Wednesdays are still my day off… I take the girls to school as usual and see to some marketing. As I walk home I see that Mochizuki-san seems to be home.
It’s strange how badly I need to speak to someone. And now is the best time – in the afternoons and the weekends the children are around, and while I still need to talk to Makoto about Hajime, I’d rather not have her overhear it.
How to explain the strangeness… Gathering together some of the treats I bought, I go next door and knock on the door.
Wednesday, May 13th, Morning – Tea with Mochizuki-san
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I’m so bored today… My eyes drift towards the window. Sometimes I don’t like it when all of them are gone, but I remind myself that they’ll come back soon. So instead of sitting around, I should do some sewing. I take out my fabric, I could try to make a kimono but… That would bore me even more.
A knock comes on the door and I smile! Finally! Some company…
“Come in! It’s open!”
Mochizuki-san calls me inside, and I step inside.
“Good morning, Mochizuki-san. I bought some lovely manju at the market today, I thought we could get to them before the girls could.” I take the cover off of the tray, the design with the camellia leaves blossoms and leaves called to me, making me think of someone who loves them.
I look down at the fabric spread out before her. “Are you in the middle of something, though?”
I bring my hands together and exclaim, “Oh no no!” I put all the fabric away. “I’ve been bored out of my wits lately Yagi-san!”
I bring over some tea for us, in this house tea is always ready and some small plates. “Thank you for visiting Yagi-san.” I tell her, “I was starting to worry about you.”
Mochizuki-san seems in high spirits, and I’m glad for the tea. She has a way of it that befits one who grew up on a tea farm. Taking a sip… yes, it is very good.
I was starting to worry about you.
“Ah…” I look down at the liquid swirling in the cup before me. “I’m sorry I’ve not made it sooner. I’m sure after last week… firstly, thank you so much for taking care of Makoto-chan then. It was rather… unexpected.” I’ve not seen her except in passing since last Thursday.
“I went to Tokyo, as I told you, to go see Yamaguchi-san. It… did not go as I had planned.”
This manju tastes good… I didn’t know Yagi-san had such a sweet tooth.
I smile as I take another bite.
“I’m sorry I’ve not made it sooner. I’m sure after last week… firstly, thank you so much for taking care of Makoto-chan then. It was rather… unexpected.”
“Just that you made it here today is fine Yagi-san. And Makoto is never a bother, she keeps my Isuzu company after all.”
“I went to Tokyo, as I told you, to go see Yamaguchi-san. It… did not go as I had planned.”
“Sou ka…” I try not to frown. I think if I do… “He rejected you after all…” I knew it… A man like that, Yagi-san wouldn’t have left if… I go closer to her.
“So tell me what happened…”
He rejected you after all… So tell me what happened…
She moves closer and looks so kind, so understanding… I take a deep breath.
“No, rejection is not quite the way to put it.” How to put it. “Hajime and I met a long time ago, during the war, but it was six years ago we met again, but…”
“Do you know that there are other places beyond this place? I don’t mean Ito or Japan, but… ” I shake my head. “Writers…” I look over at her. “Parts of this may not make sense.” I want her to at least understand that before I continue on. Because the story of Hajime and I cannot be told without telling where we came from.
“Parts of this may not make sense.”
Stopping my eyebrows from raising themselves is quite a feat… Beyond this place, of -course- there’s places beyond here. I’ve heard of Europe and the Americas… I look over where my fabric is being kept and just nod my head -slowly-.
“Writers… Go on.”
She’s probably suffering a breakdown… or the tea is bad.
Does she…?
“Six years ago, we parted. That I’ve told you some of. I was pregnant with Makoto and came to Ito. I spent these years here… trying to heal from that.”
“I called him to come to me and he found me here. But…” I look from the tea over to Mochizuki-san, “I let myself change.”
“A long time ago… I was a very hopeful person. Somewhere that stopped. I let the things that made me sad weigh me down… my darkness, I called it. Two weeks ago when you came to my house, when I didn’t get the girls out to school? I was having one of those times. Something shook my world and I just collapsed.”
“We couldn’t talk… when we met again six years ago we could always talk, about anything. But now … and when he left Ito on Saturday it was on bad terms. I thought I could go to Tokyo, we could talk and it would all be better…”
I look back down at my hands. “It didn’t go as I had planned.” Planned… yes… I went to Tokyo with plans and not hopes.
I nod my head slowly. It’s making sense… But not that other part… Left him and called him? And what is this about writers? I take another sip at the tea… I need to listen for now, then maybe after… But no. It doesn’t make sense.
Keeping a straight face I ask, “What were you trying to heal from Yagi-san?” I knew it. That man did do something. And it’s true, communication is important if two people are to be together. That’s something Isamu and I have and hopefully will never lose.
What were you trying to heal from Yagi-san?
“Leaving… no… to be honest, it was more like running away,” I admit. My voice drops a little quieter, I’ve never spoken about this to anyone. “I came her shattered and broken, and it had been in Ito that summer that I had found some peace. I had always wanted to see the ocean. The first year here – before I found my job and this house – was very hard. Without Makoto-chan…”
“And I thought that I could come out of this. When Hajime came to me that night, I thought… that he might lead me out. But I had changed, so much… and while I tried to hold him close with one arm I pushed him away with the other.”
“We argued, I said horrible things… and I hurt him badly.” So badly… I drink the last of my tea and take a bite of the manju on my plate. I think the girls would like this better. “This must all seem so very strange to you,” I say. “Your life has been more… normal.”
Leaving… no… to be honest, it was more like running away
I shake my head. “I thought you called for him?” It’s hard to digest her story. I know she’s holding still some, it must be hard to speak of these things to anyone, even if I do consider her a good friend…
“And as for changing… Shouldn’t someone who came here, expect that even if you did call for him.” Which I still don’t understand… I’m trying not to be harsh but there seems to be some edge to my voice.
“Isamu and I, we accept each other for who we are. If he couldn’t, then it’s just weakness on his part.”
I look down. She might not like to hear these things… “So when you got there, I suppose he turned you away because of that.” I think for a moment of the things I should do for Yagi-san. She needs a better life than this.
She seems focused on the “call to him” part. I shake my head. “My apologies, Mochizuki-san; I’m telling this story all out of order. I’ve never told it before.” I smile a little.
And as for changing… Shouldn’t someone who came here, expect that even if you did call for him.
“Imagine it this way… that after years apart that I wrote him and told him that I wanted to try again. And he came here… looking for the hope I offered. Only to find me… someone who denied that she ever hoped.”
I never realized its power until I lost it.
So when you got there, I suppose he turned you away because of that.
“It wasn’t so much that he turned me away as… ” I pause. This will be hard to explain. I have to trust that somehow she’ll understand, because I badly need someone to talk to. “He forgot me. When he saw me he thought I was someone else, that he knew in another time and place.”
“Imagine it this way… that after years apart that I wrote him and told him that I wanted to try again. And he came here… looking for the hope I offered. Only to find me… someone who denied that she ever hoped.”
“Sou ka…” I finish the tea and unconsciously take another manju, ”
“He forgot me. When he saw me he thought I was someone else, that he knew in another time and place.”
“A mental break down because he thought he got rejected?” I’m not sure what to think of this, but I know for sure I am frowning now. I still don’t understand exactly what went wrong between them, Yagi-san is telling me the best that she can I think, considering she’s never been quite an open person.
She frowns, and I wonder what she -does- understand.
A mental break down because he thought he got rejected.
Is that… sadly, that’s the best way it can be put, I suppose, to her. “Something like that, yes.”
And I realize… there’s only one person I can discuss this with, who knows of the strange things that I speak of.
“He will be better… and one day, come back to Ito. But he won’t remember… the time he spent here, the people he met. So if you see him, please understand that.”
I speak with so much certainty that he’ll come here. And old song comes to mind…
no matter how far apart we are, this love will never fade.
because for all time, my heart will long to be by your side.
I lean over and touch her hand with mine, as Hanako-san did a long time ago in that little cafe in Kyoto. “I am… glad I can talk to you, Hiroku-san.”
“He will be better… and one day, come back to Ito. But he won’t remember… the time he spent here, the people he met. So if you see him, please understand that.”
I stay quiet for a moment before looking up, “Alright, I’ll tell Isamu…” I look up and smile a little, “You can wait for him, I suppose but I don’t see why you should or why you are even certain. But I guess that is what it means to have faith.”
Glancing out the window, I take note of the time. Isamu won’t be back till later but I know he will be. That he will always come for his children and I, because I know he loves us. I hold her hand back when Yagi-san held mine.
“I am… glad I can talk to you, Hiroku-san.”
“Oh of course you can, but don’t expect this to come for free.” I look down, “You’ll have to stop by here sometime and show me how to cook. Isamu doesn’t will never admit to it… But I know he wishes I was a better chef.”
I smile this time. “I hope he comes back Yagi-san, for your sake and Makoto’s.”
You can wait for him, I suppose but I don’t see why you should or why you are even certain. But I guess that is what it means to have faith.
“Yes… faith,” I say, almost to myself. Of course she can recognize that, and I’m glad she understands that. “Thank you for understanding, and for telling Isamu-san.”
You’ll have to stop by here sometime and show me how to cook
“Of course! But you are already a good cook, perhaps we can refine what you already know?” I say with a smile. Cooking… “And… I have a dress, a western one, I wore a long time ago. Could you help me to alter it to look something more like what is worn now?” Maybe sometime… we will dance again. I shake my head, “Westerners change how they wear their clothes so often…” But I wonder if this is why Mochizuki-san is so interested in their styles.
I hope he comes back Yagi-san, for your sake and Makoto’s.
“Ah… yes. As do I.” Thank you… From her that means a lot to me, as she cares so much for my daughter.
I look up. “It’s almost lunchtime. Would you like to do something simple?” I ask her. Soon after that it will be time to get the girls.
I wish things will go her way soon. I do not know what kind of past they shared… But maybe it is deep enough that she’d still hang on to it.
I lead her into the kitchen and bring out a red snapper. “I bought this from the market this morning.” I laugh, “Did I ever tell you, aside from the horrible voice my husband has, he is also bad at fishing? Last week he came home complaining some kids threw a rock at his head, that’s why he never caught any fish!”
Taking out some salt and a fillet knife I hand it to Yagi-san, “He did tell me though that he met Yamaguchi-san… He’s taken quite a liking to him but I had to scold Isamu because, his lips tasted of cigarettes.”
I cover my mouth with a hand. Oh this must sound weird to Yagi-san. “Oh funny enough, he gave me a bottle of “musk” perfume to make up for it. He smelled good though.”
Unfortunately, I am aware of his singing voice and his strange taste in music, living next door. “A rock at his head?” I shake my head. “But it’s good he has the -time- to fish, maybe it’s a way for him to relax? He must be so busy running his store; he has been able to make it quite successful, ne?”
He’s taken quite a liking to him but I had to scold Isamu because, his lips tasted of cigarettes.
Although I am turned away from her and seeing to preparing the fish, I smile a little. Ah yes, that taste… “Musk? If he takes up smoking, you might find the smell not too bad.”
I begin to direct her on how best to prepare the snapper. Just a little something for now, the rest for dinner, prepared simply in Kyoto fashion. Good fish should be able to display its own flavors. We have lunch, chatting about local matters until it’s time to get the girls.
*end thread*