Fujita:
I’m not sure what I’m doing here but I throw the tatami room door wide open and a strong gust of wind blows past me. I almost shiver at the winter chill but ended up snorting. When did -I- ever get cold? I always dress for the occasion anyway, long thick coats in the winter when I’m outside. Unlike -that- idiot who’s still -probably- stubbornly clinging to his straw coat and hat.
I let the winter breeze in and light a smoke. Then flop myself down the red sofa.
Maybe I should just get the turtle? Ah no… That would be inconvenient. Let the ahou’s “protege” take care of the animal. Besides I’m sure the constant chewing would annoy me. I reach down the corner of the sofa and touch where the animal took a piece of the cloth. I suppose that -did- happen. If I had the opportunity back then I’d take to task my little girl for letting the animal out of her sight. It’s her responsibility. Well I suppose it would be the boy’s fault. He brought her the turtle.
With a sigh, i reach for the ashtray that I always had parked on the side table. It’s a tatami room. I’d hate to burn the tatami. I like it. It’s my favorite room in this house. Well I was hoping to like the new addition but I suppose I’m too old to change my ways. How old am I? My eyes narrow slightly before I ended up in a grin. What a -stupid- question to ponder. I’ll never grow old. Unlike -those- women. Ugh. Are they even women? I suppose her keeper can be called a woman, she produced brats after all… But the other? Now certainly that’s -not- a woman.
What is a woman anyway? I used to have one. I take a long drag and look up the ceiling and start making smoke rings.
I enter from another place, seeing him on the red sofa. I’d been… longing for him. In the place where time moves faster, it’s been a while.
It’s cold in here from the open but Tokyo cold isn’t as biting after Aizu in deep winter.
He’s smoking up a storm so I know he’s thinking. But he’s doing in here, on our red sofa. The one, if it could talk, could tell tales to rival fanbooks, of two people with an irresistible attraction who gave into it…
When did that end? I take a blanket out of the lower drawer of the tansu, where I always kept one for what happened after. Ah, to lay spent, entwined, drifting off to sleep together, our hearts still in rhythm.
Of course, it had been a long time since those days. Since it was just Makoto, sleeping solidly and obediently upstairs, A houseful I wanted, after all, I brought in Midori-san.
“Good evening,” I say, the smell of smoke heavy. I sit down next to him, and tuck the blanket around the both of us. Does Goro like this, to have a woman fussing over him? I think he did once. A long time ago.
The door opens. Did I expect it? But I can’t help but stare as she walks in. It takes me a moment but slowly I’m able to bring my cigarette back to my lips and take a long puff on it.. She goes straight for the tansu, I seem to remember her telling me she keeps blankets there and sure enough she takes one.
She tells me good evening and I nod my head. But she sits beside me and wraps the blanket around us.
“Careful.” I say, “I’m smoking. Either these blankets are going to smell later or it’ll end up having holes.”
I take the part that’s wrapped around me and put it back around her. “You seem a lot colder than I am.” Anyway…
He stares – is he surprised? Annoyed? Pleased that I came? But he’s hard to read as he goes back to smoking.
I grin a bit at his comment. “Don’t you know I like the way your cigarettes smell? I won’t mind it on the blanket.” I touch it, softly. “I used to keep the things left that smelled of you, you know, when you were sleeping. I would use it when I went to sleep, to try and dream of you…” I smile a bit. Those sorts of admissions, of longing and missing were once easy to speak of…
He removes the blanket from himself and puts it back on me. “I am cold, but if I have this blanket and you, I’ll be warm enough.”
I look at his face, and then touch it lightly. “It’s good to see you. It’s been a while.”
“They’re moonlights.” I look at the package, “Some guy in Yokohama gets them imported for me. The local ones are not the same.”
She talks about the smell and how she liked it. “I knew, at least back then when you’d steal my gloves and return them later.” I grin a little and ash my cigarette, “Well those were the old days. Perhaps you’ve learned your lesson. Nothing good would come out of…”
Then she touches my face. I suppose she hasn’t learned her lesson after all. “I haven’t shavedf in a while. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like I can grow facial hair as well as the Europeans.” Certainly Howard has that elegant moustache of his and the other one did too.
“Oh, what a nice collection of gloves I once had!” I laugh softly. “But those were not so much for the smell, but for the memory of you pulling your hand out with a -bite-…” He starts to speak about me learning something?
I rub my thumb across his chin, the bristly feeling… “ah, it reminds me of when you came home that afternoon after we’d been apart, with the doctor… I wanted to kiss you so badly that I didn’t even register what it was to feel it against my cheek.” I turn and shift so I’m kneeling on the sofa next to him, so I can put my cheek against his and rub against it for a moment. “You could have come home with a shaved head and a full -beard- and I’d still be ignoring the doctor to get to you,” I say, my breath against his ear. But it also reminds me of… how he didn’t look like anyone took care of him. Not that I ever shaved him, or cut his hair… but then, I suppose it was part of being ‘undercover’. Why does he look like this now?
“if that was the reason, I could’ve just told you to steal your keepers “moving pictures” and play it over and over again. You do understand that those gloves were standard issue and the poeple at the precinct didn’t like a former Shinsengumi captain to keep procuring a new set of gloves every few days. The rumors it started…”
I let out a breath pretending to be annoyed. “The only good part about it was they were at least clean when you returned them.”
She speaks of a spring that feels like many years ago. A time were I woke up from such a long slumber I thought I was dead.
“A shaved head…” I laugh a little thinking I did shave my head at one point and had a picture to prove it. “You wouldn’t like it. If you’d have given me a long coat I’d probably be mistaken for Jack the ripper.”
I can feel her breathing into my ear. I look down at my cigarette that’s already quite short. I can I suppose light another one, instead of…
I laugh. “-They- can drool over -pictures_ of gloves. I want real artifacts,” I tell him. “Mmm, what sort of rumors? That they were covered in tsuyu stains? That you had really sweaty hands?” I nod at what he says next. “Well, I didn’t want you arresting me for absconding with government property…”
I look at him, thougtfully. “Bald… hmm… I guess you have a nicely-shaped head, so you wouldn’t look like an undercooked dumpling. But the bangs… well, that’s your signature. I imagine you as a child with them, your mother fussing that your hair had a mind of its own.” He mentions Jack the Ripper, and I shake my head. “Oh, no, not that at all…”
He doesn’t make a move back as I make my move. Does he not… or not -get- what I’m doing, he’s so… stubborn. “I thought I could warm us both up.” I rub my cheek against him, and then trail kisses along his jaw. “Am I wicked in wondering how this stubble would feel elsewhere? We didn’t have much time, that May afternoon.”
OOC continue tom
or friday
“Rumors that I was getting them dirty for all sorts of reasons.” I look at her and raise an eyebrow. And one of those reasons were in fact true. I was using it on a woman but not in the sordid ways those fools think I did. I let out a sigh and drag on my now very very short cigarette as she talks about my head of hair.
“It would’ve been wonderful if these bangs -did- have a mind on it’s own. Maybe it can do some of the chores. After all someone thought my bangs were like strands of steel, able to do anything including “Spearfishing”.
She comes closer, much, -much- closer and like a cat nuzzles her cheek against my face and says something surprisingly unexpected. She wanted to… I put out my cigarette at the ashtray near me and decide to light another. “Ah sumana. I only came here to clear my head.” Which it hasn’t been clear in a long time. If what she wanted is what I’d have intended to do, I’d have gone straight to the bedroom and jerked off whether or not she decided to appear or not.
“You had a lot going on in your life don’t you? I’m surprised having a romp with some man you hardly know now is still on the list of things to do.” I chuckle. Besides doing -that- was generally a two way street, enjoyed by both parties. I suppose if I were in a better mood, I’d have obliged. “Ah sumana, that was harsh of me to say.” I look to the side and return to smoking. I almost wish there were others in this house aside from us, someone would’ve interrupted us by now and we wouldn’t have to talk.
He speaks, almost lightly, but with a sigh, first of his gloves and then his hair, referencing a famous “fanbook” of his. “Maa… you could perhaps train them to handle your paperwork.”
There’s no reaction to my touch, my words. He only wanted to clear his head. If the mood hadn’t shifted, I would have laughed. A man who wanted to clear his head would have come in and out at the same moment, as we do. Had this just been a smoke and think to oneself sort of moment. But he sat here, in a place open only to -one-. Me. Did I take bait again that I shouldn’t have?
Ah, they know me too well.
“Ah sumana, that was harsh of me to say
It is harsh. As if I’m negligent elsewhere. “I do have a lot going on, a romp with this man would have brought… something my life -there- is missing right now.” That frozen place… where there is some kindness but much danger. “I wanted to be rescued, to be sheltered and protected, to be cherished… you have your friends there in your stead for which I am thankful but what I need is you.”
“But mostly I wanted you to come across that snow and take me in your arms and take me back to the life we once had…” I sit back down, and look outside. That life? “I need you both.”
“If Goro thinks he must cleave away Hajime… to hack away the parts that hesitate, that dither, that are -weak-…” this house is quiet. Not like it once was. Probably, though, like it is nowadays – cold, abandoned. “But Hajime and Goro are not me and my sister. We were always two, and you wish to make one man two. It was hard enough for us, being our own person, and likely I would have faded away had you not… ” I let out a breath. “It’s not a clean separation, is it? Goro is Goro because of Hajime and Jiro and Denpachi.” What all has he left behind, and what all still endures? Justice. Yaso.
“You’ve always been a man of contradictions – a man who uses women, but once knew how to cherish and love one enough to change the world. A hardened survivor who still looks at the blue sky. A warrior and a lover. A man who could move with the times but who never forgot where he came from.” I stand up.
“A man has a right to change over his life but… you’re going to extremes. I can’t even give you the motivation to move again in Ito, much less… something -bigger- than the story we live.” I smile a bit. “I love you, Goro, even if that name feels unwieldy in my mouth, knowing it was used by others. But I love the Hajime side you’ve sealed away, too. Not because you’re the ‘mean’ one and he’s the ‘nice’ one.” I shake my head. “You are both yourself, all of my favorite parts -and- the parts that are difficult. You are never simple, even when you want others to see you as such.”
“But I’m asking this knowing that I’m the biggest reason why… why this happened. I made promises, once, and tried to live them but I couldn’t quite.”
I look down. “I’m making speeches again, but… I want to move forward with you.” I then raise my eyes back to him. “And I think… there’s still something left, something true and real, because… of this.” I lower my hand to my abdomen, which hasn’t changed at all since time isn’t moving, but it’s there, tiny and fragile. “Our third.”
I am thankful that my friends, rather comrades in arms before have taken the mantle. And I knew they would even if they probably know by now that the danger isn’t really there. Not even if -he-, the misguided one has come looking for me. He won’t find me there and would promptly leave. “I am glad you allowed everyone to go and stay in Aizu.”
I wave my hand as she starts talking about all those names. I don’t care about all those names. I used them as I saw fit andn abandoned them when they longer suited my fancy. Why the other one won’t move in that other place, well he is -weak-. If it was me, I’d have finished in a week what is taking him months. Just like he’s locked me away and hardened himself into a stone… I grin slightly, maybe he’ll take more than a year now that he’s become but a mere statue, it would be ironic should the stone merely fade away. Yet that would be convenient. I take a drag of my smokes.
Motivation? Can’t give me motivation herself? Has she actually -tried-? Or was the seduction part of -that-? I don’t say anything about love. Love is… a fool’s errand. I know it and as for her, she should know it by now.
But she looks down and I stare back at her, my eyes starting to narrow. I think… this maybe… what I…
And her hand goes to her stomach and I know. Of course, I’ve suspected for quite a while and she “felt” different the last time. Fuller. Tighter in some places. Just like when we still did it even with Ai still inside.
“That one was in the last few days of him being in the house. In that bath.” I say, slightly tapping my fingers at the end table. Remembering the time my mind was finally made up to leave. I waffled for the longest time, making excuses, doing -odd- things like staying here in this room and even, well him succumbing to -me-. “I’ll say this about him, he’s quite the potent one.” I grin at her slightly.
I wonder would she be disappointed again this time? I did horribly on the first but did somewhat fine the second time around – though I don’t know, not really. But this third? So how do one get the other one back responsible for this back?
“You should tell Akane, so she can relieve you of your duties in the house. And tell the old man, so he doesn’t give you a hard time.” I think a bit more, “No need to tell Kanbee, he’ll just tease you.” Well me, if I was there.
I am glad you allowed everyone to go and stay in Aizu
Another one lands, and I don’t flinch. Of course, I only -allowed- it after being dressed down by his other woman. As for the rest I said? He says nothing. He’s tired of my talking and no action, and my self-serving -need- to just talk.
And at my news… he denies, of course, being the father, his eyes narrowed.
“That one was in the last few days of him being in the house. In that bath. I’ll say this about him, he’s quite the potent one.
“It was the night at the teahouse,” I say, quietly. “You were there when my sister…” it’s still hard to talk about, “after he let his heart give out again. But you sent him back in the morning, before I woke. I don’t think he would otherwise.” I shake my head. “But it’s all… for all that you see yourself as -two- you’re -one-. Sometimes some sides of you show more than other times.” I lean forward and touch his head. “I’m sorry I tried to make you two, to blame Goro when it became hard. But I know now, it was you, a long time ago, and you’ve never gone away.” I kiss his forehead, softly. “I make many, many mistakes. I need you as well, to be a part of the whole man.”
I pause. “The only place I saw two of you was that cabin, at the edges where death meets life, where the river now runs grey. I saw both of you, then. Called to you, even, but… another has watch over you there, and asked me kindly to leave you alone.” I should have asked Yaso-san more, but the favor she was giving me that night was already too much. She could have as easily let me succumb to that place.
“I’m not accepting part of you, the Hajime part. I want -all- of you. If I could have been content with a part of you, your face and some of your wit, I suppose your writer would have made such a man for me to walk off into the sunset with, not even the Hajime who doesn’t even speak anymore but an even paler copy. To get aversion of you who keeps his eyes always closed?” I mimic the tight smile, the closed eyes. “Just as you could get rid of me, should you have chosen that.” There’s too many others, who make more sense or are more fun or more wise or just -easier- for him. Or even keeping these places open -at all-.
And he… gives orders to pass onto others, and I nod. To ease my path, to make my exile in Aizu more comfortable. It’s still there. The request to Akane could have been just to ease my physical burden, but the rest… I know. I hold my hand against my stomach for one moment longer, to ask that little spark of life its forgiveness for what I have done to its father and what I’m about to do.
“Your children deserve their whole father, one who will treasure and challenge them. And as for I… I won’t accept less. I demand all of you for me. It won’t always be easy or fun or kissing but I want all of it, the complications and trouble and drama. All of it.” He demanded all of me, once, but my sister was not mine to give, although I’m now healthy enough to carry our third because of her. Long after the Wilderness, he got me whole.
He’s not that simple. He never has been. I accept that now.
“So there’s my gamble.” I smile, blinking back tears but my eyes fixed on his. “Double or nothing.”
My hand leaves his face. I have a cold place to be, and as for him? I look back to him, one more time. “May I see you soon. If one or both would like to see me before then… well, I’m here.”
I hope my gamble pays off.
(OOC – Hide will exit unless stopped)
Hajime:
“It was the night at the teahouse,” “You were there when my sister…”
Ah. I nod my head slowly. Realizing what this -truly- is. Can I blame her for confusing who she was with that night? But she said it herself in that carriage… -No-. Rather the way her eyes changed when she realized who was staring back at her. You win again… Fool.
“That was quite a moment wasn’t it? Having a last minute romp, right after declaring we should separate. I never did understand why you wanted to that minute.” No in fact I did know why. She knew it was him in the room. But no need to tell her how wrong she is. Though I suppose if I were to tell him they have another one on the way, maybe that would get him moving. It’s difficult waiting for justice to be done. I should’ve done it myself.
And she tells me she won’t accept -that- man Hajime and yet won’t have me either. Doesn’t she understand I stopped wanting to be accepted a while ago when I left the house. And as for the children, well at least one of us tried to shoulder the ongoing obligations and responsibilities although, Takamine never really said anything about the children’s schooling or I suppose alimony. I had to be content that whatever it was that was being done was just -fine-, after all she was perfectly capable of surviving on her own income.
“Double or nothing.”
“You’ll probably end up getting nothing.” I tell her truthfully. It’s one thing to tell me. It’s another to ask him.
“May I see you soon. If one or both would like to see me before then… well, I’m here.”
I don’t answer her question. “I’d be called a cold man if I let you walk out when you’re all crying like that. Although I feel like I should be having the gut reaction, not -you- after dropping that kind of bombshell on me.” I turn and light my cigarette. “Your keeper won’t have time for you for around a week. Maybe take that time and compose yourself before going back to Aizu. You can stay here if you wish and clear your head.”
I should’ve offered her more but that’s all the grace I could give this woman who never could recognize who I was. Not ever. Should I tell him then? His child is on the way? I bet he’d come running back. He’s the sort who cannot abandon his children after all, especially not one that is still unborn. Tch… But what kind of motivation is that? I turn and ash the cigarette now lost in thought.
(OOC: Hide can stay or not. If she stays and intends to continue the conversation, it can continue when you get back. Or she can leave and close. Or she can stay and also fade to close (aka no convo).)
I lean over and kiss his lips, briefly. We’re both too caught up in our own truths right now to make anything happen. Two… or three? stubborn people.
“I’ll see you soon,” I say, before leaving.
(OOC – close)
I get a kiss goodbye and I’m reminded of why I came to be in the first place. I started it all, all those years ago and now… It is my -duty-. A part of the…
“I’ll see you soon,”
“Of course.” I reply as she leaves.
I finish the last of my cigarette and vacate the space.
She’ll see him soon. Of course.
(Ooc: close)