…..

Hajime: Sorry hime-sama… Stupid kizu was fixing her MP3s earlier… *smiles* So how are you? Anything interesting you did today?
Hide: Good evening, Hajime. *smiles* The writer just dragged me around and bossed at people all day.
Auto response from Hajime: I am currently away from the computer.
Hajime: Oh… See what I mean? So now you know she can be rather wily… *smirks*
Hide: I blame the paint fumes. *sigh* At least she arranged so that we would still have an internet connection… five days would be very… long. *laughs*
Hajime: Oh? *smirks* Too long for your -other- projects ne?
Hide: -My- other projects? *looks at him, raising her eyebrows*
Hajime: *shrugs* Aren’t you going to ask me to come in?
Hide: Ah, yes, please, come in. How was your day? I’m sorry, sometimes our world just -starts- and I’m not sure -where- or when we actually are. *laughs*
Hajime: Yeah… I should -remind- kizu to be more specific… but I guess I always assume I’m outside… I do not -enter- other people’s houses if they are ones I respect.
Hajime: I don’t respect I mean. *laughs*
Hide: *smiles* I see. *stands on her tip-toes to brush a kiss on his cheek* Well, please come in…
Hajime: Why thank you… *bends down slightly and follows her inside*
Hajime: We seem to spend a lot of time in this house… ONe of these days… I shall need to take you out again. Though I have no idea where for the moment.
Hide: I will look forward to that… you are good at surprises. *laughs*
Hajime: *laughs* Not really. You’d be good to if you let what comes naturally… happen.
Hajime: *coughs* aside from… *cough* the other things we do… *grins*
Hide: *grins back at him* We do seem to keep ourselves… occupied, even in this house. *laughs* Or the garden.
Hajime: Oh… we shall not be trying that anytime soon… Although… I don’t mind if you’d drop by the precinct sometime… *smirks*
Hide: But don’t they just give you these -looks- when a lady comes to see you there? I think I remember hearing -something- about that…
Hajime: Ah… -that-… *grins* It’s because the ahous… well they have an overactive imagination because they do it themselves… or…
Hajime: *looks contemplative* perhaps they’re just jealous. *shurgs*
Hide: As they should be! *laughs, winks at him* Come, come… would you like tea? Or more of that coffee?
Hajime: I hate tea… Stupid Chou made me drink it today… *belch*
Hide: Ah, yes, I -should- know that by now, ne? I will have to start keeping -lists-…
Hajime: *laughs* I’m sorry… Whatever you have is -fine-. I don’t think you have anymore coffee anyway. that was just a few servings.
Hide: Oh, probably not. Or is it time for dinner? Again, sometimes I have -no- idea here…
Hajime: No… It’s the afternoon… I just stopped by to see how you are. I like spending afternoons here.
Hide: Mmm… it is good to see you -anytime-… but afternoons do seem to be our best times, ne? *smiles*
Hajime: Yes it is… (thinks: But morning waking up with you.. I’d rather start my day like that..)
Hide: I’ll be right back, then… *goes to kitchen*
Hajime: *opens the window and looks out.. starts smoking.. thinking*
Hide: (OOC – I have no ideas beyond tea. Gah. lol)
Hajime: (ooc: go with anything. LOL… be natural as the wolf said..hahahah)
Hide: *comes back out* Hmmm… I seem to have nothing -but- tea. *sighs, comes to sit down by him*
Hajime: *smiles* Japan needs to import more then… But it’s alright… Water would’ve been fine though, walking around the streets gets me dehydrated… but don’t get up i’ll get it. *leaves to kitchen*
Hide: Ah… I’m sorry. *smiles* But you come for my -company- anyway, yes?
Hajime: *comes back with a glass* Yes as -always-. *smirks* I’m the one needing company after all… *sits dwon beside her*
Hide: *laughs a little* No… I really do enjoy the time together. *takes his hand*
Hajime: *relaxes on the sofa* Good… *drinks* kizu’s been writing by the way… and… I particularly don’t like where it’s leading to….
Hide: Oh? Why? Throwing a lot of angst in the way? Or not liking the “married Hide” thing?
Hajime: No… It’s never been you that’s been the problem…. Somehow you always end up free..*sighs* It’s the ending I’m getting worried about. We’re supposed to be together you know…
Hide: That would be -best-… *squeezes his hand, looks away* Together in the end. *smiles*
Hajime: *drinks a bit more.. and takes a long drag on his cigarette* We’re not.
Hide: I see. I had… hoped otherwise, I guess.
Hajime: *takes another long drag then turns to look at her* You let me go…
Hide: *quietly, meets his eyes, then looks out the window* Because… because of … your wife?
Hajime: No… Because you… thought it was the best. *inhales longer than ever on his cigarette* And Tokio wasn’t even really… -there-
Hide: But… it’s not about the end… in your life, I’m about -now-, aren’t I? *quietly* I would only let you go… if somehow my presense in your life was something… bad for you. But that’s -me-… I’m not sure if that’s who Kizu is writing. *moves closer, head against his shoulder, holding his hand tight* It would be a very -hard- thing to give you up.
Hajime: Interesting… Because I’d never for a moment consider that was a solution if our roles were reversed. However… *shrugs* I guess she hit the spot then. Good for her. *puts out the cigarette and started smoking another* Hopefully your writer will do better.
Hide: Well, then I was rather -simple- to figure out, ne? Self-sacraficing. Giving up… but not knowing the situation in this story… *pauses for a long moment* I could not tell you. If that is to be our end – for me to do something like -that- … *lets his hand go, to put her head in her hands* I suppose I am a rather -faithless- creature, then. As you said, good for her. Perhaps my writer will do something else. I could not tell you.
Hajime: Faithless ka? Why do you say that? Kizu is prone to drama although I’m not sure if she’s got you correctly which is why I am asking. *looks away* Only you can answer -my- question. But it’s alright if you can’t.
Hide: That I love you… is at times a very simple yet a very complex thing. I do not question, I do not doubt what I feel for you… and… if it came down to it… I… I could not let you out of my life… I have you here now even despite… *sighs, shaking her head* I could not so easily give up that which is so dear to me. *lifts her head up to take his hand again* Do not doubt me…. what we have… there is -much- that is uncertain… but that is not.
Hajime: She speaks. I barely understood a word she said. Why is it that I just don’t? She takes my hand and I just hold it again. “Sumanai. It’s an uncomfortable subject. Perhaps we should focus on something else… Perhaps the blasted rpg and particularly the Choshu fans.” *scowls*
Hide: Did he even hear me… “Don’t push me away -now- over something that -might- happen, Hajime…” I lean back against him, trying to find some calm in just having him next to me. “Choshu fans? I saw that… of course, my preferences are for the other side…” I smile, trying to be light, trying to chase away the darkness of the last conversation.
Hajime: *in a very clipped voice* Do you listen? I just said that there’s not a moment I’d consider it. *closes eyes* Suma.. Suma.. It’s not supposed to come out that way… Ah yes choshu… No.. That only bothered me because they are bringing a different world into play… The term kat-chan was never used by the kogoro… It was the childhood name of the kyokuchou.. the one who saved me that time I first killed a man *shakes head* Can’t keep anything around there separate can’t they? And that woman… The woman whom I’m supposed to -love-… *shakes head*
Hajime: I don’t love her at all…
Hide: I think a -lot- of different worlds come into play… I think we all come from slightly different places, even though it was the same place. At least that’s what the writer mutters about. *smiles* But … they should not use Kondou-san’s name like that for someone else. *shakes head* No. And I know… some of what he meant to you.
Hajime: I shall need to beat Kizu and make her post about the Kyokuchou… Hah tonight… I shall gatotsu her until she gets up that lazy ass… *frowns* As for the writer of that… I truly think their energies are spent better if they post more in game. Such a long post and yet forgetting there’s other responsibilities. What the hell… *puts out cigarette and lights a new one*
Hajime: making his wife and son wait… *scowls* what with such a short post? *sigh* I suppose I should call myself lucky with Tokio posting longer.
Hide: I agree… and I would like to read more about Kondou-san. He was always so very -kind- to me. In funny ways. He helped me sneak around so I could watch you all sparring, you know, after my mother forbid me to after I was back in a kimono. *smiles* As for your wife.. I am sorry that she is not there for you more in the game. (thinks: I wish it could be me… stupid wish… but I would never neglect you so… or hold you at such a distance)
Hajime: My wife… That is so alien… *shrugs* I guess… Can’t you just go in there and replace her? *chuckles* As for the Kyokuchou… They are going to be in for a rude awakening… *narrows eyes* A man is not just known by his pen… If people think that during those times, we the Shinsengumi were not needed… Then they are sadly mistaken… For there were -many- opportunistic Choshu. The only difference was I lost the war for the Bakufu…
Hajime: I want someone like you Hide… someone who saw us.. and understood what happened… your family.. although they were far from the fighting… you saw us…
Hajime: *embraces her* Perhaps that’s why I’m with you now… You understood… or at least was privee to what happened inside…
Hide: *quietly* If only I -could-. You know that. *squeezes his hand* And -you- did not lose the war, you know. And yes… I saw you then… all of you… I was often seen as naive but I knew -why- you were fighting, that you were not murders in the street but trying to keep order in a time of chaos… some people see it too simply afterwords… and that is a disservice to both sides. *settles into his arms, leaning back against him*
Hajime: *buries his face in her neck. gritting his teeth. breathing heavily. not making a sound*
Hide: *turns to put her arms around him, running her hands through his hair, just holding him close…*
Hajime: *quickly runs his arm over his face. clearing dirt.*Maa… And all that talk about moving on… But with so many unfinished business… If only the shinsengumi didn’t have the “hatto”… If only we didn’t have a rule against vendettas… I could’ve gone in and gotten rid of them one by one…
Hajime: *lets go of her* Being a cop… Under the Meiji… When really I’d prefer just to be myself… But how to get my comrades peace weeding out those unfit if I wasn’t a cop? How to get a license to kill, those opportunist… This uniform is too heavy and Souji hates me for it.
Hide: Souji… is making his own path to make his life in these times… as you have made yours. What he is doing… violates no only the rules of the Shinsengumi but the laws of Japan… and you cannot kill all of those who wronged you, and your comrades… and even if you could… what would that solve? But Souji… do not judge your own actions through his eyes.
Hajime: I am… I am envious of Souji… He is doing something that I cannot do. Upholding the memories of our many fallen comrades. The Hatto even if it’s important… breaking it with that reason I can almost understand… As for Japan… Japan has a cancer that rots it to the core. If only Kondou-san was alive, I’d ask him what I have to do. *looks at her* What would it solve? The ever constant ringing in my ears of how bad our comrades in the bakufu were… And Souji has a right to judge, he did not choose to forget -anything-.
Hide: *quietly* I guess that I -couldn’t- understand, in some ways… all I can do is honor the memories of my old friends in my own ways… and for what others say about them… *looks at him* I’ve heard it. But… would Kondou-san have you killing? The man who believed so in makoto?
Hajime: Makoto and killing? Why of course… What are you talking about? *shakes head* We killed many men… And when we killed it was in the spirit -of- Makoto. For they were pests that needed to be cleared off the streets. Do not take Kondou for the man you knew while we stayed with you. He was… He knew when to make a decision, even if it meant killing someone. Perhaps he did not like making those decisions but he made them nonetheless. What impressed me about him though is that eventhough they were decisions that could turn a man to a demon… He came back to us the next day, smiling as if nothing happened. He was -very- strong…
Hajime: *narrows eyes* I need to go back to who I truly am… Back to my roots and the Shinsengumi… I need to find peace…
Hajime: It was a mistake to ignore and just blindly move on…
Hide: The darkness in him this afternoon… is almost overwhelming and… nothing I can say can reach him… “He was strong. And … ” I look at him, those eyes which already look so different… Suddenly I am afraid for him. “Hajime,” taking his hands in mine, “to move on is one thing. To not forget is another… but… ” I sigh, unable to think of how to reassure him, to give him something… to see out past what is gripping him now. “it was not a mistake. Please… don’t think that.”
Hajime: Her face… I am troubling her… I nod and take her hand and lightly kiss it. Whatever I do outside… She does not need to know. This will be the last time I will speak to her about such things for I see it in her eyes something misplaced. Old wounds are hard to heal and there’s no need for both of us to suffer. I look outside… The sun is no longer in the horizon. “I shall leave. Don’t think too much of what I said. It’s just an old howling.” Grabbing my hat from the table, I take the glass and place it on the kitchen counter.
Hide: I feel unsettled… at his sudden turn in his mood. The talk this afternoon has been to troubled. Following him into the kitchen, I put my arms around him, holding him -tight- for a moment. I must think of what he said… everything… but of all of the doubts he has, I do not want one of them to be about us. Maybe that… will be some stability for him while he faces larger questions. Pulling back, I say with a little smile, “you will of course be careful, right?”
Hajime: “As always… I will… There are too many things unfinished, that I cannot go peacefully just yet. You of course will take care of yourself in the interim.” I kiss her forehead lightly. Before heading out the door. “Abayo…” (OOC: abayo – old edo term for goodbye) <--exit wolf. Hide: I watch him as he leaves. I will have much to think about. (exit Hide)