I come out of the small secluded room with my knuckles burst into white pinnacles. The man wouldn?EUR(TM)t talk?EUR? I could?EUR(TM)ve killed him right there but that is no longer the way things can work, I tell myself, besides it seems he was telling the truth. Not surprising for common thugs to not be in the know, at least now I know where to start looking in Tokyo. An old acquaintance can help?EUR?
?EURoeFujita-san! I got a response from Tok?EUR??EUR?
Muriyama stops, his expression bewildered.
?EURoeAh this??EUR? I raise my hand up, ?EURoeA little rough housing doesn?EUR(TM)t bother you does it Muriyama-san??EUR? I grin and grab a hand towel, wrapping my left hand with it while he went to inspect the prisoner.
?EURoeSir?EUR? Isn?EUR(TM)t that a little too far??EUR? He asks lowering his voice.
?EURoeNo. It was necessary.?EUR? I sigh, ?EURoeI don?EUR(TM)t really care if he expires but send a doctor in if you must.?EUR? Holding back a sneer, I decide to change the subject. ?EURoeSo where is the telegraph??EUR?
Handing it to me, I scan it quickly. Feeling my eyes narrow in anger, I shove the note into my pocket.
?EURoeEverything alright Fujita-san??EUR? He follows me outside.
?EURoeWhat does it look like??EUR? I bite back.
?EURoeAh it?EUR(TM)s not my business.?EUR? He bows and dons his cap. ?EURoeI?EUR(TM)ll call a carriage.?EUR?
Looking around, I finally notice how small this Police station really is. I?EUR(TM)m surprised really at how fortunate I had been the past few nights.
?EURoeMuriyama.?EUR? I tap him on the shoulder, ?EURoeYou have a lot of work to do, aside from getting a carriage.?EUR?
?EURoeAh it?EUR(TM)s not a problem.?EUR?
?EURoeDo not worry about it. I shall put in a good word for you.?EUR? Leaving it at that, I head back to the ryokan, it?EUR(TM)s almost dusk, in these plain clothes no one will notice me, nor the hidden sword at my back. I shall have to deal with Tokio later. For once I am glad that woman crossed me again, she can be one less thing to worry about in Tokyo. How fickle she?EUR(TM)s become over the years. But who can blame her? I must?EUR(TM)ve scarred her for life.
I walk past the road that leads up to the hilltop where Hide?EUR(TM)s house is. I stop there momentarily wondering if I should see it one more time. I should at the very least survey the area, perhaps take some of her belongings. Wasn?EUR(TM)t there a box of?EUR? And how about the Mochizuki?EUR(TM)s? But I decide not to and turn on my heel cutting through backyards paths in a quickening pace as if to run away from a dream, another life that I?EUR(TM)ve ruined. Only now did I realize that this was paradise lost by my folly.
It wasn?EUR(TM)t too long till I found myself back in the Hanafubuki, out of breath so I sit on one of the stone benches.
(OOC: Saitou cannot be easily seen from the engawa or the windows. He?EUR(TM)s having an ?EURoeepisode?EUR? so?EUR? LOL. He might bite. Entering this thread is definitely “optional”)
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“Oneesan… you shouldn’t go outside.”
“I’m restless,” I answer back. Makoto was put to bed a long time ago, and Saya is still resting, Yuunosuke hovering over her.
And Musashi remains like a stone, guarding over us.
Slipping on my geta, I walk through the gardens.
What could be taking him so long?
I’m startled to see a man on a bench ahead of me. Squinting in the low light of the moon…
Hajime
Everything in his posture seems to give an aura of “stay away”. That he sits on a stone bench out here, away from a building full of people who care for him. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore, Hajime.
I remember another night, that I didn’t come to him. Another night I was too wrapped up in my own fears, and feared his rejection had I reached out. So I cowered in the stairway and he left, damaging more than his body in the process.
“Hajime…” No matter the darkness I am glad to see him. So glad he came back. Just like that one morning in early spring when I found him asleep outside my door…
Not hesitating I walk towards him, leaning over to lightly kiss his cheek as I sit next to him on the bench. Scanning over him – he may be immortal and stubborn but he’s still carrying heavy injuries – I note his towel-wrapped hand and reach for it.
I hear footsteps. It’s -her-, scanning the surroundings as I hung my head low I see no exit. There’s like a banging in my eardrums, a contant heavy sound that’s in unison with the throbbing of my head. Suddenly I feel someone touch my hand and I stood up, spun around and whisked it away.
It’s her. I -hate- her!
Pouncing at my unwelcome guest, I push her against a tree forcefully. A hand clampped on her mouth.
“Onna, I’m going to tell you this one last time…” I hiss, “Stop crossing me!” I raise my hand to strike her. How many times must we do this?
(OOC: Saitou’s got Hide in a firm grip. You can -try- to stop his assault)
He pushes me away – that I feared would happen. His head rests low, his eyes away from me. Like a wounded animal…
Suddenly he has me against a tree, his hand over my mouth.
Onna, I’m going to tell you this one last time… Stop crossing me!
Another night flashes back, one in Tokyo. The smell of sake and a dinner of rotten fish, returned. A time when I wondered if he registered who it was in front of him. A night he lost something of himself.
Onna, I’m going to tell you this one last time… Stop crossing me!
He raises his hand as he finally speaks, the moment seems terribly dragged out, as if time was stuck in a thick syrup. His hiss sends a chill up my spine, the rage seething in there, barely contained. He’s a snake, coiled and ready to strike.
Onna, I’m going to tell you this one last time… Stop crossing me!
This onna is not me. This onna is not my sister. That leaves only one… only one that could inspire such rage and pain.
her!
Anger courses through me, over what she’s done to him, somehow again. Her invisible grip, the one that still has the ability to twist his heart and push him down. Absent yet like the time when we first met, she has always been there. I want to scream, it’s not me! I’m not her!
Hajime In the blur I focus on him.
Because I love him more than I can ever hate her.
I struggle against his hand, wanting my mouth free. My free arms go so my hands are on his shoulders. I can’t stop his hand, so I try to hold him. To hold -onto- Hajime.
I’m not going to let her win. I’m not going to lose you to this darkness she puts into your soul.
“Tell me what happened,” I try to gasp out, pleading.
She struggles and I only press into her harder. We’re making a scene again like before. I grit my teeth and bring down my hand bluntly but it hits her shoulder.
“Damn it.” I curse. I wasn’t supposed to. In front of all this people…
Stopping I breathe for a moment, just to calm down but she starts holding me, something she’s not done in a long time.
“Tokio?”
“Tell me what happened,”
Why is she asking that now? Didn’t she just say so herself…
?EURoeYou are indeed a horrible man Hajime.?EUR?
?EURoeI know.?EUR? I smirk and slowly put down her hand.
?EURoeLet?EUR(TM)s keep this up as long as we can Tokio. What do you think??EUR?
?EURoeWhy aren?EUR(TM)t you going after this woman of yours??EUR?
?EURoeShe didn?EUR(TM)t want me.?EUR?
A small smile settles on her lips and I match it with a smirk.
?EURoeAs long as remember what you owe to this household.?EUR?
I shrug. ?EURoeAnd as long as you do not get in my way again.?EUR?
I remove the hands on my neck and stare. It’s then that the day turned to night and I see someone else in her place. What horrid thing have I done now?
A wince as his hand instead strikes my shoulder. It still stings, but I shake it off, that can be tended to later but this is more immediate. Even though it wasn’t meant for -me-, I’m shocked and saddened, seeing what she brings out in him. Then he says one word, one lone word that confirms my thoughts as I try to hold him.
Tokio?
“No, I’m not her. I’m the one you turned to when she turned you away. I’m the one who knew you all of those years ago, in Kyoto. The one who you met in a place outside of time and space.”
He doesn’t answer my question but from his eyes he’s somewhere else, though, but I don’t need the answers at this moment. I need to reach him. I need him back. It’s like before where I’m dropping into the depths of the human mind, pushing and seeking… always after the same goal.
My Hajime.
I take a step forward. He’s staring, just staring, as something in his expression changes. I put my arms back around him, and say, “don’t leave me again. My arms are open for you… Hajime… your Hime-sama needs you.”
No, I’m not her.
Of course… She places her arms around me and I swallow, lowering my forehead on her shoulder. I should say something… Explain why, but I have no words to tell her why I can’t get Tokio out of my head. She was like a bad dream from the beginning. No… Not completely true.
I hold on to Hide tighter, crushing her waist against my arms. If only Tokio never existed… But then again… neither would my sons.
“Suma na.” I finally let her go. It must be an awkward situation for her, not knowing… Perhaps not understanding why I can’t get past Tokio. I do not understand it myself. Why is it that leaving that house on the hill? It has no relevance to Tokio at all.
Cigarettes…
Fumbling for one, I light it up quickly afterwards.
He says nothing but an apology as he holds me, and for a long moment I just hold him back.
He lets go and lights up, and I lead us back to the bench. I put my arm around him, and speak in a quiet voice, so we won’t get any attention from those inside.
“It’s strange to speak to your beloved about your wife… but I need to know everything that troubles you, even if it pains you to speak of it, I need to know, because I hate it when you’re hurting like this.” I look up at him, meeting his eyes. “What happened tonight, that made you think of her?”
Of course… she’s probably on his mind a lot more than either of us acknowledge most of the time.
“It’s strange to speak to your beloved about your wife…
“She’s no longer my wife Hide.” I correct her of course. It’s only a damned piece of paper after all…
“What happened tonight, that made you think of her?”
Nothing… I refuse to think about that woman anymore. I can’t… Looking at Hide I know, a stop must be put to this and soon. Taking long drags at my cigarette I point to her shoulder.
“Is it hurting?”
I take a heavy breath, recalling the time I lifted my hand at Tokio, not once when Saya was there… Another occasion, one that I guess broke the camel’s back. Why is it like this? I had thought everything was back to normal and yet it’s not…
She’s no longer my wife Hide
“But she’s still on your mind… tonight shows it,” I say, because though his words try to dismiss her, it’s obvious it’s otherwise.
“Is it because of that place?” I ask, “of what we’ve heard happened there?” I brush his hair back, “she’s been on your mind more, on your writer’s mind.”
“I wish… I wish I could kiss you enough to where the things she does wouldn’t bother you. Hold you so tight that what others say will bounce off… feed you well enough so that you don’t think of when you were starving, but it’s not that simple.”
“My shoulder aches some, but I’ll be fine… I’m more worried about you right now, because I know you’d never strike me.” Or think that I’m her. “You always ask to know everything that’s on my mind… tell me everything on yours. Please, Hajime.” I look at him, pleading.
“But she’s still on your mind… tonight shows it,”
Glancing back at her briefly, I straighten up. “Let me make it clear. I have no feelings of affection for that woman.”
“Is it because of that place?”
She speaks of course of another place and I shake my head. I left that place a long time ago. “That’s only the writer. As far as I’m concerned, my life there stopped…” that day I saw there was no redemption to be found for my other self or perhaps I was already gone much earlier.
“My shoulder aches some, but I’ll be fine
I nod slowly and ash my cigarette. She asks me to speak to her… So I do. Something else aside from that accursed ex-wife of mine.
“I passed by your home today… Were there things there you needed?”
Let me make it clear. I have no feelings of affection for that woman
“I know,” I say, simply.
As far as I’m concerned, my life there stopped…
“You were never given a chance there… that’s what makes me angry about that place. I still think them fools…” I smile softly, “they have no idea how you can love a woman.”
“But to see your good intentions twisted by someone who was bearing old grudges from another place entirely, or just seeing how much she could jerk someone around – even though that’s what made you look to me… I hate it you had to endure it. The scars here,” I put my hand on his chest, “will fade in time… I can only hope about the ones to your soul.”
I passed by your home today… Were there things there you needed?
He turns the conversation, and I know it’s more than a packing list.
“Clothes… they’re all in the closet, in both rooms. The furniture, that’s all rented with the house, so that’s no worry. There’s a box of papers and mementos also in my closet, and I -must- have my music box.”
“But everything I really need is right here,” I squeeze him carefully, “and asleep inside.”
She starts talking about an old life I barely remember. She smiles but there is something very wrong with something that she just said.
even though that’s what made you look to me…
Was it? If she’s right then perhaps, it is shallow. I’ve always wondered about that… Suddenly my head starts spinning again and drop my cigarette accidentally. I scowl at it.
I should at least be useful to some capacity.
“Clothes… they’re all in the closet, in both rooms. The furniture, that’s all rented with the house, so that’s no worry. There’s a box of papers and mementos also in my closet, and I -must- have my music box.”
Nodding, I stand up. “You should go inside. Get some rest.”
Tokio perhaps you are right.
I take Hide’s hand and start to pull her up. It’s too bad really, the truth behind everything is a sad fact indeed. I loved her because I needed her.
He drops his cigarette… when have I -ever- seen that? I blink, and then again, something in his expression seems off. He may be tired but with this conversation…
He pulls me up and I embrace him, burying my face in his chest. “You’re so quiet when you’re here. I feel like I’m missing everytime I speak…” It’s when we need to talk…
“Something I said a moment ago…” I look up at him, and curse myself again as I think back. I was being -kind- again… but one thing I said wasn’t kindness.
I spoke of why he came to me. I made him sound like a wandering man when it wasn’t that. Nothing to be said so lightly, and in my kindness I trivialized us.
It’s times like this… “I love you, Hajime. I left you a song recently… because it reminded me of how I came to -live- once you came to me. How you showed me my strengths and weakness, that neither were something to be ashamed of. Nor in needing someone…” I blink again, but from something else. “I didn’t know it could be like this… something so complete. We know each other’s past; all of the secret worlds of today… and with you I have my future, with my lover, beloved and friend.”
“I’m so happy… it’s beyond words. So happy that you came to love me, and let me love you back.”
“You’re so quiet when you’re here. I feel like I’m missing everytime I speak…”
She buries her face… Why? “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I tell her this because for Hide it is true.
I love you, Hajime. I left you a song recently…
“Yes I know.” I give her a slight grin, “It was quite a song but as it is, I had no way to respond.”
“I’m so happy… it’s beyond words. So happy that you came to love me, and let me love you back.”
“So stop with that strange face. Nothing will ever change with how I regard you after all.”
At least there are some things that I can say truthfully… I lead her out of the garden, passing by Musashi-san I stop and let her go.
“Hide is going to sleep. I suggest you as well. I’ll take over here.”
Bowing my head, I thank him for his hard work as he goes inside. I look at Hide expectantly, “It’ll get colder. Go inside.”
There’s nothing to be ashamed of
“I know…” he’s always shown me that, in everything.
So stop with that strange face. Nothing will ever change with how I regard you after all.
I smile. “Nor will it change for me.”
He sends me inside but my night isn’t done -yet-. I warm some dinner for him, and make fresh coffee for him, and grab a thick onsen yukata I found earlier when I was exploring. “Here…” I kneel down, “you should eat, and the coffee and yukata should keep you warm.” I kiss him lightly before rising, and pausing, and I kneel back down and pull out his shirt. “And how is -this- going?”
She goes inside and I’m surprised when she quickly comes back with an armful of things, as if it was going to be a picnic here.
“you should eat, and the coffee and yukata should keep you warm.”
I take it. Funny how she remembers things I take forgranted…
“And how is -this- going?”
“It’ll heal soon. Do not mind it.” I like the fussing over domestic things but not that so I pull my shirt down. There’s nights when I want to be alone with her. Tonight is one of those nights but being distracted during nightwatch is not a good idea. Pulling her close, I allow myself one last indulgment for the night. Her kiss earlier was -too- short.
(OOC: You may end)
It’ll heal soon. Do not mind it.
I grin slightly. “You know I will.” I enjoy the longer kiss, and as I slowly break away, I needed that… I look forward to some other night when I can curl up around him but now… he needs to protect us.
“Goodnight, Hajime…” I check in on Makoto and Saya before turning in.
(OOC: CLose)