Hajime:
What was it that made me take this thing out? I ask myself as I stare at the now cold round metal. It glistens in the morning sun, -pristine-. She told me before what the problem was with it that it was unworn and needed to be used and show some wear. Too late for that now…
The door suddenly opens and quickly I wrap back the ring in the old tenugui but I didn’t have time to actually shove it back into the drawer. I leave it on the table and instead quickly stuck a cigarette in my mouth.
“You!” I wince, immediately -knowing- that voice and she slams the door shut and locks it.
More quietly she goes up to my desk and slams her two hands on the table.
“What were you thinking?” She asks as she leans over. “After all -that-. Ito and Kyoto and it still ends up like -this-.”
I blink as I look up, her contorted face only a few inches from mine. “What do you have to say for yourself Hajime?!”
But I have -nothing- to say. I’ve not had anything to say in such a long time.
“Aren’t you going to do anything?” She leans back and crosses her arms, “Say anything? That’s so unlike you.”
She ends up flopping herself down on a chair, uninvited I might add. “Yuunosuke warned me about this.” She shakes her head..
“I saw the reports you know before coming here. I was wondering what in the world was happening with you and I find out that you tried to kill yourself.”
I’d correct her. It wasn’t so much as killing myself. I just needed a little -rest- to figure out what to do next. But the damn doctor and Kawaji kept me alive, probably for their own purpose, because what else could it have been? I didn’t have a reason to live anymore. A man who cannot uphold his beliefs is -pathetic-.
She stands up again and goes to where I’m sitting and inspects me all around. “Well at least it seems, you won’t go killing yourself anytime soon. You look to be in good health.”
“I -am- in good health.” I finally manage to say. Generally good health until this wretched head and chest pain rears its ugly head. I still can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. Closing my eyes for a second, I’m able to center myself and put on a grin and then meet her eyes. “I’m glad you came Saya but I’m sorry to say there’s nothing to see here.”
Saya:
“Nothing to see?” I glance back at him, he’s finally managed to change that blank expression on his face. It took him a -long- time. That’s unlike him. He’s always “On”, never -Off-.
“Yes.”
He lights a cigarette. Finally. Another aberration that took him a long time to do. And although I came here to really get on his ass and -punish- him, I found myself… “Ne Hajime. I don’t know what happened but are you -absolutely- sure about this? This isn’t like Tokio you know, she shut you out.” I look at him, just smoking there, “I think Yagi-san still… The mere fact that you can still have a celebration in the house, with all of you there.”
He sighs and ashes his cigarette, “You shouldn’t make a judgment call based out of one observation Saya. You’re better than that.”
“And you’re better than this! Leaving an entire family behind for another woman!”
He blinks surprised.
“Yes. Yes I -know-. Yuunosuke told me all about it! That’s why -you- left.” I hiss and slam my hand again on the table but as I was pulling my hand away I catch on something and it falls on the floor. A piece of old cloth? But from it rolls out a gold ring, that glinted in the sun! Hajime quickly retrieves both and stuffs it inside one of the lower drawers and I follow him with my eyes.
“What was that?”
“None of your business Saya.” He says grimly at me. His demeanor suddenly changing from the grinning cop to a dark, almost angry one.
“Let me see it.” I say. I know what that is. I’ve seen westerners wear them, the ones who are married. “Is that yours.”
“No. I confiscated it from an -idiot-.”
I sink back down to the chair. The idiot is probably him, otherwise he’d not have quickly retrieved it and probably would leave it on the floor until the janitor comes. Yuunosuke… He’s right. I can’t reach my friend but I was also once his lover and I -want- to reach him. So…
“Tell me Hajime. You said I shouldn’t judge so quickly. So how long has this been going on? Is it because of Yagi-san’s kidnapping in Osaka?”
He shakes his head and sits down, the angry expression leaving his face. He shakes his head.
“Earlier then? The last time I saw you was when we were closing up the Tanaka case.” It can’t be because of that is it?
“I don’t know Saya. I just realized after so long…” He pauses, “One night I came home and realized it but then Hide was kidnapped and all I could think of was getting her back.”
I remember, how he looked. He looked worse for wear, running around Kyoto all wet in the rain. I thought it was just that though, that he was hot on her trail, not that there was something else.
“And you got her back. In fact she looks even better than before…” Which is a miracle considering how we found her in the hospital.
He looks away. “Isn’t that swell?” He shrugs and closes his eyes. “No… That’s -not- right. I’m -glad- she’s well.”
“Yuunosuke was keeping me up to date you know. You two looked very happy and no one in Kyoto would’ve ever guess there was an issue.” Though I knew he wasn’t willing to let go of the case, especially after I confirmed to him that the woman called “Mama-san” managed to be found not guilty by the Osaka police. Letting her son Hayato take all the blame and so we locked him up in Kyoto. There was another he was hot on, a politician named Miyagawa but he’s far from our reach. I wonder was it his inability to close everything that’s caused this? “It’s the kidnapping case isn’t it? You’re blaming yourself for that? It wasn’t your fault Hajime even if it did happen and we’re still working to bring everyone involved to justice.”
Suddenly he looks me in the eye, almost piercing. “Whether Hide and I are together, they -will- be brought to justice Saya.”
He means it. But it scares me, -how- he means it. So I return his look, “Just don’t do anything stupid. And not a scratch please.” I’d laugh, that’s our old inside joke but it’s hard to be light about it when he’s so damn serious.
He leans back and lets out a long breath of smoke above his head. “It’s not like we didn’t try. We did. I stayed in the Tatami room for a month or so trying to decide whether I should leave the house after she found out that I had another woman.”
“She didn’t immediately kick you out after finding you were unfaithful?” I blink. She must’ve really wanted him then. If it was me, I’d kick him out.
“I never was able to move her.” He says it so quietly as if I’m not even here. Then he looks at me and grins, “She wanted to be a good girl, -I- called her a Saint back then.”
“I don’t think you should find that amusing.” I reprimand him.
“Everything that happened after…” He looks away again, “If I didn’t find amusement in it, would’ve killed me.”
I’d have reminded him, that the reports -did- say he tried to kill himself. That he was experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. A strong man like him, I never would’ve believed it.
“Is this woman you’re with, is she like me?” I ask. “Or is she like Yagi-san?” If she’s like Yagi-san, I’d tell him how -flawed- his thinking is. But if more like myself, then he should leave her. After all the reason I stepped aside after all was because I -knew- I couldn’t provide all that Yagi-san could.
“I suppose more like you.”
“You should leave her then.”
“No. I -need- her.”
I can only look back at him. His jaw set firmly and those eyes that seems to look through me as if I wasn’t even there. What does -that- even mean Hajime? Why do you need another woman? And who is this woman? Where does he keep her?
“Fine.” I stand up, “But like I always say, do -not- do anything stupid.” I tell him, but it maybe too late for that. I leave for now but I’m -not- done just yet.