We walk quietly back to the market. Hide wanted to get some ingredients for tomorrows breakfast. I puff softly on my cigarette, once in a while lifting my eyes to observe the road and the scenery. There used to be an old charm to this place that I liked as a child, the numerous dojos, the practice of militia art for both men and women appealed to me. The traditions of samurai was dogmatically practiced here, social classes was also very important. Back then as a child, those things were an object of wonder and amazement, that was until I understood what they were about.
He’s so young… Does he really understand all of it? Tch… To come to a decision to continue a family name… Where did he get that idea? Whose idea was it? I told him I was proud of him, I wasn’t lying. There were many things that made me proud of him. Not just his acceptance of Hide, of my work, or trying to understand a difficult situation. I was proud of him for standing up to me in his own way. What did he find here? What did he see in him? I am torn with feelings of jealousy, irritation and sadness. Why can’t I be happy for my son’s happiness?
I let Hide look around for things she’ll need. I excuse myself and go to a nearby stand. I buy whatever the man is selling and start to chew. Hmm… Sweet and tangy. I look down and see… Squid? Huh? I don’t like these…
The Market
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I get what I need for breakfast tomorrow, everything is simple, after all, that is the soul of Kyoto cooking… I also wait to get us something to eat now, and then look for Hajime…
I see him, eating… squid…?
I didn’t think he liked those -at all-.
I jostle my bundles around and touch his arm. “Hajime? I got us some Dengaku at the stall, is there someplace quiet where we could sit to eat?” I think what I dislike most about travelling is not having a space to ourselves.
I miss our home. I miss Makoto… but I do think that she’ll love the gift Tsuyoshi-kun picked out.
He looks so… distant… and I wish that I could hold him, marketplace and arms full of packages be -damned-. Instead I nudge his arm with mine, away from the buzz and business of the marketplace.
Hide finishes and I throw the rest of the squid away. The seller looks apologetic as I do so. “It wasn’t bad.” I tell him and leave with Hide.
She nudges my arm and I realize she’s holding quite a few paper bags and so I take it from her. “Sorry.” I say, “Dengaku was it?”
I look around, there’s no place to sit here but across the road a few meters down, I know there’s a temple there. Since it’s saturday there’s not much people around so we found a nice place to sit under the shade.
“Are you feeling fine?” I ask. We’ve walked around a lot today. I should’ve brought some water for her.
I’m surprised as he throws away the squid…
I hand over a couple of the packages to him, and nod. “Yes, I got a couple of different styles, I’ve never had anything like it and wanted to try some of the regional dishes while I was here.” WIth Hajime and maybe the boys, I need to learn how to integrate Aizu tastes into my Kyoto-Tokyo style.
We reach a temple, a quiet place compared to the marketplace and I’m glad to get off of my feet for a minute. I sit down next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m fine, and since it’s daytime, our little one is resting well.” I smile up at him, and since we’re alone, lean up to kiss his cheek.
“How about you? How did it go with Tsuyoshi-kun?” I open the package of the freshly-grilled tofu. “Some of these are fresh tofu, others are the style that are fried first.” I smile up at him. “I think these will taste better than squid.”
?EURoeYes, I got a couple of different styles, I?EUR(TM)ve never had anything like it and wanted to try some of the regional dishes while I was here.?EUR?
I hardly catch what she says. I just realized what this place is. I know this temple grounds quite -well-. It is an odd thing to be having something like a picnic here but we wouldn’t be the first. I hope the spirits of my comrade in arms forgive such rudeness.
?EURoeI?EUR(TM)m fine, and since it?EUR(TM)s daytime, our little one is resting well.?EUR?
“It was probably a bad idea having you walk so far and so long.” I say, “Next time I’ll find us some transportation.”
She kisses me and I smile slightly. Tilting my head I try some of the fresh dengaku. “Hmm this is more like it. Here you eat this.” I give her the rest and take the fried dengaku, wrapping it back up. I don’t think she should be eating something so oily.
?EURoeHow about you? How did it go with Tsuyoshi-kun??EUR?
I’m not sure how to answer that question so I shrug. “As good as it could’ve been, I suppose.” Going back to eating I add, “The dengaku was a good idea, the way squid is cooked around here is too spicy for my taste.”
>>Next time I?EUR(TM)ll find us some transportation
I nod. “Well some walking is good for me, it’s important that I stay in shape.” I look up at him, and squarely into his eyes. “I -promise- if I’ve -ever- the littlest bit uncomfortable or tired or need to be taken care of, I will tell you -right away-.”
He offers me the dengaku that’s made from the fresh tofu. “Mmm, this is good.” I can’t quite place what’s in the sauce… I’m glad to see him eating. It’ll be good for tomorrow morning when I can cook for him again. “No spice on your squid, got it.” I grin up at him. “I don’t make it too often but I like it more plain, in a simple sauce.”
>>As good as it could?EUR(TM)ve been, I suppose.
I nod. “He’s a good boy. I really liked him a lot. And I think Makoto is really going to like her akebeko.” Done with my lunch, I rest my head again against his. Glancing around this seems like any ordinary temple… “So tell me, what’s this place?” I reach in his pocket, pull out his cigarettes and matches, and light one for him, handing it over.
?EURoeNo spice on your squid, got it.?EUR?
She grins up at me but I look back seriously and shake my head, “I -don’t- like squid… I even hate it more than I do your tea.” Not that I hate tea, I can stomach it now not like before.
?EURoeHe?EUR(TM)s a good boy. I really liked him a lot. And I think Makoto is really going to like her akebeko.?EUR?
I nod at this. It’s odd how small the world becomes at times, even many years has a way of catching up with a person in the most surprising of ways.I don’t say anything else and let her rest against me.
?EURoeSo tell me, what?EUR(TM)s this place??EUR?
Taking the cigarette I puff for a long while before answhering her question. “This is Amida-ji temple. There are some Shinsengumi and other comrades of mine in the Suzaku troop that are buried here. Some of them were transplanted all the way from Echigo, after Aizu was pardoned.” I look towards a humble entrace to the side which leads to the graves but from this vantage point one can hardly see how large the graveyard truly is. It had to be, it wasn’t only those who died in the war that is buried here but also the ones who died afterwards when they were caught as prisoners by the Meiji. Taking a longer puff I add, “but you wouldn’t know them Hide. The Shinsengumi that was buried here were relatively new recruits, by the time Hijikata-san and I reached Aizu the Shinsengumi was already disbanded in place of another one called Koyou Chibuntai. It was nothing like what you saw in Kyoto.”
“No squid -at all-, then.” I nod my head. “But there’s so many other things you enjoy.” He mentions my tea and I smile.
Hajime remains quiet after my comment about Tsuyoshi-kun, and I slide an arm around his back.
Ah… Amida-ji, it sounds familiar, like a name I heard Tamesaburo mention while talking about his Shinsengumi research.
>>but you wouldn?EUR(TM)t know them Hide. The Shinsengumi that was buried here were relatively new recruits
I stand up and look down at him. “But still, they’re Shinsengumi, and very important to me because of that. Can you show me where they are? I would like to pay my respects.” I look out across the property. I pull on his hand so he’ll take me where I need to go. I look over at him. “And tell me about your comrades, if you will. I focus so much on your romantic history that I overlook the real reasons why you were here.” Which is… a terrible oversight on my part.
One day, I’m going to know all of his stories, everything from the times we were apart… and I’ll make sure he knows mine, even if my life was very sheltered and quiet by comparison.
?EURoeBut still, they?EUR(TM)re Shinsengumi, and very important to me because of that. Can you show me where they are? I would like to pay my respects.?EUR?
I shake my head but she pulls on my hand. “Hide only a handful of them are buried here.” I sigh but go anyway, there’d be no point in me pulling her back. She might just get injured if I do. The truth is, shameful as it may sound twelve men remained in Aizu under my command. I hardly knew most of them since there was never time to talk. We walk towards the back and I put out my cigarette.
?EURoeAnd tell me about your comrades, if you will. I focus so much on your romantic history that I overlook the real reasons why you were here.?EUR?
“Most of the men buried here are Aizu soldiers, half of them died on the way to prison camp back in Echigo.” I say looking around, it’s very odd to go here looking for graves. Sure, back when I was still in the penitentiary, I would spend time with others visiting the mass graves in Echigo just outside Edo but now I don’t even bother to look back. One needs to commune with the living… -Not- the dead. “We buried them in Echigo, but I wasn’t involved in moving them back here since I was leading the newly freed prisoners to settle in Gonohe.”
Suddenly I stop. I see someone leaving incense and he looks familiar.
“Kanbee, what are you doing here?” I say as we approach.
“Jirou!” He stands up and quickly goes to our side, “Now why would someone like you ask a question like that? You were the one who was always getting irritated that I never pay respect to the dead.”
“Tch… First of all, you know I’m no longer use the name Jirou.” I step up, “And second of all when did you decide to move back here?” I can’t help but smile and push him a little on the shoulder.
“Well I’ll tell you if you tell me who she is.”
Ah… Now this is awkward. “She’s a -friend-. Her father was our patron in Kyoto while I was in the Shinsengumi.”
“Is that so?” He smiles and goes over, bowing but then gives her a -hug-. Quickly I pull him away from her. “Nice to meet you miss…?”
“Her name is Hide. Yagi-san to you.” I say trying to sound irritated but apparently failing at that. I am glad to see him after all these years. The one person who knew me well ever since we became comrades during the war and up to the time I left to settle in Tokyo.
“Hide-san I must warn you about Jirou.” He smirks, “He can be very smooth at times. I’d be careful if I were you.”
“Idiot!” I bark. “Leave her -alone-.”
“Ah still can’t take a joke Jirou?” He sighs and shrugs “I guess that was unfair of me. Get -over- it.”
I know he means no harm. He just has a way of rubbing things onto my face and seems to take some pleasure in it. He knows of course what happened in Gonohe, at least the rumors. But I do trust him, more than any man, at least those that are still -living-.
“Hide I’m sorry.” I say and put myself between him and her, “This is Sagawa Kanbee. An old comrade… And trusted friend.”
>>Hide only a handful of them are buried here.
I nod, but I think it’s right. After all it’s only a handful that are buried at the temple in Mibu, but we pay our respects there. And then we visit with Shimada-san, just as we visit the monk after visiting our parents. Both love seeing the children of my brother…
And who should be there, like Shimada-san or Suzuki-san, but an old friend of Hajime’s? I marvel at the smallness of the world…
A -friend- and I wonder, does he know Tokio? Or Yaso-san? But I don’t have time to wonder much about that, because before I can return the bow, I am engulfed in a -hug-. It’s nice that someone here seems to like me right off but it’s still a little – well a lot…
I put my hand on Hajime’s arm, and then, finally bow properly. “Good to meet an old friend of Hajime’s, Sagawa-san.” I smile up at my husband-to-be. It was fun to see him acting a bit playfully with a former comrade util Sagawa-san decided to be rather… enthusiastic in greeting me.
“And Sagawa-san,” I nod at him, and smile, “I appreciate your kindness, but it’s not needed. Us Kyoto women could always tell a sincere man from the merely ‘smooth’.” I grin a little, and squeeze Hajime’s arm slightly. He’s not “smooth”, and neither am I, unless we’re flirting madly with each other as a part of our love-play. I think of the apron in another place, causing a bit of pinkness to spread across my face.
“We came to pay our respects to the fallen,” I tell Sagawa-san. “I see you’ve already started.” Not that I have anything proper to offer, no incense or flowers…
Kanbee:
I must’ve scared Yagi-san as she seems slightly shocked at my greeting. As she places a hand on Jirou’s arm it confirms my suspicions. Not that it was not obvious from the way Jirou has been acting.
?EURoeI appreciate your kindness, but it?EUR(TM)s not needed. Us Kyoto women could always tell a sincere man from the merely ?EUR(TM)smooth?EUR(TM).?EUR?
She bows and I bow slightly as well. I guess her formality is typical of Kyoto women. Not that I’ve stayed there for any length of time. She seems to have taken offence at what I said which alarms me. Perhaps my joshing was a bit too much, but I wanted to see if there would be any change in how Jirou reacted. All these years and still -nothing-. Just avoidance. I don’t drop my smile however, after all I am the most jolly in our bunch.
?EURoeWe came to pay our respects to the fallen,?EUR? I tell Sagawa-san. ?EURoeI see you?EUR(TM)ve already started.?EUR?
“I just finished.” I nod at the offerings I had on the large marker that was the facade of an fence enclosed area where many dead were buried. I see her eyes glance at the offerings and I am curious as they don’t seem to have brought anything with them. Perhaps their visit here was unplanned?
“They will be building a roof over this place soon and much better than food and incense would be a monetary donation.” I point to the corner of the fence where a small wooden box was. “Not many people visit here anymore so the project is taking longer than usual. The fences took a while as well but at least it is finished.”
Hajime:
Hide looks up at me as if to re-assure me that she didn’t believe a word he said. I place a hand over her hand that is on my arm and pat it before letting her go. I know why Kanbee does what he does, what he is trying to get out of me but if I did not speak to him about it back then there is certainly -no- chance I will speak to him now. Much less anyone else. I simply grin and tilt my head.
He talks about the projects the monks have been doing to the mass grave. I only know of a few people buried here but most were also nameless comrades. Sadly no names were enacted on the markers mostly because it was considered disrespectful to name a few and ignore the many. I am unsure if I agree but I do know the quick burials here were done in haste, to ensure that the rotting corpses do not spread more diseases and suffering, so perhaps the spirits would forgive the actions of the living.
I say a silent prayer for my comrades in Suzaku-tai and the eight Shinsengumi men buried here half of whom I never even knew their names. Such is war.
I blink, I feel like I’ve been standing here a *long* time…
I feel Hajime’s hand on mine, and a squeeze, and I smile slightly. I’m glad he understands. Kanbee doesn’t seem -rude- so much as exuberant, I wonder what he was like during the war?
“It’s too bad they aren’t visited more; were the men buried here not from this area?” There’s no names on the markers, but I heard on these last frontiers of the war formalities were overlooked. I’m glad they’re getting something now.
I offer my prayers for these Shinsengumi of the north, much less famous than the men I knew but I’m sure that they were similar in sincerity and honor. From a small pouch I pull out a coin; my household budget is tight with the baby coming and Makoto’s school expenses but I can spare a little bit, and I place it in the box.
At least Hajime and Kanbee-san seem to be getting along well, despite Kanbee-san’s teasing.
Kanbee:
?EURoeIt?EUR(TM)s too bad they aren?EUR(TM)t visited more; were the men buried here not from this area??EUR?
“Most of them are Aizu. There were several waves of burials in this same spot by the government. It is not our custom to mix our dead in such a manner. The last “dumping” that happened came right after Jirou and I settled in Gonohe.” I look at Jirou, he works for the government now. Since then a lot has changed with him but I muster a smile and pat his shoulder. “I have a horse and cart waiting outside. If you’d like you can come and visit my place and meet my wife.”
“So you finally got married.” He grins. I smirk back at Jirou.
“Yes that’s why I moved back here.”
“Well you are not getting any younger.” He lights a cigarette and offers me one but I decline.
“Well some of us are not as lucky as you.” I lead them towards the gate entrace of the temple. “Well how about it? Will you come with me for a visit?”
“I’m afraid I’d have to decline.” He says and looks at Yagi-san taking her hand. “You see we’ve been out all day and Hide shouldn’t really force herself in her condition. I want to take her home as soon as possible.”
I blink. “Condition? What do you mean?”
He smiles and closes his eyes. “Well you see, we are expecting.”
Staring at Yagi-san, I see no obvious signs yet. It must be early and as for Jirou, he is grinning from ear to ear which means he must’ve wanted this child. It is the same expression when he first told me of his soon to be first born. That time however, he was rather uninhibited in letting anyone know. But I never saw it again with his sons. I realize I’ve been lost in thought and so I take Yagi-san’s hand and enclose it in both my palm.
“Congratulations! I hope for a -healthy- child!” I smile, that is the best I can hope for my friend. To Jirou I say “Let me take you on my cart and then I can drop you off where you are staying at?”
“Ojii-san’s house.”
“You walked all the way from there to here?” I shake my head, “You should know better Jirou.”
“Yes. I -know-.” He sighs and I laugh while lowering the back of the cart. He goes up first and stretches his hand. I suppose that means I’ll have to assist Yagi-san from down here. That idiot! What will Yagi-san think if I just grab her waist? She wasn’t very open to my greeting earlier.
Kanbee-san mentions going to visit his wife, I wonder what sort of woman he would be married to? But Hajime declines, citing my condition, and I squeeze his hand back. I glance up at him to see his grin. I lean slightly into him, wishing very much for more…
Then my hand is engulfed, being gripped with as much enthusiasm as I was embraced earlier. I smile back. “Thank you, Kanbee-san, we hope so as well. Its older sister is a very lively girl.” Oh, I hate referring to our child as “it”! It’s so hard to wait, sometimes…
I am glad to go back… I could rest a little, and I would like to make sure that I pack Makoto’s present away carefully. Hajime hops up into the wagon first, and I take Hajime’s hand, and glance back over my shoulder at Kanbee-san. “Could you help me up?” Kimono are not practical for this…
Saitou:
She leans into me and suddenly I’m hit with a longing to be alone with this woman. Later we will have time -later-. I will make sure of it.
She thanks Kanbee and talks about Makoto. A chuckle escapes me as I catch an odd expression on her face after she said “it”. Well until we name the child…
“A girl? Well I’ll be!” Kanbee manages to hit my shoulder discretely and wink at me. Oh if he wasn’t driving I’d be returning that with interest. But he gets on the front and whips the horse into a gallop. I secure Hide to my side with an arm around her waist as Kanbee has not lost his “touch” in driving too fast.
“Jirou, how about I drop by this afternoon and we can go out and have sake at my place? Just like old times.”
“You call that brew of yours sake?”
“You NEVER complained before.”
“Yes I did!”
“Well? Will you come?”
I look at Hide but decide I will go with Kanbee. I need to ask a for a favor.
“Sure. But I’m not staying long.”
He laughs. Oh I’m serious…
(OOC: you may close)
There seems to be a level of teasing between Hajime and Kanbee-san, which is nice. I’ve not seem Hajime with comrades since a long time ago, since my visits to the precinct are generally short.
I sit in the back of the wagon with Hajime, and keeps me secure against his side, Kanbee-san… well, I didn’t think wagons like this went so fast, like a carriage in a chase. The people here seem used to him, as they steer around him. I laugh a little to myself.
>>Sure. But I?EUR(TM)m not staying long.
Ah, so he is going. Perhaps Akane-san will let me assist with preparing dinner.
(OOC: Close)