Kaoru:
I saw it best to make this visit alone. I had to stop myself from hovering around Kenji worried for his safety but I know while there’s class the teachers will keep him safe until I can come back this afternoon to get him myself. He did promise me that he will no longer go with strangers.
Right after dropping off Kenji to school and him going with Makoto-chan to their class I asked to walk back with Yukiko-san. She seemed surprised but I said I wanted to pay Yagi-san a visit having had no opportunity after she had the baby.
I regret not having brought anything for Yagi-san but time is not on my side. If anything can be done, to avoid a confrontation then I must -try-. Or if that confrontation must happen…
Yukiko-san shows me to the front door and tells me she’ll get Yagi-san. I look around the front yard, it seems so peaceful that it almost seems impossible that an abduction happened here like the Chief said. Much less that it happened right under Saitou-san… seems almost impossible. But that’s precisely it. The impossible does happen and if I think it’s impossible for Kenshin to lose, then I’m already letting him lose by being blind to his humanity. Megumi-san was right. And so here I stand waiting for the other woman who maybe the only hope of stopping Okita Souji.
He leaves early.
He leaves without a kiss to my perhaps-sleeping cheek, or stopping by Ai-chan’s crib. I know that kiss, even when it comes while I’m sleeping, in the hour before dawn. At the edges of conciousness… there is is, a gesture of love. Something that feeds the hope that sustains me.
There’s a lot said about my “hope” but it’s a living thing. And the affirmations… feed it. Strengthen it. Those morning kisses, dropped on me while sleeping, are like what sunlight is to the plants I grow.
He also… left me alone last night.
A stranger in my bed. He sounds like Hajime, he looks like him… he -is- him.
In a way.
I could tell from the heartbeat. It’s strong – probably even stronger.
I could tell in the way he spoke to me.
I dress carefully. There’s the visit from Sir Howard. Perhaps. I’m certain he could drop in at any time.
This world, which I once whined about being hard, seems like it will only get harder. Even Makoto-chan seemed… off this morning. She mumbled something about bad dreams as I hugged her goodbye at the door, an anxious look having flashed across her face. And I need to speak to Tsutomu-kun, but he’s not a morning person in the -best- of times. He, too, seemed to have worries?
“Auntie?” Yukiko-san’s voice interrupts my reflections. “You have a visitor?”
So early? I’m a bit surprised. “A foreigner?” She does seem a bit uneasy…
She shakes her head. “No, Himura-san – Kenji-kun’s mother? – she walked with me from the school, she wanted to see the baby.”
This is… unexpected. I nod, standing, and take my cane. “If you can bring Ai-chan? I’ll go and greet her.”
She stands by the door, in a pretty kimono. “Himura-san. Please come in. Would you like some tea?” I bow. “Yukiko-san is bringing Ai-chan.” I don’t mention that with the cane, it’s not the best idea that I carry her. I can’t be too careful with my precious little one…
“Thank you Yagi-san, yes I will have some tea.” We will probably be here a while and for me, however long it takes.
I follow her inside and notice immediately to my right is a newly setup room. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and the sword nor a flag was present.
“That’s a nicely setup room Yagi-san.” I compliment it, “and that flag it looks like an antique. I had antique artwork myself from my grandfather which we sold eventually.” Well i don’t tell her we sold it for a hot pot at the Akabeko.
“I hope your delivery went well?” I don’t make mention of her abduction, I’m sure it’s a subject she would not want to discuss at length.
I lead her into the living room – after all, it is for guests. And despite the history between the two men, I would like for us to at least… get along?
“Thank you – we only recently set it up, after all of the tumult of moving back into this house, and having the addition built on.” I look at the flag, and the place where the sword would sit. I smile a bit, “ah, well, the flag isn’t an antique -yet- – Perhaps twenty years? But few survived…. but it’s something special to us.” She mentions selling her grandfather’s antiques, but plenty of us had to do that, during and in those lean years after the war.
There’s a low chair that’s been added to the room in light of my inability to sit seiza comfortably. “You’ll have to forgive me, for not sitting properly,” I say, in apology as I take my place. “And I had a very easy delivery – Ai-chan came quickly and was a big, healthy girl, and I had Hajime with me.” I smile at that memory… but it already feels so distant that it’s a bit wistful.
And Yukiko-san has good timing. She brings Ai-chan in, and she’s happy and burbling. “Ah, here’s my big girl, thank you, Yukiko-san. Could you please start the hot water, and I’ll come in to prepare the the tea?” Ai-chan lunges at me from Yukiko-san’s arms and I kiss one plump cheek. “Thankfully she’s remained healthy and strong and is growing well.”
I nod as she tells me a little bit of the history of this home. I didn’t see when the addition was being built but I suppose they needed the space.
“ah, well, the flag isn’t an antique -yet- – Perhaps twenty years? But few survived…. but it’s something special to us.”
It’s odd to have a flag with only a single kanji and no crest. “Makoto…” I say in a low voice. Truthfulness? Sincerity? I blink for a minute, that’s probably where they got Makoto-chan’s name! But what house would instead of a family crest or poetry by some master would use an old flag and for what? But I don’t ask this question fearing where it might lead.
. “And I had a very easy delivery – Ai-chan came quickly and was a big, healthy girl, and I had Hajime with me.”
Yagi-san sits and tells me about her delivery. I’m surprised. “Saitou-san was there?” That seems somewhat unbelievable but I smile instead, “You’re lucky Yagi-san, Kenshin wasn’t even in the room when we had Kenji. The midwife had him stay away but I bet he was glad for it.”
“Ah, here’s my big girl,
And there’s the now big baby. It’s been a few months after all. “She looks very healthy!” I say and lean in a bit. What a round baby. I bet she’s fed very well and with cheeks like that.. I lean in even more, “Very cute!” I refrain from wanting to just take those cheeks and pinch them. Saitou-san produced sucha cute baby? Well Ai-chan must take from Yagi-san’s side of the family. It’s then that I notice, the eyes.. There can be no mistake, the color of the eyes is exactly like Saitou’s!
“You’re so lucky Yagi-san to have had girls.” I genuinely smile at her this time, “I’ve only had one boy and I keep telling Kenshin we need to try for a girl.” I wave a little at Ai-chan who’s now noticed I’m in the room. She’s staring at me. If she weren’t so cute, I’d be nervous. I sit back down.
Himura-san seems to have no idea about the flag. True, it’s not like there is documentation everywhere like there will be one day, but idealized (and beautified!) pictures of the Shinsengumi seem to be a popular topic for the artists in the marketplace, along with other supposedly handsome historical personages. “It’s a Shinsengumi banner,” I say, quietly. She should know, after all, what it is she’s sitting in front of.
“Yes, he was there for all of it, and even gave Ai-chan her first bath,” I say. I nod as she tells me that the Battosai was out of the room. “Ah, well, the doctor had met Hajime on prior appointments and the clinic was very understanding overall.” Of course, it was that clinic that lead Asato-san to me…
I’m a proud mama as Himura-san admires Ai-chan. “Girls are wonderful. And I’d like a son – Hajime’s boys are wonderful but they’re almost grown,” I say, knowing that I have no real claim to them. I smile a bit, ruefully, “but age is starting to catch up with me, so if Ai-chan is our last… I’m glad we have her.” Age right now, having been the least of my problems of late.
It’s then that I notice that my daughter has turned that -stare- of hers onto Himura-san… and she seems a bit unnerved. “Ai-chan! How you stare at people!” But she’s too young to know what she’s doing, right?
Yukiko-san comes in with the tea. “Auntie, would you like me to go ahead and take Ai-chan and get her settled down for her morning nap?” She smiles at me, her eyes closed. “Uncle asked me last night to help more with the baby, so that you can rest more.”
Last night? For a moment I flounder to find my voice. “…. Thank you, Yukiko-san – you already do so much.” I glance over at Himura-san, I can’t really pursue this discussion now… “but we should keep Ai-chan on her routine – she’s an easy going baby, generally, but we shouldn’t test that!” I kiss those soft cheeks again, and look at those golden eyes, sparkling with light as she gets her hand in my short hair and pulls a bit. “Ow, little one,” I laugh, handing her over. “Have a good nap.”
“A Shinsengumi banner.” I repeat it mostly to myself. Is this how strongly this house still feels about the old times? Times that I hardly know much about. But Saitou-san lives his life by it, and he’s decided to be with Yagi-san, whom he knew during those times of the Shogunate. From the little that I’ve heard from Kenshin, Tokio-san seemed much more willing to go with the times rather than be stuck in it.
She tells me more about Saitou, I guess he really wanted to be involved then. But Yagi-san tells me she still wants a son and surprisingly shares her worries about being too old. I smile at that, I am almost 10 years younger than Kenshin that I forget other women are much older but she can’t be older than Saitou and he’s what now 42? “You don’t look it Yagi-san, especially the short hair makes you look much younger. You can’t be more than 36!”
Yukiko-san comes in and offers to take Ai-chan. I’m glad Yagi-san agreed. I didn’t want to bring my reason for being here in front of the young lady. Ai-chan tugs at her mother’s hair which elicits a yelp from Yagi-san. I laugh softly but wait until they left.
Then I finish my tea. “I wasn’t planning to visit so soon and with no gifts but a matter of urgency has come up that only you can help me with Yagi-san. It’s a matter involving Okita Souji, whom you were previously connected with.”
(OOC – will reply in the morning)
A Shinsengumi banner
I hear the apprehension in her voice. “We share a past, and we left so many friends there. And… if we bring something forward into our lives now, shouldn’t it be sincerity?” After all, it is one of the principals of bushido…
“I’m flattered, Himura-san, but I’m actually forty.” I touch my hair, almost subconsciously. I’m still not used to it, it’s not been this short since I was Ai-chan’s age.
She seems to be waiting to say something as Yukiko-san retrieves Ai-chan, and she does. For a moment I blink. Is he showing himself now? Why here, why now? I shiver, slightly. “Ah… well, until recently, I was of the idea that he had died at the end of the war, of an illness. I know, however, that some years ago, he was around in the Wilderness… but I still thought him dead. But now I know… he’s alive. What help are you seeking?” Events from the Judgement made it clear that I have no influence over him, after all.
And… if we bring something forward into our lives now, shouldn’t it be sincerity?”
I wouldn’t disagree with her but one can hardly call Saitou-san sincere. A pain is more like it.
She corrects me on the age and my mouth gapes bit. She’s 40? She doesn’t look like it but i ended up conceding. “Well the long hair before or rather the way you wear it in a bun would’ve made you look much older.”
I know, however, that some years ago, he was around in the Wilderness… but I still thought him dead. But now I know… he’s alive.
I wonder if she’s deflecting? Is it because she ended up with Saitou and feeling guilty about what that meant? So I confront it directly, “Megumi and I were a little bit like friends, she had known about you and Okita back then by way of another friend whom you were boarding with. I don’t know under what circumstances you ended up with Saitou-san but please don’t pretend you and Okita had no contact.” I press my fingers in my palm. “You see Okita took my son Kenji from school and although he brought him back unharmed, previous to that this Okita also wrote a threatening letter to my husband.”
I look up and meet her eyes, “Naturally Kenshin went to speak to Saitou about the letter but he was only met with a wall of likely insults.” I look up towards their flag, “is it really the Shinsengumi’s way to use others as bait like what Saitou did to my friend Sano years ago and now Okita with my son? Is that what sincerity is like?”
I didn’t want to use it this card but I’ll do what I must, “When you went missing Yagi-san, kenshin gave Saitou all the information Kenshin knew and even offered to help. So now I must – implore- you to help us. Tell me how Okita can be stopped, how we can convince him to leave us alone.. It was said he courted you and you were very close.”
I suppose I should be flattered that she thinks I’m younger than I look. “Ah, but for those of us a bit older – who grew up in a more formal time – the nightly unbinding of a woman’s hair has… meaning,” I smile again, again, hit by that wistful feeling.
please don’t pretend you and Okita had no contact.
But then she tells me that Souji took her child… and that he’s made a threat to her husband. The Battosai, like Hajime, lives knowing that the past won’t always leave them alone after their roles in making this new era. But a child…
“It was not…. -me-… in the wilderness. Another… we can call her my sister, of a sort, used my name and a similar story and face and went into the wilderness. In order to chase after Souji – a man who didn’t have the emotional capacity to be in a relationship – either during the war or in the time of the wilderness. Your friend Takani-san knows of this…. but -I- had no contact.” I look at her, directly. Maybe she’ll remember the wilderness as a time of shadows and strangeness, where even the man she loved wasn’t himself… or think me mad. “-I- did not encounter Okita Souji again until… a few weeks ago, where he was prepared to kill me.” It’s then I realize my hands are shaking, and not from my injuries, but…. just thinking of that moment, his sword against my neck, my eyes covered…. I set down the teacup and clench my fists as I close my eyes.
“I am sorry to hear of Kenji-kun. Souji was once… fond of children. That he would use one as bait, as you describe it…” I close my eyes again. “And as for what Hajime did to your friend, I’m as certain that he has his reasons as you are certain of what you saw.” Again, this gulf we have between us – women who fiercely love men who have fought life or death battles against each other, and are perhaps fated to do so again.
It’s then she reminds me that the Battosai offered assistance during my abduction. I’m not surprised that he -would-, but what did he know? “I can tell you what I know – that many years ago, in Kyoto, Okita badly wanted to fight the Battosai – he was considered the best swordsman the Shinsengumi had, and your husband was a legend himself. And when he got the chance and they found themselves facing each other – Hajime took over for Souji, explaining that he knew Souji’s secret – that he was terribly ill with tuberculosis – and that was when they crossed swords. Souji was…” I sigh, as I heard -much- about it back then, as he took Asato’s treatments with a fresh vigor after that, “disappointed is too light of a word. He thought that the fight was his destiny.”
“And… he must still.” I look over at her. “We were once close, yes. But that Hajime wasn’t helpful… you must understand, now he has his own fight with Souji, over what happened with me – that, too, was pre-empted due to Souji’s condition.” It’s then that I remember… that to fight him again, Hajime said that he’d have to defeat the Battosai first.
KAORU:
She denies it was her and instead insists it was someone else a sister who looked like her. But that’s impossible, back then I was told by Megumi that she came to Tokyo to find Okita. There was no mention of a sister.
I would rebuke her for lying but then she surprisingly offers up information about her abduction. So the one who abducted her was Okita? Her former love interest? It would make sense if okita wanted her back but why is she saying he tried to kill her? Is it because he felt betrayed? She has after all decided to build this house with Saitou. But she shakes and I wonder what is this fight between Shinsengumi loyalist that now spills over to us.
She continues and defends Saitou but what Saitou did was indefensible. But no sense trying to reason with a woman who can only see Saitou through rosy lens.
She tells.me about the fight in Kyoto and I nod. “Kenshin did tell me about that fight. But to Kenshin it is the past, he’s no longer the Battousai and the fact that Saitou and Okita keeps insisting he is still a manslayer is unfair and unjust.”
“Saitou maybe wanting a fight, but is that what you really want Yagi-san? If what you say is true that Okita was the best swordsman in the Shinsengumi, then Saitou-san may well lose against him if Okita’s illness doesn’t get in the way. And as for my Kenshin, I -know- Kenshin is much stronger than Saitou but I know Kenshin’s limits. Do you know Saitou-san’s or are you willing to leave it up to chance? Won’t you help me stop Okita?”
I go downstairs after I hear from Yuki that Kaoru-san is here. That’s a pleasant surprise and I wanted to greet her with a warm welcome. But before I can announce myself I hear Yagi-san’s voice with tension. I stop ready to barge in, just in case this visit had soured. Quietly eventhough I don’t want to i listen, for everyone’s sake and safety.
Okita badly wanted to fight the Battosai – he was considered the best swordsman the Shinsengumi had, and your husband was a legend himself. And when he got the chance and they found themselves facing each other – Hajime took over for Souji, explaining that he knew Souji’s secret – that he was terribly ill with tuberculosis – and that was when they crossed swords. Souji was…” “disappointed is too light of a word. He thought that the fight was his destiny.”“And… he must still.” . “We were once close, yes. But that Hajime wasn’t helpful… you must understand, now he has his own fight with Souji, over what happened with me – that, too, was pre-empted due to Souji’s condition
I hold my breath. There’s trouble brewing it seems. And Kaoru-san is doing her best to convince Yagi-san to help.
(Ooc: eiji is being very careful in listening in and will disappear as soon as he hears any movement. He can be caught but he’ll deny hearing anything and will pretend to be excited for Kaoru’s visit..)
Saitou maybe wanting a fight, but is that what you really want Yagi-san? If what you say is true that Okita was the best swordsman in the Shinsengumi, then Saitou-san may well lose against him if Okita’s illness doesn’t get in the way. And as for my Kenshin, I -know- Kenshin is much stronger than Saitou but I know his limits. Do you know Saitou-san’s or are you willing to leave it up to chance? Won’t you help me stop Okita?
“There’s maybe one person he would listen to – maybe -… my “sister”…” I swallow down the sadness that rises up. “But as she was the one who, as I understand it, called on Souji to execute me…” I look up at Himura-san, blinking. “Or maybe she’s involved, too…. I just don’t know.”
I’m quiet for a moment. “I always thought – when Hajime and your husband clashed again…” I know I sound naive… “but that they have too much to live for now. That… neither are the same men they were, in those dark streets of Kyoto, so long ago. That if there was no longer a Battosai to fight, to defeat… justice would no longer be required.”
“Souji is… dangerous because he has nothing to lose. I don’t want Hajime to fight him, but the fractures that are between them are larger than me. And… I cannot predict Hajime these days. He’s been… changing.” I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, looking away. Why oh -why- did Souji have to come back now?
“Himura-san, I don’t want Okita Souji to upend either of our lives… but I don’t know how I could help.” And I don’t even know if who he is now, if he would have the same concerns.
Kaoru: She reverts back to her “sister” that I’d -almost- believe it. But if she did have a sister, Kenshin would know but there’s no sense arguing when she’s adamant about it.
“I always thought – when Hajime and your husband clashed again…” “but that they have too much to live for now. That… neither are the same men they were, in those dark streets of Kyoto, so long ago. That if there was no longer a Battosai to fight, to defeat… justice would no longer be required.”
“Wouldn’t that be ideal?” I say “But that depends on Saitou. Kenshin is a man of peace.” I don’t have to tell her that the wolf still practices his own brand of justice today do I? She likely knows.
“Souji is… dangerous because he has nothing to lose. I don’t want Hajime to fight him, but the fractures that are between them are larger than me. And… I cannot predict Hajime these days. He’s been… changing.”
She tells me more about Souji and I nod agreeing with her. In the new era, for those who are aimless there is nothing to lose. But I don’t agree on her defeatist attitude. And then Yagi-san cries but tries to hide it. Is she really that hopeless? Or did Saitou make her this way? In the wilderness I heard his wife Tokio ran away from him and I wonder is it for the same reasons?
“Himura-san, I don’t want Okita Souji to upend either of our lives… but I don’t know how I could help.”
“I guess we can’t really force Saitou or anyone to help us. But I’ll be damned if I don’t do something for Kenshin.” Now I’m even more resolved to ask for help from my friends. Whether it’s Okita or Saitou who’ll be Kenshin’s enemy. I almost feel sorry for Yagi-san, convincing herself she knows not what to do and that this problem is bigger than her. “When Japan was going to be taken over by a mad man, I thought the same. The problem was bigger than me but I was the only one Kenshin said goodbye to and I was lucky enough to have friends who told me I was best one to bring him back.”
I don’t know who she will want to bring back. Maybe Okita or maybe Saitou. Maybe… No one.
I bow low, “Thank you Yagi-san for your time.” Soon the school will close and I will have to get Kenji but I must stop by the post office and lean on my friends.
Eiji:
I can’t believe what I just heard. I move away from the door and pretend to be on the other side of the hallway. They’ll probably be wrapping up soon.
Wouldn’t that be ideal? But that depends on Saitou
She only sees him one way, doesn’t she? “Justice isn’t blind, Himura-san. It can be… many things.” And then I betray Hajime. The one I love, when I say. “And… age and injury has taken much from him. He hides it, he denies it, but… the battle to bring me back left him on the edge of death.” He came back… for a while. “He’s not what he was when he first came to your dojo. He’s still… remarkable, but in a battle against other remarkable fighters?”
And at my moment that I slip, and let the stress of the past day show such weakness… I only get reproach in those eyes…. it’s then I know that this woman is going to protect her family no matter what. That she’s not approaching me as a friend, as her single-minded focus on her man and her family.
I could have used a friend right now.
She tells me about when Kenshin left for Kyoto, to fight Shishio. “I don’t have friends to remind me of that, Himura-san. You don’t know -where- I’ve dragged Hajime back from, over the years.” I let out a breath, a shaky one. “And now, I’m afraid that he’s gone somewhere, and given up, and doesn’t -want- to be dragged back.” I look up at her, with imploring eyes. “You’ll see him soon, I’m -sure-, but there’s something in him missing that he gave up – remember that when you see him, and pay attention. I’m not giving up on him – but I think it’s not just me that will have to fight for the best in him.”
I look down. She doesn’t believe a word I’m saying, and now I’m no better than Tokio – at least she got some personal satisfaction from betraying her husband. Slowly, I stand, with the help of my cane. “I’m at my lowest, Himura-san. I’ve been nearly crippled and shot. I had everything I’ve done wrong paraded in front of me and told that I deserve death because of it – death delivered by my old lover. Hajime came for me that day, when I had no hope left. When I was out of chances. And we came home and even after that, he gave up… but I’ve not given up on him yet. Even if he doesn’t hear me right now.”
I fear… that there will be more betrayal that will have to happen. And that to save him, I will have to doom -us-, but it’s time I saved him for his own sake, and not my own.
I return her bow, even though my side is aching today. “I will work within whatever powers I have left to me.” Even if I have to approach -her-. And for a moment, I’m -glad- that the rest of them from the wilderness were left without this. Only us aberrant, unwanted weeds and those we entangled were left with these struggles of selfhood. But Himura Kaoru is free to be who she’s meant to be. “I’ll come to see you, if I may.”
Kaoru:
She tells me how Saitou isn’t what he used to be, at least in strength. I guess I can be glad for that if one day Kenshin and him finally finish that fight of theirs.
She takes offense once again with what I just said. Why is it that everytime I approach her, to give her advise as another woman who’s learned to love someone that she puts it to the side? I guess I’m not enough of a friend to her but even so, at least from one woman to another. But I know where my priorities lie.
“I don’t have friends to remind me of that, Himura-san.
“That’s why I told you. Even if you don’t consider me a friend.”
“You’ll see him soon, I’m -sure-, but there’s something in him missing that he gave up – remember that when you see him, and pay attention. I’m not giving up on him – but I think it’s not just me that will have to fight for the best in him.”
“I’ll only judge him as so far as he affects Kenshin and our family. I’m sorry that you lost him.” If indeed that’s what happened or perhaps it’s what she thought happened.
“I’m at my lowest, Himura-san. I’ve been nearly crippled and shot. I had everything I’ve done wrong paraded in front of me and told that I deserve death because of it – death delivered by my old lover. Hajime came for me that day, when I had no hope left. When I was out of chances. And we came home and even after that, he gave up… but I’ve not given up on him yet. Even if he doesn’t hear me right now.”
I can only stare back at Yagi-san. Is this how I was back then more than 10 years ago? When Megumi-san set me straight for all my self pity. “I wish you can hear yourself right now.” I mutter more to myself.
“I will work within whatever powers I have left to me
“I’d be most grateful if you could.” It would’ve been good to have worked together, not as friends but just women who shared a love for certain remarkable men. But that isn’t open to me here.
We go out of the room as Yagi-san escorts me out and I see Eiji at the end of the corridor.
“Eiji…” I say and bow to him as a greeting. I just can’t find it in me to smile. My journey here was a failure but again, I’ll rely on my friends.
“Oh Kaoru-san I didn’t know you were visiting.” He comes closer but I turn away. Maybe it’s best the people in this house and mine, avoid each other for now.
(OOC: Kaoru exits)
Himura-san leaves and I’m… deflated. Offering up what I knew… at a cost she wouldn’t understand… it did nothing.
I see Eiji-san out on the engawa, looking at the gate. He was close to that family, at one time.
So Souji’s back? What does he want? To resume an old fight with the Battosai? Or is his target Hajime? Or… me?
I close my eyes and try to reach her, but it’s as it has been for years. She’s not reachable. There’s a wall there, one that stretches longer and higher than I can see.
I go to the kitchen, and out the back window I see Yukiko-san dealing with the laundry. He wants me to cook… there is a lot I can do with one hand, but I wanted to be able to get some use back of my left so that I didn’t have to adjust, because I promised that these wouldn’t be permanent cripplings.
I manage to keep a good enough grip on the striker to light a match with my right. This was once something I did half a dozen times a day, without thought, other than if I needed more matches. I light the stove and start some water, deciding that I need to make a strong tea, and not the usual sort. I dig through the drawer, and find not only my tea, but some little packets.
I inspect the packets. Plain white paper, folded into triangles… and then, embossed on the paper… the Kyoto Oniwabashuu symbol. This must be the medicine Misao-san made for Hajime, when his heart was failing. Once he’s better, Hide-san, make sure you get rid of it – it’s poison and it’s nearly too much for him…. it could kill anyone else. Get rid of any that’s left so it’s not sitting around. She told me that it was a compound with foxglove, and that I know the dangers of – every gardener knows to be careful planting it – or even bringing it inside. There’s an old wives tale of a child who died from drinking the water that some stalks of the pretty flowers had been resting in… with Souji back and messing with -children- there are enough dangers here already.
And his heart is better now? Because what was wrong with his heart wasn’t… normal. It was one of those things from our particular world and way we -are-. Just like the situation with him now…. I close my eyes, as I open the packets and wash the contents down the sink. The complete man I love can’t be entirely lost to this one, can he?
Must he? Or maybe… this was his way out. Leaving me with some version of himself… if he couldn’t be the man he thought he was supposed to be, this is what I get. Just like when he tried to give me to Souji, or even -Charles-. He’s not good enough, someone else can do better… must be too deeply ingrained, from all of the sins of our coming together. It’s no wonder we aren’t married. Even if I had been more forceful, or even left?
No wonder he wore out his heart. No wonder words can’t turn around such a deeply held belief.
But then again, I’ve worked hard, avoided so many things, to spare him from having bad feelings. Or having to deal with things. I should have let things -happen-. In the judgement, the woman in the bar was right. What’s the worse that could have happened?
I open my eyes as the powder and water swirl down the sink. Again, I’m crying, but at least I’m alone. It was nice that Himura-san had friends to talk her into action. But she has other friends. Maybe the rooster-head is out of commission, but others could come running. Others that could mean more trouble… the man with the cape, I’m certain, would enjoy this spectacle.
But Okita Souji isn’t my only problem right now. I go to my room, where I stash the last packet of the medicine in my locked cabinet, and tidy up, and get some other things I’ll need. Look at my beautiful daughter. At least we had that moment, I think, looking at her smiling a little in her sleep.
I turn away before I have to wash my face again.
Eiji-san is still out front. “I’m going to go stop by the market, and then pick the children up myself – that would be a fun surprise for them, ne? And no rain today, so if I get tired I should be able to find a ride back, but I can only get better by use.”
I turn to leave.
(OOC – Hide is leaving the house. You may close)
Eiji:
She’s leaving the house? Wait! She can’t do that now that Okita is here. I remember Okita from the old house, he seemed… Nice enough.
“Otou-san said I should accompany you.” Well to appointments at least, but knowing what I know of father and what I know that surrounds us. I can’t just let her go but at the same time I can’t betray to her what I just heard. Nor should I go out without any sort of weapon.
“Wait for me Yagi-san? I’ll walk with you.” I tell her and try not to run inside the house. I still keep it for times like these… So I rummage through my things upstairs and find the army pistol. I’m no good with a sword but I’m one of the best with a gun. I run downstairs, then compose myself as soon as I get to the door.
“Oh where are you off to Eiji in such a hurry?” Yukiko smiles and I must have that look on my face, that her smile suddenly turns into a worry.
“Nowhere.” I tell her. “Oh Yagi-san said, she’s off to the market and then get the children.”
“Is that right.” She looks out the door. “I guess she already left then. Is everything okay Eiji?”
I look down, I can never lie to her for some reason still I -try- my best. “Of course.”
I guess I missed Yagi-san and she didn’t wait. Should I tell him? But Yagi-san said, father wasn’t himself. And then I remember that night when I told Saitou-san about Kenshin’s visit and what happened with Tokio-san. Suddenly I take Yuki’s hand.
“Eiji-kun?”
(OOC: close)