He’s gone before I wake, and I wake early as Ai-chan wakes me. But he was in my bed -some- of last night, at least. We shared each other again…
I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. Does it matter?
But he couldn’t with the other woman. Or didn’t. Either way, it didn’t happen.
He also lied when he said that I wasn’t worth it.
And…. he loves me. I can tell it in his kiss, his touch. Our physical relationship has renewed even as the rest falls apart.
Why is it so easy there? To be open, to be vulnerable? To ask for what I want… all while time is ticking away. Our last weekend. We found our place outside here again, but is that enough? Something to rebuild on?
I sigh, and look away to get dressed. It’s time to make breakfast, and get the children to school.
(OOC – anyone can interact with Hide in the house or on the way to and from school)
(ooc someone will post tomorrow on the way to school)
Kaoru:
I took Kenji to school and I’m very surprised to see Yagi-san not only take the children to school but she seems to be moving well! Actually more than just well but it seems she’s much recovered. Isn’t that quite a miracle? But I thought Megumi-san said she wasn’t herself?
“Yagi-san! I’m so glad to see you out and about.” I run up to her as she exits the school grounds. “Usually it’s just Yamaguchi-san here and she’s much too quiet!”
(Ooc let me know how much kaoru should know about Megumi’s encounter with the shadow. And also how much or if the subject of Tokio should be discussed.)
(Hide)
I’m saying goodbye to the children, smiling as I watch them heading into the school grounds.
Yagi-san! I’m so glad to see you out and about.
I turn, and recognizing the speaker, I smile. “Himura-san!” I say, as a flash of red hair runs past me yelling “byehahauei’llseeyouthisafternooncanwehavecake?”
I nod at her comment about Yukiko-san. “She’s like her uncle’s family, but she’s been a great help to me. She’s at home with the baby so I don’t have to take her out in this wind.” I do want to talk to her… “Do you have time? There’s a place we can get tea, just over there.” I’d like to warm up before doing my marketing…
(OOC – Megumi would have written a short letter to Kaoru indicating that Hide seemed ill in both mind and body but not talking about the shadow. She has talked about her care of Tokio in the past but this time only states that she’s been unable to see Toki since she was told about the divorce – and yes, she mentioned that. She’s still a kitsune!)
Yagi-san and I continue walking as she tells me what a great help Yamaguchi-san is. “I can see she has a good head on her shoulders. Smart almost like Sai…” I stop. When did I ever think Saitou was smart? Not at all! And the problems he’s been giving Yagi-san. Sheesh!
“Do you have time? There’s a place we can get tea, just over there.”
“Oh morning tea.” I giggle. “I must admit Yagi-san, I don’t get to go out for morning tea or with a girl friend lately since both of my good friends live far.”
We sit down and the owner ask us what we’d like. I leave the choices to Yagi-san since I only know of regular tea, nothing like what she’s used to. She always have excellent tea at home.
“Misao-chan is back in Kyoto, still running the Aoiya.” I say, “Oh and my other friend Megumi-san is in Aizu.” I take a more discerning look at Yagi-san. Megumi said she seemed ill in both body and mind but that’s not what I see. Suddenly I put my hand on Yagi-san’s forehead to check her temperature. “You don’t seem ill…”
Smart like Saitou? I hold back a laugh, I’ll have to tell him that one…
I must admit Yagi-san, I don’t get to go out for morning tea or with a girl friend lately since both of my good friends live far
I smile at her excitement. “Well, I don’t have a lot of friends, so this is nice.” A sister-in-law that I get along with these days… my sister is…. gone.
The owner asks for our order, and I glance at the menu. “Gyokuro, please. And some rice crackers?” Gyokuro being less bitter… the first morning tea should be more bracing, but now, for sipping with friends? It’s a good one.
She fills me in on her friends. So Misao-san returned… well, she couldn’t stay here forever, dealing with our issues. I know that the shadow interacted with Megumi, but it wasn’t… me.
I look at the shadow I cast from the window… my sister took care of that too. Whatever power that the shadow once had is now… gone. It’s now a normal, non-threatening shadow.
I’m taken from my thoughts as I feel Himura-san’s hand on my forehead, her eyes full of concern. “Oh, thank you, Himura-san. I’m well!” I laugh a little. “When Hajime and I came back from Aizu, we visited an onsen that did much to restore my health.”
She agrees that having tea just with a girlfriend is nice. I’m so glad! I remember when she was so uncomfortable being around me but now… Maybe there is hope.
The owner comes back with our tea and rice crackers and I don’t need to be told to help myself. After this I have to do my dojo rounds so I need to fill up, even if it’s just crackers.
“When Hajime and I came back from Aizu, we visited an onsen that did much to restore my health.”
“Really?” I don’t mean to doubt her, “I guess Megumi must be losing her touch as a doctor. She’s been through a lot but she told me you were ill both in body and mind. She told me that Saitou dumped you just like he did when he visited with his wife, running away from her. Are you sure everything is OK Yagi-san? It’s just like him to leave you to fend for yourself all alone. Thank goodness my friend Megumi was there so you had a place to stay!”
Himura-san goes to the crackers, and I catch the owner’s eye and he comes over. “More crackers, please, and do you have any seasonal specials?” He tells me about persimmon wagashi that he just started making, and I order that. I smile across the table at Himura-san. “I don’t know about you, but mornings are so busy, getting everyone fed and out of the house that I don’t get to get more than a few bites.” That and I still have an increased appetite, or is it just my normal one restored? I also don’t want her to feel bad about eating most of the first order of crackers!
“Oh, I’m certain she’s still a good physician, Hajime and I just present interesting cases,” I say, wondering what -all- she told. If I know her… probably a lot.
She told me that Saitou dumped you just like he did when he visited with his wife, running away from her. Are you sure everything is OK Yagi-san? It’s just like him to leave you to fend for yourself all alone. Thank goodness my friend Megumi was there so you had a place to stay!
I blink at that, and nod. “I was heading home first, but the train became blocked by a landslide, I think it was?” I sip the tea, and thank the proprietor when the next round of snacks arrives. “Thankfully she was there, there’s no ryoken or guesthouses for ladies in Aizu.” I look away, before adding. “And yes, we are separating.”
To turn things away from my …. illness before it gets into talks about -shadows-, I take another sip of tea before telling her something that may ease her mind. “Okita Souji has died. He was offered exile, with your friend Sagara-san helping him and my sister to settle, but he declined quickly soon after the ship left. My sister was able to leave the ship with him so that he could be buried appropriately.” I smile at her. “So you have no need to fear that shadow of the past.” In that… we share common worries. Unusual ones, in these peaceful times, which is why neither of us have many friends maybe?
Yagi-san orders more cracker and sweets. Was I eating too much? Oh no Tae-san would be so disappointed that I’m not being much of a lady! Carefully and casually I put back some of the senbei. Ehehehe…
“Oh, I’m certain she’s still a good physician, Hajime and I just present interesting cases,”
I wave my hand. “Oh I’m sure! It’s very hard to get to know you and Saitou, especially Saitou!”
But then she tells me she and Saitou is separating? “Saitou certainly is going all out isn’t he?” First Tokio-san just like Megumi said and now Yagi-san… I wonder what he’s up to but then I remember what Yagi-san told me before that he had a mistress! “I bet he’ll tire of his new woman Yagi-san and he’ll regret leaving! Hmph!”
Okita Souji has died. He was offered exile, with your friend Sagara-san helping him and my sister to settle, but he declined quickly soon after the ship left.So you have no need to fear that shadow of the past.”
I look down, “It’s true Yagi-san that I’m glad Okita is no longer a threat. He would’ve been a serious threat to Kenshin, just like Saitou was… or is.” Then I look up to meet her eyes “but he was an important friend to you. I’m sorry that he wasn’t able to live and be part of you and your sister’s lives.” And I do wonder did Saitou even care about him? The last i remember he led Okita away like a common criminal.
“Please help yourself, Himura-san,” I say, offering her some of the sweets. “It’s always exciting, every year, to taste the treats of the season – Kyoto cuisine is very much about seasonality.” I take a bite of one piece, and, like most sweets, it’s a bit much for me. But, if there are leftovers I’ll take them home where three children will devour just about anything I bring home…
And good, she’s not going to press further on my medical issues that Megumi may have reported.
Saitou certainly is going all out isn’t he?
I raise my eyebrows. “What do you mean by that, Himura-san?” All-out? I know I’m missing a chunk of what happened in Aizu thanks to the shadow. What else is changing?
I bet he’ll tire of his new woman Yagi-san and he’ll regret leaving! Hmph!
I sip my tea… it’s nice to have a friend. “Well… I don’t know if she’s as much as an issue as I am.” I look at her. For all my lamenting… I think any advancement she makes into Hajime’s life will be her doing, and not his. “I’d… like to have him back, there’s still love there.” I run a finger around the edge of the teacup.
I can see relief on her face at my news about Souji. “He was very ill, but dangerous in spite of that. But he was very unhappy, and as an old friend, I’m hoping how he’s found peace.” That’s all I want for him, a man who saw surviving into the new era as a curse and didn’t know what to do with himself… but at least he had a loyal woman by his side.
Kyoto cuisine is very much about seasonality.”
“It’s been too long since we visited Kyoto but the sweets certainly reminds me of it!”
What do you mean by that, Himura-san?
I glance back at Yagi-san as I’m popping a whole wagashi in my mouth. Yum! Yahiko will like this. “Didn’t Megumi-san tell you when you stayed at her place? Saitou was seen running out of Tokio’s house and his wife was screaming at him half naked.”
I sigh a little, “Tokio hired Megumi-san as her doctor and per Megumi, Tokio has had a rough time of it. Depression and manic episodes that is heightened whenever Saitou appears. It seems Tokio thinks they’re back together and Saitou takes advantage of this. I’m sorry Yagi-san but the rumor is that Saitou spent some time alone with his wife not only this time but whenever he visits Aizu. The servants all talk about it. Whatever he’s doing can’t be good for Tokio or at least Megumi is convinced he’s hurting Tokio.”
I’d… like to have him back, there’s still love there
“Well with how I hear he’s been treating his wife… I’m not sure you should even if he were to be innocent of any “advances” by his other woman.”
I’m hoping how he’s found peace.”
“That’s all we can ask for.” I agree with Yagi-san. “I guess he wouldn’t have many who would miss him.” I can’t help but shrug.
I’m glad as she starts to eat again. I nod, “Kyoto has many fine sweets, but I think my children prefer the Western ones here in Tokyo,” I tell her.
I listen as Himura-san tells me of what happened, or at least, Megumi’s version, with Hajime and Tokio in Aizu. “He’s been trying to get her to agree to a divorce. She’s been refusing, which… at one time, presented complications.” But could he have been using… I don’t know. I wouldn’t think so, but the one who went to Aizu with me, the ruthless one… I smile again at my tea, and then look at her. “But I was told, that all along, he could have divorced her without her agreement and without a court case. I thought that was the law… but there’s still so much I don’t know, that I should have asked and pushed about…”
Well with how I hear he’s been treating his wife… I’m not sure you should even if he were to be innocent of any “advances” by his other woman.
I look at her, remembering those letters. “I don’t want to air Hajime’s personal life regarding Tokio… but back then, she was very unhappy with her life, of being a housewife. She would run off… and he’d go after. She’d leave the boys with neighbors…” I sigh, “yet he wanted her back, for the life they had together. But instead, she belittled him, told him that… she was with Hiko Seijuurou. How she eventually ended up back home, and then back to Aizu, I’ll never know.” I sigh, “it was a bad marriage on both sides… and with his other woman, I don’t think it’s like it seemed.”
I guess he wouldn’t have many who would miss him.
“My sister…” I blink, a bit. “My sister, she would have. But she’s gone too.” I smile a bit, “but they’re together, now, and she got to hold his hand this time until the end.”
“Kyoto has many fine sweets, but I think my children prefer the Western ones here in Tokyo,”
“I know. Even Kenji is bringing home different colored sweets everyday. Sometimes I worry, some of those colors look -unnatural-.”
“He’s been trying to get her to agree to a divorce. She’s been refusing, which… at one time, presented complications.”
“Is that right?” I look thoughtful for a minute, “I’m not sure who to believe then, since Megumi-san did tell me Tokio is utterly convinced that they are back together. Well if that’s not true, I still trust Megumi-san when she says whatever he’s been doing can’t help a person with a mental disability.” The truth was I feel sorry for Tokio, now that Megumi explained to me her condition. Not haveing a supportive husband in the time that she needs him the most, makes me unsurprised that Yagi-san is left hanging.
she was very unhappy with her life, of being a housewife. She would run off… and he’d go after. She’d leave the boys with neighbors…” I sigh, “yet he wanted her back, for the life they had together. But instead, she belittled him, told him that… she was with Hiko Seijuurou. How she eventually ended up back home, and then back to Aizu, I’ll never know.”
I can only listen, my mouth gaping. No wonder Hiko-sensei seemed to get involved with Yagi-san. Was this, because Tokio-san still ended up with Saitou somehow? Hiko-sensei had always been a -sore- loser.
“I’m sorry about Hiko-sensei. Now I see why he’s been pestering you.” But if I’m her friend I should tell her the truth of what I think… So I do. “Yagi-san, if the marriage was bad and Tokio-san hated her life. It probably led to her mental health issues today, which means Saitou is partially responsible for her state today, even if he’s no longer his wife. Whether he’s using her or being mean to her… From Megumi-san’s perspective as her doctor, it’s not good. Not good at all.”
But Yagi-san suddenly looks emotional as I dismissed Okita. It’s her sister, she’s mentioned her to me before in passing. It was hard to believe but obviously it was true. “I’m sorry about your sister.” I say the only thing I could even if it was a platitude at best, “The heart will heal with time.” I missed my father for the longest but even that wound healed after enough time passed and of course there was Kenshin.
Sometimes I worry, some of those colors look -unnatural-.
I laugh at that. “However do they make things -blue-? And why?” I was afraid that I was the only one, and here she is, younger than I… perhaps I’m not so out of date?
whatever he’s been doing can’t help a person with a mental disability.
I sip my tea. “Himura-san, I’ve read her very words. Mentally ill or not, she was cruel. His words show a man who wanted to make a marriage work – even at the cost of his own pride – and you know how proud he is. I know that as his former… mistress, the other woman, I’d like to see him blameless in the breakdown. He wasn’t, I’m sure. But he took the burden of the failure, to all of you, once.” I look down, thinking of the letter writer that she quotes so freely, the same woman who was once Tokio’s biggest supporter. “His letters show that he was willing to give me up, back then, had she asked. He wanted her…. to be the… light of his galaxy.” She wouldn’t understand the gift of a song, after all.
She takes the news about Hiko with some surprise, which in turn surprises me. “I’m not sure entirely of his motivations. I was told once, that he’s a teacher, and came with a lesson for me.” My smile is a bit wry as I add, “but I covered my ears and eyes, not daring to listen.”
Whether he’s using her or being mean to her… From Megumi-san’s perspective as her doctor, it’s not good. Not good at all.
“No, it’s not good, Himura-san. But as close as Hajime and I…. were,” I struggle, putting things into past tense even as the memory of him last night is still so -fresh-… “I wasn’t in that marriage. Just the two of them. Two people who were very unhappy with each other, and… brought out the worst in each other. Only in their sons… do you see the promise their union was constructed to bring.” They were worth it, but in their own turn, suffered for their broken home. But for as much as I dislike Tokio for… being a block to my happiness, for if her drive to madness was original a contrivance or something that happened naturally… I have my place in it, as the other woman.
I’m sorry about your sister. The heart will heal with time
I touch her hand, for she seems to speak of a sorrow she knows. “Thank you, Himura-san. We were at odds -often- but in the end she showed only love – to Souji, to Hajime and to me, as well.” I look at my healed hand.
“However do they make things -blue-? And why?”
“Blue is a pretty color but red… Now that’s a color I like, like of passion Yagi-san.” I laugh.
She tries to defend Saitou. I can’t really blame her for doing that, even I in my way defend Kenshin. But the difference between Kenshin and Saitou is, Kenshin’s humility. “You’re right to call Saitou a proud man. In our dojo many years ago he was willing to throw his life away in a fight that he was losing to Kenshin…” Suddenly I shake my head, “No… It was a fight he was losing against Battousai.”
He wanted her…. to be the… light of his galaxy.”
I almost spit out my tea. “Light of his galaxy?” I make my best effort not to burst out laughing. It’s so inappropriate with the seriousness of our conversation. “Saitou has always been a weird guy. Giving us women weird names like Tanuki, Kitsune, Itachi… I thought that was the height of it…” I end up chuckling anyway. Oh no. I’ve never been able to contain my expressions unlike Kenshin.
She talks a little bit about Hiko-sensei and I only nod. I don’t know if Hiko-sensei would ever be back but I wonder would anything actually change if they meet again?
I wasn’t in that marriage. Just the two of them. Two people who were very unhappy with each other, and… brought out the worst in each other.
“That’s exactly right Yagi-san!” She wasn’t in it. And I’m glad she’s started to talk about them in the past tense. Maybe she can move beyond it. It’s only hard in the beginning. Just like letting go of her sister. “Well they certainly seem to bring out the worst in each other. Megumi told me that several weeks of hard work on her part was undone with Saitou’s one hour visit. She said it’s better if they never see each other again… ”
“But I know you said you read her words, but wouldn’t that be many years ago? Megumi thinks that if he actually treats Tokio better or nicer it maybe good for her.” I sigh, “Megumi thinks him coming up to Aizu just to tell her they are over didn’t help Tokio’s mental situation at all.”
It’s then that I hear the gong of a clock and I look to the side. “Oh no Yagi-san, I have to do my training rounds.” I stand up, “This was very nice. Let’s do it again.”
And it’s then that I remember, Kenji was going on and on about cake but it wasn’t really cake he was clamoring for… “By the way this Sunday, is it true that you are having a party for Makoto-chan?” I stop short of inviting us over but I guess for Kenji I’ll ask. “Is it just your family?”
She likes colors of passion? Huh!
No… It was a fight he was losing against Battousai.
Would he have thrown his life away? He had his reasons, officially. And then his reasons as a man.
Light of his galaxy?
Her reaction is one of amusement, but… it’s not cruel. Just incredulous. “There’s a lot more to him than people suspect, he’s…,” I smile, softly, “a very loving man. And that’s… one of his ways.” I grin up to her. “Your husband has his ways that I’m certain only you see.” As a young woman growing up in Kyoto, he was the fearsome Battosai, the great rival to my then-perhaps-boyfriend. And now… he seems content as a house-husband.
I listen to Himura-san. “Then perhaps it’s best that he broke it off, so she can move on?” But -over- and -divorced- are different things… “She had been refusing to end it for so long… even though she left, at least at one point.” I sigh. “And she has a friend in Takani-sensei at least.”
Are they divorced? I can trust Himura-san, but any word from Megumi, through Tokio? I frown, troubled. Remembering Sir Howard’s words.
But time has passed and we have other things to see to… and she asks about Makoto’s party. “Oh, certainly Kenji-kun may come. She doesn’t seem to have very many close girl friends…” I sigh, having asked her this morning and gotten an elusive answer. That’s on my list as well, to find another school that’s cheaper than Futaba since government schools aren’t an option for “outside” children. Maybe she won’t mind… but for now, she deserves a good party. I smile. “We’ll have a good cake, for the children.”
Your husband has his ways that I’m certain only you see
“Not just me Yagi-san. Kenshin is a good father and a good man who is able to protect those within his sight.”
Then perhaps it’s best that he broke it off, so she can move on?
I shrug, “Who knows Yagi-san? I’m sure you agree it’s concerning to Megumi to see Tokio-san in such a state. Even if Saitou was running away from his half naked ex-wife who he just spent an hour alone with. Whatever he was doing, trying to convince her to call it off or maybe he was being seduced?” Or I don’t mention it as it might upset her, was he the instigator? I’ll have to ask Megumi precisely what she saw!
Oh, certainly Kenji-kun may come.
I bring my hands together in a clap! “Kenji-kun will be so happy!” I probably need to bring something… oh yes! The kids always loved my fried popcorn chicken! “Chicken Kaaraage. I’ll make sure to bring those.”
Waving goodbye to Yagi-san I go on my way. I tie my hair to a ponytail, time to beat young men!
(Exit kaoru)
I had meant something more … personal, but perhaps they’re just not like that? And she sometimes, in between offering advice, seems a bit girlish, still?
Whatever he was doing, trying to convince her to call it off or maybe he was being seduced?
Like I’ve been doing with him? That he’s been giving into? After refusing me how many times? Is that… how he just makes it easier? I just…
I can’t selfishly wallow in this anymore. I repress a sigh. Himura-san has already made Hajime the villian in this.
But she is pleased with the invitation to Makoto’s party.
Chicken Kaaraage. I’ll make sure to bring those
Those… black rocks? That look and smell like they came from a volcano and not hot oil? I smile, widely. “Oh, yes, they’ll be delighted, thank you so much.”
She’s gone quickly, on her way in her life of purpose and meaning. Meanwhile, I go off to order a cake in preparation of Makoto’s day. Hoping they won’t be expensive. I still have to figure out a nice kimono for her, and Hajime’s right… the ones I wore at her age not only won’t fit, but they’re neither stylish nor speak to my daughter’s spirit.
(OOC – close)