Saturday, April 18th – Evening

15 thoughts on “Saturday, April 18th – Evening”

5. I did as Hide asked and cleaned up the dinner. Had it been a long time ago, I’d probably just protest the heaven and moon or maybe escape, before actually doing the act itself. I’m not averse to domestic duties of course, I’d clean my own plate or cup or bowl that I used, or maybe cook a simple dish and have a complete mess in the kitchen. But living by myself has taught me a few things and I clean the events from dinner as quickly and systematically as has become the chore now in the evenings in Tokyo.
   Heading upstairs, I try to decide what story I’d like to read for Makoto. She’s been looking forward to it and tonight as I flipped through the books that Yuunosuke sent, I could not find any that I liked. I wanted to tell her a story in Japanese, an old story that has a deeper meaning so I decide that it will be from memory this time…
   I sit beside her and look towards Hide, she must be wondering why… Maybe not… In a low tone I take Makoto’s hand.
   “I’m telling you a Japanese story of old Makoto. Remember our country has a rich heritage also… And you and I are Japanese, we live here and it keeps us safe…”
   I brush the hair from my child’s face. She has such soft skin like her mothers and those eyes…
   “Listen okay… There are no pictures…” I take a deep breath and start telling her the story of Matsuyama-san and her Mirror.

6. The Mirror of Matsuyama
   In ancient days there lived in a remote part of Japan a man and his wife, and they were blessed with a little girl, who was the pet and idol of her parents. On one occasion the man was called away on business in distant Kyoto. Before he went he told his daughter that if she were good and dutiful to her mother he would bring her back a present she would prize very highly. Then the good man took his departure, mother and daughter watching him go.
   At last he returned to his home, and after his wife and child had taken off his large hat and sandals he sat down upon the white mats and opened a bamboo basket, watching the eager gaze of his little child. He took out a wonderful doll and a lacquer box of cakes and put them into her outstretched hands. Once more he dived into his basket, and presented his wife with a metal mirror. Its convex surface shone brightly, while upon its back there was a design of pine trees and storks.
   The good man’s wife had never seen a mirror before, and on gazing into it she was under the impression that another woman looked out upon her as she gazed with growing wonder. Her husband explained the mystery and bade her take great care of the mirror.
   Not long after this happy homecoming and distribution of presents the woman became very ill. Just before she died she called to her little daughter, and said: “Dear child, when I am dead take every care of your father. You will miss me when I have left you. But take this mirror, and when you feel most lonely look into it and you will always see me.” Having said these words she passed away.
   In due time the man married again, and his wife was not at all kind to her stepdaughter. But the little one, remembering her mother’s words, would retire to a corner and eagerly look into the mirror, where it seemed to her that she saw her dear mother’s face, not drawn in pain as she had seen it on her deathbed, but young and beautiful.
   One day this child’s stepmother chanced to see her crouching in a corner over an object she could not quite see, murmuring to herself. This ignorant woman, who detested the child and believed that her stepdaughter detested her in return, fancied that this little one was performing some strange magical art–perhaps making an image and sticking pins into it. Full of these notions, the stepmother went to her husband and told him that his wicked child was doing her best to kill her by witchcraft.
   When the master of the house had listened to this extraordinary recital he went straight to his daughter’s room. He took her by surprise, and immediately the girl saw him she slipped the mirror into her sleeve. For the first time her doting father grew angry, and he feared that there was, after all, truth in what his wife had told him, and he repeated her tale forthwith.
   When his daughter had heard this unjust accusation she was amazed at her father’s words, and she told him that she loved him far too well ever to attempt or wish to kill his wife, who she knew was dear to him.
   “What have you hidden in your sleeve?” said her father, only half convinced and still much puzzled.
   “The mirror you gave my mother, and which she on her deathbed gave to me. Every time I look into its shining surface I see the face of my dear mother, young and beautiful. When my heart aches–and oh! it has ached so much lately–I take out the mirror, and mother’s face, with sweet, kind smile, brings me peace, and helps me to bear hard words and cross looks.”
   Then the man understood and loved his child the more for her filial piety. Even the girl’s stepmother, when she knew what had really taken place, was ashamed and asked forgiveness. And this child, who believed she had seen her mother’s face in the mirror, forgave, and trouble forever departed from the home.
   I finally finish, the story was longer than the first time. I stay beside Makoto quiet for a long moment. “Gome ne Makoto, it was probably better if you just saw this in a Kabuki play.” I smirk… Plays yes… How funny.

7. I was disappointed when he wouldn’t be reading from a book, but when he started talking…
   I smile at him, sleepily. “That was a really good story. I like you telling stories just as much as reading them. Thank you…” I hold on tight to his hand for a minute before letting go and closing my eyes.

8. I listen as Hajime tells Makoto-chan the story… watching her face, eyes serious as she pays attention, and his, looking down on her.
   They finish and she drops off to sleep, and I kiss Makoto’s cheek before getting up, watching the scene of father and daughter. It’s not so much that they look alike, but something in the mannerisms…
   “I did tell her about that one play we saw… however many of the details were lost to me.” I say, softly, as I smile at him from the doorway. “I was distracted…”

9. Before I could reply Makoto’s fallen asleep already and her mother bending over. I look back at her a long moment, one of these days I need to know what she thinks of this place of Ito, of Japan, of the world as she knows it.
   “I did tell her about that one play we saw… however many of the details were lost to me.” “I was distracted…”
   I slowly smiled and nodded getting up. “Can you make me some coffee and bring it to the tatami room?”

10. [20:40] safetygirl0: I follow Hajime down the stairs. “Coffee? Of course….” I go to the kitchen, getting the water ready. I’ll make myself some tea as well.
    [20:41] hajimenokizu: I head straight to the tatami room and open the window… Looking out I flick a match and light up a cigarette. I can hear her rummaging in the kitchen…
    [20:42] safetygirl0: Done, I come to the tatami room with his coffee and my tea. “She loves hearing stories, you know.” I sit down at the table, setting his coffee down.
    [20:43] hajimenokizu: “hmm… she seemed rather disappointed earlier.” I look back at her and take the coffee. “She did smile in the end though… Have you taught her more of the traditions?”
    [20:45] safetygirl0: “Yes… the old stories. I’d not told her that one yet, that you told her… and I make up my own stories.” I smile at at that. “However, she seems to stay awake for yours… most of the time she’ll be asleep halfway though mine.”
    [20:47] hajimenokizu: “Hmmm?” I take a sip of the coffee. “That’s good.” I look at her and wonder if I should stop. “hide…” No.. Not yet. “Your tea does it taste well?” pathetic
    [20:49] safetygirl0: He starts to say something. “Tea… you know how I love my tea.” I look at him, taking a sip. “And you shall always have your coffee…” I look down at the cup, then back to him. “Were you going to say something else?” This polite conversation… is just that.
    [20:52] hajimenokizu: I take a longer drag on my cigarette and sat down opposite from her. “Do you think we’ll be alright?”
    [20:55] safetygirl0: “We? You and I?” I look at him for a long moment. “We still love each other. We have a child. Is that… enough?” I wish… I wish things were as simple as that. “I don’t think that it’s enough… if we want to really have something together.” I look down at my hands, on the teacup. “I missed talking to you… I missed that before I left Tokyo. You were someone… who I -could- talk to. Seriously and not so much so.” I smile a little. “Somewhere, though, we stopped talking.”
    [20:57] hajimenokizu: I nod as she said the obvious… “And unfortunately, I knew the reasons back then as to why… those reasons are not here now and we still can’t talk. Ironic isn’t it?” I grin slightly. “Perhaps I don’t understand why is that..”
    [20:58] hajimenokizu: “I came here… I guess… Not thinking… I only started asking questions when I went to the Ryokan in Kyoto the night before meeting your brothers…”
    [21:02] safetygirl0: “Ironic? Yes… but there has been a passage of time. We’ve lived seprate lives… but you were always on my mind.” That puts it rather lightly. “And in those years, all the worries and fears… how I missed you.” Then he speaks of how he found me… “Well… what would you know -to- think? Of the situation you would find here? I might have been married… or not wanted to see you… the way it all went that summer… you had no idea what you might find here, how I might see you.” He probably thought the worst, and I had to go and react so badly… ah.
    [21:06] hajimenokizu: “That’s wrong… I knew what I’d find here… You called me here, it took a long time to catch up…” I take out the note and pushed it towards the center of the table. it’s probably not going to do anything. “I didn’t want to give it to you because I thought I could…” I shake my head, “I thought just like back then, I could draw you out. I find it hard to do so now, partly because I feel so inept here and partly because I refuse to hang on to you again like I did before.” I looked towards the tatami floor and took a long drag.

11. [21:12] safetygirl0: Slowly I read the note, and read it again. It’s all part of a time when the world was slightly less stable. That… was me, speaking those words, making him that offer. “I… I did this?” I ask, quietly. “And you came… as I asked?” I can’t quite understand… but something in it makes sense. “I always… felt weak because I never went. But…” I shake my head, and look up at him. “Don’t feel inept here. There has been a lot to adjust to, right?” Finding your daughter, for one…
    [21:14] hajimenokizu: “I kind of ruined it for us ne?” I chuckle slightly. “I couldn’t even handle your pregnancy well… And the women…”
    [21:16] safetygirl0: “No… just as it took both of us to start this, it took both of us… to injure it.” I remember the pain… of how he reacted to my pregnancy after the initial joy had worn off, and the women… “Those women… were there for you when I couldn’t be. I was so angry at myself… I thought that I had driven you there, to them.”
    [21:21] hajimenokizu: “I’m sorry I was so dependent on you… When I knew I should’ve been the stronger one at that time.” I look back at her, “You really did make me happy back then… You’ve done something no one did for me… I just got a bit demanding.. and unreasonable.” I frown, “And I don’t know if coming here.. is just because of weakness.”
    [21:26] safetygirl0: “I was so dependent on you… you were my entire world. It’s only now I realize… how my entire life then was waiting for the afternoons when you would come to see me. I was such an -idle- woman.” I smile. “But what you demanded… it wasn’t unreasonable. We both… I think, felt so held back by the restraints on us.” Looking back at him. “It was an incredibly -strong- thing to come here. It was… a risk, ne? If you were weak… you could have stayed in Tokyo always thinking ‘what if?’… or you could have forgotten me entirely.” I look away, how that thought… that he would forget me, how that always terrified me.

12. [21:33] hajimenokizu: I smile a little upon hearing that but decide to address the latter part of her statement… “Yes it did irritate the hell out of me… Not that I found it boring when I’d ask you what you did but.. because I felt that I kept you from growing.” I take a moment to consider her words about coming here to Ito… I move from the opposite end of the table just enough to her side and tugged at her arm as she looked away. “Why did you even think I’d do something like forget you? Even if I didn’t come here… What we had isn’t something that should be forgotten.. Just as if by some chance you would not accept me back, it still wouldn’t be right to forget.” I wait for her to turn to me.
    [21:40] safetygirl0: He wouldn’t forget…. I turn to him by my side, “I wouldn’t forget you either… even in the darkest days when I was most alone… I thought of you.” I close my eyes, and say softly. “Thank you for taking the risk. I … never even wanted to hope that you would find me, because that would be so dangerous…. but the dream I never dared to have… came true for me.” I open my eyes to look back at him.
    [21:42] hajimenokizu: I grin, “Oh is that so?” I tilt my head, “So that means that I still get under your skin?”
    [21:44] safetygirl0: I grin back at him. “Of course…” Slowly, I put my hand on his arm.
    [21:45] hajimenokizu: “Show it.. Embrace me Hide.” I look at her dead seriously, she’ll be frightened of course in which case… I’ll just need to do something about it.
    [21:48] safetygirl0: I look in his eyes, he’s so serious… for a long moment before moving closer and putting my arms around him. Resting my head on his chest, I say, quietly, “I’ve missed being here.”
    [21:51] hajimenokizu: I’m relieved… It’s just not words what she said… I stroke her hair and bury my head in her hair unable to speak for a long moment. I’m such a pathetic man… “I missed you too hime-sama.” After a while, after I was content I lift her up slight and let her back face me. “A long time ago there were two things I had hoped to do… Do you remember the tanabata?”
    [21:53] safetygirl0: I savor the closeness… feeling for a moment as if I’ve found a small moment of perfection. Just a single moment, fleeting, but it will remain with me always. I nod… “yes, I remember,” I answer, looking over at him.
    [21:54] hajimenokizu: “When summer comes we’ll go… Because I refused you the last time even if I brought it up. Don’t ask me why I did… I was irritable back then.”
    [21:58] safetygirl0: I bring my hand to his face, resting it on his cheek. “That is the past… -that- tanabata is the past… ” I smile. “We shall have this one to look forward to.”
    [21:59] hajimenokizu: “Yes but I still want to take you just like back then. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you.” I take her hand, they’re a little rough now than before and smile, “Sometimes stubborness can be a bad thing ne?”
    [22:01] safetygirl0: “It can be.. but it’s our stubbornness that kept us holding on when maybe those more -sensible- would not have… and I think our daughter will be blessed with a similar degree of stubborness as her parents.” I hold his hand tightly. “I see it already… ” I laugh.
    [22:02] hajimenokizu: “Hmm? You see it?” I quirk my eyebrow… “I’ve not even had the slightest hint…”

13. [22:04] safetygirl0: “Oh… try telling her to pick up after herself… or that it’s time to leave Isuzu-chan’s house… or that she might need help writing a letter.” I shake my head, smiling. “Try telling her what to do… you’ll see it.”
    [22:06] hajimenokizu: I think for a long moment… about the time about I had started getting worked up about the stick… “Yes she did not look happy when I questioned her about why she needed to learn a naginata.” I look back at Hide, “She says that it’s good to be active… Perhaps you can show her an alternative… Dancing maybe? Her wanting to learn how to handle a weapon disturbs me.”
    [22:09] safetygirl0: “Naginata? I know they teach the older girls at the school… I think it is more along the lines of learning katas, not for anything useful…” I don’t think they really want a lot of armed young women running around in the Meiji era. “And she already is rather active… have you seen her run? I don’t think that she’s slow like her mother.” I grin slightly.
    [22:11] hajimenokizu: “Yes… It is much more peaceful now… People like myself are not needed anymore Hide.” I look back at her and held her hand tightly, “And although I had contemplated a long time ago that I might actually enjoy teaching our daughter how to handle a weapon, I realized that the thought frightens me.” My eyes go angry for a moment I could feel it boring holes to my side… The thought frightens me that Makoto might end up like myself. “If you can do one thing… Do that.”
    [22:16] safetygirl0: “Like you? A person devoted to their ideals, their country? I wouldn’t want our daughter to be any less of a person.” I look at him, my eyes serious. “Maybe not with a weapon, but she will find her path.” I put my other hand on his. “And people like you will always be needed. You have always been so devoted to something beyond yourself, ever since I saw you… -all- those years ago, in Kyoto.” I remember the young man he was then, those intense eyes… and how some things don’t change, even half of a lifetime later.
    [22:20] hajimenokizu: “Yes her own path.” I look back at her as she started talking about how people like us are needed, if only I could tell her. But that would be, it would change things and it’s better that she remembers me as a strong man who have somehow kept his life together even if that’s not true. And saying nothing, is not lying at all. I decide to steer the conversation back to Makoto. “I wouldn’t mind to see her someday in the judicial system… A lawyer perhaps? A very sharp one…”
    [22:21] hajimenokizu: “Or a judge would do nicely as well…”
    [22:23] safetygirl0: “Ambitious for our daughter, aren’t we?” I laugh. “She will be… something, ne? She is already so bright…” I try to look serious. “But again, we can’t -tell- her this… we’ll just have to guide her. I look at my hands on his. “Together.” I look back up at him.
    [22:25] hajimenokizu: “No I shall tell her.” I look back at her. This is the difference between us, on being a father and a mother. “You can guide her if you wish. I shall say mine out flatly when the time is ripe.” I grin slightly and played with her hands, “See that’s the difference… You’re motherly instincts are taking over and you get soft on her.” I chuckle as I teased.
    [22:30] safetygirl0: “Ah… ” I smile, softly. “I -am- soft with her. It is my way, after all… just as it will be yours to simply tell her…” my hands trace the lines in his… some familliar, some new. “Fathers are special to their daughters. She likes you so much already… but you treat her as she likes to be treated… you don’t treat her as a helpless child.”

14. [22:33] hajimenokizu: I laugh simply and pulled on her hand and brought it to my lips. “We’ll see ne? I’m sure there’ll be times when you’ll just have to be a referee between us. I will definitely scold her if I see her pout on something unreasonable.” I look back into those brown eyes, “But I won’t be as hard to her as I was on you. I was just.. You drove me insane.”
    [22:36] safetygirl0: “And you’ll have to tell me… when it’s time for me to not fuss so much, to not always be soft on her,” I look at him. “I’ve always trusted your honesty.” My eyes meet his for a long moment. “Drove? Ah…” my hand goes from his lips to his jaw. “You still -drive- me insane…”
    [22:38] hajimenokizu: “Glad to hear that because one of these days, I’m going to make you shout my name.” I chuckle but she has no idea how dead serious I really am. “Your tea will get cold though… If it’s not already. I think you touched it only once?”
    [22:41] safetygirl0: “As will your coffee…” I move away, and take a sip of the tea that is indeed cold. “If that is your concern…” I smile slightly, eyebrows raised. “Tea.” I nod.
    [22:44] hajimenokizu: I laugh softly at this… She knows and is teasing me. I’m stubborn though I -don’t- have to give in… for now at least. I go over to my coffee took a sip and lit up a cigarette. “Tokugawa Ieyasu… Remember him?”
    [22:46] safetygirl0: I think for a moment. “From history, yes…” I look over to him. “What about him?”
    [22:49] hajimenokizu: Tokugawa Ieyasu was the greatest shogun… Leader of the Bakufu.” I grin slightly, the bakufu a long tradition that samurai followed, “He settled here after he retired from a long battle of re-uniting Japan.” I think for a long moment… How interesting that little piece of information is and then finally shake my head.
    [22:51] safetygirl0: I nod. “I’ve been to busy building a life here to investigate it too much… I grew up in a place so seeped in the past, after all.” I smile at him.
    [22:51] hajimenokizu: “Well sumanai.. not exactly here..” I laugh but around here in this prefecture.
    [22:52] hajimenokizu: “No it’s alright… I was part of the bakufu after all and it’s only natural those of us should know what happened to the Shoguns.”
    [22:53] safetygirl0: “So in addition to English… you will be the one to help our daughter with history.” I tell him. It has always been a weak point of mine.
    [22:54] hajimenokizu: “And you will have to show her proper etiquette as mine aside from the usual is still lacking…” I smirk lightly, “I never did pay attention to that tea ceremony we attended one time in Kyoto. I wouldn’t mind if… you demonstrated that to me as well… in -private-.”
    [22:56] safetygirl0: “Ah… I will.” I take another sip of the cold tea. “A very private demonstration.” I grin.
    [22:58] hajimenokizu: “Just don’t make the tea too strong… I still won’t stand for it, but I can tolerate it.. perhaps with something sweet ne?” I look up and take a drag on my cigarette… then after the smoke completely dispersed. “Thank you for talking to me Hide.”
    [23:01] safetygirl0: “I will make sure there is something -sweet-…” I say lightly. I watch the clouds of smoke. “No… I was glad to talk. We need it. It is one thing to make mistakes… another to learn from them. We know where not talking got us, and after this amazing thing of you coming to find us… we can’t let it just escape us again.”
    [23:04] hajimenokizu: “Hmmm… You came for me.” I smile at the memory, “You smiled at me when you shouldn’t have been. I think you gave me my request eventhough it was unreasonable. That was more than just amazing, during the time I could not find a word for it… Not that I could describe it now either.” I chuckle. “I simply have no words for it. You loved me…”
    [23:08] safetygirl0: “And I still do.” Of course he knows that. “Who came for who… who found who… but you are here now.” I smile. “Any way you see that it is simply remarkable.”

15. [23:11] hajimenokizu: “Hai…” I get up from the low table and look out towards the window, once again the moon is the only witness to Hide and I. “This room, reminds me of the one in Tokyo, smaller but it’s comfortable here.” I take my cup and hand it to her, “I should go before what’s his name starts thinking, I’m actually staying here for the night. I should show him at least that I -do- go there to sleep.”
    [23:15] safetygirl0: I stand up. “Mmm… ,” I nod, looking out at the moon. Time passes so quickly when we are together, that is the worst part of it… “Will you come back by in the morning before you leave?”
    [23:16] hajimenokizu: “Of course. I have to say good bye to my “princess” after all.” I chuckle a bit. “And I noticed you’re lacking in firewood. I’ll get some for you as well.”
    [23:18] safetygirl0: “Firewood? Oh, that would be great…” I’m pleased that he thinks of that…. too often I’ve had to depend on paying for it or the kindness of Isamu-san. “Princess?” I ask, puzzling over the strange word.
    [23:21] hajimenokizu: “Ah… No it’s only a term of endearment for Makoto.” I pull her slightly and held my breath before kissing her fully on the lips. A lingering kiss, quite different from the few that I’ve stolen the past weeks. Breaking it off I stare into those brown eyes. “This is not the last you’ll hear from me. Good night Hime.” I smirk and showed myself out. (OOC: exits hajime)
    [23:24] safetygirl0: Something in me feels so alive at his kiss… “Good night, Hajime.” I watch him leave, and as I hear the gate close I go to leave the cups in the kitchen for morning and go up to the bedroom where our daughter sleeps… (OOC: end scene)

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