Hajime took the children to school today, and I know was set to talk to Takimi-sensei. So that leaves Yukiko-san free to go to the market with me. Now that Hajime’s back and the addition is done, will Kinosuke-san stay on? But either way I need to teach Yukiko-san how to do this properly and not Kinosuke-san’s free-spending ways, for she’ll have to take this over by the time the baby comes. That, and I need to talk to her about this -look- she’s had lately, since Hajime came home. She seems to watch us carefully.
I think also about Makoto. I had to stay with her until she fell asleep last night. We’ve never had much of a family so strife within it is new to her, and she loves both her father and brother so much, with that same fierce adoration. And… I think there’s some fear there that she can’t name, and that I need to figure out how to address.
(OOC – Looking around for Yukiko-san)
Monday Morning Marketing
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I find Yukiko-san out sweeping the engawa. “Good morning, Yukiko-san. How are you today?” I smile over at her, she still seems in low spirits.
“I need to go to the market, would you like to come with me?” I look up at the sky. “It’s a nice day, maybe we can stop for tea on our way over?” Maybe she needs to get out of the house – her and Kinosuke-san hardly seem to go out anymore.
I have my marketing basket and a letter to Aizu with me, we’ll need to stop to post that as well.
“I need to go to the market, would you like to come with me?” “It’s a nice day, maybe we can stop for tea on our way over?”
Oh she’s smiling and has that “glow” again. Is that what’s supposed to happen? I try to match her smile. “Sure I’d love to accompany you Yagi-san.”
Putting away the cleaning things, I pat my kimono a little as if to straighten up. “Let’s go?”
(OOC: Does the letter to aizu include makoto-chan’s letter to Tsuyoshi? If not can it be? but it is not a requirement.)
Sure I’d love to accompany you Yagi-san
“Wonderful,” I reply with a smile. I leave a note – The ladies have gone to the market on the kitchen table, and make sure that I have my letters – the one I wrote, and another one left on my sewing basket – from the outside, it’s from my daughter to Tsuyoshi-kun. I slide it into the envelope with my letter to Namuzawa-san.
We exit the gate and walk down the street.
“So,” I look over at her. “How has it -really- been going? I’m sorry we’ve not had time for a good talk since our last one, and I can tell – you’ve been so quiet – that you have something on your mind.”
“How has it -really- been going? I’m sorry we’ve not had time for a good talk since our last one, and I can tell – you’ve been so quiet – that you have something on your mind.”
We walk down the street. There’s a little incline. I didn’t notice that the house was slightly elevated. Looking back I think about how it must be nice as visitors get near, they can spot the house. I wonder how exciting it may be anticipating how close and yet so far a place can be?
But then Yagi-san pops a question and I’m not sure how to answer. Have I really been that quiet.
“It’s been quiet.” I remind her and smile a little, “at least for me. It must be very different for you now that there’s more activity in the house.”
I don’t remind her that only a couple of weeks ago that things were much more stressful for everyone with those suspicious people. I wonder, if any of them is still around but she and Uncle have been so relaxed there must not be cause for worry.
We’re now getting closer to the market and there’s not much people. “You know it was always the same at home. There was a certain rhythm to it and I didn’t mind it. Until…” My eyes catch a book seller and I turn away. Not everyone can be so lucky could they but those are just -books-. “I realized I minded it.” I laugh a little, did that even make a little sense?
It’s been quiet. at least for me. It must be very different for you now that there’s more activity in the house
“Mmmm.” I smile a little. “Well I’m not sure if it’s more -active- – but there are things that can be addressed now that Hajime is back home, for now.”
She reacts strangely to the bookseller – why? I take her arm and guide her to a little shop advertising tea that’s just next door, with a nice place to sit outside. “Let’s stop before we get started with the shopping?”
You know it was always the same at home. There was a certain rhythm to it and I didn’t mind it. Until… I realized that I minded it.
I order for us – two cups of tea and some fruit – and we sit at one of the tables. “I know something like that. I’m from Kyoto, but my Mibu was its own place – a village that was once on the edge of the city, and the city grew around us. It was my home and growing up, I imagined that my life would never take me more than a few miles from home. And even as the world changed, home was home. Until… one day home changed as well, and I chose to come here.” I smile as I remember.
Our order is brought out, and I take a sip of the tea. “So minding… how much does that now have to do with Kinosuke-san? You don’t seem as … close these days.”
“Well I’m not sure if it’s more -active- – but there are things that can be addressed now that Hajime is back home, for now.”
“I’m glad for you Yagi-san but what would those things be?” I figured she already handled most things. I can’t imagine what else would be needed.
She leads me into a small shop and our teas are brought immediately. It was a little cool so I drink some of mine. I’m not sure if the fruits would go well with this tea however.
And even as the world changed, home was home. Until… one day home changed as well, and I chose to come here.”
She tells me about her home in Mibu, how it too has changed. “I always hear that Kyoto never changed even through wars.” I watch her smile, “But you came here, of all places why here where everything is constantly changing?”
“So minding… how much does that now have to do with Kinosuke-san? You don’t seem as … close these days.”
Was it that obvious? Or was I that obvious? Or neither? I take a piece of the fruit, kiwi, it’s tangy and somewhat passable with the tea. “I suppose that’s true. He’s just not very creative? If I don’t ask to do something, we just end up doing nothing?” And I must admit, when he speaks about money these days, well that’s all he speaks about. “It’s almost like he has no dreams, no passion and leaves everything to chance.”
I admit, i used to love him being so laid back and so accomodating.
I’m glad for you Yagi-san but what would those things be?
“Primarily the children,” I say. Did she overhear anything from yesterday? “And we had to discuss the situation with those who were presenting a threat, and my contact with the police officer who was keeping an eye on the family.
I always hear that Kyoto never changed even through wars. But you came here, of all places why here where everything is constantly changing?
“That’s the charm about Kyoto – it’s a thousand years old, full of traditions,” I smile, “which is probably why we have so many festivals.” She asks why I came here, and I answer, “I needed to leave to make room for my sister-in-law to settle in as the woman of the house – and get some breathing room from the past. And why Tokyo?”
“I came because it was… new. It’s merely -hundreds- of years old, after all.” I laugh a little. “And now, with the train, it’s not far from Kyoto. And in a place like this… I could settle in on my own. Not be ‘the Yagi girl’.” My smile softens, “of course, I ended up meeting someone from the past who knew me as the Yagi girl, but life is funny like that, sometimes.”
“I suppose that’s true. He’s just not very creative? If I don’t ask to do something, we just end up doing nothing? It’s almost like he has no dreams, no passion and leaves everything to chance.
“Do you talk to him? About his passions, his dreams? What he wants from life? He’s the younger son, so even if his family can support him, he’ll need to make some path of his own, wouldn’t he?” Kinosuke-san is a mystery in some ways, but he’s been very generous. But I’ve never met a man, especially in this new era, that isn’t engaged in some sort of activity. I take a sip of my tea, and decide against having more fruit. They didn’t make the best selections to match the tea.
“Primarily the children “And we had to discuss the situation with those who were presenting a threat, and my contact with the police officer who was keeping an eye on the family.
I nod. “The children seems to be doing fine since you’ve been taking care of them Yagi-san. And I’ve noticed marked improvement with Tsutomu.” Taking a sip of the tea, “It must be good to have some protection since Uncle is of the police.” Although when I think about it, that’s not a common privilege even among the police. Only high ranking officials would be able to avail such privileges. I do wonder how he managed -that-.
Yagi-san seems to like talking about her Kyoto and her past as the “Yagi-girl”. “But what is a Yagi-girl, Yagi-san?”
“of course, I ended up meeting someone from the past who knew me as the Yagi girl, but life is funny like that, sometimes.”
I finally found myself smiling wistfully. “What did Uncle think of the Yagi-girl that allowed him to look at you as you are now in the first place?” If she was so different from who she was, wouldn’t that be so jarring? And yet if she was exactly the same, why would they be together today after all they weren’t in the past. Or was it all because of -that-, what’s in those stories? I find myself somewhat daydreaming that I put the tea down and try to pay more attention as Yagi-san starts speaking about Kinosuke-san and I. A subject that I’m not sure I really want to delve in too deeply.
“Do you talk to him? About his passions, his dreams? What he wants from life?
I consider her question carefully and shake my head. “Back then our talk was always about what I wanted, not really what he wanted.” I thik about it a bit more, “Maybe because he has everything he needs? He’s never asked anything of me.” I laugh a little, “Except to follow what Uncle wants and be here.”
He’s the younger son, so even if his family can support him, he’ll need to make some path of his own, wouldn’t he?”
“Maybe, but the path of the Merchant is what he chose, no longer as a Shizoku.” And from what I see of him, it seems he hardly considers the Samurai way of living of value, but I don’t tell Yagi-san this.
“The children seems to be doing fine since you’ve been taking care of them Yagi-san. And I’ve noticed marked improvement with Tsutomu
“Thank you, that means a lot to me that you say that – especially about Tsutomu-kun.” I shake my head, “he has a mother, so I don’t want to replace her, but I want him to know that our house can be a home for him too – a place where people care for him.”
ut what is a Yagi-girl, Yagi-san?
Smiling, “I meant, how the old ones always spoke of me, when I was young – oh, it’s the Yagi girl, as if we don’t have names.” I laugh a little. “I’m almost forty now, but there are -still- people who would call me that.” I think, “and also because in some circles, my family had the association with the Shinsengumi and that made us a little more memorable, I suppose.” Of course, there were much worse names, then and now, but that’s not something Yukiko-san needs to worry about.
What did Uncle think of the Yagi-girl that allowed him to look at you as you are now in the first place?
My smile is soft, “I think sometimes… people have to find each other at the right time, even if they have had an earlier association. What we go through, the things that shape us… but, when we did meet again, it was our time.” She speaks so wistfully… “But I didn’t come here looking for that – I don’t think I could have imagined having something like what we have together.” I glance back at the bookstore next door, with signs announcing the latest volume of the new popular “women’s” novels. “We didn’t have romantic books like that in my day – at least, the ones I heard were always wrapped up in the stories of samurai bravery.”
Back then our talk was always about what I wanted, not really what he wanted. Maybe because he has everything he needs? He’s never asked anything of me. Except to follow what Uncle wants and be here.
“Well, then, what -do- you want, Yukiko-san? Now that your uncle is back, don’t you think Kinosuke-san will speak to him, as you said he would?” I look at her, concerned. I don’t want her to just fall into marriage if she has this ambivalence about Kinosuke-san. It wasn’t that long ago that I thought that even if they weren’t that openly romantic, that there was a deep bond that could grow.
Maybe, but the path of the Merchant is what he chose, no longer as a Shizoku
“That’s a harder path these days. My brothers, who are about the same age, didn’t take the path of Shizoku either – the older of the two is a lawyer, the younger is a teacher.” But they still embrace the values, in their own ways – Tamesaburou has stepped into my father’s role in Mibu. And through the information they keep, they are one of the keepers of the Shinsengumi’s memories.
“Thank you, that means a lot to me that you say that – especially about Tsutomu-kun.” I shake my head, “he has a mother, so I don’t want to replace her, but I want him to know that our house can be a home for him too – a place where people care for him.”
“It’s too bad. I never met Tokio-san.” I nod, “It would be good to understand why Tomu seems very protective of her unlike Yoshi-kun.”
“I meant, how the old ones always spoke of me, when I was young – oh, it’s the Yagi girl, as if we don’t have names.”
I laugh with her a little, “Or worst perhaps they never remembered who you actually were?” Like people always looked past. “I remember that feeling when father had visitors. I was always there but somewhat invisible. I didn’t mind it though.”
“I think sometimes… people have to find each other at the right time, even if they have had an earlier association. What we go through, the things that shape us… but, when we did meet again, it was our time.”
“So you’re saying you were too different then.” I think a little, “I heard from Father that Uncle went up the ranks quickly. It always worried him what an increase of position meant more danger and what his little brother had done to deserve those promotions.” Of course the Shinsengumi was known to paint Kyoto’s streets red and my father was not naive, he didn’t want his younger brother used as a killing tool of nefarious men.
“Well, then, what -do- you want, Yukiko-san? Now that your uncle is back, don’t you think Kinosuke-san will speak to him, as you said he would?”
She looks serious, “How can I answer that Yagi-san? You yourself said that you couldn’t imagine what you’d ended up with.” I look to where she’s looking at the bookstore, “If Kinosuke-san speaks to Uncle, I won’t stop him. At least he’d be doing -something-.” It’s odd only a few months ago we were in Akashi and he already spoke to Uncle and yet when he came back all he wanted me to do was follow “instructions”. Why didn’t he -insist-? Where is his conviction?
“That’s a harder path these days. My brothers, who are about the same age, didn’t take the path of Shizoku either
I smile a little at Yagi-san, “Wouldn’t it have been better if he did? There are a few ways to be come a soldier or like the police. The price one would have to pay is a lower stipend or salary, the “customs” of being addressed a certain way…” Looking thoughtful I tap my chin, “Or like Uncle cutting his hair.” I always did wonder if he did that on purpose or if he was -forced- to do it.
It would be good to understand why Tomu seems very protective of her unlike Yoshi-kun
“It could be simply a difference in their personalities – or that Tsutomu-kun was older and witnessed more of the problems between his parents,” I sigh, “but he was still too young to understand.” And what does his mother tell him?
I remember that feeling when father had visitors. I was always there but somewhat invisible. I didn’t mind it though
“I was invisible, except when I brought in the tea and refreshments,” I laugh. I didn’t mind. I didn’t have an interest in the politics that consumed my childhood.
How can I answer that Yagi-san? You yourself said that you couldn’t imagine what you’d ended up with. If Kinosuke-san speaks to Uncle, I won’t stop him. At least he’d be doing -something-.
“I didn’t,” I say, taking the last sip of the now-cool tea. At least he would be doing something? “Kinosuke-san does seem easy-going. But when we talked the other night, when you asked about what it is between your uncle and I, and you were wondering if Kinosuke-san’s kindness would be enough for you?” I look at her, “take your time to figure that out.” I know there’s another who cares for her, but would he be able to provide what Yukiko-san feels that Kinosuke-san is lacking?
So you’re saying you were too different then.
“That, and remember, I told you that I was courting someone else at the time.” And once I stopping being Hidejiro, he barely spoke to me.
I heard from Father that Uncle went up the ranks quickly. It always worried him what an increase of position meant more danger and what his little brother had done to deserve those promotions
“He was very good – not just as a swordsman – and he lead his troupe very effectively. Some, like Okita-san’s, had a lot of … drama. Other captains were more involved in their own intrigues and personal advancement than the good of the Shinsengumi, and their mission.” Well, it wasn’t just the captains, in Ito’s case. “Your uncle was very loyal to the commander and vice-commander. Yes, it was dangerous, but his justice drove him – as it does now.”
Or like Uncle cutting his hair
“He still had his long hair right before Toba-Fushimi, when I last saw him during the war.” I wonder about what he mentioned the other day – that he did come back to Kyoto that spring to retrieve Kondo-san’s head, and to ask my brothers. I need to write to them…
I put some money on the table for the refreshments. “Now, let’s get to the marketing before it gets too busy.”
“It could be simply a difference in their personalities – or that Tsutomu-kun was older and witnessed more of the problems between his parents,” I sigh, “but he was still too young to understand.”
I’m quiet for a moment thinking back further in time, “You’re right Yagi-san it’s probably a bit of both, but sometimes even those in the proper age, don’t understand.” I think of the many times when Uncle walked out on father, he was no longer a child then.
“Kinosuke-san does seem easy-going. But when we talked the other night, when you asked about what it is between your uncle and I, and you were wondering if Kinosuke-san’s kindness would be enough for you?” I look at her, “take your time to figure that out.
I simply nod. How can you figure out something like that? When there’s nothing to even compare with directly? And my comparing to her and Uncle leaves me dissatisfied and yet not certain because it is not something that I would have direct experience and can only -guess-. But I see the way he looks at her, even when he got back and the way she seemed happier. But are they truly happy or is he just lustful?
“That, and remember, I told you that I was courting someone else at the time.”
Suddenly I can’t help but laugh at this. “Make sure you don’t tell Uncle that you were the one courting Okita-san.”
She continues to speak about him and although I’m glad to finally know of some of his history, I wish Uncle took the time to explain this more clearly to father. I doubt it would’ve changed his mind about the Shinsengumi and Uncle’s place in it but at least it would’ve made him believe that his brother’s life had purpose and meaning back then.
We stand get going to the market.
(OOC: end)