In Tolerance and Acceptance – A Journey that took almost a Lifetime

Hokkaido?EUR? The largest government detention facility is here, much worse than the one I was kept as a POW in Tokyo, but that?EUR(TM)s not where I?EUR(TM)m headed even if I am interested to check up on a few I?EUR(TM)ve landed in jail. It?EUR(TM)s almost winter and the cold winds are just typical of this place, so I pull on my collar to shield my neck. I could?EUR(TM)ve of course sent word in advance to Nagakura. For sure he would be meeting me here with a ride, but I chose to walk the trail path to the middle of town. I did not have a chance to fifteen years ago?EUR? I am curious as to how Hijikata and Enamoto fared here. Walking these streets is like being thrown into uncharted territory. It is unlike Kyoto where the places and people seem to be stuck in time and unlike Tokyo where everything changes in such a horrid pace that one cannot afford to slow down. Here is neither of the two?EUR? It is part of Japan and yet it is not. The people are wary of strangers as I?EUR(TM)ve noticed that passing a few on the street their eyes avert from mine and yet I feel them staring at my back. Normally I would think that rude, but simply I do not know this place to judge it?EUR(TM)s people in such a manner.
All I do know is that the Fukuchou died here while fighting at Goryokaku trying to establish what he called the Republic of Ezo, or so I?EUR(TM)ve read from the annals in the Department of Internal Affairs. A grand dream, just as grand as Okubo-san?EUR(TM)s, but I still think it ?EUR“is- a dream, an ideal that might be too far out of reach. Suddenly a gust of wind pierces through my coat and I realize that I cannot tarry these streets too long, my fingers are already cramping from the cold. Seeing a shed by the road, I walk up to it to shelter myself momentarily against the cold howling.
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a cigarette and place it gingerly upon my lips. I think perhaps this will stay with me until the day I die. I?EUR(TM)ve heard rumors that it could possibly kill me, but I?EUR(TM)d rather die out of my own doing than in anyone elses hand. I simply ?EUR“refuse- to die not on my own terms. Smirking I inhale the sensual scent and reminisce about the past fifteen years. There were many times that I berated myself for not being perfect, for not being good enough but thank providence that my wits always wins in the end. That to lie in stillness, to give up is something that I have not done, even if I did consider it many times. Perhaps if ever just like that Chinese philosopher said once?EUR?
“If I feel in my heart that I am wrong, I must stand in fear even though my opponent is the least formidable of men. But if my own heart tells me I am right, I shall go forward even against thousands and tens of thousand. ”
I never was a very well learned man, in philosophy and what they call science, my knowledge of these things are mediocre at best and my sword is all I stand for?EUR? I watch as a rotten leaf fall from a momiji tree?EUR? Dragging on my cigarette I continue my walk to the northern part of town. Hokkaido is Japan after all, I mutter to myself and settle my hand on the saya of my nippontou. That is all I need, everything else will come second even if it is ?EUR“my- life or I would?EUR(TM)ve desecrated all my comrades who helped me to live into this era.
Nagakura will be surprised of course. I wonder if he thinks I am dead, just like I thought he was? I chuckle as I lengthen my stride. After a few minutes of traveling down the dirt road, I notice a small hut to the corner bounded by a low wooden fence. There are children running amok outside in the cold weather and I grin even wider. Children?EUR? will always be children. Who would?EUR(TM)ve thought I?EUR(TM)d be very fond of them? Perhaps even see why Souji was so eager to play with them?EUR? But Souji is in heart like a child. A chuckle once again escapes my lips as I finally realized that my friend ?EUR“was- a child and if I was fond of him?EUR? Then it all makes sense?EUR?
?EURoeKodomo! Is this the house of Nagakura Shinpachi??EUR? I shout just enough for them to pay attention. A child possibly no more than ten comes running in a rush to open the gates. I?EUR(TM)m surprised to say the least.
?EURoeKodomo?EUR? Didn?EUR(TM)t your parents ever tell you not to let complete strangers in so ?EUR“easily- in your yard??EUR? The boy doesn?EUR(TM)t pay attention and goes back to playing with the other children and I sigh. Children now a days are hard to understand.
?EURoeIf I was still in the mainland, I would?EUR(TM)ve taught them that first thing.?EUR? Came a low but solid voice and I turn my head to the side and grinned.
?EURoeOld man?EUR? It?EUR(TM)s time to go back.?EUR? I tell him. He?EUR(TM)s older than I am by five years and I know how that irked the hell out of him.
?EURoeWho the )(*&)&^%(^& are you calling an old man??EUR? He takes one of his sandals and throws it right at me but I evade and catch the damn thing.
?EURoeWatch the language OLD MAN?EUR? It?EUR(TM)s not a good example for the children.?EUR? I chuckle and settle beside him, handing him the sandal and looking back where the children played.
?EURoeOh those aren?EUR(TM)t my kids?EUR??EUR? He laughs and I just look back with an aporetic look on my face. ?EURoeTheir the neighbors?EUR? My daughter is expecting a child though, she lives just a street down.?EUR?
?EURoeSo why do you let them ransack your yard and let strangers in??EUR? I shake my head.
He shrugs, ?EURoeWe like the noise?EUR? And my wife loves children.?EUR? He laughs as he puts on the sandals once again, ?EURoeTo be perfectly honest, I?EUR(TM)d rather just go and lay in the house and drink tea.?EUR?
?EURoeThat?EUR(TM)s quite boring old man.?EUR? I chuckle.
?EURoeMaybe you?EUR(TM)re right. I AM OLD?EUR? But if I am, you are too.?EUR?
?EURoeUrusei?EUR??EUR? I scowl. ?EURoeI AM NOT OLD.?EUR?
?EURoeWell we could spend all day arguing about it, but what brings you here??EUR? Finally his face turned a somber expression. I know for a fact what?EUR(TM)s it?EUR(TM)s like upon seeing old faces?EUR? It is almost akin to seeing your old self in other people?EUR? And with that comes the ghosts as well.
?EURoeI was thinking?EUR??EUR? Looking up the grey sky, I take a breath. ?EURoeIt?EUR(TM)s probably time we visit them.?EUR?
?EURoeCan?EUR(TM)t do it alone??EUR? He grins and I know he is teasing of course.
?EURoeI could?EUR??EUR? I slam my fist down on the engawa, ?EURoeBut by all that is right and good, I promised to bring as much of us there as possible.?EUR? I challenge him with serious look, one that expressed the seriousness of the issue.
His eyes lit up a bit brighter than earlier, almost eager I would venture to guess. ?EURoeOh really? Did you find others then??EUR?
Slowly, I shake my head. ?EURoeI?EUR(TM)ve heard rumors that Nakajima was alive but my informant disappeared?EUR? And I can no longer wait.?EUR?
As if in agreement he nods his head, ?EURoeNor can I. We?EUR(TM)ll leave tomorrow.?EUR? He looks me over and as if to get back at my jeering at him earlier, ?EURoeThose gloves, they’re hard to keep clean when you smoke like a fiend?EUR??EUR?
I laugh at this. He doesn?EUR(TM)t know I smoke but of course the stains are there and perhaps I reek of it too. ?EURoeOLD MAN?EUR? I?EUR(TM)d rather reek of tobacco than reek of old age.?EUR? With that I stood up and followed him into his house where his wife was waiting. To live again in truth?EUR? The world was not as bleak nor forlorn as I once thought it to be. It is time we enact some form of monument for old friends.
Notes:
Nagakura was born 1839 around November which is why Saitou loves to joke about the OLD MAN. I’ve always wondered how the two met. I know for certain that they enacted a monument/shrine for those comrades who died. Don’t know specifically when it was or how it came about. LOL.
Using this journal to put in my thoughts about Saitou Hajime about what I know in history and what could?EUR(TM)ve happened. Nothing here is related to anything else, just me practicing voices and a fic I?EUR(TM)m working on.