Summer 1879 – Early Spring 1885

23 thoughts on “Summer 1879 – Early Spring 1885”

10. A knock comes into the door. I lift my head up from the paper work and look around the room, my real home the past months. I grab my katana at once when I stood up. A crime on the street probably and I will go and sever their heads. I need that… Something right now… But instead I find just another idiot when I open the door.
    “What are you doing here?” I hate seeing her even if we’ve known each other for a couple of years. Quickly I go back to my seat and start working on the papers. I hate paperwork as well but it is far more preferable than any human face or company.
    She comes in and closes the door as if she’s been here before. Stupid fake writer, I think to myself.
    “You’re looking a little shabby Saitou-san.”
    “You think?” I run my hand over my hair, a foolish attempt to calm the stray strands of hair that settled itself like some sort of birds nest.
    “Have you shaved lately?” She looks me over and then gets up. Taking the ashtray, she dumps the contents at the wastebasket beside my desk.
    “No I don’t have time to.” I brush her aside and took the ashtray back. I need it after all, I still have a cigarette in my mouth that needs to be
    ashed.
    “Don’t work too hard…” She says and gives me a look, a look of pity… I hate pity.
    “What do you want?”
    She sighs and I think now she’ll cut to the chase, “What’s in your mind
    right now?”
    “Isn’t it obvious?” I push all the papers towards her and tilted my head towards the door. “That and the ahous all over Japan.”
    Suddenly I’m surprised as she takes the cigarette from my mouth. “I’m sorry you’ll just have to loan me this. You still have a billion in that drawer anyway.”
    “Baka…” Taking out a new pack, I shove the thing in my mouth and started a fresh one.
    “Do you still think of Hide-san?”
    I don’t know how to answer that, maybe form time to time I do when I past by the Momiji in summer or when I go and sit by the river to find some sort of peace. But Kizu doesn’t need to know this so I settle for a lie instead. “I’ve been very busy so I probably haven’t.” I shrug it off. She did not say goodbye to me and my child is with her… And I just don’t know what to do for I promised myself not to come near her anymore unless I am needed or I am asked. It was to work out that way. That it would not matter anymore if she loved me or not. That it didn’t matter that she chose not to see me when I had asked. It didn’t matter and yet I can’t lie to myself because it did… But that didn’t matter, as long as she ask I will come. I can feel my face dropping a few inches and my lips contort in a very weird manner.
    Then all of a sudden a white clouds blows through my face. “What the hell?! Be more careful with how you smoke those!” I scream at her and she just looks at me. An indescribable look that I cannot place if it is concern or pity or disgust.
    “Let me take them Saitou-san… They are just memories.” She continues to smoke and I have to wonder if that is how I looked the times that I did speak with Kizu.
    They are just memories.
    At once my blood runs cold with this baka onna. I suppose if I had been in a better mood I’d bite her head off with a good put down remark but instead I could only shake my head and mutter…
    “They’re not -your- memories to take. I suggest you leave.”
    She takes a long drag at the cigarette and puts it out on the ashtray beside me. “I’m sorry Saitou-san.” With that she leaves and I can only shake my head. She pities me of course. She thinks that just because Hide has left, I’ve lost. Perhaps I did lose something but I’m still alive and I still have my work. Yes this is what I do… And if Hide has decided it is time to move on… Then so must I…

11. After spending a few more hours at work, I realize it’s already 1AM in the morning. I should at least get home. Home… Such a strange word to describe a strange house. I take the long ways about to head back, not wanting to go past -that- house. Someone else occupies it now. I don’t know who, but I’ve seen them a young couple. They seemed very happy one time and offered me tea. I hate tea so I declined.
    I pass by Ueno park and chance upon that sakura tree that bloom a beautifulpink during spring but is like a carcass with it’s branch bare during winter. It’s then that I remember how empty my life is without her and I pull on my collar as the wind picks up trying to go past the accursed tree and breeze through the cold as quickly as possible. The wind picks harder and I feel drops fall on my face, for a moment I curse myself thinking they were from myself… But then I open my eyes slightly, and little flurries of white greeted my face. It had started snowing…
    Yuki… Didn’t she want to name our child that?
    Beating my boots against the pavement, I take longer strides… Yuki, snow in December… Yuki is sorrow, the reason I declined her… Yuki is sorrow disguised in little white flakes… December last year our child would’ve been born. I feel my shoulder muscles contract in agony. Stupid cold. Walking faster, taking longer strides I shut out everything. Soon I’ll be able to close my eyes and this will be over.

12. My son Eiji is now fifteen. After his genpuku, he had told me his intentions about joining the military. Can a father be so proud? I had thought he and I would never make it. I was only his ward but that day when I returned his brother’s sword to him, the ahou cried like a baby. Back then I chastised myself again for not doing the right thing. So what if I had gotten his katana fixed? It is his family’s last momento and I had no right to keep it from him for so many years. I turn to leave him of course. I can’t stand these types of display, especially if the sorrow is caused by myself. It was then upon reaching the engawa that his long arms embraced my waist and his head buried onto my back. He’s grown taller but not tall enough so he only reach the middle of my shoulder blades.
    “Ahou… Stop acting like a girl.” I say to him pushing for annoyance.
    He mumbles an incoherent thanks and lets me go. I turn to look at him, his eyes so clear and with definite purpose. Those eyes that helped keep me sane in this household. I shall miss them.
    I grin slightly, “Do you have everything in that bag?”
    “Hai Saitou-san!”
    “Well hurry up and leave then.” I say trying hard not to choke. “Say goodbye to Tokio and the others.”
    “I already did.”
    He bows and takes the bag onto his shoulder and the katana that is wrapped up once again.
    “Goodbye otou-san.” He turns to me and grins but before I could say anything he was already way past the gate. Dumbfounded I watch him from the engawa as he runs down the road to meet with the others at the train station. Suddenly something hot graces the left side of my cheek and immediately I wipe it away discretely. How many years has it been since this has happened? I don’t know it has been -too- long.

13. There’s a tree, a favorite of mine in Ueno park. It is spring once again and although I’ve avoided it several years now, I was assigned here to watch the people go to the Hanami. They are many at this time of the year and the weather is amiable enough and the sky once again is a clear blue. A good contrast to the pink and greens… I’m just passing time here. There’s nothing I know that will go on, perhaps a pick pocket here and there and later on tonight a brawl or two. I certainly wish something did happen so I do not think because thinking only leads me to those things I’ve lost and can never get back. And although this cherry blossom reminds me of her, it also reminds me that I must continue on… Just like my son who is now living his life, I must live mine and for now I will let the sakura embrace me with her shade. A temporary relief indeed, but it’s better than absolutely nothing… Perhaps I am just grasping at things to help live through this. It’s not as bad now. They did say time heals even that of the very scarred heart. Perhaps mine will just take longer to heal but in time… Slowly I close my eyes. Tired… For the last four years, I’ve been so tired…
    Chaos… In the wilderness there is Chaos and that is my home where I want her to be…
    I see her come for me. She stands there and looks at me for a long moment. I want to ask what she is doing here. It is not safe here… Then I remember I -forced- her to come here.
    She speaks… Of goodbye and that she wishes the best for me. I just stood there and didn’t reply. She’s leaving and I make no effort to stop her.
    She tells me we can change things and that our future is still there. All I have to do is ask… Again I do not reply, for what kind of future is there in the wilderness? When things will just be the same and I, shall always need her and ask her to come here. I choke, wanting to answer. To tell her to stay.
    She tries once again, this time… Asking if she could stay. And my heart shatters because I know she can’t… Because this is not her home and here she will not thrive. Survive maybe but that’s not what she wants. So I break my silence. That I wanted her then and even up to now, but saw no light for us. For to stay here in the wilderness would mean that we will be stagnant… And yet to go to her, to a place where time has moved on… Would mean that I had missed once again the time when she needed someone by her side… Just like the time when she was alone in Kyoto after Souji died. That I shall live with that regret. Perhaps I should be a selfish man, so I gave her the third option of her moving on and I staying where I belong. Here in the wilderness…
    She tells me what to do. To come to her and take the risk… To go to that house on a hill. And I was about to tell her no, but I saw that soft smile. A sad but hopeful smile… She was always a hopeful creature, I knew that.
    Then as quickly as she appeared, she started to fade and for once I found the strength to move. I cannot lose her once again, because there is still a part of me that wants to believe in us. So I said goodbye to my old self… To the ruthless man who wanted her to stay in the wilderness, to the same man who loved her as much as I did. He let me go and for that I shall always be thankful. His promise to continue on and mine to pick up the pieces. Perhaps he loved her more than I did… Perhaps… For she helped him survive for a time but I love her as well as she helped me thrive. Take care of yourself Fujita-san.
    I awake with a start, my heart heavy for some reason. That dream, it all seemed so real. What did I promise and who did I promise it to? It has been so long since she left… And that man, he is I… So why promise to myself? Confused I leave the shade of the sakura tree to go home once again to that empty house. No… Wrong… Half-empty house, Tsuyoshi and Tsutomu are still there and for them I should live on.

14. Making my way down the street after reminding the other officers that they are not to leave until the Hanami is over, I look upon the sky once again. It’s no longer blue but a stark red… It will not rain tomorrow.
    It is dark when I found myself near the house. Looking upon the light emanating from the window, I see Tokio through it. She sees me as well, however she closes the window and I know that this night I should go elsewhere or we will fight once again. Ever since Eiji left, we seem to argue more these days… So I turn to an alley and head for an inn. Hearing scuffles of feet, I turn to see who’s been following me. I see no one… Just a loud bang and I see nothing but black and the slight tearing of my skin. There are shouts from behind but they are abruptly cut off when I feel a blade burrow itself deep into my right chest area and I choke from my own blood.
    My time has come… Thank providence.

15. A temporary discharge from the TMPD. I stare long and hard once again at the papers on my hand. That which I have worked for so many years has come to a questionable halt. My future with the Keishikan is uncertain. For once in my life, I felt no purpose and I felt ashamed. I had not paid attention, put down my guard and this is the result. I have failed my brothers and my country.
    Perhaps I could be spiteful and hate the Meiji government once again but I tell myself that they are waiting to see if my shoulder and arm would heal. Perhaps they think of themselves as being charitable and kind to let an old wolf off the underground and send him off to London to heal. Perhaps I should believe that. But the only thing certain is I must get that use of my right arm back if I am to keep living on as a swordsman. But why can’t the surgery and therapy be done here in Tokyo? Is the country still that backward?
    I try to lift my arm and get it on the desk, but alas, it still lays limply to my side. This is my fault, I was not paying attention! I should’ve known one of them would be back, that man I had put in jail when I went to Kyoto alone and left her for a whole month. Damn it! Why does my thoughts always come back to that time? To that house? To her! I close my eyes for a long moment, trying to get calm. I should go and take advantage of this… The Keishikan will pay for my treatment and perhaps… Maybe I can forget about her and focus this time -seriously- on my underground work.
    Yes… That is what is needed. So I wrote Morinosuke, my brother in law who loves his sister very much so that he hated anyone who dared try to come near her. And I did that, which is why he hates me as well… But his fears were well founded for I cheated on Tokio and fell in love with another woman. If only I did not make that mistake. If only I had asked her the day we were to be married if she agreed to the arrangement… I didn’t because I needed someone after Yaso died. I was such a fool back then… No… Even now I -still- am…

16. The stay in England has proven itself partly useful. Spending the mornings with a bunch of nurses that I do not care for. They are quite fussy and I’ve never understood why they would like to huddle together and then start chattering amongst themselves. It reminds me vaguely of the Precinct in Tokyo, where the police themselves would start the day off with a bunch of decrepit tales and rumors about their adventures with women, official missions and what nots. I had always stayed away and kept to myself… Either that or I started barking orders around. It is with this feeling that I got irritated once again, not knowing what the hell these women are talking about. I am a suspicious man and once in a while they’d throw me a meaningful look and I can just narrow my eyes at them.
    “Good morning Fujita-san.” I wince at the mention of that name but that is indeed who I am, the ruthless cop who… No I must not think about her anymore.
    “Are we starting the same exercises today?” I ask looking out of the window. I hate being confined here… For months now I feel like I’ve lost the ability to care for myself.
    “Well you’ve progressed quite wonderfully. Why don’t you lift that arm up for me and then I’ll let you know if we should ne?” She smiles at me and out of politeness I give her a small grin. She is after all the only one who I can talk to in this hospital.
    I look at her for once curious. She is Japanese no doubt, the shape of her face and the intonation when she speaks only points to a native-born Japanese woman. “Tell me why did you come here?”
    She smiles as she assist my arm and removes the bandages from -another- trial surgery. If these people do not stop cutting my shoulder in half, I could almost swear that they are doing nothing but exacerbating the problem.
    “To find my life… There is more opportunity for myself here.” She smiles as she replaces the bandages with new ones. I stare at her hands as they worked. There were once a time when someone had touched me in a more caring manner. I frown at that, remembering once again. There was not one morning that the days passed here that I did not think of her. At least in while I was working, I forgot everything else. But here there is nothing to do except but to think.
    “You’re done.” She interrupts my train of thought and I’m glad. “Here Fujita-san.” She hands me a book.
    “It’s boring here ne? Perhaps you want to learn what they, do talk about each morning.” She smiles softly and look briefly at the women loitering in the hall way. Then she gets up and leaves.
    With nothing better to do, I went ahead and read the book. A book on the English language, I look back at her but she is gone. As I flip the pages, I realize how worn out it is. She must’ve spend hours reading it. Well I still have several months to kill, I might as well. Aside from which, they’ve taken all my cigarettes. I hate hospitals as well.

17. For almost a year I have been in therapy, enough to move my right arm but the doctor has told me already that the muscle damage to my shoulder has rendered it weak aside from the nerve paralysis that makes it hard to keep my aiming arm still. I still remember the doctor shaking his head prying into my life wondering what I have been doing. Shrugging, I walk past him and went on to get my things. I shall be back once again to my country and that is all that’s important.
    Although I still have qualms about what my status will be with the Keishikan. Whether Kawaji will dispose of me… I’ve seen it at work the other morning, I can no longer perform a perfect gatotsu. Am I angry? Yes, but I have done what I have wanted in service of my country and all I can hope for now is that they will let me continue until the day that I meet my fate and die.
    When I returned to my house, I realize how different it is now. A change most definitely, just a bit more estranged and I opened the gates with only my youngest Tsuyoshi coming out to greet their father.
    “Where is Tsutomu?” I ask as he leads me inside the house.
    “He’s with okaa-san, tending to the garden.”
    “Ah. Shall we go there then?” I smile at my youngest son, the one whom reminds me of myself back then when we used to live in Akashi.
    He is quiet and instead leads me to the kitchen and produces some tea. I smirk slightly and tell him that it is not necessary.
    “So you’ve come back.”
    A man’s voice comes from behind myself and I know that it is Morinosuke’s. I nod to him slightly and thanked him for taking care of things.
    “Feh… A thanks? How about an apology to this whole house that you’ve abandoned for almost a year.”
    The ahou wants to start a fight and I could comply, but my son decides to settle onto my lap.
    “So tou-san! Did you bring me anything?”
    I give Morinosuke one last scowl and turn to my luggage. Finding the same book that kept me company for months, I hand it to my youngest. “A book that you should read.”
    He scrunches up his nose and said, “But I was hoping for a toy or something.”
    I chuckle softly and brush the back of my hand over his forehead. “Perhaps when otou-san gets paid…”
    “Exactly…” Morinosuke hisses and I shot him another look.
    “Go and play outside Tsuyoshi.” Letting him go, I stand in front of Morinosuke. “If you have something to say…”
    “Yes I do.” He interrupts and crosses his arms. “It’s bad enough you weren’t here, nee-chan’s has had a hard time keeping things together. What kind of life are you giving her? Feh. If nee-chan never married you she would not be in debt. Feh. She’d probably be living well off.”
    His words of course are accusing. I have been out of work technically and there was no money coming in. However I had left most of the finances to Tokio and had thought that it will be enough… What has happened to that? I am tempted to brush Morinosuke away and talk to Tokio. The TMPD admittedly does not pay that well, but it pays enough and we have had our savings… Even I have a small portion tucked away in a private account. But again… His words, that I was not here… And I wasn’t there either… And I could find nothing in my mind that could refute that. The simple fact is, try as I might, fate has led me to live a life away from those whom I love and those who need me.
    “Don’t worry Saitou.” He smirks and I can feel something stir in my stomach. “We’re still all alive here. No thanks to you but to my uncle, Namuzawa-san.”

18. I nod my head slowly and just walk past him like a ghost. Namuzawa… Another favor that I owe him once again. But that is the least of my worries as I call out to Tsutomu in the garden, he gives me the foulest look just like his mother. I wonder what has happened here. Did Tokio have another one of her mental fits, the same one she had years ago, when she finally realized the mistake she and I made? No… I should not think like this.
    “Tokio…” I call out to her, perhaps things -have- changed… Maybe things have changed for the better unlike what Morinosuke is trying to imply. “May we talk?”
    “I have nothing to speak to you about Goro.”
    She does not get up and keeps on pulling the weeds in the garden.
    “Do you still need money?” I might as well ask her directly, although right now the last thing I want to talk about is finances.
    “We could always use the money. The children’s expenses are quite high and that job of yours…” She shakes her head and I keep my best not to lash out, fully aware that Tsutomu is still beside her watering the plants. “Also I need you to sign something with regards to Tsuyoshi…”

19. “Saitou-san… How have you been?”
    I look up from my desk that morning and saw Kizu standing right in front of me again. I close my eyes slightly and wish for her to be swept away by the wind. No such luck.
    There is a wry look on my face I’m sure. For a time, I had thought I was getting better. Getting out of Japan calmed me down and made me face certain things I probably could not if I stayed.
    “What do you want?” I ask and started to smoke.
    She shrugs and looks at me before going to the sofa. “Oh nothing much. I see you’re still working.”
    “Yes as you see.” I turn back once again to my papers. Kawaji has taken me off the special force but he has left me here to work, as police inspector. My access to information, nor my undercover activities and -privileges- has been all but cut off. I am nothing but an ordinary cop who slaves on bureaucratic papers all day, with not much to offer. Kawaji is a good man, however he does not understand me at all… Unlike Okubo who knows I shall never be content with just a title. A figurehead…
    “How is Tokio?”
    I glance up felling my eyes narrow slightly. Doesn’t this ahou ever stop talking? How do I tell her that nothings changed between Tokio and I in the last 5 years? That I now hate her even more for what she is trying to do with my son… That I shall never leave there only because of Tsuyoshi and nothing else… No… Also because of Tsutomu who hates me because of his brother. Shall I tell her that I’ve moved out of that house and let Morinosuke take over? Just so that there would be less fighting and just so that a man is there to take care of them, a man who indeed loves his sister and nephews just not his brother in law? But he has every reason to… And so I confined myself living into a small machigaya in Tokyo. A room big enough to fit a small table and a futon.
    I take a deep drag on my cigarette and turned back to the papers on my desk. She is watching I know… But for myself time stood still that winter day that I found out Hide left me for good. Whatever life I found after that had very little meaning, at least the majority of it.

20. “You work hard Saitou-san… Eiji once told me that one should always smile for people who work hard.”
    I shake my head slightly and continued my work. Not that it’s really work…
    “Get out of here Kizu. I have no time for your continuous drabble.”
    “Gomenasai Saitou-san..” I can hear her come near. “I knew you were always such a difficult person… but you know. I know something about you that you don’t even know about yourself.”
    Looking up, I scowl just a bit more before finally giving up on the papers. Standing up abruptly I turn towards the window. “Leave Kizu!” What the hell is she doing here after all these years? I am no longer looking for comfort, nor am I looking for sympathy… and once again she looks at me with pity.
    “Spare me your pity…” I grumble. If I cannot be a complete man, at least I can be a strong one. If all that’s given in my life is scraps fit for dogs, then I shall bite for I am a stubborn wolf.
    “I do not pity you.” There is silence for a long moment. “When I said sorry to you last time, that was not out of pity.”
    The cigarette is now dangerously short I notice so I flick it out the window and lit up another one.
    “Do you remember Hide? It’s been several years now isn’t it?”
    I blow the smoke out of the window and watch the people down the street. People from many walks of life, parents, lovers and children. How I wish… I was walking among them now. “Yes several since she left.”
    “Do you feel regret?”
    “Yes… I was a fool wasn’t I?” My face does not change it’s expression, perhaps because I feel nothing except pain when I think about her and my child. Somewhere… That I don’t know.
    “Do you wish now that I erased your memories?”
    I fall silent, searching for what is the true answer. Did I regret yes… But it had always been worth it, everything… Even now when it hurts, I know that I was alive once and I have kept true to myself, even when I was cruel and made her cry. “No…” I look back at Kizu and smiled. A sad one maybe but the fact that she can still bring a small smile to my lips only meant that everything was worth it.
    “Catch Saitou-san!” She grins slightly and tosses a piece of paper.
    “What’s this?” I ask opening the piece of paper.
    “An old promise you made to yourself… And proof that she indeed loved you.”
    Looking back at her, I finally realized it wasn’t a dream at all. A bit bizzare maybe, but it was real and she did love me back. Maybe a little too late but the fact remains and I hold it in my hands.
    “Why did you just give this to me now?” I ask trying to frown but failing at the act. Too elated perhaps at this sudden revelation.
    “I had to be sure Saitou-san… Before giving you away.” She swipes a pack of cigarette from my desk. “I am after all your keeper whether you like it or not.”
    She turns to leave and I shout. “Where is she?”
    “I can’t tell you that… But try thinking back.” She stops, “OH! I almost forgot! That’s just for you to know alright? I kind of made a deal with her writer that she’ll forget that small fact. You owe her anyway, for being the difficult man that you are.”
    My writer disappeared at that moment. She told me once she was my bestfriend, I still don’t believe it of course.
    I fold the piece of paper and slid it into my pocket. Where shall I find her? Kyoto… Of course, she should be in Kyoto. At once I leave the office and head straight to Shimabashi station.

21. Arriving in Kyoto takes me back, not to my memories as one of the Shinsengumi but rather those few days that Hide and I stayed here. I had procured a room at the same place the Ryokan, only because that place holds precious memories for myself. Since I arrived quite late, I decide to retire for the night. Taking out the piece of paper, I re-read it several times. It gives me hope somehow, even if it’s been several years now. I need to know what has happened to her… And although there is the possibility that things have changed so much, that doesn’t mean I have to stop. There’s something inside me that hasn’t changed because sometimes to be a stubborn person is a good thing.
    I think for a moment what I’ll do if she indeed rejects me. There are many possibilities that I have not really dwelled on. Perhaps if she’s moved on and taken another man… Perhaps then I’ll leave her in peace, but if she hasn’t… Then I still have a chance and all I can do is make up for the time that was lost. I’ve hurt her so many times that I can’t deny and whatever opinions she has about me, I’ll just have to bite the bullet and take it in stride. I’ve made promises to her before, most of which I kept and I never lied to her nor to myself… So that will guide me. This time, I shall walk even further… Just like that promise I made to her by the same river that I hear right flowing beside this cottage. Because she is my life, she did heal me so many times… Just like now when she’s not here, Hide is guiding me back.
    I slept that night… Quite a comfortable one after so many years.

22. Wasting no time I arrive at the Yagi’s early in the morning. Ah… I think I’m going to be sick. I do not know what I shall say to her nor to her brothers… So I rehearse over and over again in my mind.
    Yes I am the man who caused your sister so much pain… For that I am sorry… But I still love her and our child. I want her back. I -need- her back. Despise me if you wish, but let her decide and if she’ll take me back. I will try not to hurt her the way I did before.
    And that’s when I remembered, there’s not much that changed in my situation at all. I am still tied to Tokio and now it is worse, for I cannot just separate from her legally… And I will not as long as Namuzawa insist of taking Tsuyoshi. I cannot give my son away, even if I owe Namuzawa my freedom after the war… Nor recently when he supported my family. Suddenly my resolve dims quite a bit and I hesitate to knock on the gates. No… I should it has been too long and I cannot bear not knowing and at least maybe I’ll get to see our child’s face. Get to know whether the child is a boy or a girl. Perhaps I nor they can not reveal who I am, after all it is a difficult situation… But I shall be happy just to see our child’s face for a moment and see Hide as well. So I went ahead and dared to knock.
    “Ah. Saitou-san!” Tamaseburou greets and leads me inside. I am puzzled at this. I had thought I’d be the last person they’d want to see. He offers me tea. Why does everyone in Japan drink tea? I decline and look around, searching for signs of her. But I see no tell tale signs only of Hanako-san by the garden tending to Kioko’s hair. I smile just a bit, she’s grown… Ah of course it has been at least 6 years now.
    “So what brings you here?” he asks.
    “Ah not much.” I grin slightly, letting my eyes roam again. If only I could come right out and ask. “I was in the area and thought I’d drop by and see how you all were doing.”
    “We’re fine.” He smiles but it seems a bit off. I read people pretty well, plus the way he has handled his hands is already giving away signs. “Are you alright Tamaseburou-kun?”
    “Ah yes. Gomene Saitou-san!”
    Apparently Yuunosuke’s been listening in on our conversation and he grunts. I turn to him slightly, perhaps he knows something about Hide and I. “Glad to see you once again Yuunosuke-kun.”
    “Hai… Same here.”
    Tamaseburou throws his younger brother a look, I’ve seen them both before bicker… But there seems to be something wrong. It is then that I can’t hold back my tongue anymore.
    “Ah. So how is your sister doing?” I say as casually as possible. If they know anything about us and what I have done to her they’ll lash out now.
    “Ah nee-san is…” Yuunosuke starts… “She’s travelling. She’s always wanted to travel.” Tamaseburou finishes for Yuunosuke. Obviously a cover for something. They know and yet they don’t know the whole truth I deduce. Perhaps they are ashamed? Or perhaps they just don’t want to tell a stranger what happened to their sister. Either way at least I know she is out there somewhere.
    “That’s too bad I missed her.” Yes truly… I have missed her. “Maybe you can give me her address so that I can drop her a line? She disappeared on me quite abruptly.” I grin just a little.
    “Ah… Well unfortunately Saitou-san, she’s not been staying in one place for long periods of time. We just rely on her to keep us updated.”
    I look at Yuunosuke, hoping he’d provide more information than what his brother is giving me. Instead though, he leaves the room and I shrug at Tamaseburou, showing a little disappointment. But truly I want to beat the tatami mat out of frustration. I will not find her this way…
    “Tamaseburou-kun,” I handed him my new address in Tokyo, “When she returns, let her know where I am staying. I would like to see her and catch up. Jaa..”
    “Hai. Take care Saitou-san.”
    With that I left Kyoto to continue my search… Now where else?

23. Frustrating! I’ve almost used up all my sources in trying to find Hide! I’m almost impressed at how well she’s hidden herself from myself. It’s been two months now and I’ve used the little powers left to myself as a cop to go through records of travel and information in the government census office. Damn it! Damn it! I pound the table with my left hand and the papers lift slightly as the table tremored. Ah yes… Okay I have -work- to do. Papers… How -wonderful-.
    I grind as I work, if I can get these out of the way… I can continue my search. Yes a search that’s taken now a bit over two months. It’s almost spring, just a few days away. Finally well into the afternoon, a nice neat stack of paper at the edge of my desk laid as proof of my work. Perhaps I miss the old days, out on the field… Undercover and practicing my code. There is a fire again that stirs in me. I wonder once again why is that?
    Opening the drawer and taking out a small locked box, I pull out a picture that I’ve kept there for years and I smiled. I promised her that I will not show this to anyone and I didn’t. I didn’t even carry it in my pocket unlike her other picture, for fear of losing it and having some stranger leer at it. There were so many things she stirred in me back then, lust, passion but most of all affection. Everytime I think of those days, it only strengthens my desire to see her once again. I put the picture back into the box and there I see a note. An old note…
    Hajime,
    I am going with my neighbor, Kajiura-san, and her sister and niece to an onsen in Ito. The name and address follows. I am leaving today, June 18th and we plan to return the first week of July.
    Yours,
    -Hide
    I scowl… The one place I didn’t look… Ito… But before that I should go to Kajiura-san, Ito is a tourist town in the Shizuoka prefecture teeming with strangers. It will greatly increase my chances if I knew where to start looking. Taking the note, I stop for a moment… Should I take that picture with me? Yes perhaps I will.

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