It’s late… dinner has come and gone, as had bedtime for the younger set.
I’m trying to figure out sewing one-handed. Yes, I’m right-handed and that does the most of the work, but the support aspect of the left… it’s funny what one takes for granted. So I do it at the kitchen table, to provide more support. I need to let down Makoto’s thicker uniform hakama and re-hem it before the weather really turns. This is the last time I’ll be able to do it, and how she’s growing I’ll have to buy a new one by her birthday, I’m sure.
Next to me I have a letter my brother sent. The latest from Osaka. Kato is still in jail, awaiting trial and proclaiming his innocence. His mother is at the hospital, under guard, with some sort of health crisis. Tamesaburou notes, somewhat dryly, that courthouse gossip has her willing to turn on her son if she gets to keep her holdings… but in lighter news, Hanako-san is well at this early stage of her fifth pregnancy.
Arg…. I’ve maybe made two inches of progress in an hour. I used to be able to whip through this. And I’m not going to add -anything- else to Yukiko-san’s burdens. At least Tsutomu-kun’s fever went away after a night of rest and medicine. I’m willing to sneak aspirin. I’m about ready to sneak in a sewing machine at this point, as I look at how far I have to sew…
(OOC – Hide is in the kitchen, with the door to the bedroom open to listen for Ai-chan)
I might have drunk more than I anticipated. It was to placate Okura wasn’t it? Or did our talk about my failed marriage get to me? It doesn’t matter.
I’m heading straight to our room that’s right next to the kitchen but of course I see her there. My feet takes me on unexpected detour. Unexpected?
“Yo!” I raise my hand and lean my head on my arm by the door and smirk at her. “Waiting for someone?” I swallow a hic and stroll over to the table and plop myself down. “What’s all this thing-a-majigs?” I ask and pull a cigarette sticking it to my mouth and try to light a match.
Yo!
I look up and see Hajime, standing in the door and smirking at me. “Welcome home,” I say, with a smile, both relieved and -glad- to see him home again.
Waiting for someone? What’s all this thing-a-majigs?
It’s as he sits that I’m hit with a wave of smell… he’s -drunk-. And if the scent didn’t tell me, his shaking hands would.
“Makoto’s winter uniform – our girl gets taller every day, so I’m letting out the hem to see if I can get more time out of it before buying a new one.” I stand, and go to the kettle, which I kept hot for making myself tea. Instead, I make him coffee – -very- strong coffee, and set it down on the table. “Here, drink up!”
I reach over with the lighter I hide in my sleeves and light him up. “Eiji-san is already bunked down in the living room, so I’m guessing it wasn’t a repeat of your last night out,” I say. Then, of course, Eiji-san had to drag him back…
“Makoto. Uniform.” I nod slowly. “Got ya. Money.”
There’s coffee and my cig is finally lit. -Good-.
“Eiji-san is already bunked down in the living room, so I’m guessing it wasn’t a repeat of your last night out,”
“Wait wait. Why is he -squatting- in our living room.” I narrow my eyes, “There’s perfectly good rooms upstairs.” Crossing my arms I pout with the cig in my mouth, then wave my hand dismissing it. “Ah well your in charge on inside matters.”
I take a sip of the coffee and decide it’s too bitter to my liking so I just smoke instead and look at the things-a-majigs. Oh there’s a piece of paper! It must be plans for her clothing project and so I read it. Wait… This is a letter from her brothers about… She’s asking -them- now? I casually let it fall back to the table and look up towards the ceiling.
This… is new. Not that I’ve seen him drunk often. I saw Harada Sanosuke drunk more often, I think. He was the sort that -sang- so it never went quietly.
Wait wait. Why is he -squatting- in our living room. There’s perfectly good rooms upstairs.
“And there’s no need to crowd when we have plenty of space downstairs,” I say. He did look relieved to do so…
He doesn’t seem too interested in the coffee, and instead looks over at the letter. “Tamesburou is always full of news,” I say, lightly. “Not just family news, but what’s going on with the Kano case. Lawyers gossip, you know, and the Tokyo paper doesn’t have many updates,” I stand up and get him a glass of water.
I come back, and he’s staring up at the ceiling, and standing, I lean down kiss his forehead, upside down, before sitting again. “Aren’t you ready for bed? Maybe a bath first?” I start to put away my sewing. “Also… where were you tonight?” I -worry- about whatever made him drink this much.
“And there’s no need to crowd when we have plenty of space downstairs,”
Didn’t we speak about this? But I don’t remember exactly. “You’re in charge.” I shrug.
Not just family news, but what’s going on with the Kano case. Lawyers gossip, you know,
I throw her a -look-. “I know all about gossiping lawyers.” I don’t add, I didn’t think I’d be blessed with another -meddling- one. As for that Kato… Well I already read their letter and I could impress her and tell her what’s really going on… But feh. Let -them- do it.
. “Aren’t you ready for bed? Maybe a bath first?” “Also… where were you tonight?”
“Woah woman! You’re giving me a headache with all your questions.” I ash my cigarette but don’t realize, until it’s too late that it was into the coffee cup. Oh well… “I -was- going straight to bed but you seemed lonely out here.” I shrug, “I really should stop being all nice and keeping other people company.” I shake my head and hung it low. I still have a headache I think. “I went to visit an old friend of mine. He had this really good sake from Mt. Bandai.”
Suddenly I look back up and look around the kitchen. Why don’t we ever have any good drink around? Back then, I even had “provisions” in the bedroom.
I know all about gossiping lawyers.
“I’m relying on you to tell me, as well,” I sigh. “Not telling me… doesn’t help me.” I know that justice in this Meiji era is… complicated.
Woah woman! You’re giving me a headache with all your questions.
Was I nagging? No….
I -was- going straight to bed but you seemed lonely out here.
“I was lonely,” I say, reaching for his hand. “And worried. And now I’m even -more- worried because at least during -our- time together, you don’t drink like -this-.” I look at him. “That’s why I push, to know who this old friend is who brings sake … from Aizu?” I know of two old friends from Aizu, but they wouldn’t be down here, nor would he drink with two others I think of, those connected more to Tokio than him. “Yamakawa-san?” I guess. “Did you go to clear me of being simply your concubine/housekeeper?” I lean forward to brush back his bangs, and offer him the cup of water, since his coffee is ruined.
“Not telling me… doesn’t help me.”
“Hmph.” There’s nothing to tell yet. All just rumors like her brother. It’s not really true is it that Kato’s mother has a health condition?
And now I’m even -more- worried because at least during -our- time together, you don’t drink like -this-.”
Drink like this? I look down at myself then up at her, “Like what?”
She leans forward and I grin a little.
“Yamakawa-san?” I guess. “Did you go to clear me of being simply your concubine/housekeeper?”
“Oh yes absolutely. Everything is fine now. No need to worry about him.” I fixed it all alright. “Nor of anybody from Aizu even Matsudaira-sama or Teruhime-sama.” I nod proudly. Yeah.
Like what?
“Like this.” I say, looking at the cup of coffee with the cigarette in it. Even his -smoking- is always tidy. No ashes scattered about, or butts littering the ground. But of course, it’s more than that, from how well I know him.
Oh yes absolutely. Everything is fine now. No need to worry about him. Nor of anybody from Aizu even Matsudaira-sama or Teruhime-sama
“And he wished us well, and congratulated our union? I… doubt that.” I smile, a little sadly, and shake my head. “Something else drove you to drink to this state,” I say. “Hajime… I’m here. -Here-,” I squeeze his hand with my good one, a little less with the bad one. “Whatever happens, for things that don’t concern me to those that do… I’m here.”
Ooc reply tom
“Like this.”
I chuckle a little and pull her close. “Sooorrrry?”
“And he wished us well, and congratulated our union? I… doubt that.”
And she frowns? “No no no… Smile neko-chan. His wife’s ghost will visit him.” I grin. So what of ghosts? They can’t do anything. And there she goes off disapproving of my drinking.
“Hajime… I’m here. -Here-,” “Whatever happens, for things that don’t concern me to those that do… I’m here.”
Grasping her hand in mine, I pull her and place her on my lap, then start smelling her hair and neck.
“Oh everything -does- concern you. -Involves- you. Always has neko-chan.” I kiss her neck and remove my gloves and let it disappear into the upper fold of her kimono.
“Ever since I laid my grubby hands on you – like this.” I squeeze that full mound of flesh. “Now since you’re here let’s just…” I go for those lips, fully without letting her talk.
Talk tends to ruin things, don’t they?
I hear footsteps and movement by the door. I couldn’t care less about anyone, anything really.
“Let go of Yagi-san.” Came that cool voice. Oh it’s that bastard son of mine… Wait he’s my son right?
“Don’t think that you can just do what you want like you did back in the old house. You drunkard.”
I stop kissing Hide for a moment and glance back at the boy. “Watch and learn -idiot- son of mine.” And I go back for some more of those lips.
No no no… Smile neko-chan. His wife’s ghost will visit him
“Neko-chan? That’s a name I’ve not heard in a while.” And why would Yamakawa-san’s wife’s ghost care? Is she another friend of Tokio’s?
Then I’m in his lap, and his hands and lips are everywhere and… it’s not -right-. “Hajime -” And for the second time in our relationship, his touch doesn’t set fires. It’s a dull feeling of dread. That other side of him came out tonight, brought on by drink or his drinking partner, but it’s here. The side of who he was, once, meant to be. A man who surrendered to drink, to regrets.
Of course, I once thought myself free of -fate- in that way since my existence is… different, but now I’ve felt a blade against the back of my neck and all of my shortcomings methodically laid out, I have one I’m trying to escape as well.
Let go of Yagi-san.
Tstuomu-kun is there, and he calls out his father. Is this what happened with her? But then he’s kissing me again and I push back, using my left hand more than I’d like, leaving it throbbing in pain.
“Hajime – listen to me. This is not who you are. This is not -us-.” I try to catch those eyes. I unwind myself from him, fixing the top of my kimono. “And you’re not some drunkard – be -better-.” I know he’s off, normally I can’t get out of his embrace… “Show your son -better-. You don’t have to be who you -were- or to follow the path others took.”
I look over at my son. “Tsutomu-kun, can you help me get him into the bath? I think he needs to clean up.” I take Hajime’s hand. “Come on, you’ve had a long night. Next time, let Yamakawa-san drink himself into insensibility -alone-.”
She shifts and avoids my advances. “Come on.” I say and lean into her a bit but she wriggles free.
Ah shit…
“It’s because of the boy isn’t it?” I throw my idiot son a glare.
“Hajime – listen to me. This is not who you are. This is not -us-.”
“Oh kami. Can’t a man have a little fun without it being some sin against the heavens?” I look up for a moment and shake my head.
“And you’re not some drunkard – be -better-.”“Show your son -better-. You don’t have to be who you -were- or to follow the path others took.”
“Oh so now you want to be some saint?” I scoff, “Like that boy’s mother who denied me at every turn. They called her a Buddha but what hell it was living with her and keeping up appearances for -that- boy’s sake.”
I glance back at the boy, the one who doesn’t call me father. Standing up, I get in his face. “Who’s really your father boy? Some Aizu samurai? Some Captain who bowed down to his wife and his clan?”
But Hide starts to tell the boy I need a bath and tries to take my hand. . “Come on, you’ve had a long night. Next time, let Yamakawa-san drink himself into insensibility
“No.” I free my hand from hers. “I’m not done here.” So she won’t let me take her and now she doesn’t want me to get an answer from this brat? I reach down and pull him up by the collar and stare at him. If this boy was never born, that idiot wouldn’t have tried so hard and I wouldn’t have been chained to that woman for so long.
So you are willing to throw it all away. Abandon the Fujita house that you built.
He’s talking and not himself so I don’t answer back to the cruel words he throws at me, no matter how they hurt and now my hand is screaming in pain. He’ll regret them enough in the morning….
But then his talk turns on Tsutomu-kun.
NO
I shove my way partially between him and Tsutomu-kun, and push back against Hajime’s chest. “He’s yours alright. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so damned -stubborn- like you and you two might actually get along. It’s a family trait.” Or is the man he describes another version of himself? The “good” Aizu loyalist?
The one who drank himself to death, tended in the end by a daughter-in-law but not that famous wife for whom he surrendered his past?
“Now put your son -down-,” I say, my eyes steady on him, even though I’m sweating as I try to ignore my wrist. “You’ve done enough tonight – you’re not -that- man.” I step back, swaying a little as I try to keep balanced without my cane and the table out of reach.
She gets in the way -again-.
“He’s yours alright. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so damned -stubborn- like you and you two might actually get along.
My eyes settle on her, then at him. For a moment I see that boy, the one who was always so careful to wipe his hands when I came home, the one who always let his brother go first. But that’s not this one, is it? I pull him up a bit more to get a good look.
“Now put your son -down-,”
No. Not him, so I ease my grip and let him drop to his feet. “You’re nowhere near the son I remember.” I tell him. “Now your younger brother, now -he- was a -good- boy. I should’ve kept him instead.”
“You’ve done enough tonight – you’re not -that- man.”
I turn to her now as she wobbles. “What man is it that you want?” I take her by her right hand and set her down by the chair. “The one who’ll marry you or the good one?” I show her the ring, “Or am I not good enough?”
Ah shit. All I wanted was a piece of her tonight. Not all this -baggage-. So I turn and make my way towards the door. I know where to go tonight.
(OOC: Saitou is going to attempt to leave unless stopped)
Tsutomu:
So he finally came out. I can’t help but smirk as he lets me go. I knew it would only be a matter of time. He can’t keep up his ruse forever.
He talks about Yoshi but I don’t say anything about that. Yoshi was a good son. Too good for his own good. And I’m glad he’s far away from us, from the Fujita house.
I watch carefully as he sets Yagi-san to a chair and wonder if she’s hurting but then he abruptly turns and starts to talk about leaving. Like he’s always done and I know where he’s going. Like mother always screamed at him, his whore…
But wait… Yagi-san is -here-.
He lets Tsutomu-kun down and I have a sinking feeling that tonight is a turning point, and not a good one, as the boy smirks. Because in the cruel statement about Tsuyoshi-kun, he’s probably only confirmed what he’s always feared.
What man is it that you want? The one who’ll marry you or the good one? Or am I not good enough?
“I’ve been telling you since that dawn on the genkan that it’s -you-, and that includes this darkness – and you accept all of my baggage and contradictions as well. You are -always- good enough.” I grab the hand with the ring. “Even now, drunk and -lost- you’re still yourself – you took my good hand and sat me down when you saw me hurting.”
He turns to leave and I ignore my pain again and go after him, stumbling, wrapping my arms around him. “Stay, Hajime -please-.” Softly, “-please-. I waited up for you tonight, because I worried about you, out so late. Because I wanted to see you. Don’t go.”
Drunk? Lost? Me? I was just trying to… But every time, it’s the same.
Forget it. It’s no use.
I’m by the door when something holds me back. I look down and see arms around my waist. I almost expected those arms to be Yoshi’s. He was the only one who’d…
“Stay, Hajime -please-.” Softly, “-please-. I waited up for you tonight, because I worried about you, out so late. Because I wanted to see you. Don’t go.”
Oh right. That’s not him. It’s her. I heave a sigh. This is getting… tiring.
“You should let him go Yagi-san.” Came the brats voice, “He’s going to one of his whores. Like he used to.”
I’d tell him, I’d wash his mouth but I told him that before. “Ah but you see, I only had one and your mother didn’t care.”
He sighs as I beg him to stay. Is that the drink?
And Tsutomu-kun comes to offer advice. To let him go… to a woman? But who else… Oh. Again, again, -fate-. Can’t fight that, can I?
Ah but you see, I only had one and your mother didn’t care.
“And I -do- care.” And I was not, and am not, a whore, but I don’t have the strength to contest that right now. “Your hime-sama needs you here, wants you here.”
Tsutomu:
She clings to him. Why? Let him go just like my mother did. She never ran after him like he did her.
I look down. That’s not right.
“Ah but you see, I only had one and your mother didn’t care.”
I look at them again. Was she the one? Mother said…
“And I -do- care.”
The way she holds on to him, it’s strong. Didn’t she hear what he said? He had called her a whore, unless Mother was right and there were more. I don’t understand -her-. And -him-, he’s impossible.
“I’ll leave you two alone.” I say with a bit of a -snark-. “Not one of you is making any sense.” I say as I go past them and head upstairs. She’s dumb if she’s holding on to him like that, even if he brought her back. Mother would never… But he didn’t bring her back. My head hurts again so I close the bedroom door.
Hajime:
“Your hime-sama needs you here, wants you here.”
I blink for a moment and the next thing I know the boy is gone and Hide and I are still right here. “I wasn’t going to…” I say quietly and finally find it in me to tug at her hand to let go. “He’s wrong.”
I look around and the room with the alcove is shut, the stairs going upstairs is dark and the only place left… “I think I need to lay down.” I tell Hide, “You go and get some sleep with Ai-chan. I’ll be in the tatami room.”
It seems I can’t do anything right today… Or at all.
I’ll leave you two alone. Not one of you is making any sense
Oh, if he only knew…. but I’m glad that he doesn’t. But he’s gone, then, quietly and with an air of… disapproval? Confusion?
I wasn’t going to… He’s wrong
Something is changing him him, when he blinks. “I know,” I say, quietly. “I don’t want you out there, not when you’re still without a sword.” He has too many enemies, and what about mine? I lean my forehead against his chest, but he lets go of my hand.
You go and get some sleep with Ai-chan. I’ll be in the tatami room
“I’ll stay with you, until you sleep,” I say. “I can always catch up later… but I don’t think I can make it back to our room just yet,” I say, gripping the side of the door to the tatami room. And with the door open, we can hear her…
And just because it wasn’t the night for intimacy… doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave him alone.
“I can always catch up later… but I don’t think I can make it back to our room just yet,”
“Here.” I take her hand and place it on my arm for support, “I’ll take you to the bedroom.”
The truth was I just realized how much I stink of alcohol and kami knows what the hell I was spouting off… I can’t even remember the past 5 or so minutes.
But I don’t let her say no as I lead her back to the bedroom. I hear Ai-chan breathing softly, that’s good I didn’t disturb her. I set Hide down on the bed. “Go to bed. I’ll just go and clean myself.”
(OOC: end for saitou)
He seems suddenly changed…. and I’m worried just as much about him now as I was before.
But he helps me to the bedroom, as I set out without my cane when I went chasing after him. In our room, Ai-chan sleeps peacefully.
Go to bed. I’ll just go and clean myself
“I’ll wait for you,” I say, reaching over for my yukata, to change. When we came back, this last time… we’re not supposed to avoid the hard things anymore. Or at least, I’m not. Maybe…. that’s why I decided to stay up tonight.
But I was probably needed earlier.
Turning down the lamp, I sit on our bed to wait.
(OOC – close, can continue in another thread)