“Do you think she’ll notice?” I ask Isuzu-chan. We walk behind her father, and he’s singing, so we walk a little further back. Takeshi-kun runs ahead.
“Too bad we didn’t catch any fish,” she sighs, “then she might notice that and not your kimono.” I look down at the hem, wet to my knees.
“I -could- have caught that frog,” I say.
Isuzu-chan giggles and makes a face, “I don’t know if that would taste good. We should have caught for a fish but Otousan kept singing.”
I shake my head. She’s strange sometimes. “No no… I could keep him.”
“And my singing -attracts- the fish!” Mochizuki-san turns around to wink at us as we walk past the Mochizuki’s on to my own house. I run through the gates and run through the yard first, looking for Okaasan. She’s in the back, watering the plants. “Hi Okaasan!” I wave back at Mochizuki-san. “Thank you for today!” I stop to turn around and bow as they leave.
I go over to the well where there’s a smaller bucket for me. I look around the back, she’s been -busy-.
(OOC – Hide and Makoto are at home)
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I spent the afternoon in the back, cutting back the bushes. Hot work on this summer afternoon, and I wear an old yukata that I don’t mind getting dirty… it felt good to be outdoors.
And of course, my thoughts often come to Hajime. How it’s been lately… I still don’t know what to make of what that young man told me, too much of it is strange.
And why would a florist be closed in the summer?
My thoughts are interrupted when Makoto comes running through the gate, but she is empty-handed. I stifle a laugh, thinking about the singing, as I step to the side of the yard to wave at Mochizuki-san before he and the children left through the gate.
“Any luck with the fish?” I ask her, smiling. She helpfully brings me a bucket to help with the watering and I do notice her kimono is wet. I give it a look and she catches it and smiles a little brighter.
“No fish but I did see a frog.” Ah… that explains the water. “Makoto… be careful, alright? You might fall, the rocks by the river can be slippery…”
“I -won’t-!” A stubborn look crosses her face and I ruffle her bangs, where a small leaf had settled. “I mean, I will be careful. And I won’t fall,” she corrects herself.
I kneel down to pull her close for a hug… she smells of the outdoors… “Go change and we’ll try to set this one out in the sun so it can dry.” As I stand I look up… in late June the light goes on for a while. “Then you can play some before dinner.”
From her sash where a little pocket is sewn in she hands me a small river rock, almost flat and perfectly smooth. “Hold that for me and I’ll be right back!” She tells me before running off.
I change, and come downstairs carrying my kimono. I hand it back to Okaasan, who already had the laundry line out. “Shouldn’t take too long,” she tells me. She gives me my rock back and tuck it back in my sash.
“I’ll get the plants out front,” I tell her, taking the small bucket.
As I water one of the plants, the rock slides out and bounces, rolling under the engawa.
No! That’s a really good one! I get on my knees, trying to see where it went to.
(OOC – Makoto is in the front of the house and can be seen from the gate)
It’s almost dark when I get to the Yagi’s. Since I had no chance to leave word earlier, I feel rather skittish on what I’ll say.
Here have some fish?
-Wonderful- ahou…
I was about to knock on the gate when I see Makoto down on her knees… On the ground, looking for something. Rather than disturb her, I decide to go ahead and reach over to open the gate.
Certainly no good… This is too easy.
Frowning, I close it behind me and approach the engawa. I stop a few feet away, watching her. Gingerly, I bring the cigarette to my lips and inhale for comfort.
I feel around… not the rock I’m looking for!
Then as I’m scooting back my hands lands on something smooth.
“Found it!” I grasping it tightly. I go backwards, taking several steps back quickly. I should go see where Okaasan-
Thump!
I ran into… I turn around, my eyes wide until I realize who it is. “Hello Yamaguchi-san.” I turn around and smile. “I didn’t know you were there. You walk very quiet.”
“I didn’t know you were there. You walk very quiet.”
“Yes I do.”
Out of habit of course. I notice she’s holding something… A rock, probably the one she was looking for. Exhaling, I look at her a bit more then looked at the front door.
“I brought some fish… Where is your mother?”
I should probably speak a little more…
“Nice rock.”
-Wonderful- hitting the bullseye on that one, I thought wryly.
I brought some fish… Where is your mother?
I look at him, happily. “Oh good… I went fishing today but I didn’t get anything.” I look up at the package. “Did you go fishing?” He smells like fish…
“Okaasan is in the back. We’re watering the plants.” Then I remember the bucket, and pour the rest out over some purple flowers.
Nice rock.
Nodding, “isn’t it? I did catch this today.” I look at my rock, then back up at him, shyly, holding it up so he can see it better. “I like to pick up rocks… I have a special place where I keep them.”
“That’s an unusual hobby to pick up.”
I say and start walking. She seems like a fine girl. She’s my daughter but… I go on ahead.
“Come Makoto.” I call but don’t turn back.
I have a special place where I keep them.”
I pause, deliberate and then continue towards the back. There I find Hide watering her plants. I wait again for Makoto to catch up.
That’s an unusual hobby to pick up.
Unusual? I tilt my head a little. Why? Isuzu-chan has lots of dolls, I have lots of rocks.
I run to catch up to Yamaguchi-san and take him by the hand. “Let me show you.”
Going past Okaasan, I tell her, “Yamaguchi-san brought fish.” She looks up, her eyebrows raised, and slowly smiles a little.
I take him to back by the bath house and pull the juniper aside so he can come in. “This is my secret base.”
I very carefully put the new rock on top of one of the two piles. “But this is a -secret-.” I look serious and put my hands on my hips. I don’t want Takeshi-kun finding it. If his dad wasn’t around he would probably throw my rocks down the hill into the ocean.
Makoto…
She litterally pulls me towards the back and I’m slightly but pleasantly surprised. There is a space behind the juniper bush and I chuckle slightly. How can -this- be a secret? Anyone passing here… At least anyone -observant- enough will know.
“But this is a -secret-.”
I nod and stoop low to look inside. Rocks… A -lot- of them. Done inspecting it, I notice there’s a place where you can sit to watch the ocean. Not bad…
Moving out, I ash the cig. “Understood. A secret.”
He understands and I smile up at him. “Good,” I nod. I look back at the the package of fish and then look over at Okaasan as we come out. I wonder how long it will be until dinner as I we go over by the well where she’s putting up the buckets.
I’m amused as Makoto leads Hajime all about the yard… to her little base behind the junipers.
They come back out. “Hello, Hajime,” I say, quietly. Pleased to see him but I don’t know what really to say…
My eyes linger a bit more on Makoto as she runs up by the well. How easy it is to please children sometimes… And I didn’t even try.
“Hello, Hajime,”
Her tone is low. She’s probably upset I left earlier.
“Did you cook dinner yet?” I ask one question, but there are others… More important ones. “I couldn’t come back here…”
I state the obvious.
It’s then I notice the package in his hands… and the way he smells as he comes closer. Of course that scent I don’t need to be -that- close to catch.
I blink twice… working at the docks again? A strange smile crosses my face… relief…
But then earlier? With the young man?
Did you cook dinner yet? I couldn’t come back here…
“Yamaguchi-san brought -fish-,” Makoto interjects.
“Ah did he?” I turn my gaze from our daughter up to Hajime. “That would be good for dinner… can you stay?” I look down at the package and then his hands.
I reach over. “What happened?” I ask.
I hand Hide the Hamachi. “Should be fresh, we can have sashimi…” I look at her, “Something quick to prepare.”
I’m thinking she already have some rice prepared. She reaches over and I take her hand discretely.
can you stay?
Her question… Should I read more into it?
“What happened?”
“Ah well… We were late in coming back from Kyoto. I had told Miyake-san..” I frown slightly, “Saya had to drag me to work immediately. We were late of course.”
I watch her closely. There are things… That needs to be said but perhaps after dinner.
“I’m a bit tired. Can I lounge around your tatami room?”
He takes my hand and my fingers lace through his, my eyes searching for his. I take the fish, and look at him… and then down at his hand.
Saya had to drag me to work immediately. We were late of course.
“Oh…” I can’t help but smile again, and shake my head slightly. “Then Saya is well…” And you’re still here…
“Makoto,” I call to her and she comes over. “Take this inside please?” I ask. “I’m going to see to your uncle’s hands.”
She peers over at them. “Ohhh… alright.”
“And would you get the daikon out that we bought yesterday? If you help me we can eat even sooner.” She nods… I -know- how she is when she gets hungry. Makoto nods and -walks- inside for a change… she’s -careful- with our dinner.
To Hajime I say after she leaves, “I have something for that…” I look at the red cuts on his hand. “Then you can relax while I get dinner ready.”
“Hmmm…” I’d forgotten about that. Between Hide, Saya and her sister… “Yes I do need -something-.”
I follow Hide as she enters the house through the back door.
“Looks like Makoto’s hungry.” I say off handedly.
Looks like Makoto’s hungry
“She had a busy afternoon… Mochizuki-san took her fishing.”
I lead him to the tatami room. “I’ll be right back.” Letting go of his hand slowly, I go upstairs.
From my room I get a small jar, and stop by the kitchen. “This one?” Makoto holds out one of the radishes. I nod and I get her started on scrubbing it clean. I pull a towel from the cabinet and get it wet. “Just a moment, alright?”
Coming back into the tatami room I kneel in from of Hajime, offering him the wet towel. “Clean up a little first… then I have this.” I hold up the jar as I kneel beside him.
I scrub myself with the towel. Not exactly what I’d call cleaning myself but better than nothing. I’ve had some pretty messy jobs before and one would think salt water and fish isn’t really as bad as… But I dare to differ.
Handing Hide the towel, I hold out my hand.
“Better get started. I told Saya I’ll be back after dinner and…” I pause, “I should.”
His hands are clean enough… had I thought better I would have taken him to the bathhouse instead… It will work though and I open the jar, getting a bit of the salve with my fingers.
Better get started. I told Saya I’ll be back after dinner and… I should
Taking his hand, I rub it into first his right hand, holding it palm up while my thumbs massage the salve in. “This is just oils and beeswax and a little juniper from the bush out back… so it’s both soothing and an antiseptic,” I say, as the small room is filled with the crispy, earthy and slightly sweet aroma. “I started using this when I first got this house – it was quite neglected back here and full of brambly vines with thorns on them.” I turn his hand over to begin to rub the back. “Whatever caused this?” I ask.
After marking sure I got the salve into the cuts that went up his arm, I continue, repeating my actions now on his left hand. “Don’t make Saya worry.” I look up at him, “I’m sure she was last night… next time you spend the night we should plan a little better, ne?” Done, I lift his hand up to my lips for a soft kiss… the scent of juniper, fish and cigarettes and odd combination… I grin slightly as I lower his hand back down.
“Whatever caused this?”
“Sea Urchins…” My hand keeps steady, “One of these days… I should bring you some “uni” (roe). It’s quite a delicacy. Miyake knows his sea creatures well.” I grin slightly at that man.
“Don’t make Saya worry.” I look up at him, “I’m sure she was last night… next time you spend the night we should plan a little better, ne?”
“I shouldn’t… We’ll figure something out.”
I’m glad though… I had almost forgotten why I’m here in Ito in the first place. My eyes watches her as she kisses my hand. There was after all, something else keeping me here.
“Feed Makoto then send her off to bed. I don’t want her to hear what we’ll talk about.” Looking down, I let go of her hand. “I’ll wait for you here.”
“Oh… I don’t have that too often.” I close up the small jar and watch how he grins speaking of that job. “Here… as long as you’re working at the docks, take this.” I hand him the jar. “After you take your bath… it will keep away inflections and itching.”
Feed Makoto then send her off to bed. I don’t want her to hear what we’ll talk about. I’ll wait for you here.
There are many conversations which aren’t for her… I stand up, looking down to him… wondering… “Hai. It shouldn’t take too long… she had a big day.”
I exit the tatami room, and go back to the kitchen.
Makoto is waiting impatiently, and by the way the lid is askew on the pot I can tell someone peeked in on the rice. Sashimi is indeed quick and it’s on the table in a few minutes. “Isn’t my uncle eating with us?” she asks.
“No dear… he’s tired.” I smile at her as she stuffs her face. I smile fondly at her… she has to keep all that energy going somehow. “Then it’s time for bed… you spent enough time in that river today that a cleaning can wait for morning.” She makes a face and I laugh.
“I’m -not- sleepy,” she insists, but by the time we’re upstairs it’s obvious the day is getting to her. “Not sleepy…” she mumbles as I change her. I tuck her in and I’m given a sleepy smile as she turns over, flopping over flat on her stomach, in the boneless way that children sleep.
I come back downstairs, not cleaning much before getting hot water ready. With a cup of tea and another of coffee, I come back to the front room.
I sit down by the low table and look over at him.
How to start a conversation such as this? Not entirely coherent in this box? I look her over, then take the coffee for a sip. Not too long I flicked a match and lighted a stick.
“We had our time didn’t we? Thank you for the “pictures”. And you did find that one song I’ve been wanting to hear…”
I pause to compose my thoughts, “I received your letter as well. I didn’t answer for many reasons.”
Looking up, I decide to just go straight to the heart of the matter. “Do you know why I called you a liar Hide and how dead serious I was?”
Holding her line of sight, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But things need to be said, in this place or wherever else we find ourselves in.
“We had our time didn’t we? Thank you for the “pictures”. And you did find that one song I’ve been wanting to hear…
I take a sip of tea and nod. Speaking of the world outside while we’re here… yet not liking the way this conversation… but I listen to what else he has to say.
I received your letter as well. I didn’t answer for many reasons.
I had been wondering about that… had he seen it. If he had just dismissed it.
Do you know why I called you a liar Hide and how dead serious I was?
His eyes bore into mine and but I don’t break my gaze away as I answer quietly, “yes. It’s… too easy to read me. Even if I smile and try to be cheerful or distract you…” I shake my head. “You should have been angry. I couldn’t even be honest with myself at that moment.” I look away. “You believe so strongly in honesty and sincerity… and there I was… being neither.”
“I do not like treating you this way…” I take a long drag then finally exhale, “But a long time ago… You did promise to speak with me freely and I warned you that I will catch you if you ever break that promise to me.”
I search her face, remembering a younger one that had my head spinning.
“That girl is a good distraction to me. However she is as real as about the white clouds you see right here.”
Indeed the room was quite filled from all the cigarettes I’ve been burning since she put Makoto to bed.
“I know I’m not exactly the person whom you should put trust in certain matters, considering how we first started.” I swallow a bit, her sister had reminded me of so many things. Of what I had done.. Even if earlier, I tried to escape it, citing he and I were not one and the same. “It shows a lot about how we trust each other…”
But a long time ago… You did promise to speak with me freely and I warned you that I will catch you if you ever break that promise to me.
Ah yes… that promise. One made as we came together again.
That girl is a good distraction to me. However she is as real as about the white clouds you see right here.
I look up at him. So she’s just… as the smoke that fills the room. I move over to open this window, and some of the air clears. If it was only so easy… when I’m in that smoke to see how it wasn’t real.
It shows a lot about how we trust each other…
I shake my head. “It’s myself that I doubt more…” I look up at the clouds of smoke, “I doubt, because I have broken promises to you, the most important ones. The one I made to you that I would never leave… and just the other day, that I would speak my true thoughts. I thought… you should have something perfect… I can’t give you a world without clouds.”
“I hate it so much when I hurt you…” I stare down at my hands… they’re not perfect either.
“I should trust… because… through all of that…” my voice drops to a whisper, “you never gave up on me. That speaks so much louder than words… that you never lost that belief.”
you should have something perfect…
I stop for a moment and sip the coffee. Perfect?
“I don’t remember asking for that. Is it because I continuously badger you about the runt?” I chuckle a bit, “That’s just me wanting to… I’m selfish. I wanted all of you. Even that small child you wrote about that belonged to him.”
Puffing a bit more, letting the smoke rise above my head I look up. “Let me get angry and jealous from time to time about the idiotic things. You can too. That way I’ll know, I have a wonderful woman who cares about what I think…”
Tapping the ashes on the now empty cup, “But talk to me… I always talk to you about Souji don’t I? Give me a chance to… Show you nothing’s really changed, I still do love you after all. However, I can’t guess all the time. I’m not perfect Hide. What I cannot be, I cannot ask from you.”
Finishing my cigarette, I stand up to leave. It’s getting late.
That’s just me wanting to… I’m selfish. I wanted all of you.
“Then I’m selfish too… I want the same thing.” I sip the tea, now lukewarm. “Not to have to share you -anywhere-… ”
Let me get angry and jealous from time to time about the idiotic things. You can too. That way I’ll know, I have a wonderful woman who cares about what I think…
I’m quiet for a moment as he continues, yet feeling…
Give me a chance to… Show you nothing’s really changed, I still do love you after all. However, I can’t guess all the time. I’m not perfect Hide. What I cannot be, I cannot ask from you.
“Then I make this promise to you again… to tell you. Even if I’m being stupid.” I smile slightly down at the table. “If it sits in my mind and festers… it only gets worse. So many of our problems… aren’t with him or her… but in our own minds.”
He gets up and I know he said he wouldn’t stay late… I stand as well, and take a step closer to him. Touching his hand, still with the faint feeling of the salve from earlier clinging to them, I look up, staring deep into his eyes. “I don’t want you to be perfect either… just be Hajime.” My fingers encircle his wrist as I step closer, my head coming to rest against his arm. “The man I still love.”
“I don’t want you to be perfect either… just be Hajime.”
I grin. “Did you ever see me be anyone or anything else? It’s quite hard not to be oneself.”
Pulling her by the waist I lift her up slightly and plant a kiss on those unsuspecting lips. Slowly putting her back on the ground, I remember what her sister told me.
“No more of that merging non-sense. I told you already… I -understand-.” With a smirk, I bid my hime-sama goodnight.
“I’ll be busy but feel free to drop by the docks. That Miyake is a pain…”
I head for the door. Glad that we could talk tonight, about those things that -does- matter. And those that don’t… That will come in time.
(OOC: You may end)
He grins and lifts me up for a kiss, one so unexpected that it leaves me stunned for a moment but a smile slowly crosses my face and my eyes light up.
No more of that merging non-sense. I told you already… I -understand-
I think of her. “No… I’d rather be myself. Even at my worst moments.” I smile softly.
I’ll be busy but feel free to drop by the docks. That Miyake is a pain…
I shake my head. “But he can catch a good fish…” I grin. “But I’ll come by at lunchtime if I can manage… or elsewhere.” I follow him to the door with a quick kiss goodnight, watching as he leaves, locking the gates behind him.
(OOC – end thread)