Somewhere outside of time and space…

He’s gone…
It didn’t matter… wherever he wanted me I would go. To our past to fix mistakes there and stop new ones… if he would only come to me. I love him… I always will. I wish he would call me again. I’ve called… but only got silence in reply. Whatever happened… I still want to be with him. Makoto was a dream we should have shared together. She’s still a dream… the idea of her is still there. A child born of love and forgiveness and acceptance. His work… Tokio… Souji… my sister… in the end it’s just us. And I still simply need him.
I look up at the stars. If only… I wish he had come to tell me himself. Not second-hand news. I wouldn’t have cried. I would have smiled for him one last time… he loved it when I smiled, I know. Given us both something… not this great unknown.
Then there’s another rumor, to terrible to believe. That he died… that he had to die, because I had changed him too much. Taken him away from who he should have been… made him weak and not the man he should have been. Someone who was unable to uphold his beliefs… that I can’t believe. He lives on. That’s his way… in his lifetime he’s been through so much, endured so much… that I won’t be the one that ends him.
I hope that’s not the case. This time I’m not moving on, going somewhere else. Is it foolish to wait? I’ll stay in this place outside of time and space… a place where we once met. A place where we once thrived together. He needs only speak and I’ll respond. The past day I’ve considered very dark fates for myself, and I know this is right… because in all things I am a hopeful creature. I would rather wait in limbo… still holding onto a dream, than to close off choices. To give up hope… I’ll always hold onto hope.
For all the times I’ve cried, for all the pain… I don’t regret it. I don’t regret loving Hajime. If he’s out there somewhere… I hope he knows this, somehow. I can regret my actions… regret moving on to 1885 without him. But I don’t regret him. I don’t love like that… even a love lost is one worth cherishing.
I hold in my hand the present I always wanted to give him… one of many things I wanted to. Cool and somewhat heavy… the constant sound like the ocean’s is somewhat reassuring… that things go on. That every spring the sakura still blooms… no matter how bleak the winter was. I leave it, perhaps he’ll find it. Maybe he’ll take it and use it… and even if he doesn’t remember me… that he’ll remember he loved someone… and that she loved him back.
(Link to song here)