Shadow

The things that are important will not change. How many times did she tell me that? I know she is na??ve even thoughtless at times that?EUR(TM)s why she can say those things lightly. I didn?EUR(TM)t believe her because I know it too well, that things around us change, even we have. It?EUR(TM)s easy I suppose to stay the same way if the world you move around in doesn?EUR(TM)t change and there are really no options so to speak. But when I said she can do anything she wants, love anyone she wants?EUR? I said it foolishly with the hope that it would still be me. The first time I saw her, I thought it was possible but as time went on I realized she gave to someone else what was important to myself. Perhaps we did not regard the same things as important?EUR? Or perhaps when I thought I did something right, perhaps it was with unsatisfactory execution that it was easily forgotten. I?EUR(TM)m petty so I feel nothing but self-pity for this circumstance.
And I know I hurt her by saying ?EUR“that-, but as I said?EUR? I cannot be a replacement for her dead husband, not when everything I thought I did right, he already did for her. I already know what he could not do for her and it pains me that this is the one thing she kept. Was this what was precious? That I couldn?EUR(TM)t keep my hands off her? Doesn?EUR(TM)t she know that I can bed any woman whether I loved that woman or not? I remained weak and incomplete so that what was most important about her to me could be made a possibility, but I guess that?EUR(TM)s too boring now?EUR? And now I remember she is the type of woman where it is natural for her to help such a weakling of a creature. She herself has no need for another. I re-live that nightmare all over again, to just be dependent on her and not do any good back. And I will not ask because she already told me once that there is no need for her to be needy and weak just to fulfill my ego. And of course in that sense, she ?EUR“is- right. My goddess, my princess?EUR? Always beyond my grasp?EUR? But not when I?EUR(TM)m feeling lustful. I smile and curse the blue sky.
Do I still love her? Which one? Who? Is she still there? At the very least she looks so much like her and yet I do not know whether she even existed in the first place or just figment of my imagination. But I am a man of my word. I shall not leave, at least until she finds a living replacement for myself. I shall aid her to that end, which means I shall keep her safe. My regret and apologies go out to that woman who let me live and I in turn I found her and made her feel alive. I wonder when was it really the last time I saw her?