I didn’t eat much. I wasn’t hungry so I excused myself and headed straight to my room. It’s been quiet without Eiji-nii around. We didn’t talk much but I liked him being around. It’s so quiet at night now. But father probably sent him off so he doesn’t have to bother with Eiji-nii later or perhaps he just didn’t want Eiji-nii to see what he -actually- does to people like my mother and Yagi-san.
With a sigh, I take out the tsuba that I’ve been carrying around like it was some talisman. It’s nothing but a piece of metal that’s scuffed all over. Why I thought it might bring me goodluck is -stupid-. I toss it to the garbage. That’s where that belonged.
I try to go back to what I was doing, which was reading about history, my most -hated- subject in school. It’s like they’re erasing Aizu or at the very least aren’t really mentioning the war or that Aizu is from a long line of Tokugawa servants and is the true home of the Bushi. I try to scribble some notes but I’m not up to it. So I put that to the side and pull out that document he gave to me before he left for Aizu. This is official right? How do you tell?
(OOC: If anyone wants to interact with Tomu this the thread but don’t be surprised if you get a glare.)
(Hide)
I go upstairs with a cup of milky coffee. The coffee is lasting longer than I’d thought, but only Tsutomu-kun drinks it. I also balance a plate with a couple of sweets…
“Knock knock,” I call out, with my hands full. “I brought you a snack.” He’s been quieter since Eiji-san left, and it seems only Ai-chan gets his smiles these days.
Yagi-san calls and I push the pieces of paper to one corner of desk quickly… Then I stand up from my desk and open the door. Yagi-san has her hands full so I go ahead and take the plate from her.
“Thanks.” I say and go to the desk placing the sweets there. “But you didn’t have to Yagi-san.”
Why is she here? I smell coffee I guess that’s for me? Only -he- and Eiji-nii would drink real coffee but I don’t mind it.
I hear rustling papers before the door opens, and he takes the plate from me.
“Thanks. But you didn’t have to Yagi-san.
I smile at him. “You must be working hard up here, I thought a little refreshment would help. You didn’t eat much dinner,” I say, with concern coming through in my voice. He doesn’t look ill… but even sisters and a good friend can’t do much, sometimes.
I look around his room, it seems lonely without EIji-san’s things, even if he was so tidy that it wasn’t obvious that he was here. I glance at his desk, and then see in the trash basket… something holding the papers down. I lean down and pick up… what is only his father’s tsuba. I give him a look, one of my own sadness, but also for this child left behind -again-. I can endure, in time, but him? How much more will he be asked to?
“It’s heavy,” I say, my fingers tracing it as I once did when Hajime let me hold it before. “But the weight isn’t just the iron, is it?”
I try not to sigh as she lets me know she noticed I tried to skip out on dinner. “I’m not very hungry.” I go ahead and pop a mochi in my mouth. Can’t let that go to waste. And it probably tastes good with a little coffee so I go ahead and drink that too. The coffee can stand to be a little sweeter though but I don’t say anything and I go sit back down.
She bends down for something and when she straightens up, she gives me a look. I guess of disappointment?
“It’s heavy,”. “But the weight isn’t just the iron, is it?”
“Ah it must’ve fell in there.” I lie but watch her as she traces the tsuba with her fingers. What for I wonder?
“I usually just leave in on here and as you can see, this desk is a bit of a mess.” I go back to the dessert. At least -that- is -good-.
He tells me he’s not hungry, but immediately goes for a mochi. “Makoto-chan has great expectations for you in the city kendo tournament, so you need to eat to keep your strength up,” I say. “I knew one swordsman who subsisted on sweets but I think he was the exception rather than the rule.” I think for a minute, it’s a stretch to the budget, but… “I’ll cook beef more often.” I know he likes that.
He tells me about the tsuba and gives…. excuses? I nod, knowing it’s too heavy for that. “It’s seen a lot,” I tell him. “I suppose an accidental fall into the trash is the least of it.” I put it back down on his desk.
His desk is a mess, which isn’t unusual. I see one thing and reach for it, a drawing. “Did Eiji-san make this?” I ask. The mountains look familiar – Aizu?
“Don’t waste your money. We both know you can’t possibly be well off enough to be cooking beef often since he ran out on you.” There I said it. What is she thinking -wasting- money when we can simply have tofu or vegetables?
She puts the tsuba back on to my desk and doesn’t ask anymore. Which is -good-. Besides I can always just throw his things away -later-.
And suddenly she’s going through my papers! My eyes go wide, realizing I hid the Ie there. She takes the papers and with a sudden move i shove her hand out of the way, tipping over the coffee! Quickly I try to swipe the liquid off the desk trying to prevent the papers from being wet some more. The pictures of the mountains I was able to rescue but the rest are half soaked with coffee.
“Oh no…” I say a bit horrified. Did I just destroy the Ie? He told me to keep it safe…
(OOC: Hide can decide to ask more about Eiji’s stuff or notice the Ie. The Ie is essentially the Fujita family document. If you need more of a description LMK.)
Don’t waste your money. We both know you can’t possibly be well off enough to be cooking beef often since he ran out on you.
I’m surprised that he thinks like that, but… he probably had to deal with it -before-. I only say, “an occasional dinner of Nikujaga won’t break the budget, since we can use vegetables from the backyard.” I am touched by his concern, even the way he says it… well, he has been here before.
He’s probably going to try getting rid of the tsuba again. Telling him that this means a lot to his father… I know not to go in that direction today. Besides, I defended Hajime every time in our past conversations… instead of -listening- to him.
As I pick up the picture, Tsutomu-kun suddenly -reacts- and there must be something on the desk that he doesn’t mean for me to see… but he ends up spilling the coffee.
“Oh dear,” I say, taking the towel and napkin from the tray, trying to mop up the worst of the mess. The artwork that started this is fine, but some others are soaked… I start to pull them out. “If we lay these out they’ll dry, otherwise they’ll stick together…”
It’s then I catch sight of a document written very formally, and I see the kanji for Fujita. “Is that… an Ie?”
“an occasional dinner of Nikujaga won’t break the budget, since we can use vegetables from the backyard.”
“Suit yourself.” I can’t really control what Yagi-san wants to do. I still think it’s a bad idea anyway but I won’t be wasting beef if it’s right there!
And now the coffee is on the tabletop and dripping to the floor and half of the papers are soaked. I can’t help but scowl and grimace at the same time. I’ve destroyed the Ie haven’t I? But Yagi-san starts going through the papers again saying that they can be dried.
“Is that… an Ie?”
I let out a sigh. I guess there’s no sense denying it and she already has it and now it’s wet and likely -ruined-.
“Yes it is.” I’m tempted to swipe it away from her but it’ll likely just -destroy- it more.
(OOC: The Ie’s date is the the day before they went to Aizu to see Ueda. The “updated” Ie has Tsutomu denoted as the 1st born son and will be the head of the Fujita house on his birthday in May of next year, Saitou is noted as guardian/former head. Yaso is noted as 1st wife deceased. Tokio is the second wife but divorced and can no longer inherit the house as the former head chose his 1st born son “of age” as head. Eiji is adopted by Tokio to protect the 1st born son. Tsuyoshi is shown as 2nd natural born son but exited the house. Makoto and Ai at the bottom of the footnotes as “private births/shiseishi” and acknowledged by the head of the house (Fujita Goro) for future inclusion if so desired.
The Ie is described in the following posts if you need to re-read it. https://hajimenokizu.com/blog/index.php/2022/01/31/a-piece-of-paper-after-midnight/ and https://hajimenokizu.com/blog/index.php/2022/01/25/lawful-transitions-at-the-home-ministry/. I know that the registration of Makoto/Ai to the Yagi house may be incongruent with some of your later post but that can be chalked up to bad record keeping, though according to my research all births are required to have a house and it’s the hospital/midwife that does the registrations automatically.)
I grab a shirt from his laundry pile and use that to mop up the floor and what is left on the desk. The papers…. how much coffee did I put in that cup?
He admits it is an Ie. I glance over it, seeing Makoto and Ai’s names on there. But what stands out… is that Tsutomu-kun will be the head of the Fujita family.
He’s really going to… I close my eyes. If he’s running to death or just -ending- he’s still wanting to do it properly. And with me locked up in this house and all -outside- avenues closed… even if I could get to him, all I have are words from a woman who he believes never loved him. But I have to do more, I have to I have to…. but now, there’s another in front of me.
My voice is quiet as I look at Tsutomu-kun. “This is an important piece of paper, but the ink isn’t running – these things are written up specially.” I look at him. “I can help you dry it out, if you’d like, along with the rest of what needs to be salvaged.” I look to the other bed in the room, the one Eiji-san vacated – that will work. “We need to lay them out on a sheet, to dry, first – one side and then the other.”
This is an important piece of paper, but the ink isn’t running – these things are written up specially
“Oh good.” I look at it and the ink hasn’t been smeared! The paper though will be discolored but that’s not what’s important.
I can help you dry it out, if you’d like, along with the rest of what needs to be salvaged
She points to the bed, that we can lay out the sheets there. So I take Eiji-nii’s drawing and lay them out. I don’t care about the others that’s just unfinished homework. But as for the Ie that Yagi-san is still holding…
“You can lay out the Ie here.” I point to the space I left. “He told me to keep it safe. I’m supposed to speak to Makoto when she’s older if she wants to join the house.”
Of course he asked me that because he was going to desert. I shrug. It’s better to turn my attention to Eiji-nii’s drawings. It’s mostly landscapes but a couple catches my eye. There are picture of the Himura family including that Yahiko… But another drawing captures my eye since it’s the only one done in color. Doesn’t that look like Yukiko-nee-san with that pink shawl she sometimes wear?
I lay out the papers carefully, and he seems relieved that the Ie is safe.
He told me to keep it safe. I’m supposed to speak to Makoto when she’s older if she wants to join the house.
I smile at him. He does love his sisters. “I’m certain she will – she always knew she was missing a father, but after having met you she found that she needed a big brother, too.” And this gives me hope that no matter what happens next spring, that he won’t abandon Makoto and Ai, even if he goes away.
I look at the pictures he’s laying out. “I knew he drew, but not this much or this well…” I say. There’s the Himuras… I wonder why he never drew us?
But then I see another, that Tsutomu-kun is looking at. “Is that one of Yukiko-san?” I ask. Her pretty shawl is very distinctive.
I’m certain she will – she always knew she was missing a father, but after having met you she found that she needed a big brother, too.”
“That’s nice but too bad for her. Her father turned out to be just another good for nothing bastard.”
She looks over the drawings and comments on the colored one. “I think it’s her. Too bad he never gave it to nee-san.” And he’s gone now so. “Well I’ll turn these over before I go to bed. Thanks Yagi-san.”
Her father turned out to be just another good for nothing bastard
“She still loves him.” As do I. But I look at him. “However, I know you honor her innocence, and I’ve never heard you speak ill of your father to her. For that… I thank you.” Will he be there some day, when he needs her? Or will he only offer a name? I’d like to think their bond will endure.
I think it’s her. Too bad he never gave it to nee-san.
“It’s a lot, this room with paper with others’ regrets,” I say softly. And mine as well… “But take care of them, ne, Tsutomu-kun?” I brush his hair back, just a light touch, but I know he doesn’t like those gestures. Like his father, he must feel that they’re empty coming from me. Neither will understand how I love them. I was so busy trying not to step on his absent mother’s toes that I never made my own trail to him, to understand -his- needs.
“Goodnight.” I gather up the remains of the failed snack. “Try to sleep soon.”
(OOC – you may close)
“However, I know you honor her innocence, and I’ve never heard you speak ill of your father to her. For that… I thank you.”
“It’s more I don’t want to argue. She’s still a -child- after all.”
She does that thing again and I look to the side. It’s weird.
“Try to sleep soon.”
She leaves and I should say something. “Yagi-san thanks for… the sweets.”
Because save for the coffee that almost ruined everyhing, the rest was good.
I go back and sit at my desk but after a while I go up the roof even if it’s cold. I won’t stay long.
(OOC: Close)