Thursday, May 7th, 1885 – Back in Ito

It’s already dark by the time I arrive in Ito, and I head straight to the Mochizuki’s.
There, Hiroku-san answers the door, a smile on her face but it falls upon seeing mine.
“Is Makoto ready to go home?” I say in a dull voice. I see my girl’s head pop from around a corner and she runs at me, and I kneel so that I can gather her in my arms. I bury my face in her hair.
She is real… I am real… at one time this was all real… I’m not going to cry in front of either of them.
“What happened?” Hiroku-san asks in a low voice as my daughter runs off to get her school things. I only shake my head. “We’ll talk later. Make lots of tea,” I smile grimly, “and I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to find your magazines.” Guests occasionally leave them at the onsen, I’ll have to watch for them, let the maids know. Somehow repay all of her kindness. Makoto returns and we say our goodbyes.
“How was your trip Okaasan?” she asks me. “Oh…” I open the gate. “Tell me what you’ve learned in school while I was gone.” I look down at her. Why doesn’t she look more like her father? But would I really his those eyes staring at me from that face?
She goes on and I know I should listen… instead I look around my house. “Did you have dinner already?” I ask her, and she nods. “You need to feel better so you cook more, Okaasan,” she tells me.
I need to feel better. “Of course.” I kneel down and hug her again, and she giggles. “Okaasan much have missed me.”
“Hai,” I say, holding her tight. My little one. “A lot. But I’m back now, ne?” She nods, happily. I slice the pears that I was given in Tokyo, and share them with her. A taste of autumn, a taste of the past, a taste of another life.
Soon it’s time for bed and I’m back on the engawa, by those orchids, looking at the sea.
What was it he said at the train station? A future… There?EUR(TM)s always one as long as one is alive. Everytime I look at the river or the go to the hanami and see the sakura… It?EUR(TM)s not lying nor pretty words… Simply it is strength… And we are both here alive…
That’s just surviving Hajime… and I always wanted more for us than that. I turn away and go up to sleep. Tonight I’ll stay in my daughter’s room.