Ueda:
Yagi-san leaves and I sit here facing the bright light made brighter by the shimmering snow. Unlike what Yagi-san believes, I believe this world is indifferent to those who live here. Indifferent enough that one can live happily and still be of no consequence or move mountains and meet with only failures. And one can always be lucky without a single sweat of one’s brow. There is no promise of reward after all but it can be doled out for no reason, nor are there guarantees of safety whether there is one guard or an entire army. Perhaps that is why she thinks happiness is something that has to be paid for later. What a way to think.
I close my eyes feeling my spirit extend out of my body and reach for a particular thread. We are all connected they said by a single thread and his though fragile -today- still exist. What is it inside you that allows this thread in my hand to not break and yet…
I follow where it leads to a small town by the sea. I’ve never been this far from Aizu, I think to myself as I’m presented to a house with a flower nursery at the back but it’s almost dusk and I’m suddenly inside a room with him sleeping upright against the wall.
“Awaken yourself.” I say sternly tot he sleeping figure. And slowly a shadow emerges from him, a grey wolf that snarls back at me and I stare it down.
“I am not your enemy.” I tell it. “But though that is your true form, I want the man who hides behind your wool.”
The wolf growls as it takes a step to confront me. It’s frothy mouth opening wide to reveal its very sharp fangs.
“You know better than to try to intimidate me.” I tell it and place my cane in between us while he immediately grabs at the end just like an animal would.
I pull my cane away. “You are a -man- Goro, not -just- a wolf. Awaken.” And just as I did with his son, I strike at him with full force which leads the wolf whimpering but immediately snarling back. “I don’t wish to hurt you. I’ve no wish to cause more you more pain than what is already there. But as it is, -this- cannot be left as it is. You -know- this.”
The wolf stops snarling and stares at me. Had I not known there was a man behind those eyes, it would’ve truly unnerved me.
“What do you want?” The wolf speaks but doesn’t change his form.
“For you to awake.”
“I do not wish to be disturbed.”
“You have a -duty- to the people in this place.”
“I do not care about the people in this place. I am a lone wolf.”
“You say that but a even a lone wolf desires a pack.”
“To which I’ve had several. All unsatisfactory.”
“I see. My daughter gave you up for our clan and failed to rear your first. Your ex-wife tricked you into marrying her by claiming she was having your cub so you would leave my daughter. And the last one gave you healthy children but that was all she wanted. She didn’t necessarily want you as yourself nor to let you have your rightful place.”
“So you understand old man. Unsatisfactory.”
“But even so. We all live with the cards we are dealt. -You- are not a God that can escape what is the normal course of all humans.”
“But I’m a wolf.”
“To which you are but you are not an -animal-. Only an animal forsakes others for their own sake. Only an animal will watch as another eat up another or let things rot until they are no more.”
The wolf turns and licks one of its paws. A licking of old wounds perhaps?
“I’ve no wish to take lectures from you old man.” The wolf replies putting down its paw and looking up at me. For a moment I’m tempted to tell the wolf that his cubs are in distress and that his mistress is breaking down. But would that move this wolf? What made him the last of his kind?
“Here in Japan your kind is the last. Driven out from the mainland to the far lying islands north of here, further than Aizu to the tip of Hokkaido and Kuril. In fact I hear your kind has been declared as an obnoxious -pest-, when once you were revered close enough to a God.”
The wolf glares at me but is quiet so I continue.
“A God that once found a beautiful Princess and so the legend goes it was from that union a certain people came to be. And in the end after hundreds of years has passed, up to now those people sing their ancestors praises.”
The wolf suddenly bears its fangs but not into a menace but what I could only say is a -wide- grin.
“Old man you are either senile full of rubbish stories or a wise man who runs his mouth off.”
“Whichever you wish.”
“I -like- your story however patronizing it is. -I- a God?” The wolf suddenly howls. “Go! I will -let- you leave this place in one piece. Go!”
I meet the wolf’s gaze, his eyes alight with much amusement, with much life. Was that all it took? For him to be as a God finding a Princess and a race of people descended from them singing them praises? I back away slowly and leave from there. I can only hope.