Yamakawa has been a busy man, after being hailed a hero of the Satsuma rebellion it’s still a surprise that he lives in this run-down boarding house with his mother. But he seems to have done much better with the welcome spread that’s in front of me.
“I’m glad you came Goro.” He smiles and takes a sip of the sake.
“I came as soon as I was able.” I take a sip too and my eyes go a little wide. It’s good sake.
“From the fresh waters of Mt. Bandai.” He grins and offers me more, “Suehiro brewery.”
I nod. “It’s important the heritage of Aizu is preserved.” Aizu after all is Japan, a symbol of Japanese tradition and the past. Your past ahou.
“So Yagi-san told me you were out on a long assignment. When did you get back?”
“Quite a while ago but then I had another personal matter to attend to so I couldn’t come here right away.” I bow slightly.
“Don’t be absurd! I know you’re a busy man yourself.” He laughs, “I guess curiosity got the best of me when I saw you with another woman during the Police Ball. I was wondering if Morinosuke-kun’s misguided accusations finally came true.”
I start to reach for my cigarette but catch myself and put down my hand. “About that. I think Hide may have given you the wrong impression.”
He puts up his hand, “Goro. No need to explain to -me-. So you took a concubine to take care of yourself and your son. Your wife understands that there are some responsibilities she’ll not be able to fulfill by being in Aizu.” He shrugs, “Both of you are doing your best, making sure that our clan…”
“Please stop.” It’s my turn before this conversation runs away again. “I would’ve brought Hide here but she’s not able to travel much at the moment. If she were here, she’d be sitting right by my side and hearing all of our conversation. I wouldn’t let her be sequestered in another roomn or outside this room like a concubine would.”
Yamakawa leans back and crosses his arms, “What are you saying Goro?”
“I consider her -my- wife Hiroshi.” I look at him straight, “She’s been so for the last seven years.”
He’s quiet and just stares at me. His face unreadable. “But just a couple of months ago in the castlegrounds you and Tokio.”
I shrug, “She’s hanging on to me against my will.”
“When you married Tokio and we, Matsudaira-sama, Teruhime, I and others sponsored it – you definitely found Tokio not only a suitable partner but was very -eager- to marry her.” He reminds me as if I don’t remember? “When both of you were starting off here and we asked you to be a model for other Aizu families in this modern era, you two did so with fierce determination. When you had your children, you and her reached out to the most influential members of our clan for your children. And up to today you are doing your utmost for Japan and she is separated from you because she wants to be closer to our clansmen to help them not only bury their dead but to educate Aizu children.”
“Is that all true?” I ask him, “Maybe you should ask around what that woman is actually doing in Aizu? I certainly didn’t know what the -hell- she was tryijng to do when we were still together!”
“Goro!”
I’m suddenly taken aback. I didn’t realize I had raised my voice. Finally I give in and light a cigarette. “Time has changed Tokio and I Okura. We lived the life the clan wanted for several years until we couldn’t. We played house and fulfilled our roles in the Meiji until we learned we weren’t very happy and neither were our children.” I take a long drag on my cigarette, “It’s not that I no longer have the dream, but that it’s no longer with a woman of Aizu that I want that life with.”
“So who knows about this? At your work? Hers? In Aizu or in Tokyo?” He looks at me with disapproval plain on his face.
“I don’t know but you might as well assume it’s everyone. I’m no longer denying who Hide is to me.”
“But your wife hasn’t approved and it’s not like before where you can easily go do what you want.” He reminds me, “So all Morinosuke’s complaining has come true after all.”
I heave a sigh as I blow out another long stream of smoke, “If the clan wants to have nothing to do with me… I don’t care.”
“You’re willing to abandon the Fujita house that Matsudaira-sama has blessed you with? That you -earned- as a hero of Aizu?” He shakes his head.
“All that is the past.” I say with an air of resignation.
“And the past is what we are trying to preserve! So that the next generation knows our story, our way of life!” He suddenly slams his cup.
I smirk a little, “Okura, Aizu has many others who will carry its banner. Men and women who are -willing- and are doing so.” I drink some of the sake, “I don’t hate Aizu but I’m no longer a man worthy to carry its reputation and future. If Tokio and I were the right people, the Fujita house would be intact. Our children, immersed in Aizu’s culture, history and the way of the Bushi but they’re hardly that. Tokio and I would’ve made strides in our chosen roles. I remain a lowly cop even after the Satsuma rebellion while look at you, now a Colonel. She remained a simple teacher, while look at our friend Nakano-san, she is working towards a University and Takamine already heads one. Can’t you and the people of Aizu, leave an old battle-torn soldier alone? And can’t you honor the daughter of a man who supported the Kyoto Shogusaku for -years-.”
He crosses his arms and looks away. “This isn’t what I wanted to hear…” He takes a deep breath, “I don’t know what Teru-hime would say, but I do know what Matsudaira-sama would.” He clicks his tongue, “He wouldn’t be caught ungracious.”
I nod. “I want to make it right.” I say and show him my left hand, “In the west…”
“They have that custom. Yaeko told me all about it when she and Jo… Still that wouldn’t make it right for Tokio.”
“I want to make it right in places where it can be put right.”
He drowns his sake and sighs, “You know my wife, Tose’s ghost will haunt me about this.”
“Your wife was a very brave Aizu Onna-bugeisha but Tokio was not part of any fighting brigade.” I remind him, “Maybe she won’t care as much.”
“Well let’s drink some more so I don’t get any visitors tonight.”
Hajime:
I thought about it. You weren’t just drunk to be drunk. You were with an old comrade, and… Tokio was a topic, wasn’t she?
I narrow my eyes a little. She was a topic but Tokio isn’t a topic I like discussing with Hide, unlike before.
“And… then a man, lamenting over his failed marriage, came to look for his Neko-chan, but all he found was a haughty princess who squirmed out of his arms.”
Lowering my eyes I let her go. She’s right, he was looking for comfort. No -I- was and I needed not judgment but understanding, just like how she was before -everything-. Before this house, my kin or even before Makoto came.
It was simple, back then, wasn’t it? You could come and find what you needed and we didn’t have the cares of the world we have now.”
And she kisses me again and this time I respond back this time eventhough I restrain myself. I used to say passion was never our problem but these days, I’m not so sure. But then I spy her left hand and I think to myself, maybe it’s that or maybe it’s both.
I failed that man the other night. The one who just -needed-.” “And… I’m sorry. And that I now keep sake here, for when he needs to lament again”
It’s true, he was looking for her but she didn’t recognize him just like the other times. But he was unrecognizable wasn’t he? Rather -I- was unrecognizable just like all those other times. But at the same time she felt unreachable, unattainable for someone like me.
She searches my face and I avert my eyes. I consider for a moment what to tell her. “I wasn’t lamenting Tokio. I was lamenting the Fujita house.” The same house my son takes me to task for, the one I can no longer continue. “The name was not from Tokio’s mother nor Matsudaira-sama, it was a suggestion from Yaso. But it was Matsudaira-sama who made it legitimate as I had been adopted into the clan. When Hiroaki had taken over the Yamaguchi house, as a younger brother I had no house and no self-respecting samurai’s daughter would take a second look and marry a second son who’s father was the lowest ranked of samurai.”
I take a breath. “Of course none of that matters now, but the Fujita house meant something to me. A culmination of sorts.”
That’s what I told her, half of the truth. The other half? After what she’s been through, I’ll lament that with the sake as company.