we came back together we’ve talked so much, about things we never discussed in the years before. And we have more to do.” I smile. “-So- much to do.” I go back to where he stands and take his free hand.
“Stay with me – not just physically, sleeping beside me, but you have -me- – not some shadow. I have you – messy, sometimes troublesome -you- – and not that too-good-to-be true creation my writer tries to concoct in her stories.” I tilt my head back to look at him. “You have -me-, and if that’s only in this place, well, if you’re here and it’s the only place you can be, well, this is where I want to be as well.”
“And I don’t want your job – I have no secret desire to be a warrior or a spy or anything interesting. I was just hoping that within my skillset I could… being -with- you outside of our home is not just about sitting together at field day, after all.”
I look at her, “I don’t mind you trying to help.” She should know this right? After all didn’t I ask her to look into some information fairly recently.
“I did need time, yes. For myself… and I was hoping that I could draw you out. But it didn’t work,”
She steps away. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet you.” I say and look away slightly drawing on my cigarette. “I wanted to but I thought you needed to be alone, after all you left by yourself.”
“Which is good. We’d be distracted, we’d have to pay for it some way…”
I don’t dispute that. I’ve known for a while there were consequences but more than that I also knew even if we met outside it would never be the same. Another reason why I didn’t follow. “I could’ve gone to you true, there would be consequences -maybe-, but I doubt we’d find what was missing there either.” The truth is in fact I knew we won’t and she’s not alone missing something. What i missed truly was not that freedom of movement.
I want to work towards what we need to do, no matter how hard it can be, but I can still miss the freedom, especially when this world seems so -hard-.”
Was it truly that hard? “So tell me what’s so hard about it?”
I think it’s assumed that all I want to do is seduce you. Yes, that’s part of the way we share our connection, our love.
It wasn’t her who wouldn’t stop the other night.
“Stay with me – not just physically, sleeping beside me, but you have -me- – not some shadow. I have you
I’d tell her, it wasn’t me who left. But I know that’s not fair.
“You have -me-, and if that’s only in this place, well, if you’re here and it’s the only place you can be, well, this is where I want to be as well.”
I don’t say much more to this. After all I think I already tried to tell her. I am free, always have been but that is not our problem. “We can stay here. Work things out.” Maybe things will go back to the way it was before. It’s doubtful but it’s all we have. I glance at our much awaited child, at least everytime it came to the child or the events surrounding it, we become our truest selves. Not like before when having Makoto drew us apart but that was mostly my fault.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet you. I wanted to but I thought you needed to be alone, after all you left by yourself.
“I’m sorry. I should have been more clear about what I wanted, instead of… dropping hints.” I look down. “Sometimes, when I’m upset, I just get… into myself.” I swallow. “Instead of facing it, I… escaped. Instead of -asking-…” I blink, keeping my eyes down. “Well, I didn’t ask, and… it’s made it all the more worse.” Good intentions and all that, I suppose?
So tell me what’s so hard about it?
“I -like- seeing the children grow, seeing them be a part of a world.” I smile, a little, “even though -understandably – he doesn’t like me much, I’ve loved getting to know Tsutomu-kun, and seeing him with Makoto. I want to get to a place where I not only stand by your side, but do it by rights, as your lawful wife.”
At the window, I grip the sill tightly. “I was so lonely for so long. Missing you, all those years, and maybe that scares me, to know that again. I didn’t get to go into a cage, into bindings, into sleep. I waited, aware of the passage of time. I’m glad you asked me, even if you started this world back without me.” I take a deep breath. “But aside from once or twice, early on, I didn’t ask then either, did I? I’d come in, poke around, wallow in memories and say -nothing-. ”
“And I knew… that coming back here it wouldn’t be -easy-. I -know- that. And when I stumble and fail, all I can think is that I’m not doing any good for you, and it’s hard for me to… redirect this line of thought. That I make your life harder, more complicated. I felt the entire theme of the first part, when we came back, was that I was a distraction and that one kindly-meant gesture would… either ruin your mission or have… even worse results. All because I wanted to send you some food.”
“But I felt… strong, then, even when I was told that I weakened you. I could defend you and your intentions to Shindou-san, Yukiko-san, Eiji-san…” I shake my head. “But the caped man threw us both off-kilter, and we… didn’t lean on each other.” I mutter, “and he ruined my birthday. I -know- I sound like a child, but those are -special- to us. Had it not been for a birthday, we wouldn’t be here today.”
“I’m strong enough for this. I’m sincere in what I want for me, for you, for us. I believe in us. That this child has waited so patiently for us…” I wrap my arms around my stomach, “we must be doing -something- right, even when I feel so blind and stumbling and -lost-.”
We can stay here. Work things out
“I’d like that.” I finally look up at him.
“Sometimes, when I’m upset, I just get… into myself.” “Instead of facing it, I… escaped. Instead of -asking-…” “Well, I didn’t ask, and… it’s made it all the more worse.”
I watch and smoke as she looks down. I hated telling her this, but hate even more how I make her feel.
“even though -understandably – he doesn’t like me much, I’ve loved getting to know Tsutomu-kun, and seeing him with Makoto. I want to get to a place where I not only stand by your side, but do it by rights, as your lawful wife.”
“Tsutomu is…” I think for a moment, “He was always the son who didn’t get what’s due to him. In all the places, I’ve been because I could never make it work with his mother.” Of course somewhere deep in my memory I saw a shadow of a man who loved his wife but lost her and his children in one night. But that was an unstable world and him largely unformed and helpless. That is no longer the case here. “They said I was a typical father, favoring my first born but if they only knew the cruel fates that son of mine had endured in various places. If you could, just bear with him and I for now.” I’m not sure if she’ll understand what I mean but it’s all the same.
I waited, aware of the passage of time. I’m glad you asked me, even if you started this world back without me.” “But aside from once or twice, early on, I didn’t ask then either, did I? I’d come in, poke around, wallow in memories and say -nothing-. ”
She made me promises back then to -tell- me. But I suppose our natures will always remain the same? What was it she said about her name? Hide, to “hide”.
“A long time ago I asked you to keep talking to me.” Taking a long drag I continue, “Do you know why that is Hide?” I look at her, “Because only you can draw me out. Only you can reach me. Maybe not all the time or immediately, but eventually. I realize this is a great burden on you, so if it’s too much of a burden you should at least tell me.”
That I make your life harder, more complicated. I felt the entire theme of the first part, when we came back, was that I was a distraction and that one kindly-meant gesture would… either ruin your mission or have… even worse results. All because I wanted to send you some food
“I liked the food and nothing bad came of it.” I remind her and finally put out the cigarette that I’ve been imbibing. “Yes I was distracted but I was distracted because I didn’t leave -correctly-. It wasn’t your fault. Besides any man who has someone to go home to, would want to go home expeditiously, safely if possible. If there was one thing I shed from the one you call my “ancestor”, it’s that I would take a second before throwing my life away.” Shameful I know but my old self didn’t have much to look forward to except to his honor and Japan. It was an old man another Captain Okita of a future we will never see, who finally made me understand this as I struggled between her, my family and my country.
She mentions the birthday. The disappointments. The obstacles. I go to her side and embrace her from the back and lay my hand on top of hers, that’s on top of our child.
“we must be doing -something- right, even when I feel so blind and stumbling and -lost-.”
“We are. And I need you. You’re not always wrong. We’ll not always be stumbling.” I kiss the top of her hair. “We couldn’t have lasted this long if we didn’t do -some- things right.”
If you could, just bear with him and I for now.
I listen as he talks of Tsutomu-kun, and he speaks of how he’s been in other places. “Of course I will. I know he’ll never be mine… but I love him all the same. I can’t do anything about those other places, but in this place… I’ll protect him.” Then I remember something. “Hajime – he has a map on his desk to the Kamiya dojo. It looks like Makoto’s writing and not very accurate – but why would he want to go there? And how would Makoto have any idea where it is?”
Because only you can draw me out. Only you can reach me. Maybe not all the time or immediately, but eventually. I realize this is a great burden on you, so if it’s too much of a burden you should at least tell me.
My eyes glow softly as I listen to him. “No… it’s not a burden. It can be a lot of work, but you’re worth it.” I then smile, wryly. “It’s something to remember when I’m pounding away at you when you seem the most lost to me. I don’t need to use time and space. Just this.” I touch my hand to the side of his face. He should know from the softness of that touch… I remember the one time I didn’t give up on him. Calling out to him as he locked himself in the washroom one dark night. Waiting by him in the pre-dawn hours by my door, with a blanket and his hand in mine. Despite what had happened, I felt so clear-eyed, so certain: that I loved this man, and that I wouldn’t give up on him.
Besides any man who has someone to go home to, would want to go home expeditiously, safely if possible. If there was one thing I shed from the one you call my “ancestor”, it’s that I would take a second before throwing my life away
“Then… I’m a good distraction. But next time -I- send you off, and it’s like we’ve talked about before – loving someone means -always- worrying about them. It’s not just the other men with swords and guns. There seems to be an entire world – not just Battosais and caped men, but wild horses and storms and all sorts of things – that I’ll always worry about trying to get to you – and now I guess I have to add old ladies with, what, a broom?” After all, that was my grandmother’s favorite…
And then he’s behind me, his arms around me and his hand on mine, on our child. The child seems to understand and respond in kind no longer with frantic kicks but with solid -thumps-.
We are. And I need you. You’re not always wrong. We’ll not always be stumbling. We couldn’t have lasted this long if we didn’t do -some- things right
I lean back against him, drinking in his warmth, his strength. Offering mine. “I never got to tell you the other night – I love you too.” I rest my head back on his shoulder and tilt my face up to look at him.
Perhaps it’s because Hide understands the wilderness that she doesn’t question my treatment of my son. But then she tells me about a map.
“Why else would he want to go…” I look at her, “His mother of course. And to find out the truth.”
“As for Makoto…” I sigh, “I asked her not to tell you. I had taken the road that passed their dojo checking to see if Seijuro left. He did not.”
“It’s something to remember when I’m pounding away at you when you seem the most lost to me. I don’t need to use time and space. Just this.”
She touches my face and I catch her hand, letting the softness of her palm linger there and I turn to kiss her palm. “There’ll be time for there and here. I like those places you know but you going there -alone-, pregnant no less is a definite -no- going forwards.” I grimace a little, “You do understand Kondou-san and Hijikata-san is alive there? They’d have my head if they found out about this.” I look at her protruding belly.
I’ll always worry about trying to get to you – and now I guess I have to add old ladies with, what, a broom?
“And sadly many more I think you’d have to save me from.” I groan. “I am glad, if you can distract her then I can quickly dash into the house and drag Shindou out or is that not how to handle this?” I groan -more-, everything I’ve tried hasn’t worked out. “Well we’ll figure it out in a few days.”
The child kicks Hide and I and I press her hand into her belly slightly. Urging it to be quiet for a moment.
“I never got to tell you the other night – I love you too.”
She looks up at me and I reach down just to brush my lips against hers. “Well I know you’re a woman of propriety when there’s an audience. A reply would’ve been too much for you.” I wink at her and go back to claim a deeper kiss.
Why else would he want to go… His mother of course. And to find out the truth
“But does that man have -the- truth? He has a version of, I suppose, -her- truth, but I suppose that would be easier for him to digest,” I sigh. I wish there was some way for Tsutomu-kun to -not- see his father as the villain,
I asked her not to tell you. I had taken the road that passed their dojo checking to see if Seijuro left. He did not.
“I knew she was leaving something out – she told me in -great- detail about everything else you two did, including your double-breakfast, but suddenly there were no details in how she got home.” I grin a little, “she’s rather observant for her age.”
I like those places you know but you going there -alone-, pregnant no less is a definite -no- going forwards
I nod. That’s something I can agree to. What -if- something had happened? And he mentions Kondou-san and Hijikata-san, and I smile. “They did call me ‘Hide-chan’ well into my twenties, after all. I’d hate to see if they use the back room of that bar like they did the storage building at my father’s house.”
He muses about how to approach Shindou-san’s home again. “Distract her? With a song and dance?” I laugh and shake my head. “No… but we’re both mothers, after all. Although I hope he doesn’t let on about the -pictures- or she may come after me with the broom as well!”
Well I know you’re a woman of propriety when there’s an audience. A reply would’ve been too much for you
“-Very- proper,” I murmur, turning in his arms to better respond to his kiss and to get him into my arms.
“But does that man have -the- truth? He has a version of, I suppose, -her- truth, but I suppose that would be easier for him to digest,”
I shake my head and put a finger on her lips. No more. “Even I don’t know his truth Hide.”
but suddenly there were no details in how she got home.” “she’s rather observant for her age.”
“You seem very observant yourself.”
Suddenly I laugh as Hide tells me about how the commanders kept calling her “Hide-chan.”
“I’m sure you liked it.” I smirk, “you probably thought it kept you “cute”.”
No… but we’re both mothers, after all. Although I hope he doesn’t let on about the -pictures- or she may come after me with the broom as well!”
I shake my head, “If she does I’ll throw her to jail. She’s maybe 15 years older than us, though she looks like she’s 25 years older and Shindou’s mother but if she tries to pull on you what she did on me. That’s a no go.”
And of course we kiss. In this room where she rejected me once because I had lost myself in a drunken stupor. I’m tempted to just keep going… And the next thing I know I’ve placed her against the wall, holding her by the waist with one hand and my other hand disappearing once again into her kimono. Why does it always end up this way?
“He won’t be home until later.” I whisper in her ear. “but I promise to be quick.”
Even I don’t know his truth Hide
Of course not. We’ll just have to see what it is – if he shares it.
You seem very observant yourself.
I shake my head, “only a housewife, cleaning up after Kinosuke-san – he left a number of socks, among other things, behind. Those I put away, but I don’t go snooping through the room of an almost-grown boy as a rule. But in doing his laundry, changing his bedding, swapping out detective books.
I’m sure you liked it. You probably thought it kept you “cute”
I laugh. “Maa… they made me feel like I was still ten years old – until Kondou-san would come with the latest letter from home, wanting to confirm that whatever his wife wrote about Tama-chan was ‘ahead for her age’. Then suddenly I was a wise obaa-san.”
He speaks of Shindou-san’s mother, and at first I’m surprised that she’s not that much older, and has a grown son – but then, of course, we’re not -young- ourselves. “Shindou-san’s father – is he around, or is she a widow?”
But thoughts of our “mission” flies out of my mind as suddenly I’m against the wall, drinking in a long kiss, feeling his warm, rough hand on my sensitive skin.
He won’t be home until later. But I promise to be quick
“And I have to go make dinner,” but the rest of my response is in my kisses, my actions. I wrap on leg around his, and let him pull me up, where I move against him – he’s already firm. I’m surprised by how quickly I’m ready for him. “Ah, Hajime…” I moan, breaking a kiss.
This afternoon this room doesn’t smell of sake. We’re here together, -with- each other. Today he had to watch another man touch me – even if it was professionally. But it was as different from what I’m feeling now as it was when I fed Makoto compared to when he “fed” on me the other night.
She tells me about her cleaning up after Kinosuke. I almost groan at that. A grown man like him should’ve left everything clean but I digress. I’ve known many men who thinks nothing of leaving fudonshi for all to see. Or underwear, in that other world that she speaks about. One day we’ll go there together and visit our friends.
“Shindou-san’s father – is he around, or is she a widow?”
I shake my head already too distracted with her against me. “Later before we go. I’ll get you up to speed.”
“And I have to go make dinner,”
“I know.” I whisper in between kisses shared between us.
I’d grab inside her kimono, to those mounds of flesh that feel like clouds but the last thing I want is to milk her again and ruin her kimono. We still have to get home. So I refrain. I did promise to. be quick after all. Not much foreplay as I’ve been ready and as she wraps her leg around me, I prop that leg up to give me access. I feel her first with my fingers to see and I grin resting my forehead on hers. “Just a sec…”
I set myself free and push into her. I can help it as I let out a breath of pleasure into her ear. That’s more like it. I move wanting to complete what we couldn’t the last time.
Socks and mothers … all gone from my mind. They’ll have to be dealt with, but now… -now-…
Wisely he doesn’t handle my breasts too much – we’ll have time for that later. Sometimes, so many times we savored and took our time… but I’m finding that this urgent coupling is no less sweeter. We’ve had to be… creative since coming back, firstly due to the bulk of our child, and now… because of circumstance. My hungry lips, tongue taste along his neck, his earlobe.
When he touches me with his fingers I gasp out – and he’s grinning. I smile back and brush his bangs back as he enters me, and I feel my body singing in -joy-. His breath hot on my ear, and I squeeze him. I know that’s something he enjoys as I do, and then I let myself move, marveling at how we manage to fit so well together.
I’m going fast – not because we -must- but because I want this. To share in this. Another time we’ll take our time, revisit all of our favorite “places”. For now, I embrace the man I love with my entire self.
I wince as she squeezes me, making her insides tighter and causing much pleasurable friction between us. I don’t stop though, I’ve wanted this. I’ve wanted her for a -while- now. In this place there are obstacles, some placed intentionally, others not so much but a change in the way she and I live -today-. But this sharing of ourselves never changes.
She does her tasting and I do mine as well, along the nape of her neck, going up the edges of her ear. Biting and pulling a little bit as I push and pull from her repeatedly, not losing my pace and she seemingly going at the same pace I’m at which was -fast-. So much so that I found myself breathing through my mouth and I embrace her with both my hands now grasping her hair, ruining them as I find her lips and grapple with her tongue and push into her a little bit too forcefully as I feel myself explode inside unexpectedly. Surprised, I don’t pull out, wondering if she was able to, or rather was she satisfied? All I could do was hold her close.
How… how can he do this? Be everywhere all at once – his lips, his teeth, his tongue – yet pounding me relentlessly and holding me up all at once.
So fast… and all of my pent-up need, longing… drives me to take everything I can, to give all that I am. Keeping pace with him, I feel it all ripping through my body, quick and urgent, like a storm that rises up in a summer’s afternoon.
I can feel him, deep inside me, releasing and I feel myself going as well, his name coming out in a rough whisper as I shudder. Spent, I lean against him with him still buried within me, resting my forehead against his and taking one more kiss, this one soft and lingering, unlike the ones we shared just a moment ago.
“Ah… how I love you,” I say, “even though you muss up my hair. But you’re worth it.” I grin softly.
I’m relieved as she tells me I’m worth it. It seems I was able to satisfy her after all. Reluctantly I release from our embrace and try to fix her hair and kimono.
“I don’t think there’s a comb anywhere.” I say and step away slightly admiring her. “Sit down for a bit and rest? Then later I’ll take you home.”
I wonder if anyone will know what we’ve been doing here. This is -my- place after all. He’s just a freeloader. I should try to find something, maybe in that bag I was planning to bring.
(OOC: late continue tom)
I can’t stop grinning at him as he repairs me, and I sit and take over the work to get my hair back up to where it was, and return my clothes to a proper state. “Ah, no fair, you stayed nearly entirely dressed,” I laugh. “I suppose I wasn’t fast enough?”
But I rest as he requests, after all, I’m a little out of breath. “I should have gotten Eiji-san more than just riceballs,” I say, looking over at the note.
“Ah, no fair, you stayed nearly entirely dressed,”
“Well I did say it’d be quick.” I grin back. “And I kept you fairly clothe just in case another voyeur dropped in.”
I go back and rummage through the bag and find a very small men’s hair comb made of wood. “Will this work?” I hand it to her and go back to the bag.
“I should have gotten Eiji-san more than just riceballs,”
“Don’t worry about it. He works at a restaurant. I’m sure he dines better than us most days.”
I open the drawer again looking at a couple of old pieces of cloth the red one largely faded while the light blue one needed some mending, maybe I -should- take it with me? Finally give these things a real home?
“Did your mother teach you how to sew?” I ask her. “Are you any good at it?”
I take the comb and finish my hair. Not having a mirror I’m having to do it by touch. Rising, I stand in front of Hajime and twirl – I’ve not done that for him yet in my birthday yukata. “So, how do I look?”
I’m sure he dines better than us most days.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I say, “when I went to see him we were more or less -made- to order, and I had the soba.” I make a bit of a face, “unless you are seeking information or something, I wouldn’t recommend making a stop for it.” I grin up at him, “besides, you have some -very- good soba at home, ready whenever you need it.”
“But we should have Eiji-san over more, as his schedule permits. And next week in particular, I’m sure he would love to see Tsuyoshi-kun again.” And maybe some time to speak to Yukiko-san? But right now she still seems upset about Kinosuke-san leaving.
I see him looking in a drawer, when he asks me if I can sew. “Of course I can – you’ll see when you help me move all of the things I’ve sewn for the baby down to our new room.” I laugh. “And do you know how many uniforms I patched up back in the day?”
“So, how do I look?”
“Pretty damn good.” I chuckle, “Which you should be happy about since I already got what I wanted.”
“when I went to see him we were more or less -made- to order, and I had the soba.” I make a bit of a face, “unless you are seeking information or something, I wouldn’t recommend making a stop for it.”
I’m surprised of course. She’s been there? I quirk an eyebrow, “And what information would be so important that you’d dare to go there?” Of course she probably didn’t know the proprietress was very good friends with the Battousai’s lot.
I nod as she mentions Eiji. “I’ll mention it to him.”
“And do you know how many uniforms I patched up back in the day?”
“Never mine.” I remind her as I put some things into the bag, “But there’s always a first time.” Straightening up, I go over to her.
“If you’ve recovered, we can go home.”
I glow at his compliment. “Yes, that does make me happy, thank you.”
“And what information would be so important that you’d dare to go there?
“I went to get Eiji-san’s advice when I found out about Tsutomu-kun’s plans to run away,” I say, feeling a little confused, I thought I’d told him that? “I introduced myself as a family friend.”
He packs up some items, and he’s correct, he never asked for repair services back then. But I’m happy to provide them now.
I take his hand. “Thank you for letting me recover from the walk,” I laugh, leaning up for one more kiss. “Let’s go home.”
(OOC – you may close)
She’s pleased of course as I compliment her but has a confused look as she answered me about being in the Akabeko. I’m not sure why I forgot, she did tell me that. Am I getting old? Or…
I introduced myself as a family friend.”
“Good.” I say simply and don’t linger on the subject. We start to leave. I lock up behind us and lead us out.
“Thank you for letting me recover from the walk,”
“Of course.” We kiss one last time, “I let you have a few extra minutes because you were such a “good” girl.”
(OOC: Close)