I was allowed to cook today.
Just the rice! But it was something. I felt clumsy and I’m glad that I didn’t ask to do anything more skilled – sauce making, or using a knife… I’m just not there yet and that frustrates me.
I can’t cook.
I can’t even…. I’m upset that someone else’s problems interrupted time I -needed- with Hajime.
The house goes quiet and the lights go off, one by one.
I sit on the engawa. There’s a nice moon tonight, not all full. Autumn is coming in – the sun is still warm but the breeze carries the next season with it. Each night comes a little sooner. There’s more sweeping for Makoto to attend to each day…
Tonight I brought out a blanket to stay warm. With a bit of hope, I got one big enough for two. Will he come? I smile a little. It’s a bit like the old days, waiting. For… how did I describe it? The sound of bells. Bells that made my heart beat faster, my feet go running, my cheeks flush. There was a remarkable man who had his choice of -every- woman in that game and he left it for -me-.
But now… other versions of him want something. Mine… has come to despise me…. it’s hard to accept. We were close but not, and I wonder, had we not both been Hide, and creatures from the same writer, would we have been friends? Or would she have been Asato-san, cursing me for moving past an old love? One that she herself was desperate to hold?
I lean my head against the post.