Hajime:
After spending time with Makoto, we had a quiet but good lunch. I decided not to speak to Kinosuke right away as I see that there’s an “additional” project that the workers had taken on, the treehouse. Looking up at it, on one hand I’m glad that contractors are building this treehouse as opposed to some do it yourself project between Kinosuke and Tsutomu especially since it was the idea of a 6 year old. It still pleases me however that my eldest son seems to have accepted Makoto as a real sibling. He was always a good brother especially when their mother used to leave them for hours. I suppose with both Tokio and I not being “around”, he’s learned that only he could be there for Tsuyoshi and now that he knows Makoto as a sibling, he’s accepted her as well. Is it naive to hope that he can accept Hide as well, not as a replacement for his mother but as a good and kind woman? That only time will tell.
I hang around the engawa, smoking a cigarette every now and then waiting for Tsutomu to be home. He missed lunched. It would be unexpected if he misses dinner.
Meetings & Avoidance
22 thoughts on “Meetings & Avoidance”
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“We’re going to have to tell Yagi-san about your new job Tomu.” I shake my head. I didn’t really want him taking on that job after school. It wasn’t that it would take me longer to get home since I will have to escort him back, but that the place was too closely related to the Himura’s who’s there almost every other week and Yahiko is there almost everyday.
Tomu grins up at me as if he got away with something. “Oh you can tell her. I don’t really care.”
“Hey watch the language.” I remind him as I open the gates and hand him back the keys.
“Get Yagi-san and I will tell her.” But he stops in his tracks that I almost run into him.
“Chichi-ue.” He says in a whisper, but no sooner that he said that, he walks the opposite way away from the engawa.
“Hey.” I call out but he’s in a hurry. Likely to go around the house and go through the back door.
I sigh. So he only calls him that when no one hears? Or like just now when he’s surprised to see him.
Walking over to Otou-san, I wave slightly.
“Otou-san, I’m glad to see you’re back.” He looks thinner but otherwise he doesn’t look too banged up compared to when he used to go out for missions when he still lived in the house, there were times when I thought he pushed himself to the brink of death on purpose. He seems to have tried to take care this time around. “You look like you’re in good health.”
“I try.” He grins. “You’re looking well yourself.”
I bow slightly. “I’ve brought Tomu home but he ran inside.”
He shakes his head slightly. “I imagine you’ve had lunch already?”
“Yes sir.” I look at him a bit more and I want to ask my question but for now, i put aside my personal wants. Otou-san and I can speak of that later, for now I should tell him about my younger brother’s “plan”.
“Do you want coffee?”
“Ah no I just had lunch at the Akebeko.”
Immediately he quirks up an eyebrow.
“That’s unexpected. There’s a ton of other hot pot places around.” He tries to play it non-chalantly but I know he disapproves.
“Well sir, I was offered a job there.”
“So you’ve been meeting with them after all.”
I simply nod.
“I suppose it can’t be helped.” He sighs, “I saw your drawings of them as a family. Did you ever give it to them?”
“Kaoru-san liked it.”
“To think, you’ve always been doing this right under my nose.”
“Well Otou-san, it wasn’t so much as I was doing it under your nose…” I look at him and smile slightly, “I never really thought I got away with it, so much as you turned a blind eye to it.”
He looks at me with those eyes and there’s a slight mirth in them.
“I do thank you for accomodating my indiscretion.”
He takes a drag on his cigarette and merely shrugged his shoulders.
“Otou-san if I may be so bold again…”
He sighs, “Yes?”
“Tomu-kun is going to help me in the Akebeko.”
“No.”
“Otou-san it will only be for a month and he already interviewed and got the job.” He doesn’t looked convinced so I continue, “He took his work seriously. He started early this morning and worked for half the day.”
“What were his reasons?”
“He said he had to pay for the treehouse and have some money for when he goes to Aizu.”
“Explain why he needs money for Aizu? I can easily cover his ticket to there.”
“Otou-san, you know as well as I he wouldn’t want to take your money.”
He doesn’t answer.
“Can he keep his job at the Akebeko?” I press him again. “I believe it’s important to Tomu.”
“What are you going to do with all those wagging tongues there and that pesky Battous.. err Himura?”
I end up looking down. I don’t believe the Himura’s are bad people but I can understand Fujita-san’s trepidation. He’s always been so protective of Tomu even if he nor Tomu never realized it themselves. “I’ll do my best to ensure they don’t find out too much.”
“I’ll think about it. I’ll tell him the decision by Monday.”
I look at Otou-san. He knows Tomu doesn’t do well when “told” but he is his father and now mine as well. He deserves the respect and ears of his sons.
“Yes sir.” I bow, “Please send my regards to everyone in the house.” I take a quick look through the doors, hoping to get a glimpse of Yukiko but I don’t see her. After that I turn to leave.
“Good afternoon, Eiji-san,” I bow, with a smile. “We’re having soba,” I grin up at Hajime, “as well as tempura shrimp, tofu – Agedashi – and summer vegetables. I would love it if you could stay.” I don’t know what hours the Akebeko expects of him, but perhaps he has time for some home cooking? After eating there my opinion of the place is a little low. But I also understand that there are things in this house that aren’t comfortable right now for him.
Yagi-san just comes out in time as I was leaving. I see her place her hand on him and he takes his free hand and covers it. It’s really quite surreal sometimes to see this from Otou-san.
“Good afternoon, Eiji-san,” “We’re having soba,” “as well as tempura shrimp, tofu – Agedashi – and summer vegetables. I would love it if you could stay.”
“Thank you Yagi-san. But I’ll decline this time.” I smile a little as I see her grin to Otou-san, as if she’s telling him there’ll be a feast tonight. “I just came to drop of Tomu and have some plans to meet with friends tonight.”
The truth is that I didn’t really want to be around too many people and until I can speak to him about Yukiko, I don’t want to lose my nerve if I see her and Kinosuke too happy together.
“Otou-san, if you have time this week, I’d like to speak with you.” I finally tell him. “Let’s go out for a drink.”
He grimaces slightly. I wonder why? “Yes I’ll make myself available.”
With a bow, I leave the two alone. I think they have a lot of catching up to do.
(OOC: Eiji exits)
I’m disappointed that Eiji-san declines but… I understand. I’m also glad that he’s ready to speak to Hajime (although I don’t understand the expression the flashes across Hajime’s face) – hopefully about his feelings for Yukiko-san – or perhaps about working at the Akebeko? I wish him farewell, with an invitation to come soon. He said the other day when I offered him tea that he’s family, but I still think I have to urge him in the fold a little – he’s not the freeloading sort who would show up looking for food.
I smile at Hajime. “I hope you’re not surprised about the soba,” I laugh. “Although I think it would be a surprise if I -didn’t- serve your favorite for your homecoming.”
Taking Hide’s hand I lead her back inside to the tatami room but I open the shoji door so we still have an unobstructed view outside. It’s a good afternoon and right about now is when I’d be venturing out from my room at the teahouse but today I’m staying right here.
“I hope you’re not surprised about the soba,” I laugh. “Although I think it would be a surprise if I -didn’t- serve your favorite for your homecoming.”
“Oh I’m not surprised. I welcome it.” I grin and sit down on the sofa. “I was just thinking, I’d really like to forego sake this week and then the ahou, asks me for a drink.” I sigh and look at Hide. “I wonder what that could be about? He just told me that Tsutomu has got a job in the Akebeko.”
I pull Hide close to me and rest my back against the plush seating. Closing my eyes a little.
Ah… back on the sofa, with Hajime by my side, looking out at our garden in summer… I sigh happily.
I was just thinking, I’d really like to forego sake this week and then the ahou, asks me for a drink
I remember, later, after that visit, realizing that -tang- I smelled on him was that of sake. “I’ll have to have the coffee ready for you when you get home, then.” I pick up his hand and kiss it.
I wonder what that could be about? He just told me that Tsutomu has got a job in the Akebeko
I open my eyes wide. “Tsutomu-kun? But Eiji-san is already working there…” I shake my head. “What would Tsutomu-kun want money for? And he has his studies and kendo practice to focus on…” But he -is- that stubborn. “He has quite a bit that he’s sitting on, apparently his uncle sent it, but he thought that it actually came from Namuzawa.”
She looks very surprised at Tsutomu working at the Akebeko. “I’m not sure if I should allow it.” I tell her, “Apparently he wants money for the treehouse and for Aizu or this summer.”
“He has quite a bit that he’s sitting on, apparently his uncle sent it, but he thought that it actually came from Namuzawa.”
I nod. “I know Morinosuke sends the money.” I say looking thoughtful, “After I came back from London, Tokio had handed over the handling of finances to her younger brother. There wasn’t much I could do about it that time except to just send him the portion of the wages that were my due.”
I don’t tell Hide that I do keep a portion for myself outside of the “Fujita household”. It’s just better this way, because what if the woman was not handling finances better or if she were to run away or kick me out of the house. A little money set aside has helped me turn a blind eye into whatever Tokio’s family wants to do. “Do you think I should let him work at the Akebeko?
I know Morinosuke sends the money
“It’s quite a generous allowance for one so young – I didn’t count it when he showed me, but it was a good amount.”
After I came back from London, Tokio had handed over the handling of finances to her younger brother
That surprises me – handling money is a wife’s job, and even if he were gone… was she in such a state that she couldn’t attend to that? At that time they still had their own household.
Do you think I should let him work at the Akebeko?
I think. “He needs some independence, but my concern is – does he know -who- is associated with the Akebeko? He’s had some -moments- with Himura-san at the school gates – apparently, it’s a ‘ki’ aspect. Tsutomu-kun came home rattled the first time and actually told me to be careful around Himura. Since then, it’s mostly been glaring from Tsutomu-kun. I’m not sure how that would go down at that restaurant.”
“I also don’t know the state of his schoolwork – I’d want to know that first. He does spend a lot of time studying.” As opposed to Makoto, I’ve not seen any reports – either he’s hiding them or they’re being sent to his mother.
“And speaking of Himura’s associates – did word reach you of his ‘master’ and my encounter with him?” I frown at that. What an overbearing man.
She kisses my cheek and I settle my chin on top of her hair. Closing my eyes before letting her go and lighting another cigarette.
“It’s quite a generous allowance for one so young – I didn’t count it when he showed me, but it was a good amount.”
“I don’t know how much she or he gives him.” The truth is I should but, should I? Is the money being spent on the right things? A portion put away or is everything sent directly to Tsutomu? Should I be more involved? I don’t know. Taking a drag, I realize I’ve been lost in my thoughts and not speaking much.
He needs some independence, but my concern is – does he know -who- is associated with the Akebeko? He’s had some -moments- with Himura-san at the school gates – apparently, it’s a ‘ki’ aspect. Tsutomu-kun came home rattled the first time and actually told me to be careful around Himura. Since then, it’s mostly been glaring from Tsutomu-kun. I’m not sure how that would go down at that restaurant.”
“No he wouldn’t know.” I grin slightly, “I wonder if he did, would he end up associating favorably more with the Battousai, knowing our unsettled past.”
I run my hand through her hair, “I’m glad he warned you though. But as for the restaurant, if he wanted to keep his job, well he shouldn’t harm it’s patrons.”
The talk turned to his schoolwork and once again I’m quiet. I don’t know the state of his schoolwork since I’ve been away but I should especially since his mother is not here. “If he’s spending a lot of time studying maybe it’s good? But it could also mean he struggles.” Looking up, I watch the smoke dance above, “I’ll speak to Takimi.”
“And speaking of Himura’s associates – did word reach you of his ‘master’ and my encounter with him?”
I nod. “I heard a report from Shindou. That man is Hiko Seijurou.” I look at her for a moment, wondering if she’ll end up, however Tokio ended up. “For a time Tokio was associating with him.” I can’t say much else, after all associating can be anything. Although back then I was driven to insanity just thinking about how my wife had taken on another man, the irony is I was already with Hide at that time. If circumstances today were turned, or if I find out my suspicions were wrong all along, how would it affect Hide and I today? But I push those thoughts away. No ifs. I’m here in the life I want.
No he wouldn’t know. I wonder if he did, would he end up associating favorably more with the Battousai, knowing our unsettled past
“I don’t think he understood what exactly he felt – despite all I’ve learned about swordsmen over the years, ki is something I can’t consel on,” I laugh, remembering all of the -pitying- ‘but you are just a woman, Yagi-san’ comments I’d received during those years.
If he’s spending a lot of time studying maybe it’s good? But it could also mean he struggles. I’ll speak to Takimi.
I nod. “Makoto is doing well, but we’ve had one issue – well,” I sigh. “I think her parentage is something of an open secret, and there’s one girl – the same age as Tsutomu-kun – who’s targeted Makoto. She was very aggressive with Makoto when she skipped out on sewing club, but Tsutomu-kun was there to stop her. Yamaji-sensei – the head of the girls’ side – has assured me that the other girl was punished, and Makoto has been assigned as a helper to the kyodo class Yamaji-sensei runs for her part in skipping out.” Quietly, I add, “she, at least, seems dedicated to the school’s mission of education for -all-, which I’m glad for. I want her to have the education I wasn’t able to have.”
“I heard a report from Shindou. That man is Hiko Seijurou. For a time Tokio was associating with him
“Yes, Shindou-san was there to -relieve- me. The man approached me on the street asking for directions and then he,” I grimaced, “grabbed my hand. He was trying to get me to go with him and there was no way I could break free – thankfully I had previously met Shindou-san and was able to get him to take over.” He tells me about Tokio and I nod. From what I know of her and what I saw of him… that’s not a natural association. But I suppose some find his preening charming?
“The next morning is when I ran into Kano. I think I was already rattled, which helped me, I suppose, to be on alert?” I snuggle into him.
“I don’t think he understood what exactly he felt – despite all I’ve learned about swordsmen over the years, ki is something I can’t consel on,” I laugh, remembering all of the -pitying- ‘but you are just a woman, Yagi-san’ comments I’d received during those years.
“He felt a strong swordsman spirit. One can’t really tell whether evil or not as that’s left to the judgment of the person who is experiencing it.” She laughs and I smirk slightly, “Well you are only a woman and him a child. Don’t get too disappointed.”
“I think her parentage is something of an open secret, and there’s one girl – the same age as Tsutomu-kun – who’s targeted Makoto. She was very aggressive with Makoto when she skipped out on sewing club, but Tsutomu-kun was there to stop her. Yamaji-sensei – the head of the girls’ side – has assured me that the other girl was punished,
Taking a deep drag on my now short cigarette, I listen intently to the issue. “It was naive of me to think that this would not rear it’s head. Tokio and I at times were openly fighting in the school. Aggressively at times.” She should know what that means. “It’s the best school in Japan and I want Makoto to stay if she can be shielded somewhat by this Yamaji sensei. Did you find out the name of the person who bullied Makoto?” I look back at her, for a moment thinking that if she were my wife, would this not have happened? But I doubt it would’ve changed anything, after all if Hide was my wife and Makoto the child to my 2nd wife, those who do not like them will still find other reasons not to like them. Although it does remind me of my obligations to my children with Hide and the little one who’s still pushing against my palm. I put the cigarette out. All this smoke can’t be good for both of them.
“Yes, Shindou-san was there to -relieve- me. The man approached me on the street asking for directions and then he,” I grimaced, “grabbed my hand. He was trying to get me to go with him and there was no way I could break free – thankfully I had previously met Shindou-san and was able to get him to take over.”
“He’s a strong man.” I tell Hide, “I think I told you before if faced with a much more stronger opponent than you, you either run away or you do as they say.” I look at her seriously. “He’s much more stronger than I.” I take my hand away from her stomach and cup her chin and look at her seriously, “But if it were to come down to it, I would fight for you.” Odd, that just came out. I didn’t mean for it to. After all when I found out that Hiko and Tokio was spending time together doing who knows what, I already made up my mind to let her go to him.
I love how Hajime’s hand responds to the little one. Are they playing? I laugh a little at that, because it also tickles a little.
Well you are only a woman and him a child. Don’t get too disappointed
Maa… but I suppose I’m fine as I am – but I wonder how it was in the old days in Kyoto – how it must have felt, to -always- be feeling that.
He speaks of the school, and his times there with Tokio. Aggressive – and again I’m still saddened about what she did to him.
It’s the best school in Japan and I want Makoto to stay if she can be shielded somewhat by this Yamaji sensei. Did you find out the name of the person who bullied Makoto?
“I think she can be, she seems dedicated, and she’s written a note home to tell me how helpful Makoto has been in kyodo.” I think about the name. “Sakaya, Makoto said. From Yamaji-sensei I know she was in some advanced sewing class that Tokio taught.”
I think I told you before if faced with a much more stronger opponent than you, you either run away or you do as they say
“Ah, I can’t run much right now, can I?” I smile a little, but I know he means it. And I know he trusts me to do the right thing, which is why I’ve kept my trips to the schools and the shops nearby, instead of going further afield to go to the better markets. I pat my obi, where I’ve arranged it to hide my tanto. “And I’ve kept -that- on me at all times since it was returned.” It makes me feel that he’s protecting me, even while he’s been away.
But if it were to come down to it, I would fight for you
I meet his eyes, mine as serious as his. “I -know- you would,” I reply, softly. I turn to kiss him, softly, tenderly, deeply… lovingly.
She doesn’t make a comment that I agreed with the guys. I hope she’s not too disappointed but she has other qualities I like -much- better. I can’t help but reach out and smell the nape of her neck. Yes much better qualities.
But our talk turns much serious as we go back to speaking about the difficulties of sending our child to school. This girl Sakaya who was a student of Tokio’s and I wonder had she witness any of our past arguments or what else she had heard. I lean back quietly and try to think, “For now as long as it’s limited and not a recurring pattern…” I hate to tell Hide this, “We’ll have to take Yamaji’s lead.”
“Ah, I can’t run much right now, can I?” “And I’ve kept -that- on me at all times since it was returned.”
“No you can’t.” I look at her patting her obi where she kept her tanto. I grimace, “You can’t run and I really don’t want you pulling that out. I’ll just have to keep you close until you can move better and take lessons from me.” I still haven’t forgotten what I told her but I’m worried, she’s in no condition to take some lessons from me in self defense. For a moment, I remember those old days when Kondo-san asked me to show her how to properly hold a katana. She wasn’t very good but I knew she was a girl, so I really didn’t put much effort into it and when Souji offered to be her main tutor, I was just all too happy to oblige to just be a back-up. I sigh slightly, maybe I should’ve tried to do a better job then?
After I tell her about my worries about Hiko, that I may not be able to match him in a fight. I find her kissing me instead. The kiss is soft and tender, like what I had always dreamed for us. I pull on her neck to come a little closer, to lie against me, my hand going around her waist. Closing my eyes I can’t help but fiddle at the ties of her obi. But as soon as I realized what I was doing, I let her go.
It’s in the middle of the afternoon. We’re exposed here on our tatami room and have a full house. Anyone can come in and although the truth is I don’t really mind as a man, it’s another matter for her being a woman and what if it was Kinosuke who saw. I’d have to kill him.
With a chuckle I let her go. I didn’t kill Shindou did I? I hardly reprimanded him. But I can’t tell Hide that, she might never be able to look him in the eye again.
“Ah sorry.” I try not to look at her directly, she’ll see that I’m just about to tear into her kimono like the old days. Clearing my throat I continue, “So tell me what happened between you and Shindou-kun.”
“I agree. She does love it there, and she’s learning so much.” And as long as there are committed people like Yamaji-sensei…
You can’t run and I really don’t want you pulling that out. I’ll just have to keep you close until you can move better and take lessons from me
“I’ll stay close,” I promise. Although I will feel better being able to actually use this – and perhaps I’ll be a better student than I was all those years ago?
He responds to my kiss and I find my hand on his chest, going for his buttons as he pulls me closer, when he lets me go, with a chuckle. I look at him, a little flushed. “You’re right.” I give him a -chaste- kiss on the tip of his nose as I put the one button I had attacked back into place. “As for me, I want to be able to take my -time- with you after all this time, and not worry about one of the other four people in the house popping in.” I grin as I sit back up, but staying close. Yukiko-san had a lot of questions about love, but she certainly doesn’t need to see it!
So tell me what happened between you and Shindou-kun
Ah… I reach in my obi, into the little pocket where a woman keeps her money and secrets, and take out a piece of paper. “I… wrote it all down the night after it happened. I wanted to remember -everything-.” I hand him the paper.
An accounting of the visit of Shindou Naruhodo, written the night of that visit
Shindou arrived at our home in the morning, in a different manner than his prior visit. He declined an offer of tea and said that his purpose was to speak to me about Hajime and to update me on Kano Washio.
He had his notepad and again, was very serious.
His first point was that Kano and one of the other men was now dead, and that protection services would be reduced but still in place as the man with the cape was still out there. He then tells me more about the deaths – that one was gutted across the stomach, and that Kano was slashed, stabbed and beheaded.
I asked after Hajime, but he tells me -nothing-, only pressing on about the the connection between “Okubo Yamato” and Kondo-san. He states that Kondo was Fujita’s commander, but I reply that there was no Fujita in the Shinsengumi, and who did he actually mean? Incidentally, Shindou seemed to be more knowledgeable about the Shisnengumi. He barely knew who they were the other day.
I press on about Hajime’s safety – and I express concerns… in an attempt to keep his eyes off of Hajime. Injuries, age, etc.
But he goes -back- to the Shinsengumi. He told me Hajime was using the name of Saitou Hajime in Yoshiwara, and that he knew Kondou-san was beheaded (for -treason-!), and that Hajime had stolen Kondo-san’s head. All I know about -that- is that there had been an order from Aizu that Kondo-san be treated properly, and that there were dozens of rumors about who actually did it.
Then I feel like I’m finding out what this is actually about when he confesses that he doesn’t know Hajime’s status and that he (Shindou) has not been involved until lately.
But he then turns and accuses Hajime of even more deaths, and asks me what I was told by Hajime during his visit.
He is also still dancing around the issue of Hajime’s past, and his -name-. I make him say it, and… I confirm it. Fujita Goro is Saitou Hajime. Now this frustrated man -knows- and I let it out. I did tell him that the Shinsengumi had rules, specifically those against private fights, but that he has no -idea- what Hajime has done for the Meiji government – those lie in no files that he could find, certainly. That Hajime has taken himself close to death many times for his beliefs, and that it was something powerful, incorruptible. And that those who recruited him knew this, and that’s why he was chosen. And that even I come in second to his duty.
I did try to assure Shindou that without Hajime’s trust he wouldn’t have gotten this close, much less know about me. I told him not to let his frustrations lead him astray.
I did tell him that we talked about the baby, and that Hajime and I spoke about the Goryo Eji, and I told Shindou that they were dangerous men with grudges. As for the rest, I implied that Hajime and I didn’t talk about his work as we had used the time to have relations.
This lead to Shindou asking about the third man from the people outside of our home, and I gave him the name of Suzuki Mikisaburo and some of his background.
I asked him to consider everything carefully, but I’m not sure he came to listen. He seemed to want to shock me with details, into… confessing?
But I know even though I was careful, I feel for some bait, and in responding at all I committed the same sin as his wife – I interfered in his work. If he looses faith in me… my focus for now is hoping that Shindou’s frustrations, along with what I foolishly revealed, don’t lead to Hajime’s death or dismissal from the police.
I sit and wait for him to read.
(OOC – I meant for the whole note to be in italics, but oh well old wordpress lol)
“I’m sorry you went through that.” For a moment I think about our tie in Ito, when that man accosted her and all I could do was press her for more information instead of giving her what she needed at that moment, support. “A properly trained policeman will put aside his feelings to get to the truth but we usually don’t -lead- a witness to one. It was a sign of his inexperience and unfortunately his pure nature, that once he had an idea in his head – he went after it with much vigilance.”
I sigh and light up another cigarette, “Believe it or not, he’s one of the more promising undercover agents in our department’s “new breed”, which isn’t saying much.” Taking a longer drag, “Kawaji has his work cut out for him but all is not lost. Shindou did get me out of there. I hate to admit it but I was on the losing end on the fight with Mikisaburo and Tadao.” I should try to practice my form again while time permits. I have let my skills diminish over the years, but now I feel a resurgeance of needing to be -useful- again.
But I know even though I was careful, I feel for some bait, and in responding at all I committed the same sin as his wife – I interfered in his work. If he looses faith in me…
I give back the note to Hide. Those last few lines still jumping out at me from the page. Taking long slow drags, I let the smoke hover around us for a while.
“You didn’t interfere. He came here with a purpose and you may have fell for some of it true…” I take a short hit on the cig, “You’re not trained to evade or lie.. That’s not your nature. However if you can, in the future try not to -confirm- even if you feel like they already know.” I chuckle a little and look at her, “Do you know how many men in the precinct already thinks I’m Saitou Hajime? They say it everyday but not to my face and I never confirmed it, so even then, they don’t really know. It will always be a rumor, well except for Kawaji and now Shindou.”
Reaching out to her, I pull her close to me. “I never did tell you about what happened to Tokio and I right? The last few months of our living together?” It’s probably time I tell Hide the story now that the Battousai and his master has cross our paths again and of course so she understands where I draw the line with her and my work. But I do worry, would she want to know? That time was difficult for her which made her runaway from me.
I’m sorry you went through that.
I feel myself release a breath that I didn’t realize that I had been holding. He doesn’t need to know about my -bad- day, because this time I was able to hold it all together. The others I love needed me, and that kept me in line this time.
It was a sign of his inexperience and unfortunately his pure nature, that once he had an idea in his head – he went after it with much vigilance.
“He kept trying to get me with the descriptions of the deaths.” I trace the lines on his hand. “I suppose he thought that I had no idea what you do… as if your sword were a decoration. -I- picked it out, knowing exactly what a sword is for, after all. And I’ve known -why- you use it for a very long time now.”
You didn’t interfere. He came here with a purpose and you may have fell for some of it true… You’re not trained to evade or lie.. That’s not your nature.
“I’ve always been a terrible liar,” I smile, “starting with when you met ‘Hidejiro'”. He mentions how I gave up his name, and I’m relieved that it wasn’t an issue. Maybe Shindou-san is learning something – I hope. If he’s the best of the new breed – maybe in time? With the right guidance? But can they carry a sense of justice to measure up to that of the man who holds me so tenderly? How does that happen in a time of peace?
Shindou did get me out of there. I hate to admit it but I was on the losing end on the fight with Mikisaburo and Tadao
“Good. I confronted him at the school gates, a few days before. He was bragging to Tsutomu-kun that he was getting the break of a lifetime…” I’m still surprised how that one word tore out of my mouth. “I asked him if he had found his path, and he said that he had, and that he was following your plan.” I look over at him. “It’s one thing, the -regular- worries I have when you go out, but to worry about someone working against you on the inside… at least I got to see him answer with clear eyes.” He admits to struggling with the fight, though. “So who’s actually left of the Goryo Eji?”
I never did tell you about what happened to Tokio and I right? The last few months of our living together?
He pulls me close, and I take his free hand in mine and rest my head against him. “Not entirely – I’ve heard only… parts, and some from -outside- of course, but I want to hear it from -you-.”
“He kept trying to get me with the descriptions of the deaths.”
I sigh. “I suppose I did over-do it. Certainly there was no need to behead Kano after I killed him. I’ve always prided myself in not having to deal with feelings of revenge but that night…” I look at Hide, did she know, that it was actually I who stole Kondo’s head? “I felt it fitting to behead Kano for throwing Kondo to those hyenas without much concern for the Commander.”
“I suppose he thought that I had no idea what you do… as if your sword were a decoration. -I- picked it out, knowing exactly what a sword is for, after all. And I’ve known -why- you use it for a very long time now.”
“Well he used the sword you picked out.” I laugh slightly, “He came to me brandishing that flimsy saber or his, he would not have lasted with that. Thankfully he was skilled enough not to break -your- sword.”
“I’ve always been a terrible liar,” , “starting with when you met ‘Hidejiro’”.
I nod. “That’s why we’ll just have to keep you -safe-. I’ll lie in your stead.”
“It’s one thing, the -regular- worries I have when you go out, but to worry about someone working against you on the inside… at least I got to see him answer with clear eyes.”
“I would say, do not worry about it. The situation you mention is quite common today in the Police.” I look at her, “Unfortunately, during the rebuilding period of the Meiji many different types of men were recruited, some harbored quiet grievances, different motivations, it’s complicated. If you think about it, it’s in this environment why I was even considered for a position there.”
“So who’s actually left of the Goryo Eji?”
“Well I didn’t kill Mikisaburo, he’s behind bars. Tadao is dead. Abe escaped early on and didn’t seem to want anything to do with them.” I think for a long moment, “I’m sure there are others who didn’t end up in Yoshiwara.” I am unsure if any of those left will be as vile as Mikisaburo but we will be careful.
“Not entirely – I’ve heard only… parts, and some from -outside- of course, but I want to hear it from -you-.”
She leans into me and I settle her head in the crook of my neck. I swallow but we should speak about it now, while we’re both willing to talk about it.
“Well you were not wrong to be worried about my loyalties during that time. I was a very confused man, spending my time with you but still going after my wife. I suppose that’s why I kept asking you to be with me, I figured if you were -there- then I’d finally have to make a choice.”
I pause for a minute, just watching if I should stop.
“Tokio had not always been so difficult to figure out. She was happy to be married to an Aizu Captain, maybe too happy that she never noticed I was only “warm” enough to the idea. Never cold enough to oppose it. I kept waiting for it to become something more than it was, that small light would eventually burn passionately in time. In fact I hoped it would. But as my job in the Police became more certain, more involved and demanding, I found that I cared more for that duty than being a dutiful husband…”
I look out to the garden, “In the meantime, I think the satisfaction of being a teacher in the Tokyo Normal Women school diminished for her. After all she always harbored grandiose ideas gathered from time spent with the nobility, that a humble teacher’s position may not have lived up to expectations and here I was going around Japan for “adventures”. That’s the only explanation I can think of why she went around Tokyo dressing up as a boy and looking for her own adventure. She used to be like you, she worked in the garden until that just stopped and our children went mostly to the neighbors.”
“I believe it was during this cross dressing period that somehow she met with or associated with Hiko. I’m still quite unclear on the relationship – it seems like they knew each other from the past. It was also this period that I was working on permanently putting a criminal in jail, his name was Enishi Yukishiro, a brother in law of the Battousai. The Battousai had killed Enishi’s sister and he felt a certain affinity and responsibility to care for this Enishi. I had managed to get the diary as part of the evidence I need to put Enishi in jail but somehow Tokio and Battousai had met… And Battousai being his charming and persuasive self made a plan with my wife to get this diary from me.”
I light up another cigarette. I’m unsure why recalling this particular time still grates at me so. It’s been such a long time. But I must continue.
“She proposed to give the Battousai an important “Mirror” of hers. I don’t know the significance of the mirror. In fact I don’t know much significance of her mementos and her symbolisms. We never talked that deeply about it and I never asked. When I came home that night she would’t tell me what happened but I could still feel the “ki” from the Battousai in my home. I felt that having him in my home deeply threatened our home, even if he claims to never kill again.”
“I was already seeing you at the time. This was when you stole away to Ito for a few days.” I keep smoking – I remember that time. Hide and I had our worst fight when she came back.
“Eiji didn’t need to tell me we had visitors. I already knew, so I confronted Tokio and she cowered from me like I was some monster who would hurt her. Maybe I was a monster back then.” I ash the cigarette and take longer drags, “I adamantly said I would not give the diary back but in the end, I gave in. I gave that diary to the Battousai in exchange for her mirror. I had hoped that with that gesture, somehow Tokio and I could be saved.”
I release Hide and tap my ashes that’s now long. “Hide, I know it is not something you’d want to hear. I apologize. The truth is I don’t know what would’ve happened if she did in fact showed me some hope but what I found was, it was just my wife exercising her power over me, as if it was some sort of competition. I should’ve known and after that, any passion I had felt for her disappeared -completely-.”
Leaning back I smoke some more and look up, “When Hiko kept appearing in Tokyo, I kept hoping he’d take her and the thoughts of my fighting him for her affections, fled my mind as well. I wanted him to take her so I can ask you to come be with me, there out in the open. But had that happened, who’s to say I’m not just as bad as Tokio, parading you around maybe to get back at them or to preserve my ego?” I blink suddenly, the smoke stinging my eyes. “Damn smoke.” I wipe my eyes bit and shrug, “Ah I’m sorry I was such a horrible man to you back then.” It’s then that I finally remember what really caused her to run away from us. It was clearly -my- fault, but I’ll live with the consequence of that time and the time lost to us.
In a low voice, I say, “part of me was -very- glad that you beheaded him, after I heard that he was the one who turned in Kondou-san – did he tell you -why-?” There can be no good reason, and from what I saw of Kano, he had a lazy sort of entitlement. Like how I should have recognized him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but it was how Kondou-san was treated – well, that’s what killed my father. He believed so much that Kondou-san was an ideal samurai, that when he was treated like a traitor and a thief… that’s when he had the first in a series of strokes. His last satisfaction was that someone managed to take Kondou-san’s head from that shameful display. He didn’t go to death -easily-… but at least he had one less concern.” I blink – those were such hard days. Unlike Okaasan, who declined slowly, his illness came on so suddenly.
He came to me brandishing that flimsy saber or his, he would not have lasted with that. Thankfully he was skilled enough not to break -your- sword
I frown, “those sabers are not proper swords at all – I’m surprised he could use a real sword.”
Well I didn’t kill Mikisaburo, he’s behind bars. Tadao is dead. Abe escaped early on and didn’t seem to want anything to do with them
Nodding, I respond, “good. But did you know if I was targeted just because Kano took an -interest- in me, or did it go beyond that?”
And then… he starts to talk.
Well you were not wrong to be worried about my loyalties during that time. I was a very confused man, spending my time with you but still going after my wife. I suppose that’s why I kept asking you to be with me, I figured if you were -there- then I’d finally have to make a choice
I remember Yukiko-san’s question – if I could have given him up, for the good of his family. I knew with certainty when we met that there was nothing for him to go back to, but as time passed, once I knew I was expecting Makoto and we would be bound not only as lovers but as parents… but I knew with what -sincere- intentions he approached that place, in the beginning.
But I know there’s another unsaid reason – had I gone -there-, he could have seen me make -my- choice.
He tells me of their early marriage, and the entirely normal hope that an arranged match could turn into something greater. But it didn’t, and then came his work… I still don’t understand how someone raised as we were – as daughters of samurai – couldn’t support him, even during difficult times with his work.
And Battousai being his charming and persuasive self made a plan with my wife to get this diary from me.
Ah, so this is the part that matches up with Eiji-san’s story. “But why would she plot with him? Trust him? He’s kind enough at the school gates but…” I shake my head. To betray him – why? Why was there this need to have -power- over him?
Hide, I know it is not something you’d want to hear. I apologize. The truth is I don’t know what would’ve happened if she did in fact showed me some hope but what I found was, it was just my wife exercising her power over me, as if it was some sort of competition. I should’ve known and after that, any passion I had felt for her disappeared -completely-
“I don’t know what I would have done,” I say, quietly, “but all I could see is the hurt she put you through – tying you up like a -dog- in those ‘threads’ – but I don’t blame you for hoping, at least for the sake of your sons.”
When Hiko kept appearing in Tokyo, I kept hoping he’d take her and the thoughts of my fighting him for her affections, fled my mind as well. I wanted him to take her so I can ask you to come be with me, there out in the open. But had that happened, who’s to say I’m not just as bad as Tokio, parading you around maybe to get back at them or to preserve my ego?
Shaking my head, I say, “I think there was very little -ego- then. You needed support in a place that you thought would be… if not friendly, at least hospitable. But instead it was a place of snakes.” In a soft voice, I add, “maybe it wasn’t ego, though, as much as to let all those over there know… that you were a man worthy of the love of a good woman.” I reach up to gently stroke the side of his face.
“Damn smoke. Ah I’m sorry I was such a horrible man to you back then
I turn in my seat and lean back over him, and kiss those eyes that were damned with smoke but I suspect something else. “And I’m sorry that I was so wrapped up in my own fears that I couldn’t better support you. Or to try to understand -why- you needed me in that place.” I keep kissing his eyes as tears fall from my own. I can’t change our history, but we’ll make what we can of -this- time.
“There’s a story… long ago, of a king and queen in England. She went with him when he journeyed to battle to stay by his side, as they loved each other dearly. One day, a venomous snake bit him, and all of the royal doctors feared he would die. But the queen came to his tent, and said she would save him – she put her mouth on the wound and drew out the poison. And he recovered, and they lived.” I don’t mention they had some sixteen children…
“I said long ago I’ll always have to live with the darkness within you, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let poison stay – and today, you let me help you get a little more out, by telling me what you did. It may take more time but I’m here.”
Hajime:
“part of me was -very- glad that you beheaded him, after I heard that he was the one who turned in Kondou-san – did he tell you -why-?”
For a moment I’m surprised by this. Any other woman would’ve easily leaned the other way due to the brutality, but that’s why I’m with Hide and not others. “He didn’t really know him. In his words, he was just asked to raise his hand and he didn’t really care.” Much like I really didn’t care I killed him. Good riddance.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but it was how Kondou-san was treated – well, that’s what killed my father. He believed so much that Kondou-san was an ideal samurai, that when he was treated like a traitor and a thief… that’s when he had the first in a series of strokes. His last satisfaction was that someone managed to take Kondou-san’s head from that shameful display. He didn’t go to death -easily-… but at least he had one less concern.”
“No you didn’t.” I stroke her hair. “I don’t much about how close you were to your father, but he was kind to us and it upsets me that’s the reason of his decline. Your father was a good man, a samurai in his own right.” I listen as she tells of the stealing. “It was difficult to stake out, that bridge was heavily guarded but we got him anyway. He’s at peace now in Hozoji. One day we will visit him when we’re back in Kyoto.” I look down at our child, I want to show him his trust in people was always well placed.
I’m surprised he could use a real sword.”
“Barely… I was worried he’d break it.” I shake my head. I wonder when he’ll show up again? But I don’t intend to go back to the precinct this week.
“But did you know if I was targeted just because Kano took an -interest- in me, or did it go beyond that?”
I know she asks not only for her but for her brother’s family as well. “I think the Goryo Eiji has always gone after Shogunate supporters. The mastermind tended to be Mikisaburo, as long as he’s kept in jail I think the rest will remain scattered and unorganized. I do think you and your brother’s should always take precautions. The Shinsengumi’s enemies were many but I also think you can’t live in the shadow of fear. Don’t do that.”
“But why would she plot with him? Trust him? He’s kind enough at the school gates but…”
“I don’t know. She’s never seen him, only heard of him that he was a possible enemy of mine.” I think back, “Perhaps Hiko and her had a much deeper connection than I thought, but even when I considered that relationship, if perhaps she and Hiko was having relations. It would’ve been a simple matter of breaking it off with me. I would’ve welcomed it, rather than have everything spill to my work. Or perhaps that’s what it was, to have it affect my work. For me to choose.”
I look back at Hide, “I told you before you come second to this country.” Quietly I add, “I still meant what I said. Nothing has changed.” Even through all that’s she’s given me, a life by her side, wonderful children and incomparable happiness, that she still came second. I don’t want to remind her but, “That’s where I draw the line. If I had to choose…” It was the one truth I’ve held through my life of battles.
She tells me of the place of snakes, I didn’t think all of them were but the one’s closest her and I. Did it really matter if anybody loved me back then? I had my choice of women who were looking for a good time and I partook in that momentary pleasure, even if I knew nothing were to come of it. And I remember another quarrel we had when I was with those other women. But she knew, the good woman was not to be found in that place. I found her here instead.
And I’m sorry that I was so wrapped up in my own fears that I couldn’t better support you. Or to try to understand -why- you needed me in that place.”
She kisses my eyes and I spy her tears flowing. Why? I put out the cigarette and wipe those tears away with my thumb. “Let’s not cry over bygone days.” I remind her. “I didn’t tell you the story of that place to remind us of our shortcomings. I love you -today- and that is all that matters now.” I kiss her lips for a moment, gentle to remind us we live -here- and not in that past.
She tells me of a king and queen and I listen. I am familiar with this poison drawing having done it before in the mountains of Aizu. “I said long ago I’ll always have to live with the darkness within you, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let poison stay – and today, you let me help you get a little more out, by telling me what you did. It may take more time but I’m here.”
“I can hardly feel the poison of those days.” I tell her, “These days I can think of the Battousai and not feel a deep resentment for what he did. I can even thank him for showing me where the line needed to be drawn, even if I did go beyond it for Tokio’s sake.” But as for my wife and those people around her, I am still trying to find answers.
But how do you find answers if you can’t even look back? Idiot.
Yukiko
I’m looking in the house for Yagi-san. It’s getting late and we need to start dinner. I think the only place I haven’t looked at is the tatami room. The door is slightly ajar and I spy them in each others arms but I think Yagi-san is crying? Why?
I don’t mean to eavesdrop but as I pass by I hear parts of their conversation:
Let’s not cry over bygone days.” “I didn’t tell you the story of that place to remind us of our shortcomings. I love you -today- and that is all that matters now.”
“I said long ago I’ll always have to live with the darkness within you, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let poison stay – and today, you let me help you get a little more out, by telling me what you did.
“I can hardly feel the poison of those days.”
Forcing myself to move from the spot so I don’t hear more of their conversation, I move into the kitchen. The way they speak really are like in those books. Such sincerity and sadness. I find myself breathing hard and blinking away small tears. I should go outside. Why am I crying?
I look at him with wide eyes, “that was -you-? I’d heard stories….” And he speaks of Kyoto, and paying respects. Yes. Our children should be aware of the brave, if complicated men, who we once knew. One whose name was carried on their banner, and the next one…?
I do think you and your brother’s should always take precautions.
“Of course – and thankfully, Shimada-san is now working at Mibu Temple, and I -know- he keeps an eye on the family.” I smile, thinking of my latest letter from Tamesaburo. “And we have him to thank for some of the information that was gathered – he agreed to decipher some coded documents, including the one that name Kano as the betrayer. He told Tamebo to tell us to come and bring the children if we want to show appreciation.”
I told you before you come second to this country. I still meant what I said. Nothing has changed. That’s where I draw the line. If I had to choose…
I look at him, “but I’ve always told you, to come second to that – and I know how deep and true it is…” I smile, softly, “I’m honored. And I love this country as well – we’ve both seen it through a lot, and I believe in your sense of justice.” My eyes glow as I look at him. I know Shindou-san didn’t believe me when he was here, when I categorized what drives him as incorruptible. That innocent boy has no idea…
Let’s not cry over bygone days. I didn’t tell you the story of that place to remind us of our shortcomings. I love you -today- and that is all that matters now
He removes my tears, and I lean my forehead against his. “I love you,” I respond, simply, as I meet his gentle kiss.
I can hardly feel the poison of those days.
“Good, let’s keep it that way.”
I hear soft footsteps in the hall. “I think we were able to steal enough time,” I laugh softly as I detangle myself from Hajime, “and if I don’t start dinner soon, there will be a mutiny.” Thankfully the soba is cooked and cooled, and I’ve prepped the tsuyu. I have a lot to fry, but the beauty of tempura and my techniques is that it goes fast.
“See you at dinner.” I pat his stomach. “Be prepared for a feast – you’ll need it.” I grin as I leave the room.
(OOC – Hide will exit unless stopped)
“You should ask your brother.” I let out a chuckle.
“Of course – and thankfully, Shimada-san is now working at Mibu Temple, and I -know- he keeps an eye on the family.” “And we have him to thank for some of the information that was gathered – he agreed to decipher some coded documents, including the one that name Kano as the betrayer. He told Tamebo to tell us to come and bring the children if we want to show appreciation.”
I nod. “Yes I knew he’s become a monk. I’ve been keeping track on those who survived Hakodate.” I don’t tell her much else. “We’ll go there and see him.”
She reminds me of her answer from long ago and I do remember. It still somehow difficult to believe her answer, after all it has never been put to the test and I dread the day that it does. But I take her answer for what it is. A truth of -today-.
She tells me she loves me and I do believe her. Otherwise, why would I feel the need to keep coming back here? So we kiss.
I also hear activity outside so I don’t stop her from making dinner. We can’t do as we’ve always done which is waste our evenings and nights away just talking.
“Be prepared for a feast – you’ll need it.”
“I only need the soba.” I remind her and let her go. It should be a quiet evening. I’ll speak to Kinosuke after dinner tonight.
(OOC: Close. Unless there’s activity on the dinner, i’ll be moving to after dinner for a post with Kinosuke later.)
(OOC – No dinner activity)