During that time?EUR? I was lonely. My wife couldn?EUR(TM)t find time nor understand what we were exactly. Perhaps what I did wasn?EUR(TM)t enough, to try to live normally even if it was a lie. She was kind but probably I knew that was all she was. A kind person who got stuck with a husband who was just less of a person, much less a father nor a husband. Perhaps that?EUR(TM)s why even if we shared a house, a bed and a marriage, we were at best, polite strangers.
It was under these conditions and frustrations that I befriended a few women and thought about them because, I just wanted to be with someone. During this time everything was just a joke. Nothing was ever serious. I just wanted company and she just happened to pop in. I was lamenting of a failing marriage and how nice it would be to start over again?EUR? Maybe even with someone else?EUR? And she tried to convince me to stay with my wife, while I played around and tried to convince her to be with me. Ah?EUR? I remember she stabbed her writer for revealing her obsession with my bestfriend. That was fine until the day we became risk takers and not only shared words but teased with ourselves as well. I was not serious and it did not go far enough for us to actually come to completion. Until one day?EUR? When my wife forgot about my birthday. It really didn?EUR(TM)t matter that Tokio did not remember to greet me. I wasn?EUR(TM)t expecting her to at this point. But something bizarre happened and I found myself in the comfort of another woman whom I called neko. We did not go very far then, but she let me touch her and that touch, I couldn?EUR(TM)t get enough. Until I finally decided she will be mine and mine alone.
That day I decided my best friend was dead?EUR? Eventhough I knew quite well how far that was from the truth. I will always see him because he is a part of her and a part of me. Because he was my brother and he was the first love in her life. In the back of my head I knew how dangerous this thing between us was. But I was desperate enough and wanted her enough that I could not stop myself even if I was playing with fire. There was only one thing I begged of her that night when we finally shared a bed?EUR? For her not to leave me. That was the day I knew a part of me could not exist without her?EUR? At least the new person I found myself to be cannot exist without Hide.
(OOC: Private post. May or may not be continued.)