I give Makoto-chan a conspiratorial wink as we go through the gate that’s marked, “Private Property”.
“Are you sure it’s alright that we come here?” I nod. “But never ever come here without me…” I look over to her, very seriously. This is Sugiyama property – their family had lived here before Sugiyama-san’s mother had died several years back, Sugiyama-san told me how she didn’t like the noise of living in the onsen as they do now.
It’s a bit overgrown; one of the onsen gardeners comes by once a week or so for an afternoon to make sure that the landscaping doesn’t overwhelm the house… I sigh, thinking of what a lovely place this once must have been. But we’re not here to admire the grounds, I promised Makoto-chan something and with the weather like it is today – very hot and still – it’s a good day to see to it.
?
“This is where I wanted to bring you,” I lead her down the path to a small pond. I’ve been here before – since it’s on the other side of the hill, away from town, it’s easier for me to stop by and check on it… and I think this place holds strange memories for Sugiyama-san. “I’m going to live there when I get married,” she told me, wistfully, the day she told me about this place and gave me the key. Then she quickly changed the subject.
Makoto-chan runs around the edge of the pond, excitedly. “Now you see what those old yukata were for?” I laugh. Such a blue sky today… we step into the woods where we quickly change into old yukata that I cut short at the knees and removed the sleeves from. -Very- inappropriate but this place is isolated… and it’s simply more pratical.
I lead to the water, a few steps in, it’s rather cool. “Now, we’ll play some but I need you to pay attention, alright?” Yes we’ll play… and we also need to talk. About my talk with her teacher in the morning… and my upcoming trip.
Sunday June 14th
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I can’t believe she’s really finally teaching me to swim… and that we get to dress like boys! I take a few more steps into the water, splashing around with my legs, and Okaasan puts her hand on my shoulder. “Be careful. In ponds when you can’t see the bottom go slowly if you don’t swim that well.”
She smiles and pulls me a little deeper. “It’s alright, I’m holding on and I’m a -little- taller than you still.”
“Did I ever tell you how I learned to swim from my cousins?” Makoto shakes her head. Of course I’ve not… I never would tell her about my family. “I was about your age… my father’s sister had married a samurai who lived in the countryside outside of Kyoto and they had two daughters who were a little older than me. Michiyo-chan and Miharu-chan. Every summer I would go to stay with them for a few weeks.” Okaasan turns to face me and takes my hands. “Hold on now, we’re going to go deeper.”
The water is up to my shoulders and as I take a step forward it’s deep! I look at Okaasan and hold on tight.
Her grip gets tighter. “I’m holding on, see?” I continue my story. “Even though I grew up in a village called Mibu in Kyoto I was a ‘city girl’, and even then girls didn’t always learn things like swimming.”
“But my cousins…” I smile and shake my head remembering those two girls… “they didn’t listen to such things. -Somehow- they learned to swim, and they decided that nice quiet cousin Hide-chan needed to learn too. So we would sneak down to the pond there in the afternoons.”
We’ve gone far enough out… “Now… kick.” I tell her. “See, I was afraid of the water…”
I kick and I feel myself float up a little, but I don’t let go of how tight I’m holding onto Okaasan. Kick kick kick “Very good…” she tells me.
I laugh listening to her story. Trying to imagine Okaasan as a little girl! “Why were you afraid of the water?” I ask.
I kick harder and I start to rise up more and she keeps talking. “My grandmother told me some story… an old legend that had me scared. So to get me to swim, they threw me in the pond!”
I stop kicking and look at her. “Really?”
She looks so very worried, “I was fine but that was a bad idea…” I came out of the water throwing a -fit-… but I wasn’t afraid anymore. “But then they showed me how to swim.”
I move my hands, still holding onto her. “Keep kicking,” I say, moving to hold onto her around her waist. “Of course we were found out… Aunt Mine-san was a very sharp woman.” I’m not sure if we were more in trouble for swimming, for sneaking out, or for cutting up our yukata. The ones Miharu-chan and I used were old but Michiyo-chan’s was not. “All those summers I spent with them… I somehow always ended up in trouble with them,” I smile at the memory.
Makoto-chan is entirely too young to tell about the rainy and -very educational- summer we spent looking at those books… Turning my full attention back to her swimming, I say, “see… your kicking… you’re moving forward, ne? Now try with your arms.”
I move my arms like Okaasan directs me to. “Am I swimming?” I ask her. She says it’s a start, and that I have to learn a lot more.
“Come on, let’s take a break. I brought us something to eat.” She pulls me to where I can touch the bottom of the water and I get out, and I help her get the blanket out and we dry off a little before sitting down.
We eat our lunches – just small bento lunches I put together, with some of the fish Hajime brought…
“Makoto-chan…” I begin, looking over at her as we finish eating. “You know tomorrow I’m going to school to talk to your teachers… is there anything you want to talk about?”
I’ve been thinking about her school situation. I don’t get the feeling that her and Isuzu-chan are as isolated now as they were when school first started – she will mention other girls by name now.
“No…” I say. “Well…” I frown. I push around the last few bits of rice with my chopsticks. “They’re still stupid. At least Yuzuya-chan is.”
“But it’s only her and Kasumi-chan and Yoshiko-chan who are stupid all the time.” I look over at Okaasan, and then down. “But the others… we all play together sometimes.”
“Oh…” I should tell her everything. “I’m not very good with math yet.” Sensei will tell her about that… I know she will.
I listen as she talks about the other girls, and have a little hope for the nature of children. Some like Yuzuya-chan will be difficult… but most are more open.
“I’m glad to hear that… but I’m not sure if you should call any of them ‘stupid’.” I ruffle her bangs, slightly damp from splashed water. “And math… we’ll work on that. Your Okaasan is -very- good with numbers.”
I move the boxes aside and turn to sit so I can look at her. “I also need to tell you something else… you know I’m from Kyoto… I have family there. Two bothers… one is married and has two children. Your uncles and aunt and cousins.”
“I’ve not talked to them in a long time… and I need to change that.” When she’s older… I will tell her about why. “So I’m going to go to Kyoto for a few days to see them.”
So I’m going to go to Kyoto for a few days to see them.
“Kyoto?” My eyes light up. “We’re going to Kyoto?” Except for the time I went to Isuzu-chan’s grandparents tea farm I’ve not been out of Ito. I wonder if any of my cousins are like Okaasan’s…
My heart falls at her excited face and her assumption… “No, dear… just me. You need to go to school. And it’s going to be a lot of boring grown-ups talking about the past.” I smile at her, “you’ll come with me another time.” I hope she will… no, I -will- take her someday. To see where her mother is from and the place her father protected.
I’m not going…
“Oh.” Then what…
“Who’s going to take care of me?” I ask.
I move to hug her, not liking the sad look that passed over her face, “well… Yamaguchi-san is going to go with me… so we thought that it might be nice if Asuka-san did. She’ll be by herself and I bet she’d like your company.”
“Did you like her the other night?”
I nod. “She’s very nice!” She helped me out with Takeshi-kun…
“When will you be back? Will you bring me a present? Will I still go to Isuzu-chan’s house after school? Will Asuka-san bring things from her shop?”
She’s not upset… I’m glad. If she had been… yet this trip is something I need to make. I laugh as she asks so many questions…
“I’ll just be gone a few days; Yamaguchi-san has business but we both need to get back… yes, a present, but you must promise to be very good.” I think… “Yes, you’ll still go with Isuzu-chan… and I’m not sure about the sweets.”
I -hope- that Saya doesn’t bring too much of that with her… my thoughts are interrupted when Makoto-chan suddenly jumps up and starts running towards the water. “It’s a turtle!” she cries as she goes running past me.
“No! Makoto!” I’m only a few steps behind her as she runs into the water. In a moment she’s at the other end but time moves slowly as I catch up with her because I see her turn back to look at me, her eyes wide. “Okaasan!”
I saw a turtle and I wanted to go closer and I didn’t even think…
And I get in the water and it’s too late and I’m too deep. “Okaasan!” I can’t remember what to do… kick?
But my arms don’t help me and I wave them around and I taste the water and I feel myself sinking…
Then I feel Okaasan’s arms around me, holding on tight, and she pulls me back out of the water.
I get her back and out by the shore but I don’t let go. “Don’t do that!” I tell her, burying my face in her hair. “No matter how good you are at swimming you have to be -careful-. Just because you see a turtle…” I just hold her closer and try not to cry and will my heart to stop pounding… and it’s only now that my arms are shaking.
Makoto my Makoto… I swallow hard. “Don’t scare me like that,” I whisper. I let go a little to see her eyes still wide. “Are you alright?” I ask, smoothing her hair.
“I’m…. fine,” I tell her, and I hug her back. “I’ll be more careful.” I can’t go that deep yet… “Okaasan… don’t be mad…” I tell her, smiling a little. “I won’t do that -ever again-, I promise…” I want all of a sudden to see her smile at me again.
“Yes… be careful.” I smile a little at her smile. She’s alright… I tell myself. It’s the nature of parenthood to be slightly terrified… at least she didn’t get Yuunosuke’s propensity to be very good at hiding… out poor mother would spend hours trying to hunt him down, only to find him curled up in some improbable place, reading.
“I think we’ve had enough water for today, ne?” I stand up and pull her up with me. “Let’s get dressed… then let’s go shopping and find presents for your uncles and aunt and cousins. That’s what you do when you visit someone.”
“Oh!” She says. I take a moment to look at her, thinking how I’ll miss her when I’m gone… and worried. “I should write a letter for my uncle…” she stops for a moment. “Yusuke? The one that sends me books.”
“Yes…” I smile at her. “Write to your uncle -Yuunosuke-. He’d like that. And then we need to find some good Shizuoka wasabi for your other uncle, Tamesaburou… he covers -everything- with it…”
We change out of our swim clothes, gather up our belongings and leave the Sugiyama property.