I think it’s the middle of the night but Yukiko-san wakes me up and we’re going to Aizu! Right now! I’m supposed to help and pack my things.
But then I remember something very important and I ask Yukiko-san but she just looks at me! So I go and find oniisan but he’s already not in his room (it’s so messy! Yukiko-san said I can’t leave my things messy and we even put away the futons!) so I go downstairs. He’s there with Midori-san and they’re talking quietly.
“Tsutomu-niisan! Yukiko-san said we’re going to Aizu, but what are we doing about kame-sama? It’s too cold for him to be outside and there’s no food inside, and,” I say, lowering my voice, “he will -poop- -everywhere-.” I love him SO much but I do not like cleaning his cage in the mornings.
Midori-san glances at Tsutomu-kun. “Why don’t you see if your friend Kenji-kun can watch him?”
My mouth falls open, “oh no no! He’s not careful with anything! His notebooks are torn and his pencils break and last week his pants…” I shake my head. “He’ll probably throw Kame-sama! He needs to be treated -gently-!” I look at my brother. “Didn’t you make me promise, to take good care of him?” I look at him. Maybe he has an answer, he’s -very- smart!
I leave Hide in the bedroom. I could chastise myself for being a coward or maybe just being a -bastard-, but that’s precisely why it needed to be this way. After all a man who can’t uphold his beliefs is better off dead.
Closing the door, I hear voices.
“He’ll probably throw Kame-sama! He needs to be treated -gently-!” I “Didn’t you make me promise, to take good care of him?”
Makoto…
“We can’t take him. Just leave him here. It’s just a turtle Makoto.” Tomu answers a bit miffed. But I hear my daughter argue, not wanting to leave her pet unaccounted for. I sigh a little. -Of course- this would happen, so I enter the kitchen and find all of them there with their bags except Makoto of course.
I go to my daughter and pat her shoulder, “Do what your Onii-san say. Leave Kame-sama here. I’ll make sure he’ll be fed.”
Tomu glares at me and I think he wants to disagree. He doesn’t believe I’ll do it and he’s probably right. But he doesn’t say anything more knowing that this is the only way for his sister to go.
“Well then all of you, come outside when you’re ready.”
“Yes Uncle. We won’t take long”
Yukiko bows and I remember something. I didn’t buy her a ticket for Aizu and it seems the extra ticket I did buy is going to the Nishino girl.
“We’ll have to buy you a ticket to Aizu at the station.” I tell her. “Sumana.”
She shakes her head. “No Uncle, I’m looking forward to “visiting” Uncle Sohma in Mito.”
I look at her and even Tomu turns his head towards us. She avoided saying that she’s leaving for good and likely because Makoto is here. But she -is- offering to go and -quietly-.
“I’m sure your… Auntie is going to miss you. Make sure you tell her before you go.”
“Of course Uncle.”
She smiles and I know I’ll miss this niece of mine. I bow to her slightly. “Thank you for all you’ve done for us.” Words were never enough but that’s all I can offer right now.
Uncle thanks me and I shake my head as he bows. I -loved- my time with them, after all I was mostly alone in Akashi. And I learned a lot here, from Yagi-san. And now, I feel confident I can do well with Aunt Katsu’s family too. “I’ll be sure to let Uncle Sohma know, you send your regards.”
He gives me a grin but I’m worried about him as he turns to go outside. For a moment I consider telling him about Aioi-san to lift his spirit, what she said but I decide against it. She’s not what he wants and what he probably needs right now he’s unable to reach for. Like me, I suppose the Yamaguchi curse is real after all.
(OOC: Saitou is exiting to smoke outside. You can assume Yukiko told Hide she’s still going to Mito Ibaraki. You can also forward to the train station if you like. The train to Aizu actually makes a stop in Mito so they’ll all be dropped on the same platform.)
(Makoto)
Do what your Onii-san say. Leave Kame-sama here. I’ll make sure he’ll be fed.
I look up and it’s chichiue! I run over and hug him. “You’re not going?” I ask, confused. “You don’t have to stay behind, just to take care of Kame-sama, chichiue!” And Yukiko-san isn’t coming either, she’s visiting other family? This is all very very confusing. Who takes a trip in the middle of the night?
Well, we did that time, when we left Ito… I go into the tatami room and go and talk to Kame-sama. He’s very smart.
(Hide)
Ai-chan is groggy after having been woken up, and I’m still queasy from earlier. I was the other night, too, but everyone insisted that I eat some of the Christmas cake, even though I don’t like too many sweets, so it was that.
Hajime is promising to watch the turtle? Considering he has some work to do, it’ll probably be the work of Shindou-san. I take a piece of metal from my obi. He left his key here, too. I hand it to him. I remember when I gave him a key before, so long ago. Trying to act casual, while my heart was beating so fast I thought I would pass out… and he took it, and used it, and came to me, over and over again.
I hand him the key, “you’ll need this.”
Makoto makes one more declaration of affection to her turtle, and then runs outside at Tsutomu-kun’s call. Midori-chan follows, with her bags and Makoto’s.
“Will you come for us when it’s over?” I ask. Would he? “I’d like you to,” I say, as Ai-chan makes sleepy noises of complaint on my shoulder. I step, and lean against him. “I don’t know what to do… but I still love you. I’m not as good at it as I thought I was… but you’re still my world, the center of my heart. I know it’ll never be easy, but we have a lot to heal from, and we can help each other, like we once did.” Maybe now he thinks it was never true, never real, but it remains so to me.
I don’t want him facing her when his eyes look like this. I kiss him, softly, whispering his name in the way I say it, as our lips part. I saw him just dismiss another woman who cared enough to bare her claws for him, and know how badly he ended with things with Tokio. Why do I think I’m different, that I can make the river reverse its flow? I’ll believe in the love that’s in my heart forever
I part from him, and look around the house one more time, the only sounds coming from Ai and Kame-sama. “Let’s go,” I say.
We’re at the train station too soon, Makoto’s head already dropping. It’s quiet at this time of night, only a few trains before the rush of morning.
I note with disappointment that the vendor stalls are closed. I didn’t have any ginger tea prepared at home to pack, and there’s none here. Instead, I breathe the cold night air and try to steady myself. “Come on, there’s our platform,” I tell everyone.
“you’ll need this.”
“Of course.” I look at the key. I left it on the table in the tatami room that night I left. But I guess I do need it for the turtle, though I’ve still yet to figure out what to do with kame-sama. But they’ll not likely be back here and I’ll have to find the turtle some other place to stay.
“Will you come for us when it’s over?” “I’d like you to,”
She asks something I don’t have an answer to. I had thought sending word to Aizu once it’s all over would be enough and they can move on. She kisses me and as always I find it hard to end it. But she does and calls that name that she liked, that man. My old self I suppose. I step away and let her look around the house. She’s making sure nothing important is left behind. After she did so, she goes and I lock the door behind her…
After which it’s a short carriage ride to the station and it’s cooler this morning. Everyone gets off and so do I, touching the animal that brought all of us here. “You did well.” I tell the horse and secure it to a tree.
“Come on, there’s our platform,”
I watch as they get on the platform. Hide looks over to the vendor stalls but it’s too early. I didn’t think much of food, the children may get hungry on the train.
I go near them. “You’ll be in Aizu a bit after breakfast, but there’ll be a few shops open by that time.” I say more to the children. “Tomu you know where to go right?”
He shrugs and looks away, “We’ll manage.”
“Thank you. Well go get and reserve your seats inside. It’s first come, first serve and you should all sit together.” I glance at my daughter Ai who is soundly asleep on her mothers shoulder. Such a good baby, -still-.
“We’ll take care of it Uncle.” Yukiko bows and helps take the bags into the train along with Tomu and I suppose his girl now.
I look at the children, my son, the girl, my makoto-chan and Hide carries Ai. I put on my cap as a cool wind started blowing. I remember a scene like this, years ago now but not in -this- time. It was a nice sunny day and I let her walk away, I didn’t know who she was to me back then but I tried to hold onto her. Now it’s dark and I know what she and the rest are to me, but now I let them leave.
I light a cigarette. It won’t be long before the conductor starts shouting to get everyone on board.
(OOC: Saitou will stay on the platform until the train leaves. He wants to make sure their departure goes without a hitch.)
(Makoto)
“Wait chichiue!” He’s putting on his hat and lighting a cigarette. Does that mean we’re going soon? I grab Tsutomu-niisan. “We need to go say goodbye! He’s going to miss us while he’s gone!” I’ve missed him so much already since he left.
“Come on,” hahaue says. She looks at oniisan, he’s taller than her now I just noticed! “I know… it’s not easy between the two of you. But the dreams you had… how they made you felt…” She pauses. “It takes more than one to bring him home. He needs you, too.”
(Hide)
What it must have been like, to live with two people he couldn’t reach? Both stubborn and headstrong… and although Tsutomu-kun is young he’s beginning to get old enough to not claim the obliviousness of childhood anymore. His father hurts him. There’s much to be mended. But if it all ends here, where does that leave father and son? He’s so proud and stubborn, they’re too much alike… but I can still see the hurt in this young man’s eyes. He’s not yet learned to hide it -entirely-.
Makoto’s already run over. I hand over Ai-chan. “Go on, then, take your sister too.” I look over at Hajime.
“We need to go say goodbye! He’s going to miss us while he’s gone!”
“Trust me. He -won’t-.” Makoto tries to pull my arm but I don’t go.
And then it’s Yagi-san who talks about “dreams” and bringing that man home? They’d be better off if he -never- comes back. I can only give her a shrug and refuse to take Ai-chan and instead go back to where Yukiko-neesan is, holding on to our seats. She needs more help with all these people.
Makoto comes running and I smile at her. “You forgot something or did you come to say goodbye?” I ruffle her hair a little. “Take care of your mother and sister, alright Makoto. You’re a big girl now.”
I see Tomu’s gone inside and the conductor coming our direction. Must not be long then. “Now go back. You wouldn’t want the train to leave without you. Aizu is a beautiful place with its lake and surrounding mountains. You’ll have a good time.”
(Hide)
Tsutomu-kun resists my heavy-handed attempts at forcing a last-minute… if not reconciliation, at least a start. But Makoto-chan gives her love to her father.
“Silly, not goodbye, we’ll be back soon from our visit!” She beams up at him. “Then I can tell you about Aizu, maybe I can even get to see Tsuyoshi-niisan!”
I should tell her, he doesn’t want us back here. He’s done with me, and by extension, the rest of us. Or at least, that’s what it seems like. But it’s so hard to see past the hurt of his words, the action we’ve both taken.
That was a question once, if my love was stronger than the hurt? And I am hurt, after so long of this. Feeling lost and unsteady. I’ve questioned everything I’ve done and felt. And here I am, taking a train out of his life, taking everyone else with me.
I touch Makoto’s cheek. “Go and get settled. I think I heard Midori-san say she brought some treats from her ‘stash’, so go claim some before your brother gets them all.”
She gives Hajime one more hug, “Take care of kame-sama!”
I put my arms around him. Leaning my face against his chest. Smelling him as he smokes, the memories… “you have the only key to the house. I don’t have any other tokens to give you….” the wedding rings are long lost, along with his watch. Our fine gold is exchanged for a prosaic piece of iron. “I love you. We’ve hurt each other… but, I still love you, and I want to be loved by you again. I want to come home to you… but you have the key now. You can let me in or not. Now is not the time for promises…” or -speeches-, stupid Hide… I kiss him. This time, not soft like earlier, Not rough or claiming… but I am taking what might be the last one.
I let out a small chuckle as Makoto tells me “not goodbye” but I stop at the mention of Yoshi. “If you see Tsuyoshi, have him take you to his favorite “Ramen” place. Yoshi isn’t as crazy for sweets like you and your onii-san.”
Hide tells Makoto to go back, that there’s sweets waiting for her. I pat Makoto’s head one last time and make a request, “Kiss Ai-chan for me.” I whisper after she reminds me of her turtle and then goes running back to the train.
I watch my daughter’s back, not really meeting Hide’s eyes as she embraces me. And tells me I have the key to the house and no more tokens. I thought the key was for kame-sama? But I suppose now I know what’s it really for, a return. It always turns out like this doesn’t it? But it’s -fine-. Nothing I did was ever good enough. Everything was a god damn -failure-. -Idiot-.
We’ve hurt each other… but, I still love you, and I want to be loved by you again. I want to come home to you… but you have the key now. You can let me in or not. Now is not the time for promises…”
But we kiss and it’s not as I imagined it to be and I avert my eyes as -I- end it. I thought I could show her some tenderness or even kindness in these last few moments but I suppose I’m incapable of that now. I couldn’t give enough. I’m still that man she has no idea what to do with. And I remember the reason -why- one relinquishes a choice and gives it to another.
So I tell her the truth instead, “It’s always like that isn’t it Hide? It’s always -my- choice.” It’s the same whether here or -there-. It’s the -same- everytime I think maybe we can… I shrug a little at the spurn and end up smirking, “Maa. I suppose I should be thankful. It’s not often I get the privilege nor the opportunity.”
My lips thin. That’s not what I wanted to say. And it’s not how I wanted us to part, but it -is- how we are parting. “Get on your train, the children are waiting. Try to get them to sleep so they don’t think about being hungry. There’s some food stalls when you get to Aizu.”
I turn away and go back to the horse removing its shackles from the carriage. I need to go -now- and a carriage would only slow me down. I’ll have to go back to the house for the turtle. But with my luck, maybe kame-sama is either gone or dead. Whichever doesn’t really matter.
(OOC: Saitou is exiting. You can close he’s pretty much gone.)
(OOC – close)