My head is spinning after just a few hours with Toshio. However I think he is more open to suggestion than Kawaji and in time?EUR? Walking back to the Tamahan, I?EUR(TM)m not sure whether to smirk at how my plans will soon come to fruition or whether to scowl at the fact that it?EUR(TM)s nightowl hours and I?EUR(TM)m just getting back. Bah?EUR? I walk a bit faster while keeping the gift from Toshio under my arm. Too bad even in summer the nights are cold and I?EUR(TM)ll find solace of course soon enough.
Stopping by the counter I request for a sake cup and some tofu. The girl looks at me like I?EUR(TM)m some freaking drunkard and I sneer at her rather menacingly. ?EURoeJust get what I need woman?EUR? Then you can go to enma for all I care.?EUR? Of course I didn?EUR(TM)t tell her that. I do need her services after all and I am hungry. I really didn?EUR(TM)t get to eat earlier and Toshio was a mean drunk and a glutton as well. Amazing how a man can project to be something else to the outside world?EUR? But that just makes for the most of us I think. The waiting staff serves me my request and I go straight back to the room I left quite a few hours ago.
Slipping in like a cat I can almost smell her from this room?EUR? A smirk slowly posseses my lips and I slip into her room where I see a rather agreeable site. Hide laying so helpless on the futon?EUR? Suddenly my mind swims in various directions and ideas that are not at all pristine crawls the back of my mind to the very edge of my skin.
I want to continue what was started earlier?EUR?
The white covers on her sleeping body is like a magnet that kept taunting on me to stain it, so finally I give in and sit clandestinely beside her taking in the smoothness of her neck and the luscious lips that I want to bruise tonight. I want to make her forget about everything else?EUR? Her home, her life and her past. To take her away from the ties that bonded her?EUR? And I frown instead unsure why I would want to do that and why it was important and yet I had no reasons to?EUR? Finally I?EUR(TM)m able to rip my gaze at the woman before me and poured myself a good shot of sake. Maybe if I am drunk enough, things won?EUR(TM)t have to make sense and I can do what I want?EUR?
You are truly a horrible man?EUR?
I drown the sake like a fish. The restraint earlier that I feigned in front of Toshio was completely gone. There?EUR(TM)s no one here after all except her and she sleeps like a child?EUR?
Kami?EUR? Let her sleep at least until morning.
June 18, 1885 – An hour or so after midnight
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I stir…. tonight has been one of restless sleep… both from taking the long nap on the train earlier and for being alone in a strange place…
My eyes open and in what light there is I see Hajime and smell the scent of sake.
I smile over at him. “Ah, good, you’re back…”
“Ah, good, you’re back…”
And why’s that? I frown mouthing the words in my head. I do not answer her and focus my attention on my silent companion. I do however watch her discriminately from behind the cup settled on my lips.
I feel his eyes on me… Sitting up, I tuck a stray strand of hair back. “You shouldn’t pour for yourself, ne?” I ask, looking at him drinking. “Especially in Kyoto… “
“You shouldn’t pour for yourself, ne?” “Especially in Kyoto… ”
“Tch… I’ll pour whenever I want to. Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go to your brothers.”
Setting the covers aside I sit in front of him. “I’ve had a good deal of sleep today… on the train,” I smile at him. “And earlier. I’ll be fine… what about you? Shouldn’t you sleep?”
“I’ll get enough sleep when I’m dead.”
I’m not sure where I heard that but it seemed to fit most of my days. She seems disinterested in going back to sleep so I push the tofu to her side and keep the bottle to myself. There’s not enough sake to go around.
I’ll get enough sleep when I’m dead.
He seems especially grim tonight… I look down at the tofu offered and take a bite, looking back at him. For a long moment I look over at Hajime… my eyes fixed on his face.
I move closer to where I’m sitting next to him. “Did everything go well tonight? Or do you scowl so for another reason?”
“Did everything go well tonight? Or do you scowl so for another reason?”
“It went alright. Saya will be called in soon as a witness. Toshio even promised that he’ll help me get transferred out of Tokyo.”
I shrug. I was fine until I got back here. But why?
Toshio even promised that he’ll help me get transferred out of Tokyo.
“To Hokkaido? Like you spoke of the other night…” I can’t keep my face from showing… the surprise and sadness that cross my thoughts at his talk of leaving. No… something in my head screams.
Taking his hand, I say in a low voice, “I want more time with you… even when you’re back in Tokyo, Ito is only a day away.”
I want more time with you… even when you’re back in Tokyo, Ito is only a day away.
I drink a little bit more. I’m not sure what to say to that so I just tell her the truth.
“We still have some time. Let’s just enjoy it ne?”
I reach over to where she is and pull her closer against me. It was… Perhaps this is why I’ve always hesitated with her. “I want to go after my life and put it into place… And the only place I can think of is Hokkaido. Are you angry?”
We still have some time. Let’s just enjoy it ne?
He pulls me closer and I wrap my arm around his waist and settle my head on his chest. I close my eyes for a moment, taking in his smell. Even under the sake… it’s his.
I want to go after my life and put it into place… And the only place I can think of is Hokkaido. Are you angry?
“Not angry as I am disappointed,” I admit, looking up at him. “I understand your need to get your life back together… but at some point… it’s like when I came to Ito. I thought I would find peace here but I was always -unsettled-. Waiting for something I didn’t know… no, that I -denied- that I needed.” I seek out his eyes in the darkness of this room.
“I want a chance with you as well,” I brush back his bangs, and lean up to plant a light kiss on his jaw, “I want to help you find what is missing in your life… because I think you can help me find that in mine.”
Of course the moment I got that out and clear, I feel much lighter. It was something I knew that was bound to happen one way or the other.
it’s like when I came to Ito. I thought I would find peace here but I was always -unsettled-. Waiting for something I didn’t know… no, that I -denied- that I needed.”
“I’ve not denied anything… I just don’t know precisely what it is that’s missing. Perhaps it is my job, right around the time we lost contact it just for some reason spiralled down and I couldn’t close most of my cases.”
I do not tell her the exact words for it. It’s not something she will understand perhaps and… No… I owe it to this woman, at least a complete explanation.
“I feel rather… lost.” I look down to my cup and take a swig.
Pathetic
“Here… I promise I won’t mess your drinking tonight.. err this morning.” I grin.
I feel rather… lost.
“Mmmm… and it’s hard to see out, I know that… too well. But it’s like I told you the other night… it’s never all dark. There’s still something that will guide you… something that is true.” I place my hand on his chest and try to catch his gaze, “And I believe that what is -true- about you is still there…”
I move my hand to reach back for his, and say softly, “I’ve spent so long trying to get free from the shadows that hang onto me. It’s a place where one survives but never thrives. I’ve felt so… incomplete for such a long time.”
And I believe that what is -true- about you is still there…
But I don’t know what the truth is…
I’ve felt so… incomplete for such a long time.
“Do you still?”
I feel like a child… A grown man asking these questions is unacceptable. I frown but I close her hand in between both my palm, as if it will bring me something… I chuckle in my head and reach for my cigarettes.
Do you still?
My eyes go to his hand on mine. “At times… but there’s something now… someone now… who makes me feel as if I can face the world and all of the things that terrified me.”
I’m quiet for a moment before I continue.
“That’s why I wanted you to come with me when I came to Kyoto when I come to see my family. That’s why I can sit here and tell you all these things, things I never can speak of… In you I see the man who makes me feel complete… and alive. It’s as if I’ve lived in a grey world of winter for so long… and with you I’m finding spring again.”
I turn my face to look up at him. Letting go of his hand I trace the lines in his face.
In a quiet voice, I say, “it’s not a weakness to need someone… because at some point it’s not about being strong or weak… but in finding something within someone that helps to make the world have sense again.”
In you I see the man who makes me feel complete… and alive
I smirk slightly. Perhaps it is because at least she tells me the truth or tries to.
“I don’t mind being compared to that man… Although one of these days, you’ll have to let me know who he is. I want to know who I’m up against.”
Taking back the sake I offered her earlier, since she did not seem to want to drink, I finish it for her.
it’s not a weakness to need someone… because at some point it’s not about being strong or weak…
She touches my face and I drag deeply at the tobacco. As she said those words, I’m struck at how glad I am to hear them from her. My smirk turned into a wide grin and I tilt my head.
“If you keep emphasizing the crinkles on my face… I think we’re going to have a problem because I tell you now.. I’m not -that- old yet.”
I don’t mind being compared to that man… Although one of these days, you’ll have to let me know who he is. I want to know who I’m up against.
I tighten the arm I have around his waist to hold him closer to me.
If you keep emphasizing the crinkles on my face… I think we’re going to have a problem because I tell you now.. I’m not -that- old yet.
I look back at him with a smile on my face, settling my hand on the back of his neck. “Mmmm… I don’t think that you’re -that- old…” my smile turns into a grin, “in fact… at times you seem -rather- active.” I laugh softly, moving my face to bring my lips a breath away from his.
She teases once again and why I just can’t keep things in order… The way they should be… That will always escape me.
I grin and then nip at her lips slowly. Unlike before when I was feeling rather horrid I feel no need to bruise her lips. For some reason when I’m with her I feel very turbulent and yet at times perfect and calm. Right now it’s the lesser of two evils… She is after all a temptation to me, unlike before when I wanted her because I saw her first. It is I suppose what Saya was talking about a long time ago, about having “rights”. And a few years ago when we were good friends, I needed her for my sake. Right now it’s still all that, it’s just a little different because I do get the feeling she belongs to me. So there is a sea of calm surrounding my presence drowning the sake with what I can only call as sobriety.
Leaving her lips, I run my hand over her hair, kiss her forehead and the tip of her nose. I pull away slightly and grinned a rather proud one.
She -is- mine.
And I don’t care anymore for rationalities or sensibility. No one ever told me life was to be lived in only such a manner. Obviously the secrets we share outside of this box is proof of that, so I kiss her deeply this time and embrace her against me. After a long moment I let her go.
“You better get ready…” I nod towards the window. “It’s better if you do meet with them first thing so you don’t have to think of the possibilities.”
He kisses me and there’s something in the way he kisses me… I respond to him freely, every touch not just one of desire but of joy. As he lets me go… this is not the face of the man who I awoke to drinking beside me earlier… something in that grin. I meet it with a smile before he claims my lips again.
You better get ready… It’s better if you do meet with them first thing so you don’t have to think of the possibilities.
“Why does time with you always go so fast?” I keep my arms around him, my face buried in the place where his shoulder and neck meets, and inhale deeply of his scent. “You never did take a bath, ne?” I reach behind to untie the ribbon that held my braid, letting my hair fall across my back. “We should see to that.”
“We should see to that.”
“We?” I quirk my eyebrow. “I just want to make it clear I’m usually very tidy and can take care of myself neko-chan.”
I laugh and stood up, taking the woman and the sake with me as well. I drop her to where her belongings are and pause by the door of the bedroom and looked up.
“Hmmm… I think Serizawa would’ve been proud, although I do not think I care much for his opinion on sake and women. Not that you fit in any of those categories.” I smirk and take a hit on the cig. “Get ready and I’ll see you in a few.”
Of course I could’ve said come bathe with me. There’ll be time for that later and… There are things she must do first.
(OOC: Exits wolf to take a bath)