[19:36] *** “hajime” signed off at Thu Mar 10 19:36:18 2005.
[21:36] hajime: (OOC: start) *wolf lets himself in casually*
[21:38] hide: I come downstairs to find Hajime there. “Hello…” I’m a little surprised to see him.
[21:39] hajime: I thought I told your writer I was coming?
[21:40] hide: “Ah… yes…” I glance over at him. Was I that obvious? Can he as always read me that easily?
[21:41] hajime: Stop staring at me like you’ve just seen a ghost. What date is it today?
[21:42] hajime: I can’t remember when I saw you last… it was the 2nd week of june when I saw you?
[21:42] hajime: maybe third?
[21:42] hajime: Maa…
[21:43] hide: “No, it was around the first of July? When I came back?”
[21:43] hajime: oh… then… *thinks: it’s not as long as i’ve imagined it to be* it has only been a week…
[21:44] hide: “Not long at all.” I answer. Time here is strange.
[21:44] hajime: It’s the 8th of July.
[21:44] hajime: or is it the 7th?
[21:44] hajime: ah it must be the 7th.
[21:45] hide: “I believe so….” A Monday. Yes.
[21:45] hajime: What have you done lately?
[21:46] *** “hajime” signed on at Thu Mar 10 21:46:05 2005.
[21:46] hide: “Ah… the usual things I see to, around the house, going to market. Had tea with my neighbor. Taking walks, sewing…” I smile a little. “My quiet life must sound rather boring to you.”
[21:47] hajime: What’s in that tone of voice?
[21:50] hide: Tone? “Nothing… please… don’t read so much into…” I pause for a moment, looking over at him. “I’m glad you ask, though. My life is just a -quiet- one, a rather ordinary one…” not like yours. “I’m getting some water, do you want some?” It’s another hot day, after all.
[21:51] hajime: no… it’s getting cooler and will get dark soon. how are you feeling?
[21:53] hide: “I’m doing well,” physically, as always. The child… I can feel it grow stronger every day. I leave to go into the kitchen to get some water, coming back with a glass. Nice and cool.
[21:54] hajime: *lights cigarette and stares at her*
[21:58] hide: He’s quiet… of course he is. But he hates silence and I don’t know what to say right now. “This time of year, I don’t even miss tea… well, I still have one cup in the morning… I do take care of myself.” I look over at him for a long moment, watching him smoke. It’s so much a part of him…. “Have you had dinner?”
[22:01] hajime: No. But I don’t want dinner. *tears his gaze away and inhales deeply* tea… ah… yes quite a few people love tea. *i roll my eyes thinking of something else*
[22:04] hide: “Ah…. I ate earlier.” I walk towards the tatami room, where the windows are open to the outside. “Come, sit with me?” I ask.
[22:05] hajime: *nods and sits*
[22:08] hide: By habit I sit next to him. I take a long drink of water. “Tea… I think I drank so much out of habit. Maybe one day I’ll develop a taste for that coffee of yours…”
[22:09] hajime: And maybe not. *puffs again*
[22:12] hide: “Who’s to know, ne?” I ask, “what I shall develop a taste for?” I look outside. It’s so peaceful out there… unlike me right now. So conflicted… this man who has made me so happy yet knows just how to hurt me… and I seem to be able to do the same to him.
[22:13] hajime: Pick one… that’s all there is too it. *shrugs and gazes towards the window*
[22:16] hide: Just… talk, Hide. You could always tell him, before. “It’s good that you came to see me today.” My hand slides towards him, on the table, between where him and I sit. “Meet me in the middle,” I say, quietly.
[22:18] hajime: why? *looks back*
[22:22] hajime: cat got your tongue?
[22:23] hide: I don’t move my hand. I must… be strong. Still in a quiet voice, I answer. “Why? Because… I reach out for you – not just with my hand but with -myself-.” I close my eyes, willing myself to continue. I want to fall sobbing on his shoulder… or answer in anger. No, anger is what got us here… I open my eyes again, “I need you to reach out as well.”
[22:25] hajime: I already came here. *shrugs and looks away* there’s a festival today…
[22:28] hide: Is that… from the words that were said, that he came here. It’s a step. What was damaged so quickly won’t be rebuilt overnight. I move my hand to his arm, resting it there, lightly. “A festival? I didn’t know…. I had not heard anything…” I think to the calendar, is this a certain day? “What one is it?” I finish my water.
[22:31] hajime: You never did go out in Kyoto… *shakes head very slightly* It is what westerners would call XMAS in summer.
[22:31] hajime: *sighs*
[22:31] hide: “Oh yes, Tanabata….” I remember. Summer…. has been creeping past this year.
[22:33] hajime: good at least you got the name right. *rolls eyes*
[22:36] hide: “Mmm…” I don’t say much to that. “And I know about Orihime and Hikoboshi…” my writer is just hopelessly clueless on these things. “I know Tanabata.” I glance over to him with a smile.
[22:40] hajime: *shrugs and removes her hand.. puts out cigarette and lights another one*
[22:44] hide: “Do they float lanterns down the river here?” I ask. I stand up. “Will you take me?” I look back at him “Out to the festival?”
[22:47] hajime: No… just take a piece of paper and tie it onto a tree. The festival itself is almost over. *nods outside, where it is getting dark*
[22:50] hide: “Ah, yes… write some sort of wish on it, right?” Wishes… dreams… I feel my breathing getting shakey, my eyes stinging. I blink rapidly. I go up to the study where i keep paper.
[22:50] hajime: *watches her leave. gets up and smokes by the window*
[22:52] hide: I come back down… he’s just standing by the window, smoking. I carefully tear paper into strips. “Do you want one?” I hold one out.
[22:53] hajime: No. *looks back at her, watching*
[22:55] hide: “Nothing to wish for then?” I ask.
[22:57] hajime: No… Not really. *shrugs* The pieces of paper on tanabata was not reall meant for personal wishes.
[22:58] hajime: nor are the cranes… or dried rice… or paper machees.. *chuckles*
[22:59] hide: “Oh aren’t they?” These traditions…
[23:00] hajime: I thought you knew of Orihime and Hikoboshi? *crosses arms*
[23:03] hide: “Yes…. I do.” I think back and I can hear my mother’s voice. “How they met, and the king separated them because the forgot their duties, and how they could only meet one day a year, when the magpies form a bridge for them. That is why one hopes it won’t rain on this day.”
[23:04] hajime: *chuckles* you are a terrible liar… but the story is correct… but still you are a -terrible- liar.
[23:04] hide: I look over at him. “Lying?”
[23:05] hajime: Onna… tell me the truth. it was not from your mother. *narrows his eyes at her*
[23:07] hide: “My writer had to look it up.”
[23:07] hajime: Now how do you feel?
[23:10] hide: “Terrible. I… don’t have a -history- like you, after all. It has to be built… -trying-…. ” I manage to get out.
[23:11] hajime: Yes yes… You must be feeling terrible throughout this whole evening then as you have been lying to me the whole time.” I glower at her.
[23:11] hide: “Lying to you the whole time?”
[23:12] hajime: Maa. I won’t push you for it. I’m not in the mood.
[23:15] hide: “What are you in the mood for, then?” I look at him, then away. “Do you really want to know how I feel tonight? How -confused- I am? How everytime I think I know what to do I loose my way? I’ll tell you… do you want to hear it? I don’t know how to be around you anymore. I try to be happy and I’m called -carefree- as if I don’t have a thought in my head…. I talk to you about things and I am only burdening you. You won’t talk to me yet you cannot stand silence.” I look back at him, directly. The words just come pouring out. “I can’t always be in the dark… ”
[23:17] hajime: “Of course I -know- this.” I look back at her but make no motion to move. “If you don’t want to be in the dark then you should find your way out and ask.”
[23:21] hide: “I’m tired of the dark. Please… Hajime… I’m trying to find my way out.” My hands grip the other tightly, I keep breathing, I keep standing. “I’m -trying-” But it never quite seems like enough.
[23:25] hajime: Ah… Don’t pull the I’m a woman and I’m weak crap. *rolls eyes* Look at me Hide. Again, I’ll give you one more chance. Ask and I shall answer you honestly. I haven’t lied to you yet. That’s why I took out the song, it is not my place to put words into your mouth.
[23:32] hajime: *shrugs* suit yourself. *turns back to the window*
[23:37] hide: I am too -slow-. I go to stand by him at the window, and look up at him. I slowly raise my eyes to him, to look at him directly. “I know I’m not weak… you’ve told me that enough.” My eyes do not waver. I can’t read his mind… Ask? Ask… I gather myself. To accept his honesty. “Then I ask you, Hajime… are you going to stay? Keep coming to this world? Or has this been a ‘wistful dream’ all along?” I look at him and await his answer.
[23:41] hajime: What a preposterous question… I am here right now and you still ask it. *shakes head* But yes I said I won’t leave so I won’t. Although I’m sure you do not know me, since this is scaring the living hell out of you. *takes a longer drag*
[23:46] hide: “I know you… some of you. Parts of you that nobody else does, I think. I’ve seen you so happy and so dark.” I keep looking up at him. “And -yes- I am scared that I don’t know you as well as I should. Am I blind? Foolish? Maybe.” I shake my head. “-Let- me know you, all of you. It’s not going to happen overnight.”
[23:49] hajime: Yare yare… I should go. *turns to leave* Don’t worry I’ll try to keep my hands off the weasel and the kunoichi. Wouldn’t want you to suddenly pop up once again. *shrugs*
[23:51] hide: “Don’t go…” I say it before I even think it. “I’ll stay here… and I didn’t come out because of them, or that you were talking to them… I came out… because I wanted to see you.” I put my hand on his arm.
[23:55] hajime: Don’t trap yourself Hide, you know I will use anything I can. Don’t say things that you don’t mean… or do things that will lead me to think otherwise. *stifles a chuckle* Now now. Is there something you wanted me to do since you seem intent that I stay?
[23:59] hide: “Next time… I will just -tell- you when I want to see you.” I go in front of him, looking into his eyes. What I fear…. is not -him-. The demons of fear and jealousy that live inside me… that is what I fear. “Something I wanted? Just this…” Slowly, I move closer, and slide my arms around his waist. As always I want to be close to him. I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes to take in that smell of his.
[00:21] hajime: She embraces and I let her. Unable to move suddenly… I push her finally, “I have work to do, but I won’t be as foolish as last time.:
[00:23] hide: I nod. “Ah. Do take care… I’ll see you later?” I smile at him, the first time I think I’ve really smiled at him tonight.
[00:26] hajime: She smiles and I bend down just slightly to kiss her forehead. “Take care of yourself as well.” (OOC: exits)
[00:28] hide: “I will” I watch him leave. (OOC – end scene)