Aioi:
Yesterday was wonderful… Is that what “normal” should feel like? I could get used to it.
So maybe that’s why I told him not to bring anything and instead here I am in the market. He’s an easy one to please when it comes to food some Inari sushi and Soba. It’s getting cooler so I asked the Soba-ya owner if this tsuyu can be used either hot or cold. He said it was meant for cold but if I wanted it hot, I just need to add water to it. 1 to 8 parts of tsuyu to water. I can do that… I think.
Eventhough he didn’t spend the night, he left much later and he actually spoke to -me-. Not just -at- me. There was no talk of his wife, nor his fake one but we still spoke about our upcoming “operation” – he called it. And not once did I feel those eyes undress me which is a change for him. Although of course I just couldn’t help but -try- to distract him. It’s a woman’s thing, especially our kind to know if we can break such men down and how far we can take it.
“Oh excuse me.”
I turn and there’s a young woman in front of me.
“Yes?” I smile at her.
“Your hair ornaments are so pretty.” She exclaims, “They look quite expensive. Where may I ask did you get them?”
“Oh I’m afraid far from here.” My hand goes up to touch one of my hair pins, the same very expensive ornaments that kept me prisoner in the brothel houses. “I’m originally from Kyoto you see.”
“Oh so you’re a Geisha!”
I smile and start to correct her, that I’m a Tayu but then I remember these days people don’t remember a Tayu but they remember the Oiran – the high class prostitute and young girls like this one only know of the “Geisha”, once our servants – now has become more popular as they were “cheaper”. Who knew if they provided relations on the side. I merely smile and bow slighly and move on.
Is this all I’m giving him tonight? I wonder what else in the market can I offer? I guess I can always offer myself.
(OOC: Aioi is out and about. She’s overdressed for the market but not dressed like how a Tayu would be, so she’s mistaken for a Geisha. Anyone can bump into her. If no one does eventually she’ll post a reply here with her at home.)
(Hide)
I leave the jail and hail a rickshaw, but then the driver mutters on about going “out of his area” even though he agreed to take me all of the way. I sigh, paying him and get out. But I did what I was supposed to this morning. Went to therapy, getting a lecture first from the good doctor about skipping lessons, and another, later, about trying to do too much. He doesn’t understand, of course. I was chasing madness the other morning, and as for pushing myself? Well, I have to get better, and I can’t do that slowly. No more limping, and hand back to normal.
And then I made sure that EIji-san knew I was going on other errands. No sneaking. However, seeing Souji was… useless. I don’t know what understanding I’m trying to find, and even if he’s in a position to offer anything.
I realize that I’m not far from… the machiya Hajime stays at, and where he keeps his other woman.
I walk slowly as I get near. I wonder if the old man up front remembers me – the wife who needed breakfast and a new kimono. Or maybe he’s friendly with her, now.
I walk over to the market area. Restless. I should be back home, soon, or everyone will worry or think I’m wandering, like Tokio did. But maybe I can find a tea stall – I feel cold and hollow, and the brisk fall wind isn’t helping.
“Wow, a Geisha around, in these times!” A young woman passing by says to her companion.
“Oh, they’re still around, they just don’t do their own shopping, normally,” the older woman laughs.
I look up the pathway. And I see a woman, garbed more like a Kyoto geisha than any woman of a similar class, carrying a package from the soba stall. My heart pounds – is it her?
She’s… younger than I would imagine, if it is her, to be from that time.
Aioi:
I ended up deciding against the fruits and head back to the entrance to leave but I spy some rice cakes by the entrance.
“Which one is the least sweet oba-san?”
She smiles at me. “Well if you tell me who you’re buying for I can give some suggestions. It doesn’t look like you’re buying for yourself.”
“Ah you caught me!” I laugh, “It’s for… my man who has a fairly serious disposition and comes home so tense all the time. It’s his job you see he’s in the police.”
“Ah in that case…” She pulls out some white square rice cakes, “these plain ones will suit such a person”..
I smile at that, “these look perfect oba-san. Thank you!”
With that I pay and start to head back to the machiya.
(Ooc aioi is heading back. She doesn’t know hide so unless hide stops her or is overly obvious looking at her… well even if hide’s obviously looking She still won’t get it as many people tend to stare at her.
(OOC – will reply tomorrow)
I follow her, and when the breeze shifts a different way her perfume carries on the air…
Oh god, it -is- her.
I follow a bit behind. Noticing how she gets a lot of attention… and seems to enjoy it. In the sparkling sun, she’s stunning.
A beautiful peacock… nobody notices the drab sparrow following behind as she leaves the market, and goes to the place that only serves to give me final confirmation that I found the right person.
She goes inside the back gate of the machiya and I stand by the wall. Almost shaking. I knew where she was this whole time, after all. But I thought my role in the game was to make a show of trust, so I never thought I’d have to come here.
Turns out, I was wrong.
And here I am.
Does the path lead through this humble place, through -her-?
I open the garden gate, and go inside the small bit of back garden.
Heart pounding, I knock on the shoji doors.
Aioi:
A knock? I smile and rub Mei’s chin. “He’s early. Good thing everything’s ready.”
I make it a point not to run to the door. Part of a woman’s charm is making sure the man builds up his anticipation of course!
Slowly I open the door with a smile, maybe a bit brighter than usual but it falls when I realize it’s just another woman. She must be one of the workers from the machiya? Hajime-han told me not to commune with them so I hardly know anyone.
“Hello. May I help you?” I keep the shoji door only partly open.
Hello. May I help you?
She barely cracks the door open, and I see her face go from a smile to something much more closed off.
She was… expecting him, wasn’t she?
“Hello,” I say, with a bow. “I’m Yagi Hide. You are Aioi-san?” I’m keeping my composure… my hand with a white-knuckle grip on my cane. “I believe we have a man in common.”
Because how else should I introduce myself?
Aioi:
“I’m Yagi Hide. You are Aioi-san?” “I believe we have a man in common.”
It was too early in the day. Hardly lunch time so what was it that I was hoping for? Well certainly not the fake wife. I look her over and it doesn’t escape me how nervous she is with the way her bones almost is tearing through the skin on her hands. But this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had such types of visitor so I go ahead and open the door fully.
“He doesn’t like me to commune too much with the outside world.” I tell her, “But you can come in or if you wish stay out there on the engawa feel free.”
I turn and pull out a pipe from my sleeve and light it.
“The man you are looking for isn’t here. If you wait a few hours you can catch him.” I smile. “And give him a piece of your mind should you wish.”
The man you are looking for isn’t here. If you wait a few hours you can catch him. And give him a piece of your mind should you wish.
She pulls out a pipe and lights up, her entire manner casual. I take off my zori and step inside. Looking at all of the details, how this place is different than prior times. Before, it was bare, a place for a man to sleep and attend to the basic needs of life. Now? It looks lived in, even if a bit untidy.
“I’m not ready to speak to him. But is that how it usually goes? These sorts of confrontations?” I avoid the one chair, knowing what him and I once did on it, and perhaps they have… I look away, and it’s the one thing that almost cracks my temporary reserve. “I was raised as the daughter of samurai, to be the wife of a samurai. Women like you were a part of life – entertainments between men. They need women to lighten the mood, I suppose, even without war. I don’t think my mother, or grandmother, had to endure this, but I knew of others. Common enough. Usually passing. I’m certain that’s why Tokio never lowered herself to come slap me and pull my hair – just another whore, probably, in her eyes.”
I look at her. “But of course, I’m not his wife. We started like this, you know. A secret place where we spent stolen, golden afternoons. I’d wander around the market, thinking of things to please him with, to keep him -mine-.” I look at her bundle from this morning. “Food. Sex.” I shrug. “Of course, you probably have the sense not to think you’re something special because a man laments about his terrible wife to you as I did.”
“But from what I know, he’s gone back and forth over the years. After the Goryo-Eiji collapsed -legend had it that he bought your contract, but that wasn’t true.” I shake my head “Yes, you’re famous. You go down as a line in his story, his -history-. Appreciate that, being -real-, being truly linked to him.” She’ll -always- have that, long after that alcove is finally turned into ashes. “After that, I’m certain he was back with you, and perhaps others, when I left him, years ago. And then this summer… but then I told myself that it was for work, you were part of it, and he remained true to me.”
“I told myself many lies over the years, afraid just as much of the truth as in seeming like I didn’t have faith in him.” I look around. “So, I’m not here to give him a piece of my mind. He’s had enough of that, over the years, while I refused to take any of his. So now we find ourselves in this situation.” I look over at her.
Aioi:
She looks around. I wonder what she’s looking for or looking -at-.
“I’m not ready to speak to him. But is that how it usually goes? These sorts of confrontations?”
“Most or so I’ve heard.” I smirk a little and puff one. “The juuyo will sometimes have women like that. Women desperate to keep their man.” I shrug, “Those men were usually not worth it however.”
“I was raised as the daughter of samurai, to be the wife of a samurai. Women like you were a part of life – entertainments between men. They need women to lighten the mood, I suppose, even without war. I don’t think my mother, or grandmother, had to endure this, but I knew of others. Common enough. Usually passing. I’m certain that’s why Tokio never lowered herself to come slap me and pull my hair – just another whore, probably, in her eyes.”
Oh she’s one of those. The highly perched one. I shrug, “Who knows what goes on in that woman’s head. But I suppose that’s what’s going on in -your- head as a daughter of the -former- Samurai class.”
She tells me about how they started of. Why? And she stares at the little bundle I had gotten this morning. Ah…
“Of course, you probably have the sense not to think you’re something special because a man laments about his terrible wife to you as I did.”
“The man pays me. It’s a -transaction-.” I grin a little, “I suppose he doesn’t have to pay you.”
“Yes, you’re famous. You go down as a line in his story, his -history-. Appreciate that, being -real-, being truly linked to him.” “After that, I’m certain he was back with you, and perhaps others, when I left him, years ago. And then this summer… but then I told myself that it was for work, you were part of it, and he remained true to me.”
I sigh a little and go by the window. “Is this the only reason you came here Yagi-san. To whine about your place in the world? Don’t you think each one of us had nothing to pay to merely -exist- in this time called the Meiji?” Hajime did tell me about her but he never told me how foolish this one was. Naive he would say but she’s downright foolish and… “Such a self-absorbed woman.” I shake my head, “No wonder he came looking -again-.”
“So, I’m not here to give him a piece of my mind. He’s had enough of that, over the years, while I refused to take any of his. So now we find ourselves in this situation.”
“Unfortunately, it is -you- who find yourself in this situation.” I ash the pipe on the window sill. “I don’t know what he’s come to you with that you refused.” I shrug and add more tobacco to my pipe, “Lucky for me, I need and want for nothing. If he comes I’m here, if he goes I’m still here.” A smile with a hint of disdain graces my lips, “And you? How much do you require? Must be pretty expensive if you keep refusing.” She’s special after all this daughter of a samurai.
“Am I desperate?” I look at her, and sigh. “I’ve been desperate so many times. Scrambling and fumbling and running around, so reckless… Dying and not dying. Going all over, trying every angle, when the answer was so simple. No, Aioi-san, I’m not desperate – I’m well past that, now.”
Who knows what goes on in that woman’s head. But I suppose that’s what’s going on in -your- head as a daughter of the -former- Samurai class
“Yes, -former-. Samurai class means nothing in this world, I’m well aware of that. And I’m not here to cast myself as better than you – at least you know your own worth,” I say.
The man pays me. It’s a -transaction-. I suppose he doesn’t have to pay you.
“Again, you know your value,” I answer, looking at that grin. “But I asked for nothing, but somehow took everything. His respect, his pride…” I look away, and decide to take the chair anyway. I emasculated him by playing Hide the Rescuer and then dragged him back here practically demanding -service- for my deeds, even though he was so reluctant… God.
Is this the only reason you came here Yagi-san. To whine about your place in the world? Don’t you think each one of us had nothing to pay to merely -exist- in this time called the Meiji?
“I think more than I should have, of the places beyond here.” I smell her smoke, so different than his, it makes my head hurt… “I came to see you, I suppose. I never got to see Tokio, my original rival. I chased her ghost, her shadow. To be the “good woman” he needed. So now that I know what I know, I’m putting it all together. I already went to visit my former lover – I did the same to him, but he didn’t much care. He never had the capacity to love, unlike Hajime.”
That and… if she’s one of the possibilities, I want to know. I can’t see them all, but… at least I’ll have met this one. At least this relationship is… honest.
Such a self-absorbed woman. No wonder he came looking -again-
“I’ve found that I am that. Self-absorbed, self-protective so much that I wouldn’t let the man -breathe-. I believed my own lies for so long… after all, he did.” I look up. “It’s a wonder that he made it this long, without turning to someone else.”
Unfortunately, it is -you- who find yourself in this situation. I don’t know what he’s come to you with that you refused.
“To know him. To understand how he loves. That how he speaks…” I sigh. “So yes, I suppose I did refuse him. Time and time again. But yes, lucky you. The nothing woman. I guess that’s simpler, when there’s nothing it’s easier to be whatever the transaction requires.” But I have no right to look down on her.
And you? How much do you require? Must be pretty expensive if you keep refusing
“It already cost him more than you’ll know, Aioi-san.” I stand. “I know he comes here, first, before home. So… tell him what you want about this visit. It’s not even the worst one I’ve had today.” I look at the disdain, clear on her face. And I feel anger, but also shame. A feeling I long repressed. It’s too complicated for me and the false hope I tried to force onto him to try to paper over the hard parts.
“So I didn’t come here to pull off your wig or how it’s supposed to go. I can’t even plead to you to give him up…” I blink, now, my courage starting to falter. “I would beg it of you… ” I lower my head as my voice cracks. “But you’re not hurting him, are you? You’re not taking anything from me that I didn’t throw away. That I didn’t mean to doesn’t matter anymore. That I… if you’re fucking him, I…” I falter, both at the crude word that came out, and the idea… “but what drives me the craziest is that you now get to sit on his lap and listen to him talk… the true intimacy of knowing him.” I look up at her. “I beg instead that you -listen- to him, the things he says and doesn’t say, and not get all puffed up because you made his favorite dinner.”
I bow again. “Thank you for speaking with me, Aioi-san.”
Aioi:
Dying and not dying. Going all over, trying every angle, when the answer was so simple. No, Aioi-san, I’m not desperate – I’m well past that, now.”
“Well he never mentioned anything about dying. Must be difficult.” I blow a smoke out the window, “Well I’m glad you know that the answer is simple.” But I do wonder if she actually knows? But that’s not my place to interfere.
And she tells me she’s not looking down on me. So why tell me about where she came from and what people like me does and what daughters of samurai -do-?
“Again, you know your value,” I answer, looking at that grin. “But I asked for nothing, but somehow took everything. His respect, his pride…”
“Well you know. It comes with the job.” I laugh a little.
“I came to see you, I suppose. I never got to see Tokio, my original rival. I chased her ghost, her shadow. To be the “good woman” he needed. So now that I know what I know, I’m putting it all together. I already went to visit my former lover – I did the same to him, but he didn’t much care. He never had the capacity to love, unlike Hajime.”
I look back at her somehow amused. “You visited Okita-san?” I laugh a little. “I heard a lot about you and him, well mostly from the girls at the Sumi-ya. You were quite the lover he said. Not at all that innocent. So where did you learn all that?”
She doesn’t make any defense about being self absorbed and she shouldn’t. Right now she’s still doing it but that’s not my problem. It’s to my advantage after all. Why not let her keep digging her own hole, this Yagi Hide who calls me a “nothing woman”. Was it ever that simple really?
“I know he comes here, first, before home. So… tell him what you want about this visit. It’s not even the worst one I’ve had today.”
“I’m sorry Yagi-san. I’m afraid, I won’t take that burden from you.” I simply look out the window. “My promise to a man like that was to never interfere. And besides it’s to my advantage not to ruin a good thing we now have.”
“But you’re not hurting him, are you? You’re not taking anything from me that I didn’t throw away. That I didn’t mean to doesn’t matter anymore.
“That man? Who can hurt him? He can hardly care about anything else these days.”
That I… if you’re fucking him, I…” “but what drives me the craziest is that you now get to sit on his lap and listen to him talk… the true intimacy of knowing him.” “I beg instead that you -listen- to him, the things he says and doesn’t say, and not get all puffed up because you made his favorite dinner.”
And I’m a little surprised as that word comes out from her, which ended up pleasing me. “I -do- get to climb on his lap, not that he’s actually placed me there lately. And as for listening to him? All he talks about is you and that runaway wife of his when he does speak to me outside of our “job plans”.” But I throw her a bone, “This afternoon is the first time I’m going to make him dinner. Ah… I guess buy him dinner. I don’t cook you see.”
Well I’m glad you know that the answer is simple
“Simple in some ways – in realizing that I overreact when I should wait, and underreact when action is needed.” This last time he didn’t even have to die… and something inside me aches at the thought of that. If I had just -waited- a minute instead of flinging time and space at him. We would probably still be here today, because I’ve been told that the problems are foundational, but I could have spared him -that-. “But I wasn’t listening to what he had to say, just reacting.”
I’m sorry Yagi-san. I’m afraid, I won’t take that burden from you.
I’m surprised that she isn’t going to press her advantage in this respect. To get the first word in, to paint her own picture of today.
I heard a lot about you and him, well mostly from the girls at the Sumi-ya. You were quite the lover he said. Not at all that innocent. So where did you learn all that?
If I ever see him again…. “We had -one- time. A month before he left and before that he barely touched my elbow… he used me against every other woman…” I shake my head, thinking of Asato-san. “It was a much better man who taught me to be a true woman.” Of course, like the cooking, I let -that- get to my head, too.
That man? Who can hurt him? He can hardly care about anything else these days.
I look away. “That’s the problem, Aioi-san. He’s… fractured, and this is what is left.” Not a lesser man, certainly. Just… not the same. And there’s a terrible reason for it.
I -do- get to climb on his lap, not that he’s actually placed me there lately. And as for listening to him? All he talks about is you and that runaway wife of his when he does speak to me outside of our “job plans”.
I grimace as she talks blithly about sitting in his lap. That was…. my home. Before he made us a building, his lap was the first place I sat in the place we made. It’s a lap I could share with my daughters. But her… and he talks about me? Does he do that now? Or just to compare me to Tokio, another woman who took what he had to offer and threw it away? “Job plans… so that still happens?” I say, softly. Not that I’m surprised that he still works. Oh no. Just that he’s still employing her.
This afternoon is the first time I’m going to make him dinner. Ah… I guess buy him dinner. I don’t cook you see.
“When you warm the tsuyu, don’t add too much water to it. It won’t cling to the noodles and worst, it will make them soggy without a depth of flavor, and the chewy, almost firm texture is one of the key things about zaru soba.” I smile a bit, painfully. I guess I still can’t stand the idea of him having a bad meal that I’ll offer her advice.
“Enjoy your dinner. I’ll see myself out.” I turn to leave.
(OOC – Hide exits unless stopped)
Aioi:
“Simple in some ways – in realizing that I overreact when I should wait, and underreact when action is needed.”
And I only glance back at this woman and wonder, isn’t this one of those times? But I simply shrug.
She seems surprised when I told her I wasn’t going to say anything to him. Why? It’s not my responsibility to speak for her and he’ll come to me if he wants. This I know. I almost feel sorry for him. Thankfully I’m feeling generous right now, not like my old self. The one whom he tended to forget about.
“We had -one- time. A month before he left and before that he barely touched my elbow… he used me against every other woman…”
I can’t help but laugh out loud at this. “Oh that’s what you tell yourself, you a shield for other women?” I go to her side, “My dear, when a man does that it just means you and the woman he’s shielding himself from is just -not- his type. Okita-san tended to go for much more alluring women. Not the good girl types.”
Well maybe she can go back to him now that I’ve given her advice. Although I do wonder what Hajime-han would do if that ever were to happen.
She grimaces about my spending time on his lap. Well I mostly deposited myself there as I tried to entice him most nights. What else is a woman supposed to do to get noticed?
“Job plans… so that still happens?”
“Why would that stop? We’ve worked together in Kyoto and then the past few years here in Tokyo.” I tilt my head at her. “Ah I guess there was a period that he suddenly disappeared. Last year he cut all contact and left me in Yoshiwara but then this summer he reappeared but that ahou seemed to have forgotten all about me.”
I grin a bit while shaking my head, “Imagine that, he thought I was truly Imai’s woman? Oh and how nervous he was when I used to grope him most nights or ask him to grope me instead.” It was -fun- but in the end the job got done. “Too bad I guess he regained his memory and set me to track Tanaka instead afterwards.” That whoring part for that pig Tanaka – I truly didn’t enjoy.
She leaves me some pointers for dinner but I hardly listen to it. Why would I listen to an advice coming from a woman who gives up her man because of her “failures”? That would only lead me to fail myself.
“Enjoy your dinner. I’ll see myself out.”
“Why thank you. And feel free to come back.” Oh she won’t. But if she did, it makes for good entertainment. I can be a willful woman, a vengeful one, a caring one or even a “good” one… But -never- like that. Now I don’t feel bad taking him away.
(OOC: End unless something else)