Secrets of the Dead

She was a ghost. Tokio Takagi shook as the woman of her nightmares appeared before her once again.
?EURoeI thought you were dead.?EUR? Tokio held her hands almost covering her mouth. Her round eyes, grew rounder as she stared at the apparition.
?EURoeThat?EUR(TM)s what they told you.?EUR? The woman answered holding Tokio?EUR(TM)s gaze. ?EURoeIt seems, I was right after all. You were guilty from the beginning.?EUR?
?EURoeAre you here to take him back??EUR? Tokio could hear herself croak and at once she chided herself for being weak in front of the woman whom she was able to usurp. And she wondered if it was because she was privee to the truth back then.
?EURoeTell me Fujita-san?EUR? How does it feel to be in my place? Can you sleep at night knowing what you and the others did??EUR?
Tokio shook her head. It was a bad dream. When she had heard of Yaso?EUR(TM)s death, she was relieved. But now that Hajime?EUR(TM)s first wife stood before her, it was a testament to the mistakes back then and now the shadow had materialized to flesh and blood that was here demanding her attention.
?EURoeI cannot give you an answer Shinoda-san.?EUR?
Yaso took a step forward and unveiled the hood that covered her face from the cold wind that winter night, a ghostly vision of a woman who?EUR(TM)s learned the harsh ways of the world from those she trusted. Her eyes were like glass, clear and reflective of the one who stood before her. Staring into those dark brown eyes made Tokio feel that she was standing strip naked on slippery ice, ready to take a fall.
?EURoeYou forget ?EURoeFujita?EUR?-san?EUR? That I am also his wife, the wife of Ichinohe Denpachi?EUR? even if he is a Fujita now.?EUR?
?EURoeHe values that name bestowed to him by Matsudaira-sama.?EUR?
Yaso nodded her head, suddenly things were all too clear. And yet a stubborn part in her told her that it couldn?EUR(TM)t be true. The man she loved had no desire for status nor prestigious names. If that was the case, then he was not Yamaguchi Hajime. His real self knew of prejudice, his father, the Shinsengumi, all his life experiences had thought him that. If he had forgotten who he was?EUR? then indeed she had lost him.
?EURoeSo he?EUR(TM)s changed?EUR??EUR? Yaso looked down, ?EURoeThe man who professed his loyalty to Japan is nothing more than a bumbling idiot who prances around with fancy names along with your high profile -connections-.?EUR? Yaso smiled bitterly, for a moment she sounded just like him. Speaking a truth that was sharp as his sword.
?EURoeNo?EUR? He still choses Japan over his family.?EUR? Tokio looked away. It was something she couldn?EUR(TM)t understand well. Why a man like her husband, would not give up the sword and just be happy with the life they had. Why she still had to bear with all the fighting, she had enough of it. She just wanted a new life?EUR?
?EURoeI see?EUR? And you are not happy with his choices.?EUR?
?EURoeHe is a strong man, it was something that had me?EUR??EUR?
?EURoeSomething that made you want him? That you thought he would be the one to take care of you and take you away from that damned place??EUR?
?EURoeYes.?EUR?
?EURoeThen you do not understand him.?EUR? Yaso stepped forward, ?EURoeHow can you call yourself a wife not understanding who he is?EUR??EUR? And at that moment Yaso decided that she will see Hajime. ?EURoeWhere is he??EUR?
?EURoeHe is at home?EUR??EUR? Tokio answered nervously. ?EURoeHe is with a doctor. He was injured?EUR??EUR?
Yaso?EUR(TM)s eyes flared. ?EURoeTokio, someday you will need to learn your priorities. If you love him, there is no reason for you to be standing here.?EUR?
Yaso followed Tokio back to Ueno. All the while, asking herself, would she take him back away from this woman. But that would be up to him, after all if he no longer loves her, there would be no choice but to let him remain by Tokio?EUR(TM)s side.
Back in the Fujita household
The doctor looked at the two women unsure who to address.
?EURoeHe?EUR(TM)s hallucinating?EUR? He needs to be watched for the night.?EUR? He finally blurted out.
?EURoeYaso!?EUR? A yelp comes from the bed-ridden man and the two women looked at each other. Stepping forward Yaso took the basin of water from the doctor and bid him good night while Tokio showed the doctor out to the garden.
Sitting beside him by the futon, Yaso took the towel and drowned it in the basin as the man continued to whisper. Beads of sweat has been trickling down his forehead while his shoulder although bandaged had started to bleed again staining the white covers. As if it was the most natural thing to do, Yaso pressed down on his shoulder firmly and drew the damp towel across his head.
?EURoeForgive me anata.?EUR? Were the words that escaped his thin lips. They were pale from the loss of blood but they managed to repeat the words over and over again. The woman named Shinoda Yaso stopped and took his hand, calloused hands that she knew quite well. She allowed herself to entwine her fingers into his, for a moment reliving their days in Aomori. How her heart jumped during the time and she watched the face of the man she loved all these years, clearly her own reflecting her true feelings for him. And for a moment she was tempted?EUR? To take back the life that was brutally taken from her, both by circumstance and by manipulation.
His eyes opened for a moment, a vision that he saw, utterly transparent and blurred. He wondered if he had died and was now with his wife. He let go of her small hands, to touch her face.
?EURoeTake me home Yaso?EUR??EUR? Was a feeble request from the wolf.
?EURoeNo Hajime. It is I?EUR??EUR? She turned her face away. She knew he was looking and wondered if he really saw her. ?EURoeIt is your wife Tokio. Live Hajime for ?EUR“me-.?EUR? A lie and a truth all at once, how it pained her to see him and to utter those words.
The hand that tried desperately to hold her cheek fell back to the futon. His breathing evening in pace, he closed his eyes.
?EURoeForgive me Yaso.?EUR?
And faintly she said her truest words, ?EURoeThere was nothing to forgive Hajime. I knew?EUR??EUR? that you loved me?EUR?
If she was a stronger woman, she would have understood it better, the bitter circumstances?EUR? Perhaps reasoned out why she shouldn?EUR(TM)t cry or be angry. But she was only a woman and she obliged herself for a moment, to draw hot tears that burned her shallow cheeks.
After a long vigil before morning, the woman named Shinoda Yaso took her leave from him. She circled the engawa looking for Tokio but she was not there. Angered that Tokio was nowhere in sight, she headed back into the house searching the rooms. There she found a child asleep and looked over him. The child that could?EUR(TM)ve been hers at one point and she wondered what was his name. Closing the door, she went to the last room she had not checked and there Tokio was lying on the futon.
?EURoeGet up! Your husband needs you!?EUR? It came out clipped but how could it not? She stared at Tokio waiting.
?EURoeHe?EUR(TM)s awake??EUR?
?EURoeNo but you have to be there when he wakes up.?EUR?
?EURoeDon?EUR(TM)t you want to be??EUR?
?EURoeYou do not have to ask me that question. You already know my answer. But what good would it do if it would ruin him??EUR?
Not waiting for a reply Yaso left. She had handed the most important thing in her life to her. Did Tokio deserve him? She didn?EUR(TM)t know. All she could do after all was to draw them closer, no matter how much she doubted?EUR? The only reality was, he was closer to the normal life Yaso had always wanted to give him, but never could. Yaso had decided, for this semblance of life that he had found to continue, that she was better off as dead.
Her new step in life would be, to let the past go. And she hoped, he would do so as well. She smiled for a moment realizing that perhaps earlier, he just did. Their union was no more but a memory, bittersweet perhaps but at least she knew, that between them, there had never been any lies. She had loved him and he loved her back. Their marriage was not of convenience as the others led her to believe.
Notes:
Shinoda Yaso – first wife of Saitou Hajime
Takagi Tokio – second wife
Characterization…
– After two years, Saitou moved Yaso out of the Kurosawa house where Tokio was living in. A year or so later Saitou marries Tokio while Yaso is still alive. The go-betweens were high ranking officials. Why get them involved? What is Teruhime’s role in this? The real man had a reputation from being fickle with woman, so in a real world, it is most probable that he would leave Yaso for someone like Tokio who was younger (probably attractive), had Aizu Connections and was healthy to bear children. But then again he didn’t immediately marry Tokio, letting Tokio go to Tokyo alone and followed her months later. If he was a indeed a jerk, he would’ve married Tokio right away regardless. Some people would think that “duty” played a part in the marriage, to uphold the Aizu perfect couple concept. It could be true especially with the over-abundant prominent go-betweens… But on the other hand, that could also indicate an engineered marriage.
– If this was RK Saitou, who’s loyalty is first with the Shinsengumi and not Aizu, would he agree to marry Tokio? Probably not unless something else on Yaso’s side was at play…. Perhaps sickness? Is there as purported by fannish sections of fandom, a hot love between Tokio and Saitou? Adding history to RK mix, would indicate no. How about the line from RK, “Tokio is a good woman.” Is it possible that in “time” RK Saitou would learn to value his wife Tokio? Most probably. But the question is, how deep would that feeling be? Some would argue that coming from the wolf, a good woman, would mean a lot, considering his “personality”. But then again, why put it into such bland terms? Does a good woman translate to a great “wife”? Did he do that to downplay and keep his personal life away from Misao and Kenshin? -Maybe-. However, knowing Saitou who can judge people quite well, and judge a situation as dangerous or not, it is improbable. He could’ve just smirked and taunted Kenshin with his great wife. No harm there either. So his marriage can it be tied again to “duty”? Then perhaps it is not a very strong basis of love. What would happen if the question was to be true to oneself versus fulfilling one’s duty? In RK and history perhaps the creed of makoto will win, after all the battousai/saitou fight clearly shows Saitou forgot his duty and let his true wants come out, to finish the old score. And he said it himself, hypocrites makes him sick. The code Aku Soku Zan only holds true because he believes in it sincerely, thus the larger truth is he believes in Makoto. Of course that’s just mixing RK with history… The history guy had more leanings to his own clan and not the country as a whole. The real guy can be argued to be more loyal to Aizu than the Shinsengumi as well. Heh. Watsuki did a -fine- job creating Saitou. He didn’t even lose his composure in the movie, that was clearly the fight of former Aizu people to regain the “old days”.