“Are you certain that I didn’t miss her earlier?” I ask my clerk again. Shinohara-san shakes his head. “No, Yagi-san. Nobody has come by the office this morning,” he goes back to his paperwork, shaking his head slightly, as I -did- already ask when I came in. I grin awkwardly and nod at him. He’s a good clerk after all.
Hmm. I go back to my office and try to look over some paperwork. Matsushita-san will be coming by later to start settling her husband’s estate… I do hope that my sister comes by before then.
I heard from Hanako last night about Hide-neesan coming to visit. Very unexpected, even with me requesting Saitou-san’s assistance – I didn’t think she’d come here, at least not without maybe a letter first… it’s an impulsiveness that I never really associate with her. Yuunosuke of course was estathic – this morning as we saw him off at the train he again lamented that he didn’t have more time with her.
Hanako was as always very open about her thoughts on seeing Hide-neesan again. I wish they would get along… they did briefly, after all.
I pull a file from my drawer reserved for personal business, one marked with my sister’s name. Most of the things I have on Hide are business… managing the money that our mother left with her. She’s getting a good return on it, and I hope she’s managing on that. Clipped to the side is Saitou-san’s card. Hanako did say that he came with neesan yesterday and I couldn’t quite understand what she -wasn’t- saying about that.
In the back of the file is a brief note. “Have a daughter. Settled in Ito.” The last I heard from her.
Then there’s a knock on my door, and she comes in.
“Hide-neesan…” I’m just relieved to see her as I stand up from my desk. And glad to see that Hide-neesan looks so much different than she did the last time I saw her, when her expression was dead and her voice emotionless. Her eyes are bright and her smile… it’s true. I immediately feel relief in -that- regard, even if there is an air of nervousness about her in the way she clutches the bag she carries.
“I’m sorry that I was delayed in coming home last night and that I didn’t get to see you. Although you and Saitou-san should have stayed for dinner…” I tell her.
Jun 18th, 1885 – Tamesaburou at work
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I’ve only been here once… Tamesaburou had just taken this office, shared with four others, when I first left for Tokyo. It’s a western building, all stern brick and cement, and looks a little strange set aside the more traditional buildings of Kyoto.
As I’m lead to Tamesburou’s office, I think of the last time I saw him – cold. Strong. Resolute. This trip… the agenda is a bit less defined. “Reconciliation” is a fuzzy term. I clutch the bag tightly. He reminds me of father somehow… not so much in looks as in his manner. Goodness… the little boy that I remember is over thirty now, I realize… “Hello, Tamesaburou,” I say.
you and Saitou-san should have stayed for dinner…
I nod, “Ah, yes… it’s too bad.” I smile at him. And just as impulsively as Yuunosuke yesterday, I move forward to embrace him, just overwhelmed… to be seeing him again, after how I left him the last time.
She hugs me and I’m surprised – when we were children it was a regular occurrence – well, I wasn’t as clingy as Yuunosuke – but I hold her back.
“I missed you, oneesan,” I say as I let go. I motion her to sit in one of the chairs, and I sit next to her, instead of at my desk. “So… tell me. How have you been? Really?” I know from my contact at the bank that she takes out the income from the money mother left her every month… but is that enough to live on? And with her daughter old enough for school… I know with two of my own how that goes.
I sit down, “oh… I manage,” I tell him. “The income from mother’s money… I save most of that, as I do work. A few mornings a week at an onsen, I do their books.” I think of Sugiyama-san and hope that all of the upheaval in the past few weeks hasn’t…
I set the bag on my lap, and bring out two flat packages. “This is Makoto,” I hand him the more recent photograph, again remembering that I need to order another print… “This was a few months after she was born.”
Not long after that letter. I remember spending an extrobient amount of money that I shouldn’t have… as if I had the need to document what I had.
She’s brief about her life but I still have my questions. “An onsen, good…” Ito is a tourist town, from what I know. One of my partners went there with his family last year so I know something of it. “Where do you live? Is it just you and your daughter? Is she in school yet?”
I take the pictures, the one of her daughter now holds my interest. She resembles Hide-neesan very much… and that short hair! I think of how -vain- my Kioko-chan is about her long hair… but I search the image for what doesn’t look like oneesan. I can’t quite place it, though…
“She’s very pretty,” I tell her, smiling, as I look away from the picture. “Are these for me? I’m certain Hanako and Yuunosuke would like to see this…” I look at the bag on her lap. Were these the presents that Hanako said that Saitou-san talked about Hide forgetting yesterday? “Saitou-san said that you named her Makoto…” I say, looking down at the little girl again.
Where do you live? Is it just you and your daughter? Is she in school yet?
I’m surprised by his direct questioning… but there is a lot to catch up on. And things I want to know about them… “I have a small house – it’s on a hill that overlooks the ocean,” I smile thinking of that place, “and yes, it’s just Makoto and I. We’re very lucky that our neighbors are very close friends, Mochizuki-san watched Makoto after school and their little girl is her best friend.”
“She just started school this spring, we’re very lucky to have a good school in Ito – very progressive.” And hopefully she’s behaving while I’m gone…
Tamesaburou looks at the picture for a long time and I wonder if he can tell… but the physical resemblance between father and daughter isn’t strong. I thank him for the compliment to Makoto and answer, “yes, do keep those pictures,” I say. I do like that Western invention…
Saitou-san said that you named her Makoto…
I nod, not elaborating. For this child, no other name would be appropriate.
“I notice you had another daughter… and Kioko-chan and Hiroshi-kun look well,” I say. “How have things been for you?”
She answers my questions and I relax. She is doing well enough… though I am intrigued by what she said about saving her money, and why she moves it out of her account every month. Why does she need to save so much? But I suppose as a single woman with a child who cut off all connections… she feels rather precarious.
I notice you had another daughter… and Kioko-chan and Hiroshi-kun look well. How have things been for you?
“Yes… Sachiko-chan is just now two,” I tell her. My littlest one… “too bad you didn’t get to see Kioko-chan and Hiroshi-kun more – they were so very little the last time. They grow up fast,” I sigh, grinning slightly at the same time. “Kioko-chan does remember you -a little-…” I say. She did ask about her aunt from time to time.
“My practice here does well… and I’m sure Yuunosuke babbled on about everything he’s been doing.” But it has been more exciting for him lately.
“Hanako…” I frown. “We’ve… we lost two children. A miscarriage five years ago, and then one this past winter. It’s been hard on her.” I say simply. It’s hard to put into words how it left us, each time.
Hanako… We’ve… we lost two children. A miscarriage five years ago, and then one this past winter. It’s been hard on her.
“Oh… Tamesaburou… I’m so sorry,” I say, looking down. “I could only imagine how hard…” Perhaps this explains some of how Hanako-san was… and then I remember with a sinking feeling what I said about that offer Tamesaburou made… as a mother… if she had only just lost a child…
My eyes settle on the bundle in my lap and I open it up. “I didn’t know about Sachiko-chan; so I don’t have anything for her. I did for Kioko-chan and Hiroshi,” I bring out two bags of colorful candy from the shop where Saya works. “I hope Kioko-chan doesn’t get as excited as she used to.”
Chasing her down… holding a squirming Kioko-chan as Hajime came in with Saya that night.
“And then…. this is for Hanako-san.” Wrapped in delicate paper, it’s a pink much like the one she gave me the last time I saw her. “And a book for Yuunosuke… I found this…” I have no idea what it is, it’s not in Japanese but I was able to get a fair price on it. Hopefully it’s not something he’s read… but in that regard he’s not easy to buy a little present for.
One last item sits in my bag. After taking the items for others, he looks at me rather expectantly and I can only laugh a little. “Here. You know what this is for.”
They’ll like what Hide-neesan brought of course. It’s only too bad she couldn’t give them in person. “Don’t worry about Sachiko-chan, the others will share their candy with her.” She’s really so young anyway that she’ll be delighted at the sweets. However… she acts just like her sister when she gets too much sweets.
I think with a smile… I’ll save the candy for a night when I’ll ask Yuunosuke to watch the children while I take Hanako out for a special night.
And I’m delighted by the wasabi of course! But she is in Shizouka. “Oh, thank you, I -will- enjoy this…”
I set it all on my desk and then look over at her, very seriously. “One thing I must know… you aren’t mad at me… that last letter…” I need to know.
One thing I must know… you aren’t mad at me… that last letter
I’m quiet for a moment. “I -was-… Because of the offer, and what I would have to give up? Or because you were kind enough to make that offer?”
I look out the window. “It made me wonder… that maybe I had been wrong about exiling myself,” I say. “But then… if that was the only answer, maybe it was the best choice.” It’s difficult to speak of this, to him. He only meant well, I know this now.
My thoughts that year… how I was so hurt, yet so numb and removed, and thinking back to those days, when I was consumed with pain… is a very hard thing. “You were just trying to take care of me, I know.” I look over at him and smile.
So she was… I think sadly.
You were just trying to take care of me, I know.
Suddenly I’ve overwhelmed with relief. That she’s not angry. That she understands. I am younger but I’m still her brother and head of our family, which I think she forgets because she spent so much time caring for me.
“Thank you,” I say, swallowing hard. “And I’m glad to know that you’re doing well… I try to send you a little more every now and then. And soon there will be another nice amount – I’ve sold off some property that Father had on the other side of Kyoto – so that will be split between the three of us.” Hanako-san agrees on this, even though by law it’s something that belongs to me alone now, but as the head of this family I’ll still look out for Hide-neesan and Yuunosuke… no matter how much I like to tease him. Even if he will spend it all on books.
I knock on the door. “Excuse me, Yagi-san, but Matsushita-san is here early.” In a low voice, I add, “she’s -crying-“. I see this from time-to-time but I really don’t know how to handle it. “Something about her children fighting over the money…” I got that out of her inbetween her sobbing. I do hope she calms down but I doubt that will be the case, they usually get upset the moment they see Yagi-san and start to tell him what’s going on.
I sigh, “yes, of course.” I look over at my sister. “I’m so sorry we don’t have more time…”
“Do I need to have a carriage called for you?” I ask. Isn’t she leaving for Ito shortly?
“Ah no…” she answers. “Ha- Saitou-san should be by here shortly to take me to the train.”
I stop. I do want to know more about -that- but I can here Matsushita-san out in the lobby. “My own children!” I can make out, and Shinohara-san gives me an impatient look. “Do let me know when he arrives, I would like to speak to him for a moment.”
I pat her on the shoulder as I usher her out of my office and lead the now hysterical Matsushita-san in. Shinohara-san follows with his notepad as it’s time that I get to work.
After the sudden rush I’m left outside of Tamesaburou’s office in the little waiting area. Wishing I knew the time… I look out the window, wondering when Hajime will be here.
That went… well. That he was worried… I should have least have written.
But it’s good we came here, but suddenly… I miss that picture… the little girl on it… how I miss -her-.
I sit back down on the western-style sofa that reminds me of the one that I used to have, and wait. He shouldn’t be too much longer.
(OOC – Hide is now waiting for Saitou)
Kisama?EUR?
I take a carriage to Tamesaburou?EUR(TM)s office. If she doesn?EUR(TM)t tarry she should be able to catch that train bound for Ito. I look over her belongings making sure it?EUR(TM)s all there. It?EUR(TM)s around these circumstances that I would appreciate a watch but I never got around to buying one. It was too extravagant back then and still is till today with my income plummeting down several notches.
Telling the driver to wait I head inside the office to the lobby where I see Hide waiting.
?EURoeThe driver is waiting outside Hide.?EUR?
The driver is waiting outside Hide.
I’m taken from my thoughts and stand up. “Are we running close to time?” I ask. “Tamesaburou did want to see you, he’s with a client however,” I can hear the poor woman through the closed door.
“Here…” I hand her the package containing the colored pencils she asked for.
“Are we running close to time?”
“You are if you do not hurry.”
I look her over it looks like it went well as I’ve thought.
“I’ll come back here to speak with your brother once your on the train.”
I take the package and look over them. “Oh… these are wonderful. Thank you.”
I’ll come back here to speak with your brother once your on the train.
I look up at him. “Are you not going back with me?” I ask… I thought we were going back together.
“Are you not going back with me?”
“No. I have unfinished personal business here in Kyoto.” I frown slightly. I -do- need to get back and check up on those two, but if I don’t do this now, who knows how long I will get stuck in Ito? “Sumanai.”
I wonder why the sudden change in plans… his note this morning spoke of us going back together.
“If it’s just another day I can wait to return.” I didn’t give Sugiyama-san an exact day for my return… after all, I was going all the way to Kyoto, reuniting with my family and coming back… three days have simply been a whirlwind.
“I… miss Makoto but I know she’s in good hands,” I say… missing her is putting it lightly but she likes Saya, and Hajime… he does trust her. Suddenly I wonder how well Saya can cook… I shake that thought. At least in a tourist town the availability of cooked food that can be bought rivals even this place which is much larger.
Why do I have this feeling as if I shouldn’t leave him alone? He’s a very capable man, I -know- this… “I would like to stay with you a little longer, if you’d like.”
“If it’s just another day I can wait to return.”
I frown deeper this time. “I need you back there… and I’m sure your daughter misses you.”
Eventhough I do want her around, she doesn’t have to disrupt her daily life, certainly she has work to return to and a daughter to take care off. She might as well get used to this.
“You’re done here right?”
He frowns more and I know before he even begins to speak…
The price of asking is that sometimes… you don’t get the answer you had hoped for.
Ah…
I need you back there… and I’m sure your daughter misses you.
His words stab at me… am I remiss as a mother? Does he think that? And I wonder… as I smile slightly, looking down at the packet of colored pencils. “Hai. I miss her as well.”
I take his hand. “I know she’s -well- taken care of… so it wasn’t something I offered lightly. I know what this place is to you…” The past… that he knows and that he doesn’t. I look back over at him, “I’ll stay by your side if you want me here…” I say in a in a quieter voice, “as I you have been with me these past days when I needed support to come back here.”
You’re done here right?
I look over at the door that’s still closed. “Yes, I’m done.”
“I know she’s -well- taken care of… so it wasn’t something I offered lightly.
Why is she so delicate when it comes to… “Suma. I didn’t mean to imply anything of the sort. How you raise your daughter is your business.”
I frown thinking of my own sons… I should be paying more attention but to even get near them had always been a problem.
I know what this place is to you…” “I’ll stay by your side if you want me here…”
“Ah… It’s a rather delicate matter.” If I had known Numazawa was going to be in town, I’d have made better arrangements. At least with the money Tamesaburou gave me and that which I saved perhaps… I shake my head and try to focus at Hide.
“It should only be a day. I am waiting for funds to come from Tokyo.” I shake my head and muttered, “The things we do for our children…”
Moving out of the way as a girl passed, I decide to go out. If she doesn’t move now she’ll miss her train.
Suma. I didn’t mean to imply anything of the sort. How you raise your daughter is your business.
“Ah… it’s fine.” I say… but even if he doesn’t know why… I need him to know how seriously I take Makoto’s care. I follow him outside. I don’t want to be sent away… but I can’t very well talk to him if he’s outside.
It should only be a day. I am waiting for funds to come from Tokyo.
I look back at the building, and think of what Tamesaburou and I discussed.
The things we do for our children…
I turn to look up at him. “Is there trouble? Are they alright?” I ask, concerned. Those boys I’ve never met… but they are his so I care deeply for them, even though… “Tamesaburou told me today… there is some money that I’m getting. Part of some land sold… he can get it for me, I would imagine.” If it’s the land I’m thinking of… it should be a “nice” amount, as he put it. And he wouldn’t think it that strange… to want to take it back with me when I leave.
I look down at the ground and smile, aware of how awkward… “I’m sorry… I don’t mean to offend you in this, but if I can be useful… especially if it’s for your sons.” Money is often a delicate topic… and I know it’s been a problem for him, from comments he’s made.
Is there trouble? Are they alright?
“It’s not ah…” I clear my throat, “not…” I shrug, it’s not something I can talk about. She’ll only think I’m an irresponsible parent if she finds out how this all came about.
She talks about money and eventhough she smiles and as she said, she did not mean to offend me it had the same effect nonetheless. I wave her suggestion aside.
“You live and raise a daughter alone Hide, I would not even think of ever coming to you…” It’s so unsettling these things she does… I am the man aren’t I? I should be the one doing these things.. Not the other way around. Well she must think me as someone she has to take care of, while Tokio thought I was someone whom she couldn’t depend on. Either way, it’s still quite a precarious situation.
I smile brightly and shake my head, “Have a safe trip.” I step forward to kiss her cheek but remember where we are and I step back.
Pathetic…
You live and raise a daughter alone Hide, I would not even think of ever coming to you…
I drop my eyes and my smile. “Ah. I only…” wanted to be able to help you -somehow-. And I stumbled and of course he’s offended, he’s a man after all… Why can’t I…
I look at something on the road, not really seeing it, and say quietly, “It’s that… it has been a belief I have that two people who care for each other… are stronger together… in sharing their problems, and trying to get through them together, even if it’s not about the other one. Just as you help me and take care of me when I need you… I wish it to go both ways.” I’m just as naive… but this belief comes from being hurt by an inability to do this in the past. My hand reaches for his by instinct, not caring that Tamesaburou could probably see us from his window if he wished. “You brought me here…” I finally look back at him. “When I had given up hope…”
Of course, he doesn’t remember the past we share… or know how he’s truly helped me, even when he was unaware that he did or how I needed it. How simple words by the train in Tokyo… later came back to lift me up and allow me to hope again… that I could bring him back to be by my side.
Something in me feels very dull and distant as he says something about the trip that I don’t really hear… that too-bright smile… I know enough about that kind of smile from wearing one like that that…
“It’s that… it has been a belief I have that two people who care for each other… are stronger together… in sharing their problems, and trying to get through them together, even if it’s not about the other one. Just as you help me and take care of me when I need you… I wish it to go both ways.”
She says this, but I don’t want to rely on her especially with money. I can take care of my own affairs, things that she is not involved in. My wife and my children, is -my- business. She reaches out and holds my hand but I push it away. Doesn’t she see where we are?
“If you want to help me… Then don’t make me feel like I’m…” I grit my teeth that smile now gone, “incompetent…”
Knowing she’ll miss her train I pull her quickly into the carriage and tell the driver to leave quickly. I sit there looking at her, this wasn’t where this conversation was supposed to go…
“Saya probably didn’t clean…” I start a rather awkward conversation.
He pushes my hand aside. I’m glad as always he has more sense than I do in these matters.
If you want to help me… Then don’t make me feel like I’m… incompetent …
I look down at my hands. “Ah… I’m sorry… I only wanted to…” I whisper, “I just want to be able to do more for you than just be an excellent cook.” It was supposed to be light… my can’t I ever seem to say the right thing?
I’m a fool… the sound of the carriage rattling down the city streets and I twist my hands in my lap. Why do I keep trying? It’s that hopeful creature thing again, isn’t it? Even when I fail… I just want to reach to him and know he’ll accept me even when I stumble… that belief is what keeps me, even now.
Saya probably didn’t clean…
What? What… My head feels like it’s buzzing, not sure what I need right now not ease this feeling… that I’ve made a mistake and only hurt him -again-… that I misunderstood what it was I needed to do, no matter how I tried… how I thought I was doing the right thing.
I get up to sit next to him, and bury my face in the side of his arm, and I already feel a little more like I can make sense. “I didn’t mean it all to happen like this…” I sigh.
She buries her face on my arm and I… I’m unsure of how to fix this. Sometimes I think I should not speak because… Ah…
I move towards the window wondering if I’m doing the right thing. It probably doesn’t even matter for I doubt we’d get to the train station on time.
“Driver take us back to Higayashima!” I shout and the carriage stops.
“That’s at the opposite side of town sir.” I can’t see his face but obviously the man is complaining.
Ahou… Of course I know that.
“Yes take a turn then!” He doesn’t reply but the carriage took the first left turn and another left. Satisfied he’s following my orders, I go back to sit beside Hide.
“You missed your train.” I tell her, “Let’s take a rest ne? Then we’ll talk.”
Driver take us back to Higayashima!
He gets up and makes that request… we’re not going to take me to the train, but to Higayashima? That’s where the ryoken is…
You missed your train. Let’s take a rest ne? Then we’ll talk
Thank you… I nod. “I’m afraid so… but yes… rest and talk.” And I would badly like tea… but I feel as if… he knew to catch me… when I needed him to, and I feel some precious clarity coming back. Thank you.
We arrive at the Tamahan and after I paid the driver I take back her belongings and go inside while she follows. Of course I chose to come here since all my luggage is still here, not that I had many… And anyway the room is paid for already.
Setting everything down at the corner, I take off my jacket and opened a window. I like how our room is upstairs and at the back. It is quiet.
“I’ll get us something to eat…”
(OOC: Saitou goes out. I’ll end the the thread here and you may continue a new one for the next RPG session – end for the night)