After I clean up from breakfast, I ask Saya, “ready to go see some of Ito and look into getting a job?” I set the last of the dry plates back up in the cabinets.
I glance back over at Hajime. “Are you going to come with us?”
June 10th – Morning in Town
28 thoughts on “June 10th – Morning in Town”
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Why in the world does she think I’ll even remotely consider -that-? I smirk of course and shook my head. I think perhaps spending time away from the two of them would do me some good. But… It will be rather boring if I stayed here alone.
“I’ll be going around town. Get to know the place.” Of course, I am here to work and I will -do- just that. “If I don’t see you here when you get back I’ll be at Hamada’s.”
Giving Saya a curt nod I leave.
(OOC: The wolf exits)
Hajime leaves and I look over to Saya. “Asuka-san, are you ready to go?” I look over my kitchen quickly, thinking of what I need to buy.
Asuka-san… “Are you going by Asuka Saya while you’re here? Do tell me before I introduce you incorrectly.”
“No Yagi-san…” Pausing by the door I look out. I don’t understand why Hajime chose not to pass off that we were married. It simply would’ve been the best as a cover… Instead of two people living in together in a place such as Ito… Perhaps it is his situation that clouds his thinking, either that or… I look at Yagi-san. No I’m almost certain they are no longer together especially now that she has a child of her own.
“Yamaguchi Masaya… Introduce me as his wife Yagi-san.” I smile at that. Well it’s not cruel, they are after all separated just like he is to Tokio. Hajime will kill me of course… I go back to the table and take the dishes and cups to the sink. He and I will have to talk later.
“Your husband… That’s probably the best cover here in Ito, Yamaguchi-san.”
I watch her at the sink as I nod… I think back to how jealous she made me that night at my family’s house, back in Kyoto. But later when Hajime told me about the true nature of their relationship, how I -was- glad he had someone who was there for him before I was.
Maybe their relationship is more… that smile of hers… that’s a possibility I had thought of, briefly. That when Hajime gets his memories back he’ll remember what happened and reject me. If that is to be his choice… I will face that if that happens. But first I have to guide him back…
“Ah, good. Yamaguchi. I was hoping it wouldn’t be another name, back when he came to visit us before, that’s what he used and that’s how Makoto-chan knew him.” At least on the name it will be less explaining all around.
“Your husband… That’s probably the best cover here in Ito, Yamaguchi-san.”
“Yes it is.” I laugh softly, “I guess working as his spy back then and now formally in the Keishikan..” I stop and place the glass and plates on the drying rack, “Maa… I just never thought I would get this far.”
How proud I am of myself and after this is all over, I think about the outside world. I’ve heard there’s a lot more to be seen there, a lot to experience even if I am alone for the moment. I don’t need anything nor do I need to wait for anyone just like he told me once, there was life outside of Shimabara… I shake my head slightly and hurry up to leave.
“Ah, good. Yamaguchi. I was hoping it wouldn’t be another name, back when he came to visit us before, that’s what he used and that’s how Makoto-chan knew him.”
“Ah yes it is after all his true name.” I frown thinking of an old memory, “Well let’s hurry up ne? I don’t want to be a headache for my ward.” I laugh, “If he gets too antsy he might just lock me up in that house.”
Maa… I just never thought I would get this far.
There is pride in her voice… Hajime told me that it was an assignment back in Kyoto, was that when she was injured – that same night that he was shot? “The Keishikan? I wouldn’t imagine that many women are employed there, but you seem to have found your place there.” I smile. It’s good to have something…
Ah yes it is after all his true name.
I nod. I knew that, from that day he took me to the river where he went as a boy. He’s had so many…
Well let’s hurry up ne? I don’t want to be a headache for my ward. If he gets too antsy he might just lock me up in that house.
“Ah… that would be a bit much, ne?” I smile as I lead Saya out of the house and lock the door. “I don’t imagine this will take us too long.”
I follow Yagi-san out of the house.
“Ah the Keishikan has it’s own problems.” I tell her as we walk, “but it’s better than Shimabara.”
I look down. If anyone would’ve asked me six years ago, I’d just tell them what sorry asses they are that they can’t understand how our kind lived. There were many men who came there and treated us like rags and perhaps I still get angry at that… But eventhough I do not feel ashamed of my origins, I do wonder what it would’ve been like to live normally in Kyoto.
Ah the Keishikan has it’s own problems, but it’s better than Shimabara.
Our lives of course couldn’t be more different… “Was that Hajime, then, that got you into the Keishikan?” I ask. We walk down the hill, passing the house they rent. I don’t think when I saw her back then that she was with the police.
Looking to my right, I see no one seems to be in the house.
I wonder where he is…
Moving on I watch the road and the people we past and I think what a rural area this is. It’s probably very quiet here and all I have to do is keep out of trouble, no one will find us here.
“Was that Hajime, then, that got you into the Keishikan?”
“In a way…” I think about that time we separated as friends, right under the sakura tree. He can be a rather forceful man in so many ways, sometimes it’s hard to see whether I saw cruelty in it’s purest form or if there was just something else beyond that.
“A horse can only be led to the water but not necessarily made to drink it. The ahou… gave up on me.” I laugh, how in time the hurt became something liberating.
From how she is getting around the hill doesn’t seem to be a problem for her and I’m relieved – Hajime of course didn’t provide details on her injury.
A horse can only be led to the water but not necessarily made to drink it. The ahou… gave up on me.
Gave up on her? “Ah…” I slow my walk so that I can look over at her. “did he really?”
“Tell me… as someone who’s known him a long time… do you see a change in him lately?” I ask.
“”did he really?”
I just smile, I don’t really have to explain to her. She wouldn’t understand I think.
“Tell me… as someone who’s known him a long time… do you see a change in him lately?”
“We haven’t seen each other for a long time. You should know him better or did you move on?”
I frown of course. I’ve always known how it was with him, bitter and sweet at the same time. So I really wasn’t surprised that she decided to leave him, she has a daughter after all.
We haven’t seen each other for a long time. You should know him better or did you move on?
Her words sting… “We parted… ” I frown. I should be honest, “I ran away from him six years ago. I came to this place, and I never thought he would want to see me again.”
“But at a time over those years… I contacted him,” that is probably the best way to explain it, “and asked him to come find me. So he came here to Ito… to find me, and our daughter.”
As we walked I can feel a soft breeze graze my cheek. What a beautiful place Ito is! Just to my right are rolling hills and I can hear the sea to my left. I smile…
I ran away from him six years ago.
I stop walking. Ran away??? Ran away??? I gave him up for you… I told you to take care of him because he was a dear person to me. I look her over, why is it that I can see she is sad and yet… I walk past her.
So he came here to Ito… to find me, and our daughter.”
If I could lift my hand to strike her face. How dare her lie to me! His daughter? I know what I heard this morning. She is someone elses… How dare her lure him back here to make him responsible for someone elses child. I’m good at hiding my emotions and what I think.
“Is that so Yagi-san?” I turn back to her and smiled. “Makoto’s her name ne? Hajime-han I’m sure is just wanting to see her. Later I’ll drag Hajime-han back to your house to see her.”
How dare you… That’s not his daughter…
Something about the way she speaks…
“Drag him… If you do please be careful. He has no idea that she’s his daughter. He doesn’t remember when we went to Kyoto and when we met at my family’s house. He only remembers me as a woman he knew a long time ago during the war and that he knew briefly six years ago.”
“Hajime may have forgotten me,” I turn to look at her, not trying to hide the pain that saying that gives me. “But I’ve not given up on him.” She has every right to hate me and try to claim him again. After all I did not do as she asked of me a long time ago and take care of the man that she cared for.
“Drag him… If you do please be careful. He has no idea that she’s his daughter. He doesn’t remember when we went to Kyoto and when we met at my family’s house. He only remembers me as a woman he knew a long time ago during the war and that he knew briefly six years ago.”
I try to stay calm in all this. I am not a woman who likes to pick fights and certainly not with people who someone I deem precious respects. But I find this all… I do not look back at her and yet I am leading the way on the road without knowing where our destination lied.
“Did his injury last year… Is this the cause of his lapse?” I have heard of it before, a shock could produce a temporary amnesia. Yes that’s the only reason I can think of and yet why does he remember me and not her? “I… I heard he was sent to England to get medical treatment. We lost contact after that since he was gone for almost a year.”
“Hajime may have forgotten me,” “But I’ve not given up on him.”
I’ll wait. I need to calm myself and form my opinions -later-. I need to stay objective, if this because of that incident while he was working, I should not blame her in anyway. Maybe that’s why, I felt something different this morning… A subtle shift.
Was it last year that he was injured? He didn’t give me a timeline on when it happened.
“No. It was not that.” The way she doesn’t look at me… she is angry -of course-. She cares for him, I know this. “It was because when he came to find me, with so much hope… and I could only see my own pain and denied him the hope and kindness… It became so painful that he made himself forget what we ever were to each other… our entire past.” I walk briskly to catch up with her.
“So now… I must guide him back, show him the kindness that I didn’t before. He must find what he lost because he is not whole now. That’s why I asked you if you could sense a change in him… because without the memory of our relationship, it -has- changed him.” I look to her, hoping she will understand, and not hate me, and know how important it is that he reclaim the things about himself that were lost.
I’m not sure what to say to that. The silence from him over the years, I had just figured he’s finally found happiness with her and I didn’t want to intrude in that. I think of the few times the former Chief told me Hajime-han extended his “greetings”, that he could not stay long in Kyoto and so was unable to see me. I had thought it was just… For my sake. But now I understand clearly….
And now, I hear twice is a charm. I frown and stare at the road.
It became so painful that he made himself forget what we ever were to each other… our entire past.”
I turn back to her now and crossed my arms, “Don’t even imply that he is weak nor cruel for forgetting about you. He would hate that if ever he heard you, because for all I know him to be true he is a prideful man but not a heartless one.”
How this time… What he’s done to her… How it breeds of familiarity between my situation back then and hers now.
That’s why I asked you if you could sense a change in him… because without the memory of our relationship, it -has- changed him.”
I shrug. “It would be pitiful if -I- knew and you didn’t Yagi-san.”
A sickening feeling in my stomach tells me she has no idea as I continue to watch her. I’m angry of course. I have every right to be but once again loyalties wins first so I curb my anger for now.
“I think we should hurry and meet with the proprietor. I want to get back to Hajime quickly.”
Don’t even imply that he is weak nor cruel for forgetting about you. He would hate that if ever he heard you, because for all I know him to be true he is a prideful man but not a heartless one.
“You misunderstand. I know that his forgetting was not out of weakness or cruelty but the only option he had where he could keep his sanity. I only blame -myself-. And I only want to help him for his own sake.” This is the truth, this is the promise I made.
It would be pitiful if -I- knew and you didn’t Yagi-san.
“Ah… I am quite aware. In telling you I hoped to give you some insight to how he is now.” I look down and my composure almost slips and I realize that if this woman resents me as much as I fear she does how much more difficult… I do not need her as an enemy. “Please, help me, Asuka-san, when he remembers he can go from there and I will accept whatever he thinks of me then… but he is not a man who can live without his past.”
I think we should hurry and meet with the proprietor. I want to get back to Hajime quickly.
I nod. “Its not much further.” I begin to lead her through town.
“You misunderstand. I know that his forgetting was not out of weakness or cruelty but the only option he had where he could keep his sanity.
“No I think -you- misunderstand…” I wonder if she realizes how conflicting that statement is.
I only blame -myself-. And I only want to help him for his own sake.”
“Thank you for trying to help him…” I pause and kept my voice even, “But blaming yourself won’t fulfill your purpose and I don’t think he’d want that. I mean how can anyone stand having that burden on their conscience? But I can’t tell you how to feel if that’s how you truly feel about it. If you can’t forgive yourself, how do you expect to help him?”
It’s then that I’m taken back before he even knew the woman before, of how long it took before he even remotely considered forgiving himself for not being able to live up to his responsibilities as a husband and a father. I do not even think he’s truly forgiven himself yet…
he is not a man who can live without his past.”
I merely nod at this. If I didn’t have a past myself to look back on, I doubt I could’ve ever moved forward and strived to be here -now-.
Following her, I found myself thinking more of our past and not noticing the streets.
If you can’t forgive yourself, how do you expect to help him?
I’m doing it -again-, I realize, shaking my head a little… placing my pain and guilt above him. “You are right, Asuka-san.” I look back at her. In blaming myself I put that first. If I truly want to help him… I can not do this. I must believe in him… and in myself. To dwell in the mistakes made… we will never move forward. This I learned last month.
I want him back too. And… I need -myself- back. For all those that care about him – for all of us that need him. I want to see his true smile again. I want back the one person who understands -where- we came from.
“It’s not far from the marketplace.” I tell her, leading her down the street where Miyake-san’s place is. “The shop isn’t her primary business, she mostly sells to onsen who don’t want the expense of having a full-time skilled person to do the good sweets.”
We come to the little store, the shop area as unimpressive as I remember it. Kyo-kun, standing at the front counter getting a stack of boxes together, recognizes me and waves us back. At least the kitchen reveals the talents this woman has. To one of the girls mixing something delightful smelling, I ask, “Is Miyake-san here?” She nods and goes off to get her.
“Hajime said you were fond of sweets…” I say with a bit of a smile.
I look around the kitchen. It smells heavenly! I can’t help but smile a little, if only I haven’t had -quite- a conversation with Yagi-san I might actually be running around the place looking at each bowl of confectionary and how it’s made.
I go near a table though where a finished cake laid on top and secretly dugged my finger in the icing then quickly licked it with my tongue.
“Ah! Oh Hajime -will- buy this for me!” I laugh heartily. If there was one thing he didn’t skimped on nor denied, he never seriously witheld sweets from me.
Yomi-san comes to find me, and I follow her slowly. With warm weather I should be getting around better… bah! I tell Yomi-san to bring us some tea and a plate of sweets.
Coming out I see Yagi-san from Sugiyama’s and another woman. Must be the one she told me about who needed a job.
I go up to the two women. “Hello,” I bow at the two of them. “I am Miyake Yutsuko, owner of this shop.”
Yagi-san returns my bow. “Thank you for seeing us; this is Yamaguchi Masaya.”
Intorductions made, I lead them back into the shop and sit down at one of the tables with Yagi-san and Yamaguchi-san, and Yomi-san is just a moment behind with what I had requested.
I look at the other woman… short hair, but that is rather -practical-. “Do you know anything about making sweets, traditional or western? Or have you run a shop?”
I’m introduced to Miyake-san and we follow her to the shop.
“Do you know anything about making sweets, traditional or western? Or have you run a shop?”
My eyes widen… For my love of confectionaries… I never did learn how to make them, especially since I started my job with the police. I will need this job of course but… I hate lying to old women, it’s just disrepectful. Feh… Well I never did like the brothel mother in Shimabara but this place is not that.
I bow my head low and start to speak, “Gomenasai Miyake-san, although I do not know how to make sweets… I do know the best of them especially western desserts!”
Oh great… That -was- lame.
Smiling sheepishly, I raise my head. “However, I have worked in a customer service capacity…” Yes I have -technically-, just in a very different setting.
At least she is -honest-… I have to smile a little at that. “Ah, well, if you are familiar with western desserts that is helpful. Most of my staff, local people, haven’t seen most of these things we get requests for.”
I think for a minute, considering. She seems lively. “I need help with the front of the shop.” Customer service, I wonder what -that- means? Ah, no matter. “We’re not too busy, most of my business is to onsen and ryoken, I don’t have a true cafe set up like the other shops in Ito.” I look to the two tables, it’s not really been my focus.
“Here, try some of these,” I indicate the little western-style cakes, light and spongy and topped with frosting and the first of the summer strawberries. “Also, Yagi-san told me of your hip injury. I have enough help for the heavy work – lifting, mixing, so you won’t need to do that. But if you have an artistic bent and patience, I can show you how to do the decorative work.”
“Would that interest you?”
“I need help with the front of the shop.”
“Yes I can do that. I’m not the bashful type.”
She hands me a cake and I gladly take it of course. “This -is- good. With the tables to the side Miyake-san you could probably open a small coffee shop… Sweets are best after all with coffee. And as for my hip.” I pause, a long time ago I thought I’d never walk again. I was so wrong about that… “My husband is just a bit fussy. I can of course help with the lifting but I am well learned in the art of Ikebana and shoji decor.”
For a moment I want to tell her I’m very much interested in learning sumi-e too but then I remembered this really isn’t the place to practice… Also Japanese Calligraphy, as a child I have always been fascinated by it but only the upper and well learned class practice it dutifuly.
Miyake-san seems pleased with Saya, and I step away as they speak of wages and hours – I’m glad she’s found something to do here in Ito, and something that sparks her interest.
Miyake-san wraps up the rest of the cakes and hands them over to Saya, they seem to be finished and we leave the little shop.
“I hope this will work for you. A little shop like this is pleasant and Miyake-san seems open to ideas you have about improving the cafe area.”
We walk to the marketplace and I get the things I need and point out various places to Saya – where the best vegetable seller is, where to buy coffee… as we go back up the hill I look over to Saya.
“I invited Hajime over for lunch, I’m making soba. One time… he enjoyed my cooking a lot.” I smile softly as my eyes go from her to look down at the items in my market basket, suddenly hit by a memory of an earlier time. “If you care for zaru-soba please come along as well.”
(OOC – you may close)
“I hope this will work for you. A little shop like this is pleasant and Miyake-san seems open to ideas you have about improving the cafe area.”
I nod as we leave. My thoughts of course are pre-occupied elsewhere, it’s not like I won’t try to make this work but simply there’s other things to dwell on.
After I got what I needed, some pots and pans… Food stuff and coffee, I take my leave. If I cared for Zaru Soba? No… I don’t but I don’t tell her that. I’m still deciding of course if I’ll come here or not.
“We’ll see Yagi-san. I’ll remind Hajime-han that you’re waiting for him.”
(OOC: End thread)