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Quick thoughts
I have told Hajime many times that to be strong alone is one thing, but that we are stronger together… I’ve realized this as true many times, but last night… I truly learned the meaning of that.
It’s not strength to hold back. I’m not -helping- anything by hiding when I’m hurt. I’m only setting up trouble for later because it will come out. I should have the faith to know that I can be honest with him and not loose him.
That I can be angry. -Really- angry, not just miffed or annoyed.
That I can cry. It doesn’t make me weak… it was such a relief, really. He just let me have my moment, to get it out, and to tell him… to tell him of that fear that haunted me. That he would leave me again.
I thought if I didn’t think about her I would be okay. Or that it made me a better person, I’m not sure. But she exists and I have to face that. Half-admitting it through a song was not the way to bring it up. Yet he responded to each part… and then left me another song. Words that speak for both of us, I think.
The promise I made to you when we got back together – that I would be more open with you – I am working on that. I’m sorry that it took so much to get me to make another step towards that.
With him I can never doubt that I am loved and needed. As he should not doubt that I love him and need him.
(OOC: Private post. She actually had me type this instead of scribbling it in pink pen.)