I woke up early that morning and left Hide’s side as the sun was barely peeking through the window. Getting a fresh shirt on, I decide to start my day but I hear a gurgling sound? Looking down I see…
Of course.
Carefully I pick her up. They said I don’t have to support her head but why not? I didn’t know we now have an early bird in the family.
Quietly Ai-chan and I make our way out of the bedroom and I go to the kitchen, lay her against me, her head against my shoulder. “Now don’t move too much, papa is going to make some coffee.”
She coo’s and if I were to bet on it, I bet she closed her eyes again and is going right back to sleep! Wait… I thought I had an early bird? Oh well. At least I’m able to make my coffee with one hand and not fear that this child will squirm away from my hold.
Now done, I decide we can probably spend some time outside. Enjoy the gentle coolness that the morning brings. Outside I find a lonely bench, one which we used when we tried to celebrate… That seems so long ago, I think to myself as I take my morning coffee.
Ai-chan starts to wake again and I put the coffee down. I could smoke but I’d rather hold my daughter with both hands in front of me. “You awake?” I ask as I place her on my lap and circle her with both hands. Her eyelids flutter open and and she scrunches up her face and takes both tiny hands and presses them against her cheeks?
“Wait what are you doing?” I ask with a bit of a chuckle, “Trying to wake yourself up?”
Suddenly and quite unexpectedly she lets go of her face and presses her lips together. And for a moment I thought she was going to pout at me! But instead the child starts puffing out breaths over and over again, which leaves me quite concerned! “Can’t you breathe Ai?” I lightly rub her back and she narrows her eyes at me so I stop.
Then she went back to that puffing again and I’m about to stand up to bring her inside, to her mother to ask what’s wrong when suddenly I hear “bbrrr… bbrrr…”. Looking back at her I think to myself “what now?” But then I see, the sound that she makes is her playing with her lips and making them vibrate!
“I see. That’s why you pressed your lips and tried to puff.” I grin at her. “Looks like you’re finally succesful Ai.”
She continues with this and seems very amused at it that she start adding some spittle to it as well.
“Now stop that little one.” I tell her. But she’s too amused and kept doing it. I didn’t mind it at first but then it started getting worse such that it started to dribble on her. “You don’t have a bib.” I remind her but she only waves her tiny hands in the air.
With a sigh of resignation and part amusement I decide I better do something and so I reach into my pocket and take the towel I always carry around and wipe around her mouth.
“Brr… Brrrr… Brrrr!!!” I raise an eyebrow at that.
“You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you?” I shake my head and let her do as she wants but this time wrap the tenugi around her neck making it like a bib. At least until I can get an actual one inside. So it’s in that way that my Ai-chan spent the morning and I somehow finished my morning coffee.
After a while even Ai, gets tired of her antics and she settles into staring at me again. So I clean her up with the edges of the towel.
“Can I smoke?” I ask the child, not really thinking I’d get an answer but she squeals and I guess that means a yes. So quickly I lit a cigarette with one hand.
“You know Ai. We had you not in this place.” I tell her. “And it was many years ago, not just 9 months.” I blow a smoke to the side so it doesn’t hit her face. “I was gone for a long time, maybe I was dead. I’m not sure if it should’ve stayed that way.”
Ah what a thing to say to my daughter. “Sumana. That’s not what you’d want to hear from one they call an immortal wolf. I did come back for you though, or rather this life. I missed it in a way but I didn’t expect to continue it – just to put it in it’s rightful place. Sometimes I don’t understand it myself. But you’re here.” I take a longer drag from my cigarette. “And like your mother, I do love you.”
Looking down I notice, the child’s fallen asleep. “Ah… Bored already huh?” Putting out the cigarette I place her back against my shoulder more for my benefit than hers I suppose.
Later, I should tell Hide, I’m bringing Howard tomorrow afternoon.
(Makoto)
I get up very very early to go to the washroom. I’m big now so I never ever wet the futon.
And there in the garden in Chichiue with Ai-chan! He’s saying something to her quietly. It’s nice to talk to babies, hahaue says.
I step closer in the grass, and come over and kiss the baby’s cheek, and then chichiue!
Hajime:
I smile as my other daughter greets her sister good morning with a kiss. And then I get my own.
Feigning indignance, I tease, “What? I’ve been demoted already? Only getting my kiss after the baby?”
Pulling her close by the waist, I have her sit down beside Ai-chan and myself and then kiss her instead on the forehead.
“Now what woke you up my child? It’s too early for you.” I ask and lightly bounce Ai-chan on my knees.
What? I’ve been demoted already? Only getting my kiss after the baby?
I give him a -look-. “Chichiue you’re still my chichiue – but baby hasn’t even been here a few months and you’ve had -years- of kisses,” I giggle. Jealous of a baby! Wait… that was me before, right? “So she can go first, until she’s had more time to be kissed!” Even if he wants to kiss her first I guess that’s okay…
I sit close to him, he’s so nice and warm and smells safe and like home, just like hahaue, but a different smell.
Now what woke you up my child? It’s too early for you.
“I had to go to the washroom!” I tell him. Then my eyes widen. “I still need to go! Don’t leave I’ll come right back!” It’s nice to be with him again, even if it’s probably too early to play.
I’m very fast AND I wash my hands and good they’re still there and Ai-chan looks so happy sleeping! So I sit back down next to them.
“Chichiue you’re still my chichiue – but baby hasn’t even been here a few months and you’ve had -years- of kisses,”
She gives me a look and talks back. I guess that is my daughter but I don’t correct her about the years of kisses. I’m -glad- that somehow she thinks I’ve been in her life more than I truly have.
“I had to go to the washroom!” “I still need to go!
I laugh out loud when she sprints back into the house and the baby seems to laugh along with me. Or maybe I’m imagining it but Ai-chan has a “bright” face.
It doesn’t take long for my eldest daughter to return and sit back down with us. “Did they ever let you hold the baby?” I ask, “Want to try to hold her now that your hands are -clean-?”
I can hear chichiue laughing as I run off to the washroom! It’s a fun sound. I wonder if Ai-chan woke up?
“Did they ever let you hold the baby? Want to try to hold her now that your hands are -clean-?
I nod. “I can do it now that he head isn’t so floppy. But if Tstuomu-niisan is around he -hovers-, chichue.” I look at him. “I know not to drop a baby and besides I want to help since hahaue is still hurt.” That makes me sad, because I miss her cooking! But I hold out my arms, in the careful way, ready to hold my little sister. “She can be squirmy, and it’s funny how she just stares at people,” I giggle. But her eyes are very pretty.
I can do it now that he head isn’t so floppy. But if Tstuomu-niisan is around he -hovers-, chichue.
Why am I not surprised? “Your brother really cares for his siblings so let him hover.”
As she holds out her hand I fix it so that her arm would support Ai-chan’s head anyway. Then I place the baby into her hands and ai’s head laying on the crook of Makoto’s arm. “That’s how the nurse showed me how to hold her in the day she was born. ”
“I know not to drop a baby and besides I want to help since hahaue is still hurt.”
“Well you can help by doing your chores. Let your onee-san and your mother tend to the baby. ”
Now that Makoto has Ai, I look both my daughters. “So is it safe to say you don’t mind having an imohto now? Or do you still wish it was a brother? “
Your brother really cares for his siblings so let him hover
I nod. “He does! He’s the best,” even when all he can tell me sometimes is to -persevere-, but hahaue says that it’s a good lesson, even if it’s not -easy-.
He gives me Ai-chan and she does that thing where she just looks at me. “Hi Ai-chan it’s your big sister!” Then she starts going “bbrrr… bbrrr!” And I laugh. “Are you trying to talk, Ai-chan?” I try to do what she’s doing but she looks confused, making the bbrrr noise even louder and drooling! “What do you think she’s saying, chichiue?”
And he reminds me that there’s lots of ways to help. “I’m doing my best!” I promise him.
He asks me a good question! I look at my little sister…
“Well she’s very cute,” I say, still holding her carefully. “But I think I can be a good big sister, and teach her things that I couldn’t teach a boy!” I touch her little soft hands. “And I’m still your little princess, even if there’s another one here now.”
“He does! He’s the best,”
And this is why I can’t let my son keep going down that path. I was wrong to let it be and let it poison him slowly, relying only on the hope that his good nature will win. I wasn’t supporting him at all.
I only watch as both sisters now play together. Makoto not quite as successful as her sister.
“What do you think she’s saying, chichiue?”
“I don’t think she’s saying anything. She’s just playing with her lips and tongue.” I chuckle and take the makeshift bib and wipe down Ai-chan’s mouth again. “She does a pretty good job at drooling don’t you think? Aside from staring.”
“But I think I can be a good big sister, and teach her things that I couldn’t teach a boy!” I touch her little soft hands. “And I’m still your little princess, even if there’s another one here now.”
“Oh and what would you teach her?” In a way of course I’ve noticed my girl isn’t exactly what they’d call a girly girl. “Well your mother didn’t mind having another princess when you came.” I don’t think.
Ai-chan starts reaching out for me and I happily oblige and take her from Makoto-chan. I lay her back against my shoulder, maybe she wants to go back to sleep.
OOC – tired. Will post tomorrow
Even though she can’t do much, it’s fun to play with Ai-chan. “Haha, you’re cute, Ai-chan!” I say, and laugh as chichiue has to wipe her wet face. “She is very good at staring. I think she’s going to be… ob… ” I stop and try to find the word, “observant!” It was on our list of big words to learn this week at school. And I think that will be my little sister she notices EVERYTHING. But she doesn’t know what it means and sticks her hand in her mouth. “Observant doesn’t mean that your hand is tasty Ai-chan!”
Oh and what would you teach her?
“Hmmm… hahaue will have to teach her a lot, like how to cook. I can’t do that good, and I’m only okay at sewing.” I sigh. Then I smile. “Oh! Like how to be a girl -and- have fun, like play in our treehouse and climb the ladder, even in a kimono!” A lot of girls just don’t think they can run and play!
He takes the baby. “Oof she’s getting heavy!” I giggle. But I’m getting bigger, too.
But then I lean against his shoulder.
“Chichiue… the bad guys who got hahaue… are they going to come back? Or are they all in jail?” I get scared, sometimes.
Hajime:
She is very good at staring. I think she’s going to be… ob… ” I stop and try to find the word, “observant!”
“You think so?” I grin and look at Ai-chan. “Well if she is observant, hopefully she’ll not be -too- quiet.”
My daughter tells me she’s not good at cooking and only passable at sewing. “You’ll have to persevere.” I tell her first.
“Oh! Like how to be a girl -and- have fun, like play in our treehouse and climb the ladder, even in a kimono!”
“So you mean you’re going to make sure you get her into trouble?” I tease. “She might not be able to run like you. After all if she takes after your mother, she’ll have those lovely short legs.” I nod thinking about it, “Pretty legs though…” I cough realizing that wasn’t quite appropriate to tell a child, “I mean short and -stubby- legs – can’t run very well.”
I’m about to head inside when Makoto leans over.
“Chichiue… the bad guys who got hahaue… are they going to come back? Or are they all in jail?”
Suddenly the light air disappears from my daughter and I part those bangs a little with my finger. “They’re in jail.” I tell her, “And no one’s coming back – especially to here.”
Of course I mean what I say but can I really make that happen? I can feel my lips thin a little bit but I caught myself just in time. I smile at my daughter.
“Let’s go inside? Ai-chan looks like she’s getting hungry.” I point to the baby who’s now stuck both of her hands in her mouth. If that’s not hungry, I don’t know what is…
“You sound like Tsutomu-niisan!” I laugh, when he tells me to persevere. “Did he learn that from you?”
Then he talks about hahaue’s legs and… I think he’s being very silly! Like when they’re kissy, or when she gets all smiley and talks about how handsome chichiue is. He is, but do you really have to talk about it? “I think she’s going to be short, and looooove pickles!” She can be different from me, after all. “I’ll start giving mine to her!”
One of the best things about chichiue is that he doesn’t pat my head and tell me not to worry, or that a kid shouldn’t worry about things, or even -think- about things… but they’re in jail, and we’re safe, he says. So I just give him a *big* hug. “Thank you for telling me, chichiue.” His smile is funny at first but I guess it was scary for all of us?
“She eats a lot,” I say. “But that’s so she can be strong, even if she’s short.” I stand up and -stretch- so he can see how big I’m getting.
Then I look up and see hahaue standing on the engawa, smiling at us. “So that’s where my daughters are,” she says. “Are all of you going to be early risers?”
You sound like Tsutomu-niisan!”“Did he learn that from you?”
“Mmm.” I nod, “But he probably doesn’t remember.”
“I think she’s going to be short, and looooove pickles!” “I’ll start giving mine to her!”
“But what if she doesn’t love pickles?” I quirk an eyebrow at her, “You should eat pickles, I hear they’re good for digestion.” Suddenly I smile, “And what if she’s taller than you and so can run faster than you?” Although I don’t think that’s likely just looking at how Ai-chan is shaped.
I get a hug and a thank you. Of course this is my child, she’ll believe me won’t she? I watch as Makoto she stretches and I stand up. She’s getting tall but I’m still quite a lot taller than her and I still like pulling her close to my waist as I hold Ai-chan with one hand. We’re about to go inside.
“So that’s where my daughters are,”“Are all of you going to be early risers?”
Shaking my head I grin at Hide as we approach. “Well the baby here keeps falling asleep.” Then i cock my head to the side, “And that one there has an over active bladder. So no… None of your daughters are early risers.” I approach her and give her a kiss on the cheek. I’m surprised she’s up already, we stayed up a long time last night.
I can hear Yukiko already preparing breakfast. I guess we spent a long time out here and now everyone in the house is awake. In fact, just by the door I thought I saw Tomu spying at us. But he quickly disappears as we lock eyes.
You should eat pickles, I hear they’re good for digestion
Digestion? I don’t have a lot of farts! “She’s going to need to like pickles, then, she needs digestion help!” Those diapers… how can someone so cute do that?
And I get another hug! I giggle. He works so hard and he makes special time for me.
When we get close enough, hahaue leans up to kiss chichiue. “Well it is about time for her to eat – and you too! Go and help Yukiko-san by preparing the table.” She ruffles my hair. “And then go and get dressed before the food is ready.”
(OOC – Makoto exits to the kitchen and then upstairs unless stopped)
(Hide)
I look at my daughter, her hands in her mouth. “My hungry girl,” I say, kissing her soft forehead. “You’ll get something in a minute.” I look up at Hajime. “Did you get enough sleep? And do you have work today, or do you have time to help me in the garden?” I smile. I loved watching him with his girls in a quiet moment of an early morning.
Ooc reply tom
OOC will reply tom instead
“She’s going to need to like pickles, then, she needs digestion help!”
“Then I’ll give her mine and you can keep yours.” It’s not escaped my attention how she dislikes them but it’s good for her health.
I watch as Makoto leaves us, dutifully following her mothers instructions.
Hide bends down and kisses Ai-chan promising food soon and I can’t help but chuckle. “Is she always this ravenous?” I look down for a moment at the baby. Since she was born I haven’t spent nearly enough time with Ai-chan I think to myself.
Did you get enough sleep? And do you have work today, or do you have time to help me in the garden?”
I’d tell her I had a hard time sleeping last night mostly feeling guilty at how I avoided her advances. “Just enough to function and help you in the garden.”
“Well then that does it. I’m taking Ai-chan uncle.” Coming behind Hide is Yukiko. I feel like I haven’t seen her either in a long time. “The baby should be fed early in the morning and I’ll take care of that.” She looks at her Aunt. “Don’t worry about a thing Auntie.”
I look at both women. Who should I give Ai-chan to? I’ve heard Yukiko has all but taken away Hide’s responsibilities but it’s not like Hide is up to task yet in the house. I decide to give Ai-chan to my niece for now.
Is she always this ravenous?
I laugh. “As was Makoto – babies grow so much in their first year,” I say, toying with the little curls on her head. “But she’s strong and healthy and even with her ‘rolls’, she can eat what she wants for now.” Then she starts making a sound – “brrr!” – and at first I’m worried that she’s choking but then she’s a mess of drool and her eyes show joy. “Ah, little one, what new trick did you learn this morning?” I wipe her chin off.
So… he didn’t sleep well. But before I can say anything, Yukiko-san is there and offering to take Ai-chan. And Hajime hands her over, and my heart sinks a little… “but that’s for the best, now. Until I’m certain that I can support her, catch her, while standing or walking….” sitting is safe. I watch as my daughter and Yukiko-san leave. “So many reasons to work -hard-,” I say, softly, leaning against him.
Then I look up at him. “And before any more time passes…” I lean up for a good morning kiss. I don’t mind being left in bed, since he got up to be with his other two princesses.
“As was Makoto – babies grow so much in their first year,”“But she’s strong and healthy and even with her ‘rolls’, she can eat what she wants for now.”
“Is that right?” I watch as she interacts with the child and Ai-chan does the exact same thing she did to me this morning. It’s… Wonderful seeing the child and its mother together.
She’s obviously disappointed as I decide to hand Ai-chan for Yukiko to take care of.
“but that’s for the best, now. Until I’m certain that I can support her, catch her, while standing or walking….”
She leans into me and I place an arm around her. “Soon.” Although i don’t really know what that means, I can only hope that her infirmities go away as if it never happened.
She leans in again for a good morning kiss. The one more appropriate when it’s just the two of us lest it leaves the others gawking. I grin a little as it ends.
“So what did you want to work on today in the garden? Or if you’re feeling up to it, why don’t we take a walk around the block instead.”
I know she’s not been comfortable getting out of the house but being kept here for stretches of time can’t be good either can it? After all they got to her here. “You think your ankle is up to it?”
Soon
He believes in me… the promises we made. I touch his face, softly, as he draws me close. “Soon,” I answer. I have many, many reasons to keep on this difficult path to recover what was broken.
I grin at that smirk after our kiss.
“The garden is good on water, but I need to check Makoto’s weeding and then see if I need to thin anything – and any advice you have on the sweet potatoes – I’ve never grown those,” I say. “But… I’d like a walk.” Not only is that more sustained exercise, but… I have to become more comfortable getting out again. “I think -I’m- up for it.”
After all, while he had a restless night, I… didn’t have any nightmares, safe in his arms.
I follow her to the vegetable garden.
“The garden is good on water, but I need to check Makoto’s weeding and then see if I need to thin anything –
“You know, I’ve seen an idiot do weeding once.” I tell her and take a small hand trowel that was right beside the vegetable box. “It’s rather hard to do.” Bending down, “So just tell me what you want to pull out.”
and any advice you have on the sweet potatoes – I’ve never grown those,”
Did we choose to plant sweet potatoes? I’m surprised. It’s been a long time since then. “Well they’re sensitive to the cold.” I look up at the sun that’s now come out, “But they don’t need a lot except warm soil.” I look back down to see if I can see any of the vines, they tend to come up to the surface if shallow enough. I don’t tell her though that if you dig deep enough in the soil in winter, at least a feet, the potatoes will also grow in frost but digging for them was difficult. I look at the hand trowel and think we didn’t have even these back then.
It’s then I realize I’ve spaced out a bit. “Now now. Tell me what weeds you want to pull out so we can get to you exercising around the block or maybe to the market.”
It’s rather hard to do. So just tell me what you want to pull out.
I point at some some of the weeds with my cane. “It’s not too bad – just those.” I look carefully. “I think we’ll have more white potatoes than sweet, but I’ll know more next year.” But we still have time before it gets cold enough to damage either.
He looks at the trowel and I wonder if he’s thinking of another time when he had to work the earth to survive. This will help with our household budget and it’s a good lesson for the children… but as he’s still for a moment I put my hand on his shoulder, standing behind him. I lean down to kiss the side of his neck. “That’s enough for today – just leave the pulled weeds over there and I’ll take care of them later.” I have a small towel, and with water from the bucket, I wash his hands. Probably admiring them more than I should – but he does have such strong hands.
“Then let’s go,” I say, taking of of those strong hands in mine, with my other on the cane.
Ooc will reply tom. Pretty fucking annoyed.
She points out the weeds and I do as she says. Any other bushi may find this laughable but I don’t mind it. It’s certainly much better than in those fields up north.
“I think we’ll have more white potatoes than sweet, but I’ll know more next year.”
“Mmm. I don’t mind sweet potatoes but I’m okay not having too many.” I could say the same thing I guess with white potatoes?
I feel someething on my neck and at first I thought it was some bug that I’d need to swat away but I realize what it was and my hand slows down and touch her cheek instead eventhough i can’t see it. She’s doing that thing again, isn’t she? Trying to comfort me? Was I that obvious?
She tells me we’re done and putting everything away I stand up. Like a child she takes my hand and starts washing it and I let her. I like the feeling of her hand holding mine and her fingers going across my palms.
“Keep staring at my hand and I’ll have to cut it off for you.” I jest but she takes her time and it’s finally done. I’m surprised she doesn’t let one of my hand go as we make our way out of the yard and onto the street.
I look up the sky for a minute. The morning is just perfect for patrol but I’m not doing that today. We get to the end of our street that diverges into two. “So do we go to the market, which is to the left? Or do we go towards the school, to your right?”
Mmm. I don’t mind sweet potatoes but I’m okay not having too many
“They’re good for the children – lots of nutrients. And easy to mash up for Ai-chan when she’s ready,” I say. It won’t be too long now – maybe some of these potatoes will be ready on that day? “And the potatoes will be good in nikijagu, come cold weather. There are -many- ways to keep you warm, after all,” I say, with a bit of a grin.
He doesn’t mind as I wash his hand. And then he offers it to me! “Oh, no, I want the entire man,” I say. laughing, picking it up to kiss just under the base of his thumb. “Hand, arm, all of it.” And it’s the hand I continue to hold as we make our way out.
“Let’s go to the market, it’s early yet and it won’t be too busy yet,” I say, trying to set a rhythm of step-stick-step walking, to where it is, as the doctor put it, fluid. And if I have that down, I won’t think about it as much, he says…
I can hear the hawkers as we approach – “Fresh vegetables, from the ground just this morning – carrots, daikon, onion, we have the best!” “Fine river fish! Come get fine river fish! River fish and eels!” “Rice and rice flour! The best taste!” I’ve… missed this. And it’s nice to come out together.
I grin up at Hajime. “We missed breakfast, by leaving out. Are you hungry?” I smile over at him, “is the place where you used to get me those eggs around here?”
“They’re good for the children – lots of nutrients. And easy to mash up for Ai-chan when she’s ready,”
It’s almost that time isn’t it? Even with my two boys I never was too involved in these activities. Maybe that’s why things didn’t work.
“And the potatoes will be good in nikijagu, come cold weather. There are -many- ways to keep you warm, after all,”
She grins and I try to match it as best I could. Had it been what I was back then, I’d be planning to take her elsewhere. But I put that thought out of my mind and just enjoy walking to the market with Hide. There’s much activity in the morning and the peddlers are out selling their produce and their wares.
“We missed breakfast, by leaving out. Are you hungry?” I smile over at him, “is the place where you used to get me those eggs around here?”
I nod and lead her further inside to the main part of the market where it’s a covered area and there’s a slew of smaller shops. We pass by a few until we reach the first of the noodle shops and I hear a shout.
“Good to see you Fujita-san, stopping by for breakfast? We have your favorite Zaru soba or Kake soba is better in the morning.” The old man with a knot tied to his head shouts at us and I shake my head. “I’m not hungry and… she’s looking for eggs.”
The old man comes out for a bit with a sly grin on his face, “Oh who are you with today? My soba not enough to impress your new lady?”
I give him a look. I don’t need him to start running his mouth. “This is Hide.” I say by way of introduction, “As you can see she needs help getting around.”
“And you’re doing your job huh?” The old man laughs, “Nice to meet you Hide-san.”
He gives me a grin back that doesn’t quite… get there and it’s a reminder that there’s still something… off. But we walk along, enjoying the market as it comes to life this morning.
We go further along, where the market starts to smell -good-… and then we’re hailed by an old man in one stall. “Good morning, sir,” I say. “Is this where my husband found eggs for me? I think that’s why our youngest was born so strong and healthy.”
And then he mentions the soba…. so this is where he goes. I give Hajime a teasing look and squeeze his hand. “Order some, so I can try it,” I say. I want to see what their “magic” is! But new lady? I can hardly see elegant Tokio at a place like this… after all, some samurai women only consented to eating outside of the home with either family or when traveling.
“Oh, he does take good care of me,” I smile, sitting at the counter, and urging Hajime to sit next to me. “And nice to meet you, sir.” I look back with interest at the cooking area. “Are you making your own noodles?”
Hajime:
“Is this where my husband found eggs for me? I think that’s why our youngest was born so strong and healthy.”
I stare down the old man. He needs to play along but he simply clears his throat for a second. “Oh that’s next door. Really now, why would my soba restaurant have eggs?”
I’m about to pull Hide out but after squeezing my hand and telling me to order, she goes and sit at the counter. Easily speaking to the old man.
“Oh, he does take good care of me,”
“Oh is that right miss?” He answers her with a knowing glance to me and I scowl back at him. -Careful- old man.
“Are you making your own noodles?”
“I do.” Then he pointedly stares at me, “You’d think some people would appreciate simple but high quality noodles and tsuyu. But I guess after being a patron for a -long- time, one has to take a break for a couple of years and start patronizing other stores depending on -what- the weather brings.. I understand after all if someone’s -taste- change ever other day like the weather or in food or even women.”
My neck bristles. He’s willing to cross that line isn’t he? He turns up his nose at me. Do I care? Not really. I only care about one thing.
“Hide stand up. We’re going to the ramen shop next door.” I say tersely, “Eggs are more nutritious than empty food.”
His eyes grow wide and I pull on Hide’s right hand. She’s coming with me or she can stay here with the old man for the rest of the day. Of course that would be the worst…
Oh is that right miss?
A bit saucy, this one! I don’t have to glance back at Hajime to know that he’s not enjoying this exchange.
And I’m really not, either. I know some of the more famous street food stalls have “personality” but really, this is a but -much-.
Then the old man starts, at first, to extoll the virtues of good noodles and ingredients. And then he’s off on another tangent! “Well, sir, I’m sorry to say that I’ve been the one stealing this customer – I suppose home-cooked soba served by one’s wife has a great appeal.” But he implies Hajime is -fickle-! And turns his nose up!
Hide stand up. We’re going to the ramen shop next door.” I say tersely, “Eggs are more nutritious than empty food
I stand up. “I did really want eggs this morning – and after all, what would eggs be doing with soba, as you said?” I take my cane and shrug a little as I stand. “So we’ll be moving along.” I keep Hajime’s hand in mine. He’s right – it would be empty. Even if it’s the best soba in Tokyo, the man’s attitude would sour it.
“So ramen it is, then?” I ask, once we’re outside. I lean up and kiss him, in the middle of this busy marketplace. “Maybe we can get it to-go and eat over by the river?” I want to be alone with him…. no, that’s not going to happen like it used to, I remind myself.
Ooc reply tom..
“Well, sir, I’m sorry to say that I’ve been the one stealing this customer – I suppose home-cooked soba served by one’s wife has a great appeal.”
I can’t help but feel my eyes soften a little at that. But the old chef talks back to Hide!
“Well madam I’m sure he’ll be back and maybe -not- with -you-!” He puts his hand on his hips. He has the best soba here in the market and it was a mistake to have stopped by here with Aioi. I knew better and now this man has something over me, aside frorm soba.
“I did really want eggs this morning – and after all, what would eggs be doing with soba, as you said?” “So we’ll be moving along.”
I’m about to get in the middle of it all when thankfully Hide stands up and takes my hand and her cane.
“Go go! You’ll regret it!” He tells her, then he turns to me and says, “No soba for -you-! Or any other woman you bring next time. Wife OR NOT!”
I blink. I merely stopped here for a meal last week having made sure Aioi got her provisions. There was nothing… But this man thinks otherwise and now that Hide’s leaving – we just make a quick getaway to the outside.
“So ramen it is, then?”
She kisses me and not the prim and proper kind used for public places! “Mmm… Uhuh… Mmmm” I say in the middle of the kiss until it ends… I take a moment to breathe partly from the kiss and from being on edge from that unruly encounter.
“Maybe we can get it to-go and eat over by the river?” I
“We can but this ramen vendor… I should warn you, can be cranky as well.” I take her hand and lead her through the noren of the next shop, “But this one I can handle.” I grin slightly. After all I didn’t have another woman in tow with me that he’ll remember. Well I did but it was one of my princesses.
“Oi! Close that door when you come in. I don’t want the noise from next door ruining the ambiance of my shop!”
I look at Hide and roll my eyes. Closing the door behind me, I lead Hide to sit on the counter and so do I.
The ramen shop owner turns around, he’s a burly man and we’re about the same age. He has very strong looking but hairy arms. He wipes his hand on the towel and turns.
“Oh it’s you.” He says so dispassionately. “You want more eggs don’t you?”
“I know the drill.” I throw a pack of cigarettes to him. “A ramen with an extra egg for the lady.”
“This is that fiance you were talking about?” He takes my pack of cigarettes first and then eyes Hide, “But even if she’s the fiance, she doesn’t look pregnant anymore. She doesn’t need two eggs and besides ramen is a balance, the egg the jewel on top. One can’t have too much jewels. If you know what I mean.”
I sigh, “Fine, make it two ramen.” I’ll just give my “jewel” of an egg to Hide as an extra. Suddenly I grin up at him.
We leave the soba shop with the rude man. I hope this really wasn’t Hajime’s favorite place? If so… I’ll just have to work on mine, when I can. I wiggle the fingers of my bandaged left hand a bit. So many reasons….
I think he’s surprised by the kiss outside? Ah, I just let it all show, how in the middle of a Sunday morning marketplace that I can’t get him out of my mind.
He leads me to the shop next door. The proprietor is younger than the soba man, large and stern. But he greets Hajime almost as if he’s bored, and then talks about “jewels”…
But even if she’s the fiance, she doesn’t look pregnant anymore. She doesn’t need two eggs and besides ramen is a balance, the egg the jewel on top. One can’t have too much jewels. If you know what I mean
I smile. “Ah, those eggs! I craved them while I was pregnant – they certainly must be the reason that our little girl came out so healthy and strong! But now that I’m eating for just myself, one is fine.” And he’s right about balance – I can tell from the wonderful scents in the small restaurant that he knows very much what he’s doing.
I look a little impatiently over the counter. It smells wonderful…. pork? I hope so.
Hajime:
We get settled in and my payment gets taken away but he does leave me a couple of sticks that I place back in my pocket.
“Ah, those eggs! I craved them while I was pregnant – they certainly must be the reason that our little girl came out so healthy and strong! But now that I’m eating for just myself, one is fine.”
He just looks at Hide. No grin. No nothing. “My eggs are all natural, taken from high quality breeds. You can’t get a yolk that looks more red than yellow but it’s the ramen that’s important.”
I’d groan but I know better. This man might kick us out. Thankfully he turns back to his big pots and as I light a cigarette I notice Hide is looking a little too eager? What’s up with her?
“Hungry already Hide?” I ask but it’s the chef who answers back “DO NOT RUSH ME…”
I roll my eyes and pull Hide to sit back on the chair. Quietly I speak to her, just enough so he doesn’t hear.
“I came here with Makoto several months ago. The man wouldn’t give me any of his eggs because it’s the “jewel of his ramen”.” I try not to chuckle, “But I find out he’s addicted to these.” I take the cigarette out of my mouth and point to it. “Honestly I -still- like soba better. His ramen has everything.”
“FINISH!” He exclaims much more to himself I think. Quickly but with great accuracy he places the ramen into the bowl, the condiments, the pork, the fish cake, scallions, spinach, mushrooms and then very very carefully slides in the eggs. Such a dramatic man he is isn’t he?
He marches over and I almost expect a smile but it’s that same stern look. He places -carefully- one bowl in front of Hide and then to mine. “NOW EAT!”
I just started smoking so instead I urge Hide to try the ramen and with the chopsticks I start placing the chashu pork and extra egg on her bowl.
“What are you doing?!” Came that thunderous voice.
“I like my noodles plain.”
“ARGH! What am I going to do with you?” He places his hands on his waist.
I grin and shrug, then smoke a little more. “You wouldn’t want to waste all those fine ingredients don’t you? Let a beautiful and kind woman have it instead.”
The man is as serious as if he was discussing matters of state. But to him, ramen must be! And for that… I have to admire that. As a home cook I want to cook many things well, but this man has devoted his life to the art of this one dish… I nod as he tells me about the eggs. “Ah, so now I’ll be able to appreciate the jewel in its setting,” I say, seriously. After all, I’m an excellent cook… which means that I love good food as well. I’ve not felt that hungry since coming home, not being able to work in my own kitchen, but this is really perking me up.
Hungry already Hide?
I grin a little, knowing I must have been caught looking as eager as a child… “it just smells very good, and the walking really gave me an appetite,” I tell him.
But the chef won’t be rushed… but really, he’s quick. Before we know it, a beautiful bowl of ramen is presented to each of us. However, Hajime’s going to finish his smoke first… but he still passes on his egg and pork!
Hajime and the chef argue, and I take my first taste – rich broth, just the right amount of salt and fat, infusing the fresh noodles… “ah, this is perfect. And you’ll have to forgive him, he’s very careful with my health.” I put my chopsticks down to reach for his hand. After all, he called me beautiful and kind. “He’s very good to me – trading his cigarettes just to bring an expectant mother some eggs.” I squeeze his hand before returning to the ramen.
Hajime:
“ah, this is perfect. And you’ll have to forgive him, he’s very careful with my health.
The Ramen Chef and Hide “seems” to be getting along. He’s no longer barking at me after the initial indignance he showed. I finally finish the cigarette and turn to the mostly bare soba which is suitable enough.
And you’ll have to forgive him, he’s very careful with my health.” I put my chopsticks down to reach for his hand. After all, he called me beautiful and kind. “He’s very good to me
She squeezes my hand with her good hand. Careful with her health? I’d correct her, I merely like plain noodles and as for her health… I turn to the noodles I wouldn’t want it to get too cold because then the fat will cake on top and that’s not a good feeling.
“Well you see Miss, that cop many years ago used to bypass this humble shop almost every single day. Did not even bother to try my ramen which I offered him for free several times and then two years pass and he demands my jewels. At least he gave me a fair trade.” He goes to the side and lights a cigarette, “Now you enjoy. I’ll just finish smoking at the back.”
He leaves and I’m so glad all these chefs finally left us alone. “I’m not sure if you’ll should eat more after this, but I do know you need to walk more after this. We can take a walk by the banks of the river if you like.” I say in between slurping.
The man leaves us, and I finish the ramen, having really enjoyed every bit of it – even the eggs and pork Hajime passed over. “Oh, I’ve not enjoyed food like that in a while!” I say, smiling.
But I agree that we should walk some more – I was rather pleased with my walking, even if a bit slow. I sit back – I have to leave some of the broth and noodles as I don’t want to -slosh- as I walk….
I look outside and Tokyo has started to show its beautiful fall colors. I smile and take his hand. “Do you pay him in anything besides cigarettes?” These noodles seem to be a work of food art, but at one pack of cigarettes for two bowls…. well, that’s not cheap. I think the chef got a better deal.
“I like this early morning ‘date’ with you,” I tell him, standing up with my cane.
“Oh, I’ve not enjoyed food like that in a while!”
She seems really happy with the food that for a moment I think of Yoshi and his love for ramen especially the dry sweet one. Slowly I smile back at her.
“Do you pay him in anything besides cigarettes?”
“No and he won’t take anything but cigarettes from me.” I pat my last remaining cigarette in my breast pocket which I’m saving later. “Thankfully I have a supplier down in Yokohama who sends boxes of cigarettes to the office.”
“I like this early morning ‘date’ with you,”
“Is this a date?” I end up snorting a bit, “If I knew we were on a date, I’d have made preparations.” Because I would and it wouldn’t be in the day light like now.
She stands up and I hold her good hand as we vacate the shop. We’re faced again with a slew of people and now I decide to take the short way, away from the hustle and bustle of the market towards the bridge. Instead of crossing it though I lead her to a less steeper incline.
“Careful alright?” I say as I walk backwards, my one hand holding her right and the other holding her waist, so I can watch or catch her if she slips. It’s a little more challenging but we’re halfway down the slight slope.
And… I get a smile from him. A real one, one that takes a minute to come across his face. It’s so wonderful to see that I can only smile back, as my heart skips a beat – just as it did, long ago, when I got a real smile out of him for the first time.
Thankfully I have a supplier down in Yokohama who sends boxes of cigarettes to the office.
“Oh, is that your source? Other than the stashes I keep for you?” I laugh.
Is this a date? If I knew we were on a date, I’d have made preparations.
I smile up at him. “And you always did plan so well – but we can grab these moments too,” I say. “But we’re alone, and I can do this…” as we step into a wooded area I kiss him, and then let him lead me down the slope. I was good at walking on flat, hard surfaces…. thankfully he is strong and solid and I can lean on him. Once or twice I feel myself begin to slide on the leaves… only to slide a bit and land into his chest. “Sorry,” I say, the second time, looking up at him. Suddenly aware of how close we are…
Oh, is that your source? Other than the stashes I keep for you?
I nod. “But keep yours coming. For all my love of them, I don’t fancy schlepping cigarette boxes home.”
She tells me I plan well for our dates but it’s been a long time since we’ve been on an actual date. Just like this one, we seem to only get stolen moments here and there or unexpected ones like these. Suddenly she kisses me as soon as we enter a small group of trees and I’m surprised again. What is it that she’s trying to tell me? But we get out of that area and into the clearing still on that slope and she slide into my chest.
“Sorry,”
“Why?” I ask looking down at her who is looking up at me. I place both of my arms on her waist and I can hear the wind blow slightly and for a moment I want to… Would it be wrong to want her so? My eyes scan her face and then the rest of her that’s in my arms. I’m here but I…
I grin and look away, “Look! We’re now at the river bank. Do you know how many battles were fought at river banks? How many men run to these places thinking they can escape downstream or hide under the bridge?”
I point to one not too far from us where it’s a larger but busy bridge. “I also took Makoto here once!”
“Oh, I’ll keep you supplied,” I say, squeezing his hand.
Why?
“For loosing my footing… but not being like this,” I say, as I feel his arms around me, and for a moment, I can’t breathe, in anticipation of a kiss that surely is coming… And he just looks at me. Almost… puzzled.
He points out bridges, his grin, his voice, bright… and a little… forced. One arm goes around his waist, the other, the bandaged hand, brushes back his bangs. “And how many lovers have snuck down here? It’s not only warriors hiding under bridges….”
I look at those eyes that avoid mine. He’s as clumsy at diverting a conversation as that son of his.
I’ll step past my pride, again and again, for a man who… after the other night, but really… before that… doesn’t seem to want me anymore. “You can tell me,” I say, kissing those lips softly, “why? I burn for you like I did the first time I sat on your lap. I ache for being a part of you, of that connection… I’m healed now from Ai-chan, and my side from my injuries. Yet… you’re holding back, and after the other night…” I again, look at him, seeking him out.
“You can tell me,”
She nips at my lips softly. But tell her what?
“why? I burn for you like I did the first time I sat on your lap. I ache for being a part of you, of that connection… I’m healed now from Ai-chan, and my side from my injuries.
Is she really healed? Why can’t I convince myself so? I got her back I said that would be enough but it isn’t for me.
Yet… you’re holding back, and after the other night…
I look down for a moment and decide it’s best if we can get to level ground so I lead her there where the grass is a little greener even if we’re a bit more exposed to the sun.
“I guess…” I sigh a bit and walk slowly towards where the water is slightly away from her. The other night I wanted her badly, it had been so long since I’ve felt that need. “I’ve lost my nerve. I can spout off how much I still love you but no matter what I do or what I try – I can’t seem to… ” It’s then that I remember an old saying I said to a dying man once – A man who can’t uphold his beliefs is pathetic dead or alive. “It just never seems good enough.” I shrug and go ahead and light up. I was saving that last stick for later.
“Am I hurting you?” It’s a moot question to ask. I already know the answer.
I’ve lost my nerve. I can spout off how much I still love you but no matter what I do or what I try – I can’t seem to…
“Yet the other night you could,” I say, softly, sitting down on the grass. I can’t sit seiza, I can’t sit cross-legged in a kimono, so I end up leaning back against a tree, unless I want to lay down. “It wasn’t just the sake, was it?” I sigh, as he lights up. I lean my head back, and look up at the sky. “And it’s a test, that I failed. I’m sorry.” I keep saying that. Circling and circling because it’s hard to articulate what exactly went wrong. How it felt off, how I reacted… how goddamn judgmental I was with him, as I tried to pass the test before me.
It just never seems good enough
“You back up your love with more than just words,” I say, softly. “Speeches are more of my thing, after all.” I go over to him, and put my arms back around him. “It’s more than just sharing a bed. Is it…” I take a breath, “because after all of this, we still can’t marry? That despite the love, or what we call each other, we’re still… not.” I pick up his hand, because even with bandages I still wear my ring, the one that matches his. “Yaeko-san said there was a way… but I don’t know her faith enough to understand if that path is truly open for us. But… I want it so bad, to be your wife. Is there a way around the immovable force that is Tokio and her family, to where we can live -our- promise?”
Am I hurting you?
What a strange question. “Well… there’s my pride, I suppose. I worry that I’m maybe not pretty enough anymore, after getting my hair chopped off, or having a baby, or just getting older… ” I smile, ruefully. “Even if you love me, attraction is a funny thing, isn’t it? But… that’s not it.” I let go of his hand, and put my hand on his chest, where his heart beats. “You still check me out, after all. But you look away as soon as I catch you… when you used to like knowing that I knew you were looking at me.”
OOC reply tom.
“He could.” I mutter.
“It wasn’t just the sake, was it?”
It wasn’t. It was him, the one who takes what he wants… Takes chances. Risks. While I… hardly recognizes him like she doesn’t either. But he keeps coming back for her.
“And it’s a test, that I failed. I’m sorry.”
“I hate it when you say sorry.” I tell her because I don’t think she was wrong. It’s just that unreasonable part of me or rather him that wants her complete acceptance. He’s unreasonable… No -you- are. Fool.
She talks about marrying. About Yaeko and what was it? A Christian marriage that no one can lay asunder?
“Yaeko-san said there was a way… but I don’t know her faith enough to understand if that path is truly open for us. But… I want it so bad, to be your wife.
I hold her back. I do want it just as badly as she wants.
But unlike you, I’d marry her in a heartbeat.
The voice keeps intruding. I can’t seem to shut him off.
“I’ll… find out more.” But the truth was I don’t even know where to start? Go back to Kyoto?
What kind of answer is that? Idiot.
She tells me many things about her insecurities but… “You didn’t answer my question. Am I hurting you Hide?”
Why are you asking her? You want to run away again don’t you? Coward.
No.
She places her hand on my chest and I know she’s looking for it. The heart that really does only beat for her and -this- life.
“You still check me out, after all. But you look away as soon as I catch you… when you used to like knowing that I knew you were looking at me.”
But that was him, who looked at her with so much joy. So proud that she became who she was, not tied to their world or that world or his, because he found her and she accepted him. And I realize why it is that I look away when all I want to do is everything but. He looked at her with so much pride while I…
That’s right. You’re a complete and total idiot.
But you wouldn’t treat her any better.
At least I’d get her in bed. *smirks*
I shake my head and let her go. “Don’t answer the question. I already know the answer.” I take a long drag on the cigarette and look out of the water, “Let’s finish your exercise.”
“Who is ‘he’?” I ask. Puzzled.
And then it hits me. The way he spoke, and acted, the other night. It was… someone else there, too.
What… strange creatures we are.
Quietly, I sat, “They said… that I was always me, but that you made other yous, to go out and be in other places. Which is why when we went to London, you weren’t… receptive.” I smile, wryly. “There’s already too many of me – one sister who just tried to kill me, and that shadow. But yours… doesn’t try to kill you, does he?”
He’s quiet and I pull him down to sit with me, with some of the old strength I had when I could just pull him onto the futon. “I bet they’re alike in some ways, aren’t they? The little voice that tells you that you’re not good enough, that you can only hurt those you love, that you’re a failed version and that they could do better? And because they’re too close, they know… just how to hurt you. The softest place to stick the knife.”
I move to his lap, now that we’re on the same level, on the leaf-covered grass. “Yes, you hurt me. You’ve hurt me many times, you hurt me last night with your polite rejection. You’ll hurt me again in the future. That’s…” I sigh, “the burden of living, that you can give as much pain as you can joy. I know I’ve hurt you, and, in some ways, wounds are deeper on you. But… living is also that… the hurt passes. Or that sometimes forgiveness and understanding and grace are granted.” I touch his bangs. “I knew that, the moment that, as addled as I was by that stupid agreement, when I saw you again in Ito, smoking in the shadows by my engawa.”
“So tell me how he’s different. This man who came in the other night.” I look into his eyes. “And we can stay right here, until we understand this.” I smile a little. “He’s a bit sloppier with the alcohol than I remember you – even when Eiji-san brought you home dead drunk, you weren’t slurring. But… he wasn’t afraid to say what he wants. And right now… I need this one to talk to me.” I kiss his cheek.
That time was difficult. I no longer remember it like yesterday but I was able to bring that part of myself back. And that one disappeared like the wind – able to settle quietly with what I had offered him.
“There’s already too many of me – one sister who just tried to kill me, and that shadow. But yours… doesn’t try to kill you, does he?”
“Yours tries to kill you because she wants a life, but that life doesn’t really exist…” I look down, “Your existence doesn’t stop them from living had they been strong enough or maybe lucky enough.” Because for all my disagreement and lamentation of the writers, what were the chances?
She doesn’t listen when I tell her to just continue the exercises and instead she’s able to pull me down with some strength. I’m surprised, is she actually getting better?
She tells me about similarities and I simply nod as she gets on my lap. Failed versions. “You’re not the failure. -They- are. Failures are the ones who fails to protect the innocent and upholds a false sense of justice.”
“Yes, you hurt me. You’ve hurt me many times, you hurt me last night with your polite rejection. You’ll hurt me again in the future. That’s…” I sigh, “the burden of living,
“I know that.” My cigarette is dangerously short so I take a last puff and throw it away. “I’m very aware of it. But I can’t stay away from you.” I grit my teeth a little. He won’t let me stay away. That’s right idiot.
“So tell me how he’s different. This man who came in the other night.”
She smiles talking about him or I. I don’t know anymore. “He wants you… Badly.” And as for you ahou? I sigh.
he wasn’t afraid to say what he wants. And right now… I need this one to talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say. I want him -gone-.”
Weakling. You couldn’t have done your job without me. I tracked Tanaka and killed him, while you showed mercy to Mikisaburo making him a potential threat -again-. And should I remind you who brought brought her back from Osaka while you were busy having panic attacks?
I shake my head. “Look it will be okay.” I tell her, “I just need some time to sort it out.”
I’ve given you all the time in the world. I’m tired of waiting fool.
OOC: you don’t have to RPG in the next few days if you have a lot of things going on. I don’t mind.)
I take her from my lap and stand up. I don’t think whatever it is that is wrong with me will be resolved here. Maybe it never will be.
“I’ll take you home. It’s getting late and I have work waiting.”
I decide not to tell her about Howard’s visit. I’ll just handle him and Kawaji myself. It’s obvious there’s no time for that or much of anything else. I hire a rickshaw for each of us and after dropping her off, I walk back to the TMPD to start my day.
(OOC: Closing. He needed to be let off the thread.)