They were all just lies…

Ever since after leaving Tokyo, I have noticed she has been so concerned about being “real”. I suppose it is something they call “In character”, I remember of course we were truely what they call “OOC”. Not serious and unimportant to the rest of the world. I never believed that because I am who I am. And I thought she was as well. Sometime I envy Souji, not the one right now but the different one I met long ago in Tokyo. His Hide was so much like mine, spirited and surprisingly “able”. I do not envy him because they were so different, indeed OOC Hide was my perfect match. She was like her and yet, there were things that she would only do for me. But that was a long time ago. What I do envy is that his Hide remained true to him, to the last. While mine… I do not want to say anything else. Perhaps because I still can’t accept it, that my Hide is no longer -my- Hide. She’s left me how many times now? Maybe Hide did die in a way. No. She’s very much alive, only now we’re more than worlds apart even if we do move in the same place. I don’t even want to touch the mother of my child, I’m afraid to touch her and find out she’s real and everything else that happened was real. I want to live back in those days… I want to move back to that place where I loved her… Where there was no time and place to speak of. The last time was Rome wasn’t it? But I no longer want to take this one, out of here. There’s nothing for me to show her right? I remember a long time ago she said she wanted to travel. I think I tried to make that come true but just like everything else I suppose it was rather unimpressive. After all didn’t we just visit around Japan and only one time out of it? I can’t possibly take her around the world like others have. And plants, the only two I know of really are lilies and tulips. Boring isn’t it? *chuckles* And about kindness, well another one will always be more kind, more cheerful and happy. I tried to be, ah but it doesn’t come naturally I suppose. The only things that really make me happy and cheerful is a bright blue sky and listening to the river. It’s too simple ne? She’s always been the one to do everything. I suppose I am -useless-. Well no not -exactly- useless. I did father Makoto. Heh… What a father I am ne? I didn’t even know when Makoto was born, nor if Makoto was a boy or a girl. *laughs hysterically and stops. lights up his cig and watches the tip*
I suppose we are equal now. It’s not like she’s the only one who did forget. Didn’t I try before to forget her and at one point I was very succesful. Maybe I’ll wake up soon and find that this was all just a dream. Maybe we never did meet and the one I did meet was Souji’s Hide. And Makoto is just the daughter I’ve always wanted to have because I already lost my two boys. *pauses and cups his chin* Well everyone lies. I lied that I never learned to love Tokio after all, the truth was I loved my wife dearly but fell in love with someone else who thought I was worthy. But I suppose I was unworthy after all.